Why do exes who I caught red handed and dumped don't want to reconcile?

[frigginlost]

Seriously, I must pretty stupid as well.

 

Honestly, how can any girl respect you if you cannot respect yourself? Accepting this disrespect and getting back with a cheater is a whole other level of stupid. The level of disrespect that someone shows you by treating you like trash and hurting you is more than enough ammunition to cut them off forever. Yet everyday on this site I see people wanting to "forgive" their exs and think that things will be okay between them again one day.

 

An ex cheated on you because they think they can do better. The only reason why they come back around is because the guy they cheated on you with probably won't commit to them and only used them for sex or they didn't work out. If that new person was to commit to your ex, do you think they'd come back around? No, they'd probably deny the fact you even exist.

 

How do you look at yourself and accept that you were always plan b to this person? I'd much rather br single for a while, heal, move on and be someone' elses plan A, who respects me and would never do anything to cross me like that.

 

Pretty awesome how you can lump all cheaters that come back like that. Do you truly believe that? Because, I got news for you; you're flat wrong.

 

Different people have different levels of what they can forgive and what they cannot. That's cool. But I think it's pretty crappy to label those who can forgive a cheater "stupid on a whole new level".

[Simon Phoenix]

I wasn't saying people were stupid for saying not to put up with cheating - just that people do things for a reason and I imagine in some cases, things can be reconciled.

 

If a woman cheated on a guy because he was an ass the past 3 months and the guy when looking back realizes he was, and sincerely realizes that was a mistake and he really cares about her - maybe it can work if both people can communicate through their issues. I was just saying anyone who cheats shouldn't instantly be viewed as the devil who did everything wrong and the other as the innocent victim - that may be the case sometimes, but not always.

 

No. If someone is willing to cheat rather than break up like a decent human being, then they are just as bad, if not worse, than the person "being an ass".

 

Cheating is betrayal, pure and simple. If you think someone is being an ass, you either try to talk to them about it or you break up and find someone else who isn't an "ass". Cheating is never an acceptable answer. I'm sorry dude, I disagree 1,000 percent on this stance.

[lauri]

Pretty awesome how you can lump all cheaters that come back like that. Do you truly believe that? Because, I got news for you; you're flat wrong.

 

Different people have different levels of what they can forgive and what they cannot. That's cool. But I think it's pretty crappy to label those who can forgive a cheater "stupid on a whole new level".

 

My point was getting back with them is stupid, not forgiving them. If you disagree, I respect your opinion and that's where we draw our line in the sand. Forgiveness is important for letting go and nor should you hold onto something forever like this. I forgave one of my exes for doing it - but I have too much self respect to be someone's plan B. She didn't respect me enough then, what would have been different once she came back after she realized her new guy wouldn't be her boyfriend and just want sex? That is exactly what happened.

 

From my experience, I think someone who cheats on you is someone you should never get back with. Forgiving someone for cheating is your own personal preference as is taking someone back.

 

If someone cheats on you they've lost interest and have fallen out of love. Why bother going back to that? What would be different next time? I've seen it time and time again on here, in my personal life and through close friends and family. The pattern doesn't change. Accepting someone cheating on you and going back to them has rarely ever worked. I'm sure there has been a few rare cases, but once the trust is gone, it's very very hard to repair.

[WomenWubber]

I don't get it. You'd think that exes who have clearly been dumped for probably the best reason there is - would want a second chance with the person they love.

 

Yes, with the person they love.

 

A recent EX was saying how the breakup was all my fault and was hinting that I was the person who was keeping us broken up. So I thought - fck it I forgive you if you forgive me let's give this another shot (A DAY after the breakup) - and she actually turned me down.

 

Does this sound familiair to anyone here? Is it their coping mechanism - to make me the badguy and tell themselves they did absolutely nothing wrong-?

 

Yes. It's most likely her way of coping with the situation she put herself in.

[Arieswoman]

"Blameshifting" is one of the mechanisms that a cheater uses to assuage their own guilt.

 

See;-

 

Rethinking Infidelity | Tracy Schorn