youknowit55 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I've been dating this guy that I really like for about a month, the other night he found out I'm talking to other guys too, got pissed and hasn't talked to me for the last couple of days. My question is should I reach out to him or wait for him to come to me? I understand why he would be upset but the second thing I'm wondering is if you were in his shoes would this be a big enough issue to be a deal-breaker if you really liked the person?
Redhead14 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I've been dating this guy that I really like for about a month, the other night he found out I'm talking to other guys too, got pissed and hasn't talked to me for the last couple of days. My question is should I reach out to him or wait for him to come to me? I understand why he would be upset but the second thing I'm wondering is if you were in his shoes would this be a big enough issue to be a deal-breaker if you really liked the person? Unless you two have declared exclusivity, it is none of his business who you talk to or date and especially only after a month? Have you been intimate? If you have, the exclusivity conversation should have happened right afterward and better yet, shortly before. Have you had any conversations about what you each are looking for for yourselves out of your dating experiences? Does he want a relationship with someone and do you want that for yourself? These kinds of conversations should happen early on. If he doesn't at least come to you and have a conversation about what he wants and what his intentions are, then he is an immature dater at best. If you've been intimate, he sounds a like some women do. They go to bed with a man and assume he's all in. Communicate, communicate, communicate. The ball is in his court. Let him pout and get over his sense of entitlement based on nothing and if he comes to his senses fairly soon, it's ok to have a calm, mature, adult conversation to clear things up between you. zAnd, by fairly soon, I mean a couple of days at best, not a week or two. Otherwise, move on. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 If you are willing to stop dating or talking to other men, reach out to him & tell him that you are ready to be exclusive with him if that is what he wants. If you want him to get over it, be with you & let you do what you want with whomever you want, leave him be. He's not that guy. 1
empresario Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I will preach this until the day I die. No matter which facet of life you're talking about every relationship begins with communication...specifically expectations. No, you don't have to tell him if you're dating multiple people early on. But, you need to be intuitive and frankly prudent enough to let that person know when you start dating them if you like them and see a potential future. That way their expectation is not to be the only guy...at least not until you talk about it again. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 As long as he's been treating you well and been acting like someone who would/should be hurt or surprised by this information, I think it's fine/good to reach out. You should reach out with the express purpose of sorting this out. Depends on what you really want to do. If you want him to be the only one you are dating and willing to stop seeing the other guys, tell him that you are sorry for not having discussed it sooner and didn't know what his expectations were. Ask him if he would like to date exclusively. If you don't want to stop dating the others OR it shouldn't have come as a surprise to him, I would probably wait until he came to you and then just have a clear talk with him. You two may not be on the same page. You weren't dropping info about the other guys though in an effort to make him jealous or take action though, were you? Because that could be part of the reason he is upset. Most people don't react well to others "trying" to make them jealous--whether they are jealous or not. I'm assuming since you are posting here you care about him and are interested in continuing to see him. If you're both for exclusivity, it should work. If not, it will probably majorly disrupt the flow of things. Now is the time to have that discussion since things are out in the open now. good luck
TheBathWater Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I think you should reach out to him. You're obviously into him, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here, yeah? It's important for you to know what you want at this point. If you're not ready to stop seeing other people, then don't. If you are, let him know. If you need more time to decide, that's fine too. But be clear on what message you want to send to him before you get in touch. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who will want to see you still if you are dating other men. How badly do you want him? 1
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