Is she interested or not?

[pewpew]

First of all hi to the forum!

 

So here is my problem/dilemma about 5 months ago a new girl started at work and I was asked to help train her up so we pretty much spend all day together in a small team. Over this time we obviously talked more and more and really hit it off on a personality level. We are both in or mid 20's so have the same interests etc.

 

After a few weeks She gave me her facebook and snapchat details so then we started talking outside of work we message each other a lot and she sends lots of snapchat's as well.

 

People in the office seem to think we have something going on and more then one person makes comments in regards to if we are together or seeing each other because of the way we interact with each other.

 

Over the last few months I've definitely began to have feelings for her more then a friend but I'm not sure how she feels. The problem is we work together and as I mentioned have a great friendship and I wouldn't want to ruin that if she doesn't feel the same way.

 

There is one thing I really don't get though .. a number of times in conversation she has said ''oh we should go check out that movie or go to that place'' so I think okay great but on three separate occasions when I have actually called or txt her to arrange it she kind of palms it off and says stuff like oh yeah I'll let you know. Why would she even bring it up if she didn't want to go with me?

 

She did the same thing again today after work as she's off until monday she said oh hey we should do something over the weekend txt me. Now seeing as I've tried to act on this before and she's gone cold on me what should I do? and why does she say to do something and then seemingly not want to? Im confused!

 

I know she likes me on a friendship level and apart from a few flirty comments in txts that's about all I know in regards to anything else. I'm not sure if she knows I like her or not.

 

If I didn't work with her I would have sussed out by now how she feels but the work thing makes it a bit complicated and I'd hate to lose her as a friend but I really have strong feelings for her.

 

Do I act on it, try to arrange another date (like she's mentioned) or leave it all to her? Or do I just keep quiet and stay as friends?

 

Any input would be great!

Edited June 24, 2015 by pewpew

[Zippy2000]

Same as my situation. Shes "Attention whoring". She loves the attention.

[Lansing]

Interesting.. Curious to hear women's take on this because like the other poster said I think some women do just like the attention and want guys chasing after them.

 

I think instead of leaving the conversation as her saying "Text me" I would have said back "actually, I have a busy weekend but I am going to such and such if you want to join me" or make other definite plans right there and then. If she answers with "we will see" then I would have dismissed her right there and said "Well, if you aren't sure then probably best we meet up another time"

And, just not invite her out again. I hate people that don't give a yes or no answer and are just looking/waiting for the best offer to come up.

 

For this weekend, if I were in your shoes I would probably just ignore her... Take a step back for now. It can't hurt you at this point. You need to have some more distance with the whole situation.

[d0nnivain]

I don't know what she's doing. When she says we should go check out the movie to me that sounds like a big hint: ask me out. But since you have tried & she gave non-committal answers she seems to be game playing. I would not try again because who needs to be toyed with. What I might do when she says stuff like that is throw it back at her. Say: That's a great idea. When you want to go let me know (& I'll see if I'm available because that is what you have done every time I've tried to follow up. ) It's up to you whether you say the snarky part in parenthesis.

[pewpew]

thanks for the replies all.

 

Yep d0nnivain I thought her saying we should do something means ask me and we will go! so it's very confusing! and the fact it's happened more then once I'm kinda over trying again right now.

 

She could of course like Zippy & Lansing mention she may just be attention seeking and likes the idea of being chased who knows!

 

I think I'll just leave it and see if she brings it up at all if I don't make contact with her see if she makes the move to do something.

[pewpew]

Bit of an update on this one....

 

So I hadn't talked to her since when she mentioned we should do something on Wednesday and then yesterday (Friday) she sent me a txt with:

What movie should we see this weekend?

I responded with a movie I wanted to see and she replied with sounds great. Then I said to her okay cool when and where do you want to go?

 

This message was sent at 11.30 Friday morning and it's now 10am Saturday morning and she has not replied with anything since. It also says she has read the message so why the hell does she just not reply!!!

 

I know sometimes people don't always look at FB messages allll the time but It says she has seen it and she has been online various times yesterday but just seems like she's ignored the message.

 

I just don't get it why say you want to do something and then seemingly act like you don't? I know for a fact if I 100% didn't want to do something with someone I wouldn't tell them I wanted to so I don't know why she's being so weird.

[phineas]

so she blew you off?

 

ignore her.

Ignore her.

Ignore her.

 

She isn't interesting & attention whoring.

period.

 

I am a guy with options.

I am a guy who will not wait around for a woman to respond to me.

I am a guy who has better things to do than waste my time on a woman who doesnt make an effort to get with me.

 

A woman who is genuinely interested in me is so because of the above traits and would never play games for fear of another woman snatching me up.

 

If she bugs you at work tell her that the lack of effort on her part to go out with you is a turn off. but say it in a sad way, not a bitter way. lol.

 

It usually makes an attention whore go away for good.

Mostly.

You may end up getting a weird text from her a month or so later followed up by her saying that it was meant for someone else.

Ignore them.

THEN she will move on to waste someone elses time.

Edited June 27, 2015 by phineas

[pewpew]

so she blew you off?

 

ignore her.

Ignore her.

Ignore her.

 

She isn't interesting & attention whoring.

period.

 

I am a guy with options.

I am a guy who will not wait around for a woman to respond to me.

I am a guy who has better things to do than waste my time on a woman who doesnt make an effort to get with me.

 

A woman who is genuinely interested in me is so because of the above traits and would never play games for fear of another woman snatching me up.

 

If she bugs you at work tell her that the lack of effort on her part to go out with you is a turn off. but say it in a sad way, not a bitter way. lol.

 

It usually makes an attention whore go away for good.

Mostly.

You may end up getting a weird text from her a month or so later followed up by her saying that it was meant for someone else.

Ignore them.

THEN she will move on to waste someone elses time.

 

 

Yep well looks that way! But why does someone go to the effort of telling you we should do something, asking me what I want to do and then ignoring you? why would she even care what I was doing? that's the part I don't get.

 

But as you said I shouldn't be hanging out for her to contact me just when she feels like it. I think I've been treating her as a priority when I'm just an option to her.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Yep well looks that way! But why does someone go to the effort of telling you we should do something, asking me what I want to do and then ignoring you? why would she even care what I was doing? that's the part I don't get.

 

But as you said I shouldn't be hanging out for her to contact me just when she feels like it. I think I've been treating her as a priority when I'm just an option to her.

 

Why?

 

Many people do things that are mean and inconsiderate to feed their own needs, if not most.

 

My guess is that either she likes the attention you give her or that she just is very flaky and inconsiderate.

 

In either case, you should write her off. Unless of course, you are like that yourself. Then, go for it.

[JuneJulySeptember]

First of all hi to the forum!

 

So here is my problem/dilemma about 5 months ago a new girl started at work and I was asked to help train her up so we pretty much spend all day together in a small team. Over this time we obviously talked more and more and really hit it off on a personality level. We are both in or mid 20's so have the same interests etc.

 

After a few weeks She gave me her facebook and snapchat details so then we started talking outside of work we message each other a lot and she sends lots of snapchat's as well.

 

People in the office seem to think we have something going on and more then one person makes comments in regards to if we are together or seeing each other because of the way we interact with each other.

 

Over the last few months I've definitely began to have feelings for her more then a friend but I'm not sure how she feels. The problem is we work together and as I mentioned have a great friendship and I wouldn't want to ruin that if she doesn't feel the same way.

 

There is one thing I really don't get though .. a number of times in conversation she has said ''oh we should go check out that movie or go to that place'' so I think okay great but on three separate occasions when I have actually called or txt her to arrange it she kind of palms it off and says stuff like oh yeah I'll let you know. Why would she even bring it up if she didn't want to go with me?

 

She did the same thing again today after work as she's off until monday she said oh hey we should do something over the weekend txt me. Now seeing as I've tried to act on this before and she's gone cold on me what should I do? and why does she say to do something and then seemingly not want to? Im confused!

 

I know she likes me on a friendship level and apart from a few flirty comments in txts that's about all I know in regards to anything else. I'm not sure if she knows I like her or not.

 

If I didn't work with her I would have sussed out by now how she feels but the work thing makes it a bit complicated and I'd hate to lose her as a friend but I really have strong feelings for her.

 

Do I act on it, try to arrange another date (like she's mentioned) or leave it all to her? Or do I just keep quiet and stay as friends?

 

Any input would be great!

 

 

You should never put yourself in a position to develop feelings for somebody who has none for you. If you were attracted to her, then ask her out in the beginning. If you're worried about work, then you should have dropped the possibility completely from your head.

 

As men, we tend to be mesmerized by women's looks and flirty feminine charms and ignore their flaws. In all reality, she doesn't sound so great at all. I wouldn't treat a co-worker like that period, man or woman.

 

But never put yourself in that position again.