DivorcedDad123 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 * Paying full child support instead of taking on half their custody This,most likely, was a judges decision,not his. Although I fought for custody, I didn't get it or even half. In the next county, I would have had at least half if not primary.I had our kids medical expert testify on my behalf,because "mom" wasnt following medical treatment for our son. It didn't matter. It depends on the jurisdiction and the judge. Just the way it is.
Gaeta Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 * Paying full child support instead of taking on half their custody This,most likely, was a judges decision,not his. Although I fought for custody, I didn't get it or even half. In the next county, I would have had at least half if not primary.I had our kids medical expert testify on my behalf,because "mom" wasnt following medical treatment for our son. It didn't matter. It depends on the jurisdiction and the judge. Just the way it is. I am sorry you are from a place with unfair laws against fathers. Where I am 50% custody is favored by judges. With this man here, I would understand to a certain extent that the judge give full custody of 3 preschool aged children to the mother but these people have 3 teenagers. Where I am a child can decide what parent he wants to live with from 11 years old. About in the US? Why would a judge give full custody to the mother of 3 teenagers? I would think first because the father is completely unreliable and irresponsible OR father was not interested in half custody. 2
Jethro Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Although this thread is titled Financial inequity it is not what got me worried. What is getting me to raise an eyebrow here is: * Working part time - spending his free time doing what? * Living at his parents at his age * Paying full child support instead of taking on half their custody * Rushing into a marriage while he cannot even sustain himself on his own. Exactly. I got divorced 3 years ago and although there were no kids and child support, I did have to claim bankruptcy and all that due to a horrible house situation. It's temporary. It's a little over a year since I filed bankruptcy and I'm bouncing back already. I am working on getting approved for a home loan. My credit is starting to recover. In many ways the bankruptcy opens a lot of credit options for you- if you are managing it well. The part-time employment is what is getting me the most. There are people that are workers and there are the leeches. If I had child support to pay, was stuck living at home, and had a new lady interest you can bet your behind that I wouldn't be working part-time. In fact I'd be working double or triple time. I'd be collecting cans to get myself out my parents basement... my god. This guy sounds like a leech. And do not tell me there are no jobs out there- this country has an intense shortage of people willing to work the blue collar jobs. There are people dying for help in every single corner of the USA. I'm one of them. My company can't find enough carpenters for the workload we have. If he is working part-time, it is his fault, period. Proceed with caution!! 3
Popsicle Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) Where I am a child can decide what parent he wants to live with from 11 years old. About in the US? Why would a judge give full custody to the mother of 3 teenagers? I would think first because the father is completely unreliable and irresponsible OR father was not interested in half custody. Or like you said, the kids requested to stay with the mother. I think such a big focus on money is unromantic. Sure no one wants to be used because it would prove that they don't love you, but then there is swigging the pendulum to the other side and making yourself look unloving. Edited June 25, 2015 by Popsicle
DivorcedDad123 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Both judges in my county were raised by single moms. Guess how that works out? And,it's all or nothing as far as custody.No 50%. Non-primary gets minimum,which in my case is still more than this guy is getting,and I go to all sporting events,practices,school functions,and get them more than the decree states.Helps that I live about 15 minutes from them. At 20%, that's around 70 days per year for him. I get every other weekend and one weekday,plus a month in summer. I know some that have minimum and get more,and some less. Again,it depends on how it's written in each jurisdiction and which one the judge picks from a pile of "visitation schedules". Also,it's not all uniform in the US. It differs from county to county in each state. Although the courts may say "the children can decide at a certain age" it still is up to a judge. The kids just have a "voice". This guy may be lazy and can't keep a job,but his custody schedule wasn't up to him more than likely.
rester Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 True. But, I am hoping I am not just a meal ticket. I'm a fairly dynamic person and don't generally attract complete morons. It does need time to see if this is viable. In the meantime, I obviously will not cohabitate of share finances. Is he motivated to better his situation and move out of his parent's house on his own, or do you think he is counting on moving in with you in the next year or so? I think that would tell a lot about his character. I agree with the posters that are concerned with his character, not because he is in an unfortunate financial situation, but because there is no indication that he is motivated to do anything besides freelance, work a temp job, and eventually move into your house with you. If I were in his situation, I wouldn't even be considering a relationship let alone marriage. I'd be too busy busting my ass to get out of my parents house. What are his plans once the temp job is over, and how many hours per week does that take up? Where does he see himself in a year? If his answer is anything other than he wants to get his own place and become financially stable for himself and his children, I would be concerned. My questions don't need to be answered here...just things I'd be asking if I were in your shoes. I would have the same input if genders were reversed.
Popsicle Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 (edited) Is he paying rent to his parents? He may have gone there because his credit is wrecked for now and he can't get a place anywhere else. I'm willing to bet that he works part time only just so he doesn't have to pay more child support. He also probably knows that if he married you, your income would not count for child support determination, so that is his way of making more money (thru you) and living better without having to pay more child support. Plenty of men hate paying child support and some will do anything in their power to not pay, including quitting work. He might be giving you a line. Sorry. What really sucks is when someone's whole modus operandi of being with you is just so they can stick it to their ex. Years ago, I had a guy once tell me on a first date, that he wanted to get married to me (he worked a lot) and then get full custody of his daughter. I guess he thought id be an onsite babysitter, and then he could move us all back to his home country where he wanted to return to. He was dead serious. I never went out with him again. Edited June 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
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