martin1992 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Hi Everyone, My ex broke up with me last october and I still want to rekindle things with her. Basically, what I feel for her is unconditional. She dated someone else quite soon after the break and then she broke with him about a week ago. Few days later she called me to tell me about it with an excuse to see how I am doing, she asked if I was seeing someone and was trying to find out what I was up to, I didn’t give her much information. 3 days later I contacted her, we spoke for about 50mins, told her I was proud of her for breaking up with me as having attitude trying to get what she wanted was a good thing. I also said later on that I do miss her etc etc. Nothing too sappy. When I brought up that we should hangout she wasn’t too keen, and sounded like she was afraid to. She later said she doesn’t want to rekindle because of the petty problems in our relationship. Also she is not really seeing someone, she has just met him twice but she’s interested in him I guess, (she is definitely feeling lonely atm) Well we are going to meet regardless in 20 days for our uni graduation. She probably doesn’t know I am attending so I will approach her when I see her and be myself. Any tips? Do ask if you need more information....
erklat Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Hi Everyone, My ex broke up with me last october and I still want to rekindle things with her. Basically, what I feel for her is unconditional. She dated someone else quite soon after the break and then she broke with him about a week ago. Few days later she called me to tell me about it with an excuse to see how I am doing, she asked if I was seeing someone and was trying to find out what I was up to, I didn’t give her much information. 3 days later I contacted her, we spoke for about 50mins, told her I was proud of her for breaking up with me as having attitude trying to get what she wanted was a good thing. I also said later on that I do miss her etc etc. Nothing too sappy. When I brought up that we should hangout she wasn’t too keen, and sounded like she was afraid to. She later said she doesn’t want to rekindle because of the petty problems in our relationship. Also she is not really seeing someone, she has just met him twice but she’s interested in him I guess, (she is definitely feeling lonely atm) Well we are going to meet regardless in 20 days for our uni graduation. She probably doesn’t know I am attending so I will approach her when I see her and be myself. Any tips? Do ask if you need more information.... She broke up with him .Feelings of inadequacy kicked in which you successfully diluted by giving her attention. She turned to a first person she could think of. That is the only reason she contacted you.
SankeCoffee Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) Just my 2 cents....But I would of assumed that her reaching out to you, was a sign that she was thinking of you and wanted to see you and how you are doing. This doesn't mean she wants to rekindle, but you may have a fighting chance if you play it right and show that you have grown as a person. You should of made a definite plan to meet up and have fun and hook up. You made yourself too available by contacting her and talking for 50 mins, use to phone to make plans and then get off. She hasn't seen or heard from you in months, she is curious, don't make info about yourself so readily available to her. She broke up with you, so you should make her come to you, let her always be the first to contact you. If she reaches out again assume she wants to see you and make a definite date, Tell her you would love to see her and suggest you meet for drinks and catch up. Your plan should be to hang out, have fun, and hook up, don't dwell or talk about the past relationship, if you want her back you need to show her a good time and make her laugh. You need to rebuild attraction. If she isn't receptive to meeting up, you should say "ok well give me a call if you change your mind". Then walk away and never look back. good luck Edited June 23, 2015 by SankeCoffee
dumbass2 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 "Well we are going to meet regardless in 20 days for our uni graduation. She probably doesn’t know I am attending so I will approach her when I see her and be myself." Why would you think she wouldn't know you would be at your graduation? She knows you'll be there. Let her be the one to approach you and not the other way around. You already asked her once about hanging out and she didn't want to. She knows what you want. Don't come off needy.
ravfour4 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 What Sanke said is good advice. Once you have an opening, use it to have fun, don't dwell on the past or what she's up to. All women want to do is have fun with a confident man who makes them feel good about themselves and hook up. Any talking about her ex or your relationship makes her feel bad and sad and makes you not look confident aka the exact opposite of what she wants.
loveiswar101 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Hey, you've made yourself to available. 50 mins you can tell a life story, probably now she has all she needs to know about what your up to and doing. Pull away, as above, if she contacts you, you can then make a date. If she pulls away you pull away. She broke up with you remember. Think...she's not going to be lonely when she can contact you and ease her emotions when she wants. Don't be a puppy ! Harsh I know but best of luck.
lauri Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Answer me this seriously, whyy would you even consider going back to her? She dated another guy she had in the wings shortly before the breakup. Chances are she probably cheated on you too. Man. Your self respect is everything. Do you think you'll have it by going back to her? All you've done is give your ex emotional validation with out anything in return. You're too available...why would you spend 50 minutes talking to her? Do you seriously think that's helping you get her back? If you have feelings still, this is a bad idea. It seems like you do and I don't know if your in the mind frame to hook up with her only. I wish you the best. 1
ravfour4 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I think he's obviously thinking that he must first rekindle a bond with his ex. Seems reasonable and logical. After a bond is shattered, it must be slowly rebuilt - talking for 50 min can do that. Sure, she may have gotten off the phone saying "wow, what an idiot, now I know everything he's up to and am no longer interested" or she may have got off the phone thinking "wow, I can't believe we just talked for 50 min, it seemed so natural, I miss that" Like any of you have a clue as to which it is. 1
lauri Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I think he's obviously thinking that he must first rekindle a bond with his ex. Seems reasonable and logical. After a bond is shattered, it must be slowly rebuilt - talking for 50 min can do that. Sure, she may have gotten off the phone saying "wow, what an idiot, now I know everything he's up to and am no longer interested" or she may have got off the phone thinking "wow, I can't believe we just talked for 50 min, it seemed so natural, I miss that" Like any of you have a clue as to which it is. The key to what she said when he asked her to hang out is this: "When I brought up that we should hangout she wasn’t too keen, and sounded like she was afraid to. She later said she doesn’t want to rekindle because of the petty problems in our relationship." What does that make you think? Sounds like she remembers why she broke up with him and not much as changed. I just want OP the brace for the worse and not get his hopes up. Plus, like I said before, she jumped in a relationship shortly after they ended. That speaks volumes of how she felt of him after they broke up. 2
movingonnow1 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 The key to what she said when he asked her to hang out is this: "When I brought up that we should hangout she wasn’t too keen, and sounded like she was afraid to. She later said she doesn’t want to rekindle because of the petty problems in our relationship." What does that make you think? Sounds like she remembers why she broke up with him and not much as changed. I just want OP the brace for the worse and not get his hopes up. Plus, like I said before, she jumped in a relationship shortly after they ended. That speaks volumes of how she felt of him after they broke up. I agree. OP, trust me, from experience, don't even bother. Your ex sounds like my ex...she would use me to talk to after she broke up with her shortly after me boyfriend. I wish I never even bothered talking to her.
Jimmyjackson Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 told her I was proud of her for breaking up with me This girl dated someone right after you guys finished, and you're proud of her for breaking up with you? 2
mightycpa Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Hi Everyone, My ex broke up with me last october and I still want to rekindle things with her. Basically, what I feel for her is unconditional. She dated someone else quite soon after the break and then she broke with him about a week ago. Few days later she called me to tell me about it with an excuse to see how I am doing, she asked if I was seeing someone and was trying to find out what I was up to, I didn’t give her much information. 3 days later I contacted her, we spoke for about 50mins, told her I was proud of her for breaking up with me as having attitude trying to get what she wanted was a good thing. I also said later on that I do miss her etc etc. Nothing too sappy. When I brought up that we should hangout she wasn’t too keen, and sounded like she was afraid to. She later said she doesn’t want to rekindle because of the petty problems in our relationship. Also she is not really seeing someone, she has just met him twice but she’s interested in him I guess, (she is definitely feeling lonely atm) Well we are going to meet regardless in 20 days for our uni graduation. She probably doesn’t know I am attending so I will approach her when I see her and be myself. Any tips? Do ask if you need more information....I have a tip for you. Stop trying to wish reality away. Face your situation forthrightly. Honestly assess where you are. When I brought up that we should hangout she wasn’t too keen, and sounded like she was afraid to. She later said she doesn’t want to rekindle because of the petty problems in our relationship. Seriously. Listen to what she's telling you. 1
Author martin1992 Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 Thank you all for your advice, In that 50mins we spoke I didn’t give away a lot of information about myself, just a bit about work and that’s it. She doesn’t know that I have moved out from where I was, she doesn’t know my personal life at all. She asked if I was seeing someone and I replied ‘no’ When I asked her if she would like to meet up, she was a bit hesitant and later said she doesn’t want to rekindle. During her rebound era she okay with it though we never did (since she was with someone I thought it was not a good idea).My guess is that since she is single again she is afraid. Her reason for not wanting to rekindle is that we had problems (the main one was that I used to lie about my times, I was never punctual). I am going to meet her again on the 13th of july, she doesn’t know this. It’s graduation day, hoping to manage to change her mind that day. Meanwhile she is emotionally connecting with someone else who seems to be quite similar to me, I won’t blame her…she doesn’t have much people around at this time.
lauri Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Thank you all for your advice, In that 50mins we spoke I didn’t give away a lot of information about myself, just a bit about work and that’s it. She doesn’t know that I have moved out from where I was, she doesn’t know my personal life at all. She asked if I was seeing someone and I replied ‘no’ When I asked her if she would like to meet up, she was a bit hesitant and later said she doesn’t want to rekindle. During her rebound era she okay with it though we never did (since she was with someone I thought it was not a good idea).My guess is that since she is single again she is afraid. Her reason for not wanting to rekindle is that we had problems (the main one was that I used to lie about my times, I was never punctual). I am going to meet her again on the 13th of july, she doesn’t know this. It’s graduation day, hoping to manage to change her mind that day. Meanwhile she is emotionally connecting with someone else who seems to be quite similar to me, I won’t blame her…she doesn’t have much people around at this time. I don't understand your thought process right now. You're trying to convince yourself of things that aren't true. She wanted to test the waters - in her mind this was going to go very different. You were going to be cold, with another girl, moved on, etc. Instead, she got a guy who willingly gave her validation for 50 minutes even though she did zero things to deserve it. Girls want a guy who's a challenge, not someone who gives up their validation so easily. She isn't scared, she just quite frankly doesn't want to be with you. And you know what? Her loss! Youre willing to accept her, even thought she's emotionally / physically connecting with someone else? Man, don't settle and let someone treat you as plan B. I cannot believe you are planning to meet her on this day. How about you spend this day enjoying your graduation rather than seeking her out? Stop revolving your life and plans around another girl who LEFT you because she thinks she can do better. Find someone else man. Ignore her on graduation and regain your self control. You'll find a better girl who would never do this to you, that will respect you and would do anything to keep you two together. 3
Jimmyjackson Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Martin, if in fact you are born in 1992 as your username suggests, then we are both around the same age. The problem is, you seem so naive and immature for your age its kinda scary. She's actually telling you that she doesn't want you but you're convinced you're gonna get her back, are you in some sort of dream land? Read what you're writing on this thread, surely you see how stupid you sound? This girl dumped you and you're making all sorts of excuses for her, she probably feels great knowing you are pretty much letting her get away with murder. It's evident you don't respect yourself, so how can you expect your ex to respect you? I hope for your own sake the anger stage kicks in soon, you need it...
NoLeafClover Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 I always wondered how some people can go back to the same person that broke up with them ...AND THEN.SCREW SOMEONE ELSE RIGHT AFTER. How do you expect to see this person the same way as before knowing they did this to you before ?
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