brokengirl85 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Ever since my breakup 3 months ago I was actively trying to go on a date. I filled my OLD profiles with actual pictures of me smiling, simple, light, fun. I have accounts in three different sites and absolutely no luck. -one guy I was chatting for a couple of weeks yesterday said to please Dont contact him anymore, that he's back with ex and she's the most important thing in life -another guy gave me his email address, I write him and he replied "thank you" -for the last week I've been actively messaging the guys I do feel attracted. I've emailed twenty approx. from that 20, only two replied but the conversation died after three messages even though I've actively made jokes and asked him questions. -the only guy who seems mildly interested is one I said I was looking for fun and he replied what kind of fun. -my ex tried to contact me but gave up after I didn't replied his texts. Now he also deleted his OLD profile. And he said I was gorgeous! I feel so rejected by men. No one approaches me in Starbucks or anywhere. Men even don't look at me when I stare at them smiling. I'm 5.5, thin, long blonde hair, perfect smile.
jen1447 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Some attractive women, even when smiling, can be really intimidating to guys. Look at yourself in the mirror and try to put on your public face ....how do you look?
Lois_Griffin Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 -one guy I was chatting for a couple of weeks yesterday said to please Dont contact him anymore, that he's back with ex and she's the most important thing in life LMAO. Guys don't talk like that. But their girlfriends - who have discovered their cheating boyfriend's secret dating profiles - do. 5
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 Some attractive women, even when smiling, can be really intimidating to guys. Look at yourself in the mirror and try to put on your public face ....how do you look? I look angry and frustrated about all his whole thing but this is not showing in my pics!
Vintage79 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 You're either coming across as intimidating, a creeper, or else you're delusional and you're not nearly as attractive as you think you are and you are targeting people out of your league that have access to much more attractive people. How old are you? If you're <25 and if you are actually attractive (not just think you are), you should be able to just sit down and get tons of attention, 25+, things get a bit harder, if you're 30+, a lot harder, 35+, well, you better be the aggressor... Realistically, this isn't a problem with men, it's a problem with you - so you need to do some self diagnosis. At Starbuck's, why not initiate conversation with the guys in line, as opposed to just sitting in the corner and smiling like a stalker?
central Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 It's difficult to know why you aren't getting more positive responses. Some OLD sites have profile reviews, which may help. You may need to share some of the conversations you've had, which may provide some insight. Or share your profile and some info from the ones you've contacted without luck. Something may be putting them off that you aren't conscious of - but, it can simply be that you haven't encountered the right guy(s) yet, or are contacting men who you think are your type, but for some reason then don't think you are theirs. Even women I find attractive must be/seem compatible before I'll want to meet them, but I probably find that more important than many guys who are looking just to date someone they find attractive and see where it goes.
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 You're either coming across as intimidating, a creeper, or else you're delusional and you're not nearly as attractive as you think you are and you are targeting people out of your league that have access to much more attractive people. How old are you? If you're <25 and if you are actually attractive (not just think you are), you should be able to just sit down and get tons of attention, 25+, things get a bit harder, if you're 30+, a lot harder, 35+, well, you better be the aggressor... Realistically, this isn't a problem with men, it's a problem with you - so you need to do some self diagnosis. At Starbuck's, why not initiate conversation with the guys in line, as opposed to just sitting in the corner and smiling like a stalker? I'm 40. I'm probably targeting guys out of my league. However, he made me think I was beautiful. He was out of my league as well. I feel awful because I'm not attracted to guys that are less goodlooking than he is.
katiegrl Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 You're either coming across as intimidating, a creeper, or else you're delusional and you're not nearly as attractive as you think you are and you are targeting people out of your league that have access to much more attractive people. How old are you? If you're <25 and if you are actually attractive (not just think you are), you should be able to just sit down and get tons of attention, 25+, things get a bit harder, if you're 30+, a lot harder, 35+, well, you better be the aggressor... Realistically, this isn't a problem with men, it's a problem with you - so you need to do some self diagnosis. At Starbuck's, why not initiate conversation with the guys in line, as opposed to just sitting in the corner and smiling like a stalker? Notwithstanding your comment that women 35+ better be the aggressor (just ask Gaeta who is 49).....I agree with the above. Generally, women receive soooooooo many messages (even women 35+ if they are attractive which plenty are).......on just ONE site..... they lose count and don't even have time to read them all, let alone respond. And rarely if ever do they initiate the first response. So something is definitely off...booth on line in person. Hard to say without seeing your pics and profile. But yeah in real life, probably not a great idea to just stare at men smiling. A cute flirty smile is great when you both make mutual eye contact, but if you just look/stare at gys smiling....comes oiff as a little strange/creepy....
kendahke Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I'm 40. I'm probably targeting guys out of my league. However, he made me think I was beautiful. He was out of my league as well. I feel awful because I'm not attracted to guys that are less goodlooking than he is. Do you not think you are beautiful? Do you not think you are worthy? Because if you don't, then others are going to take your cue and come to the same conclusion. Stop scouring for male attention. If you're a friendly person and you speak to guys in Starbucks, then keep doing it without trying to machine a relationship out of them. Do it to do it and to put more peace and goodwill into the world. If you're giving to get, then it's not going to work out the way in which you wanted it to.
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 This is the problem with looking at photos rather than dressing up and going out and meeting men in person. Expectations are a little high with OLD. I understand you are attracted to what you are attracted to, but emotional attraction is where it's at. I'm surprised that you are 40 because most middle age people are more open to dating someone average with a real emotional connection rather than magazine model appeal.
Toodaloo Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 You have only been single for 3 months??? Sod men, sod the dating sites, go and have some fun! 2
jen1447 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I look angry and frustrated about all his whole thing but this is not showing in my pics! I'm more interested in the way you look at Starbucks than in your OLD pics. Do you project and angry/frustrated/smiling vibe? That could be scary.
candie13 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 pfff.. I know what it is. You absolutely want a RS. You need to meet a guy. It's really strong. And most likely, you are a bit sad (and frustrated) that you did not meet him yet. someone said that fear, just like love, has a distinctive odor. And the others can feel it. you're in a bad spot and I am sorry, but you can only work on yourself to get out of this mood. You're either not attracting anyone or you'll be attracting only jackals... careful, that is a really bad timing, to meet a man bad for you. It sucks big time. If you cannot work on yourself, at least clarify very well, inside your head, what it is that you want - what sort of men you want to meet. What do you mean "you're looking for fun?" what sort of answer is that ? Are you open to hook ups or want a stable RS? Are you ok with flings or do you want to see a man exclusively? You cannot have both, btw. Decide what it is that you want, focus on it and do not stop until you've found such a person. It seems to me that you're shooting on everything that's moving and... surprise surprise, you're not making any progress. Be smart. Less is more. Treat yourself as if your energy and efforts are as precious as gold and focus. Weed people. Anyone won't just do. Start doing some thinking, ok? And so what if your ex said you're gorgeous? Anyone can say that to you or about you, they don't have to know you. It's an easy compliment that in some specific cases can lead a man smoothly to your bed. Careful with those showering you with compliments.
GemmaUK Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I'm more interested in the way you look at Starbucks than in your OLD pics. Do you project and angry/frustrated/smiling vibe? That could be scary. Yeah, check out your own resting face OP. Going out of your league isn't a great option either. What kind of 'out of your league' are you talking here?
Toodaloo Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I am far more concerned about the fact you are so soon out of a relationship and diving into the next. Why? Why does a man on your arm have to define you? I think you would do better to go out, not think about men and just recover for a bit. You are coming across as very "needy" in your posts and very down and that is only going to attract the wrong sorts of men who will knock you down further. Go and have some "me" time, get involved in charity work, hobbies etc and then when YOU feel good about yourself with out the need for other people to tell you that, THEN start thinking about dating.
elaine567 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 . If you're a friendly person and you speak to guys in Starbucks, then keep doing it without trying to machine a relationship out of them. Do it to do it and to put more peace and goodwill into the world. If you're giving to get, then it's not going to work out the way in which you wanted it to. Agreed. brokengirl85, Nothing turns both men and women off faster than a "desperate" vibe. I guess the less successful you feel you are with men, the more desperate you appear to them. Relax. But take a moment to take a long critical look at yourself. Identify your target market and pitch directly to that market. Be realistic regarding your expectations and I would stop chasing men "out of your league". You say you are looking for fun, but that can be code for a hook up, is that what you want?
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 I agree that I may be emitting some desperate vibe. I'm checking messages every five minutes and at this point it's more to see if they've replied than the desire to pursue anything. I'm feeling kind of tired and I mostly don't put much energy trying to explain myself. Guys I'm not looking for long term. I just want to have fun but it looks like I'm not even that good looking even for a hookup?
brandonstellar Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Guys could think you're intimidating and not go for you because they feel you're out of their league. But yeah, you definitely need to start initiating conversation or it probably won't get anywhere because smiling at guys creepily won't really get you too far. On the other hand, you say you're attractive, so put it to use. Go have some fun.
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I agree, you don't need to be looking for a man....a man doesn't give you a life, you do. Go out and have fun with the girlies, dance, drink, enjoy your freedom. I assure you the loneliness will go away. This is the time to be having adventures, take up a new hobby, travel, etc.
EngnimaticResponse Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I agree that I may be emitting some desperate vibe. I'm checking messages every five minutes and at this point it's more to see if they've replied than the desire to pursue anything. I'm feeling kind of tired and I mostly don't put much energy trying to explain myself. Guys I'm not looking for long term. I just want to have fun but it looks like I'm not even that good looking even for a hookup? If you want to know if it is your looks, post a pic to your profile here. Use one from one of your dating profiles. You don't have to use it as your avatar, though I do. <--- Yeah, that's me. We are complete strangers who have nothing to gain/lose by giving an honest opinion.
jen1447 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Guys I'm not looking for long term. I just want to have fun but it looks like I'm not even that good looking even for a hookup? Don't get a complex about looks from the idle speculation of an internet forum hon. It's unlikely that you've been going around mistakenly thinking you're attractive. Usually it works in the other direction.
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