Yummm Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 EDIT: Perhaps the title is wrong, indifference will probably be later down the line, but need some guidance for feel genuinely 'good'? Hello lovely people. For those who like to have a lengthy read of my story, feel free to have a look and comment: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated For those who don't want to read: I'm 7 weeks post BU of my 'first love' that lasted just over 3 months. I was blind-sided, thought things were genuinely great and was lead to believe so. The breakup came as such a shock with many unanswered questions. I have been given a few breadcrumbs but have been sticking to strict NC for the past few weeks. So I need some guidance today. I'm getting over the breakup. I accept she's not coming back and genuinely wouldn't take this girl back. I thought we were perfect but the more time goes by I see that she was clearly emotionally unstable if somebody can check in and out like that so quickly. I am working hard, getting back into the gym, seeing friends alot, spending time with family and got a couple girls numbers recently and started chatting. I am getting on with life but everything seems so monotonous. I don't feel miserable everyday, but I don't feel good. The new girls I talk to are nice, and it is definitely a distraction, but I just get bored. I also know that nobody should give themselves a time limit for getting over things like this, but I'm usually a very headstrong person, and i'm getting worried that i'm going to be dwelling over a relationship breakup longer than the actual relationship itself! Surely this can't be healthy. Perhaps it's due to the intense connection we had? I'm going on an incredible holiday in just under 3 weeks to, it will be life changing and I know this, but I really don't want to be feeling miserable whilst I'm away due to the fact that even though I'm getting on with life and 'living', i'm just not content. How do I move past this stage of just getting by day by day, to actually enjoying my life being single. Thank you for reading!
RJays7 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 It is really hard to let someone go especially when things seemed to be going so great. Don't expect to just suddenly wake up one day and be fine and over the relationship. Like you said, you can't put a timeline on when you should be over her, but give yourself grace. One day you may be fine and then next be heartbroken again, I think going on your vacation will help a lot and get your focus on something else for a little while. Hope you have a great time and are able to move on quickly. RJays7 1
jen1447 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Ah, the eternal search for the magic bullet. It doesn't exist. Try to forget about timetables and deadlines and goals for x-y-z and just let time do its thing. Your bad stuff happened, so there's no way to go on vacation pretending like it or anything else didn't. This is your life so you have to own it. You're the heartbroken vacation guy, big deal. Just be him. It could be worse. 2
OldSoul86 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 By pushing yourself a little bit every day. Your job now is to create memories and routines without your ex. I struggle to do this on a daily basis. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to keep no contact and let time do its thing. I would recommend looking online and buying some books to help you with post breakup - it can help clarify your thoughts and maybe even give you some helpful exercises to get you back on your feet. I am hoping to come to indifference sooner than later too. I was the dumper in my last relationship - but that doesn't make it easier necessarily, as a dumper if you have even a modicum of love/respect for your partner, you'll feel awful for a while. Dumping someone takes tremendous courage (especially if the relationship was toxic and you needed to remove yourself from a bad situation.) Just take things day by day until you gain foresight and can begin to look at the broader picture. 1
15Love Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Do whatever it takes to get to that vacation! I'd be so suprised if it doesn't give you a whole new perspective. If, when you get back, you're still feeling the same, post here and we can help you come up with a new plan 1
Author Yummm Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Thank you all for your guidance. It's annoying because as stated I am actively doing everything that's necessary to feel myself again! I'm casually chatting to girls (not planning on going on any dates as i'm going on holiday shortly), spending alot of time with family & friends, working out & eating healthy, meditating during the evenings to clear my head, not dwelling on the past and trying to look at the negatives of the relationship etc etc. It works, I'm no longer miserable alot of the time, but I'm just not content. The weeks are starting to speed up again (the first month post BU felt like forever) but life is just going by monotonously. I want to have a feeling of peace, perhaps a little strive for success so I can focus all my energy onto a task/hobby that will make me feel like I have achieved something. @Jen - you're right, I cannot put a timeline on these things. I'm simply at a stage where I believe i'm ready to move on as I do not dwell on my ex, nor want her back! I can definitely be in a worse situation, I will have a lovely holiday, thank you @OldSoul - thanks mate! I am sorry you're going through that much pain as a dumper, it hurts to read your posts as you're grieving so much as you had to leave a toxic relationship, it makes me wonder what my ex felt when she left me, although I doubt she was feeling like you are, but it doesn't matter... I'm strictly keeping to NC and have been for a few weeks now (i've stopped counting the days) I guess just pushing through day by day and giving it time is the only way @15Love - Thanks pal! I really hope so... I am quite a sentimental guy, I always associate moments and memories with things/people. My ex was meant to go on this holiday with me, I really hope I won't be exploring SE Asia thinking 'I wish she was here with me'..... But yes, i'm blessed to have the opportunity to go on this lovely holiday and really excited too! Thanks guys, hope everybody is having a good day 1
15Love Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 My ex was meant to go on this holiday with me, I really hope I won't be exploring SE Asia thinking 'I wish she was here with me'..... Or maybe you would have fought the whole time and would have had a horrible time. That's been known to happen too Don't take your rose colored lenses with you on this trip.
OldSoul86 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) Thank you all for your guidance. It's annoying because as stated I am actively doing everything that's necessary to feel myself again! I'm casually chatting to girls (not planning on going on any dates as i'm going on holiday shortly), spending alot of time with family & friends, working out & eating healthy, meditating during the evenings to clear my head, not dwelling on the past and trying to look at the negatives of the relationship etc etc. It works, I'm no longer miserable alot of the time, but I'm just not content. The weeks are starting to speed up again (the first month post BU felt like forever) but life is just going by monotonously. I want to have a feeling of peace, perhaps a little strive for success so I can focus all my energy onto a task/hobby that will make me feel like I have achieved something. @Jen - you're right, I cannot put a timeline on these things. I'm simply at a stage where I believe i'm ready to move on as I do not dwell on my ex, nor want her back! I can definitely be in a worse situation, I will have a lovely holiday, thank you @OldSoul - thanks mate! I am sorry you're going through that much pain as a dumper, it hurts to read your posts as you're grieving so much as you had to leave a toxic relationship, it makes me wonder what my ex felt when she left me, although I doubt she was feeling like you are, but it doesn't matter... I'm strictly keeping to NC and have been for a few weeks now (i've stopped counting the days) I guess just pushing through day by day and giving it time is the only way @15Love - Thanks pal! I really hope so... I am quite a sentimental guy, I always associate moments and memories with things/people. My ex was meant to go on this holiday with me, I really hope I won't be exploring SE Asia thinking 'I wish she was here with me'..... But yes, i'm blessed to have the opportunity to go on this lovely holiday and really excited too! Thanks guys, hope everybody is having a good day Thank you for the empathy Yummm - it definitely helped me to read that. It is tough for sure, but ultimately for the best - for both of us, even if it is heart wrenching at times. Keep doing the NC, it'll only make you feel better with each passing day (progress is progress, even if it is incremental!) We can do this, we can make it to the other side happy and ready to move on to something better! Go enjoy your trip, you definitely deserve it! EDIT: Good for you for chatting with other women, it is not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination. If anything, it helps you realize that there are other fish in the sea! You never know who you'll meet, so keep being social - nothing wrong with making new female friends! Edited June 25, 2015 by OldSoul86 Another thought
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