Infertility

[Hope Shimmers]

Although he says they can't have kids , I don't think he'd have problems fathering a child with another woman. Unless the clinic have identified a low sperm count as an issue.

 

 

More often than not, fertility issues lie with the woman. Considering she does the carrying it's understandable.

 

Problems with carrying a pregnancy

Prolapsed uterus

Spotaneous abortion

Incontinent cervix

 

The egg production is really an issue and the egg quality itself declines.

 

Very often you find that a couple who are successful with IVF , then go on to have a child naturally.

 

It is very stressful and expensive, but the stress alone doesn't hinder conception.

 

I think you mean incompetent cervix.

 

It is not complicated to tell if a woman is ovulating vs if there is an issue causing spontaneous abortions. There is nowhere near enough information in this thread for anyone to give advice on why this is happening (not aiming this at you sandylee; just in general).

[Got it]

Although he says they can't have kids , I don't think he'd have problems fathering a child with another woman. Unless the clinic have identified a low sperm count as an issue.

 

 

More often than not, fertility issues lie with the woman. Considering she does the carrying it's understandable.

 

Problems with carrying a pregnancy

Prolapsed uterus

Spotaneous abortion

Incontinent cervix

 

The egg production is really an issue and the egg quality itself declines.

 

Very often you find that a couple who are successful with IVF , then go on to have a child naturally.

 

It is very stressful and expensive, but the stress alone doesn't hinder conception.

 

Seriously people, can you actually cite your "facts". In my experience with IVF NEVER was any stat given that the majority of infertility issues is female.

 

Sperm quality absolutely decreases, and while less known, it is a significant problem. Egg quality doesn't necessarily follow a straighten linear progress of decline and the advance maternal age has been refuted by many as just a subjective number.

 

In fact, I am in my late 30s but all test show my genetics, eggs, etc. is that of a young 20 year old.

 

I get very tired of it being blamed on women that if there is an issue reproducing it is probably the female's fault. This is wrong and needs to be cleared up. He may very well have issues fathering children with ANY woman. Since they haven't been able to definitely say what the issue is, and not all tests are normally run/afforded, there is no way of knowing if it is a her issue, his issue, or a combined issue.

 

Unless anyone here has access to their full medical records and a background in being able to decipher it, you can not begin to hypothesize the actual issue or blame.

 

So please stop assuming it is her. Until test show otherwise it is them. It is their issue to confront and their challenge to tackle.

 

Infertility is a long hard road that either brings a couple together or tears them apart. That is why most major reproduction centers offer therapy and other support to help them get through the process. There are many couples who never learn the reason why they can't reproduce and I know many that are well into their 10th or more round of IVF, etc.

 

With the increase of harmful chemicals in our food, environment, etc. many that directly impact both male and female reproduction, please stop thinking this is a female issue.

 

 

 

 

Okay, off my soapbox. Whew. Sorry I have felt the heartbreak and see others struggle with these widespread myths and assumptions and it just breaks your heart.

[Thegameoflife]

To answer a few questions, my sperm count and motility are fine. We've been tested for genetic illnesses and I carry one illness, and she carries none. Most people carry many illnesses. If anything, I'm the only person not stressing her out. Other family is another story.

 

Also, my wanting to leave is because of multiple factors. To make everything happen, I've made a lot of sacrifices, and changed my whole life. I took on a higher paying and a more time demanding job. I did this to fund IVF, and to build capital to start a business. I work minimum 50h a week, sometimes 80+ hours, doing hard work mentally and physically. My job is also dangerous. On top of that I have crippling fibro myalgia. My life is quite hard right now. Part of the deal was that she would take up a lot of the slack around the house. She doesn't do much around the house, it's a disaster, and my efforts seem to go unappreciated. I also support her emotionally through all of these infertility issues. We are also looking at a new home to free my time from maintaining our older home, but the first few years will be pricey after moving in. In agreeance to buying a new home, we were going to take a few years off from fertility treatments. Then she tells me she wants to try IVF again in year. I told her we can't do both, and then she gets upset because she thinks I'm being wishy washy by saying this. I'm basically getting no personal rewards during this time either, which is really crappy considering the money I make.

 

I guess you can say that I'm tired of carrying a huge burden, and no results on any fronts. After re-reading all of that, no wonder I'm not happy with my marriage.

[d0nnivain]

Sadly it's part of the sick debilitating cycle. She can't do things around the house because she's too depressed to move. You are busting your ass which is commendable but you don't see appreciation which makes you want out.

 

 

I'd try MC before you give up. I also think time off from TTC especially if wife goes back to work to enable you to slow down & nurse your fibromyaligia will make you less upset

[Trishern]

To answer a few questions, my sperm count and motility are fine. We've been tested for genetic illnesses and I carry one illness, and she carries none. Most people carry many illnesses. If anything, I'm the only person not stressing her out. Other family is another story.

 

Also, my wanting to leave is because of multiple factors. To make everything happen, I've made a lot of sacrifices, and changed my whole life. I took on a higher paying and a more time demanding job. I did this to fund IVF, and to build capital to start a business. I work minimum 50h a week, sometimes 80+ hours, doing hard work mentally and physically. My job is also dangerous. On top of that I have crippling fibro myalgia. My life is quite hard right now. Part of the deal was that she would take up a lot of the slack around the house. She doesn't do much around the house, it's a disaster, and my efforts seem to go unappreciated. I also support her emotionally through all of these infertility issues. We are also looking at a new home to free my time from maintaining our older home, but the first few years will be pricey after moving in. In agreeance to buying a new home, we were going to take a few years off from fertility treatments. Then she tells me she wants to try IVF again in year. I told her we can't do both, and then she gets upset because she thinks I'm being wishy washy by saying this. I'm basically getting no personal rewards during this time either, which is really crappy considering the money I make.

 

I guess you can say that I'm tired of carrying a huge burden, and no results on any fronts. After re-reading all of that, no wonder I'm not happy with my marriage.

 

 

Well with all the other issues, it's probably wise to step back and decide if you want to stay in this marriage.

 

 

Although it could be that some of her behaviour, is as a result of not being able to have a baby. I know someone dealing with this issue right now and it's making her feel very low, snappy and pretty much depressed. Those feelings can contribute to her not picking up the slack, but ultimately if you find it too much to deal with, then you need to think carefully.

 

 

The financial toll on the couple is also a huge strain, so I absolutely understand what you mean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Trishern

[sandylee1]

I think you mean incompetent cervix.

 

It is not complicated to tell if a woman is ovulating vs if there is an issue causing spontaneous abortions. There is nowhere near enough information in this thread for anyone to give advice on why this is happening (not aiming this at you sandylee; just in general).

 

Thanks Hope...slip of the finger

[Got it]

To answer a few questions, my sperm count and motility are fine. We've been tested for genetic illnesses and I carry one illness, and she carries none. Most people carry many illnesses. If anything, I'm the only person not stressing her out. Other family is another story.

 

Also, my wanting to leave is because of multiple factors. To make everything happen, I've made a lot of sacrifices, and changed my whole life. I took on a higher paying and a more time demanding job. I did this to fund IVF, and to build capital to start a business. I work minimum 50h a week, sometimes 80+ hours, doing hard work mentally and physically. My job is also dangerous. On top of that I have crippling fibro myalgia. My life is quite hard right now. Part of the deal was that she would take up a lot of the slack around the house. She doesn't do much around the house, it's a disaster, and my efforts seem to go unappreciated. I also support her emotionally through all of these infertility issues. We are also looking at a new home to free my time from maintaining our older home, but the first few years will be pricey after moving in. In agreeance to buying a new home, we were going to take a few years off from fertility treatments. Then she tells me she wants to try IVF again in year. I told her we can't do both, and then she gets upset because she thinks I'm being wishy washy by saying this. I'm basically getting no personal rewards during this time either, which is really crappy considering the money I make.

 

I guess you can say that I'm tired of carrying a huge burden, and no results on any fronts. After re-reading all of that, no wonder I'm not happy with my marriage.

 

TheGame - many marriages hit these struggles in a multitude of reasons. So now is the time to try and come together or it will move you two further apart. Have you had a candid conversation with her about it? Have you been definitive in your feelings on your career? Is she working? Some employers cover IVF in their medical, she can try to go after a job with a company that does so which would be a huge financial relief on you two.

 

Also many infertility centers offer a package deal with a return if it doesn't work. I know Shady Grove is one, it was somewhere between 20-30K, but included a fresh round, a few frozen, etc. And if they didn't work you were reimbursed.

 

Also do you have anything frozen? That can be much cheaper. Are you guys continously doing fresh? Why?

 

I too think MC would be helpful to get you guys on the same page. It is hard, no doubt about it.

[sandylee1]

Seriously people, can you actually cite your "facts". In my experience with IVF NEVER was any stat given that the majority of infertility issues is female.

 

Sperm quality absolutely decreases, and while less known, it is a significant problem. Egg quality doesn't necessarily follow a straighten linear progress of decline and the advance maternal age has been refuted by many as just a subjective number.

 

In fact, I am in my late 30s but all test show my genetics, eggs, etc. is that of a young 20 year old.

 

I get very tired of it being blamed on women that if there is an issue reproducing it is probably the female's fault. This is wrong and needs to be cleared up. He may very well have issues fathering children with ANY woman. Since they haven't been able to definitely say what the issue is, and not all tests are normally run/afforded, there is no way of knowing if it is a her issue, his issue, or a combined issue.

 

Unless anyone here has access to their full medical records and a background in being able to decipher it, you can not begin to hypothesize the actual issue or blame.

 

So please stop assuming it is her. Until test show otherwise it is them. It is their issue to confront and their challenge to tackle.

 

Infertility is a long hard road that either brings a couple together or tears them apart. That is why most major reproduction centers offer therapy and other support to help them get through the process. There are many couples who never learn the reason why they can't reproduce and I know many that are well into their 10th or more round of IVF, etc.

 

With the increase of harmful chemicals in our food, environment, etc. many that directly impact both male and female reproduction, please stop thinking this is a female issue.

 

 

 

 

Okay, off my soapbox. Whew. Sorry I have felt the heartbreak and see others struggle with these widespread myths and assumptions and it just breaks your heart.

 

I'm talking about in the cases I know and am aware through previous WORK experience with a fertility clinic. I didn't swear blind, this was the case in the OPs situation.

[Got it]

I'm talking about in the cases I know and am aware through previous WORK experience with a fertility clinic. I didn't swear blind, this was the case in the OPs situation.

 

Your comment was "Although he says they can't have kids , I don't think he'd have problems fathering a child with another woman".

 

So where are you referencing cases you know and not the case in the OP's situation?

 

If you have worked in an infertility clinic I would think you would be more sensitive to the misnomers, myths, and falsehoods that are still quite common about it. It seems to be something, at least with my clinic, they worked very hard, even down to the receptionist, to be advocates on.

[lucy_in_disguise]

I do understand the desire to have your own biological children, but 31 and after 1 IVF attempt, my personal view is that you have not explored all your options on the child front yet, to be throwing in the towel.

 

That being said, it sounds like you bit off more than you could chew with the job, business, fertility treatments, and new house, and are resenting your wife for it. Since you say children may be a dealbreaker for you, i assume these decisions were at some point mutual vs. your wife twisting your arm. You really need better communication to come to an agreement on what is important to the two of you, vs. what can give.

 

It may not be necessary/ possible to have it all without working yourself into the ground. Can you defer on some of your financial goals for the time being, while you continue with the IVF? For example, downsize from a house to a rental, or put the business plan on hold, so you can cut back on the crazy hours.

 

To me it sounds like your problems are more about communication and money, than fertility per se.... with the fertility issues obviously contributing to the strain. I would wager a guess that even if the fertility thing was not an issue, your poor communication about financial goals and responsibilities would still be causing a rift. Fertility treatments are expensive, but so are children, and if you cant communicate to find a balance that works for you both, it will be difficult to be happy no matter your familial situation.

[lollipopspot]

To make everything happen, I've made a lot of sacrifices, and changed my whole life. I took on a higher paying and a more time demanding job. I did this to fund IVF, and to build capital to start a business. I work minimum 50h a week, sometimes 80+ hours, doing hard work mentally and physically. My job is also dangerous. On top of that I have crippling fibro myalgia. My life is quite hard right now.

 

Is that really worth it for some kids who are probably going to be storming out of the house screaming "I hate you!" in 15 years?

 

You have one life. I understand using it to do service for others who are already here who need help, but to put yourself through the above for someone who doesn't exist yet, and may not be at all pleased with you that you brought them here...well, just something to consider.

[pondhawk]

So you're using your wife to have children and if she doesn't produce you're going to toss her aside??

 

Boy, aren't you a catch!

 

Also your own words:

"My life is quite hard right now."

 

Do you honestly believe adding children to the mix is going to make it easier??

 

Try MC to resolve deeper issues. She deserves a husband that truly loves her for her.

[Got it]

So you're using your wife to have children and if she doesn't produce you're going to toss her aside??

 

Boy, aren't you a catch!

 

Also your own words:

"My life is quite hard right now."

 

Do you honestly believe adding children to the mix is going to make it easier??

 

Try MC to resolve deeper issues. She deserves a husband that truly loves her for her.

 

Pond - I do think, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he does love his wife but his "love bank" is empty, he doesn't feel like they are acting like a team so each side is licking their wounds and not really communicating/compromising with each other.

 

To have kids, like a house, the foundation has to be strong. So the couple has to be strong. I think this is just the first of many times that life will throw a really bad spot their way and so they need to try and work it out.

 

But the OP just sounds disheartened and frustrated but I don't want to speak for him.

[sandylee1]

Your comment was "Although he says they can't have kids , I don't think he'd have problems fathering a child with another woman".

 

So where are you referencing cases you know and not the case in the OP's situation?

 

If you have worked in an infertility clinic I would think you would be more sensitive to the misnomers, myths, and falsehoods that are still quite common about it. It seems to be something, at least with my clinic, they worked very hard, even down to the receptionist, to be advocates on.

 

I used the word THINK, not BEYOND A shadow of doubt .

I also had in mind the vast majority of patients and the higher percentage of fertility issues stemmed from the females. I didn't say in EVERY case. This is not an issue of blaming the man or woman.

 

I'm not responding any further to you, so as not to derail the OPs thread on semantics.

[Got it]

I used the word THINK, not BEYOND A shadow of doubt .

I also had in mind the vast majority of patients and the higher percentage of fertility issues stemmed from the females. I didn't say in EVERY case. This is not an issue of blaming the man or woman.

 

I'm not responding any further to you, so as not to derail the OPs thread on semantics.

 

And again, please cite the higher percentage of fertility issues stem from the females. I never said you said every time. But saying that it seems to be, your thinking, that it a her issue without any way of having any basis for that outside of your belief that there are a higher percentage of fertility issues with woman.

 

In fact I can't find that stat anywhere. What I have found, and had been told prior is: Is infertility just a woman's problem?

 

No, infertility is not always a woman's problem. Both women and men can have problems that cause infertility. About one-third of infertility cases are caused by women's problems. Another one third of fertility problems are due to the man. The other cases are caused by a mixture of male and female problems or by unknown problems.

 

So, please tell us where you are citing that the majority of issues are tied to women?

 

https://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/infertility.html

 

I think this misconception is very germane to the premise of this and to the OP and his belief that leaving his wife, due to not having kids, may change his chances of having kids. This is not necessarily true.

Edited June 25, 2015 by Got it

[Thegameoflife]

I wouldn't leave my wife unless the marriage dies. Our marriage isn't healthy, but it's not dead. I went to her with my issues before I came here. I'm definitely willing to try a few more times, but i can't carry so much while we do. Money isn't an issue, but trying to do too much at once could make it an issue. She's a teacher, so some drugs are covered. She is not depressed either. She realized that my unhappiness with her is warranted, and she is trying now. It was my comments plus her co-worker's comments about another person with a messy house, got her in gear yesterday.

 

My gripe is that I have so much on my plate, and I'm not her parent. I just want her to do her part, and take care of herself. I want my effort matched.

 

She has pcos, which is why we have to do pcos. She isn't getting in shape like she's supposed to either. Losing weight and improving her diet could change the game.

 

I just want her to put more effort into life.

[Hope Shimmers]

I wouldn't leave my wife unless the marriage dies. Our marriage isn't healthy, but it's not dead. I went to her with my issues before I came here. I'm definitely willing to try a few more times, but i can't carry so much while we do. Money isn't an issue, but trying to do too much at once could make it an issue. She's a teacher, so some drugs are covered. She is not depressed either. She realized that my unhappiness with her is warranted, and she is trying now. It was my comments plus her co-worker's comments about another person with a messy house, got her in gear yesterday.

 

My gripe is that I have so much on my plate, and I'm not her parent. I just want her to do her part, and take care of herself. I want my effort matched.

 

She has pcos, which is why we have to do pcos. She isn't getting in shape like she's supposed to either. Losing weight and improving her diet could change the game.

 

I just want her to put more effort into life.

 

If she has PCOS then the FIRST thing she needs to do to help the anovulation issue is to lose weight and exercise and start a low carb diet. It may cure itself. If it doesn't cure itself, then metformin, clomiphene, or a combination of the two may be enough to cure this problem. IVF may not even be necessary.

 

http://www.advancedfertility.com/clomid-metformin-pcos.htm

Edited June 25, 2015 by Hope Shimmers

[MJJean]

To answer a few questions, my sperm count and motility are fine. We've been tested for genetic illnesses and I carry one illness, and she carries none. Most people carry many illnesses. If anything, I'm the only person not stressing her out. Other family is another story.

 

Also, my wanting to leave is because of multiple factors. To make everything happen, I've made a lot of sacrifices, and changed my whole life. I took on a higher paying and a more time demanding job. I did this to fund IVF, and to build capital to start a business. I work minimum 50h a week, sometimes 80+ hours, doing hard work mentally and physically. My job is also dangerous. On top of that I have crippling fibro myalgia. My life is quite hard right now. Part of the deal was that she would take up a lot of the slack around the house. She doesn't do much around the house, it's a disaster, and my efforts seem to go unappreciated. I also support her emotionally through all of these infertility issues. We are also looking at a new home to free my time from maintaining our older home, but the first few years will be pricey after moving in. In agreeance to buying a new home, we were going to take a few years off from fertility treatments. Then she tells me she wants to try IVF again in year. I told her we can't do both, and then she gets upset because she thinks I'm being wishy washy by saying this. I'm basically getting no personal rewards during this time either, which is really crappy considering the money I make.

 

I guess you can say that I'm tired of carrying a huge burden, and no results on any fronts. After re-reading all of that, no wonder I'm not happy with my marriage.

 

 

Regarding the house, have you looked into renovating instead of selling and buying new construction? If you like the home and location, but are tired of old house maintenance it might be less expensive to make some updates and repairs than to move. If the numbers worked out, you may be able to have the house done so that there will be fewer repairs and maintenance while leaving enough time and resources to try IVF again.

 

 

I wouldn't leave my wife unless the marriage dies. Our marriage isn't healthy, but it's not dead. I went to her with my issues before I came here. I'm definitely willing to try a few more times, but i can't carry so much while we do. Money isn't an issue, but trying to do too much at once could make it an issue. She's a teacher, so some drugs are covered. She is not depressed either. She realized that my unhappiness with her is warranted, and she is trying now. It was my comments plus her co-worker's comments about another person with a messy house, got her in gear yesterday.

 

My gripe is that I have so much on my plate, and I'm not her parent. I just want her to do her part, and take care of herself. I want my effort matched.

 

She has pcos, which is why we have to do pcos. She isn't getting in shape like she's supposed to either. Losing weight and improving her diet could change the game.

 

I just want her to put more effort into life.

 

I totally understand this. My husband had a similar issue with me for a time. I wasn't doing my part or taking care of myself because I was depressed. It's a long story, but basically I wasn't able to have/do something I very much wanted that was so basic and after a time everything started to feel hopeless. Like it would never be any better. I was overweight, too, so that added to the sadness.

 

My DH wanted to work on nutrition and fitness. He thought some weight loss and the natural anti-depressant effect of exercise would greatly improve my outlook and energy level. Of course, he was right. But it's hard to get started, especially if you're already feeling like a big, fat, failure.

 

DH stuck by me. Even when I refused to care about me, he did. He walked a fine line between being a teddy bear and a drill sergeant. I needed loving encouragement and that show of absolute loyalty and I needed that kick in the a$$. Would a similar approach work with your wife?

 

Once I started making changes to diet, I felt better. Then we added in walking for cardio and some core work. After a few weeks, I noticed that when I missed a workout I would really miss it. I noticed my mood declined on days I missed and improved on days I did something, even if all I could get in was a walk. I also noticed that I felt depressed and sluggish on days I didn't eat nutritiously. If you can convince her to get started, I think diet and exercise would really improve the situation for both of you.

 

My sister has PCOS and I am in the process of the tests necessary to confirm I have PCOS, as well. PCOS can be very painful and truly messes with your hormones, which plays havoc with your emotions. Not to mention, your weight. If there are hair growth issues, it can also effect self esteem.

 

If it helps, we're both mothers. My sister has 4 daughters by birth and 2 more girls that she and her husband have full custody of. I have 3 children. Between my eldest and my middle kid is a 5 year gap. Sometimes, it takes time to conceive even when nothing is obviously wrong.

 

My cousin married and immediately tried to conceive. Then they tried IVF. Finally, 6 years in, they decided to adopt. Right after taking custody of their first child, they got pregnant. Shortly after their bio baby was born, they got a call that their child's birth mother had another baby and her parental rights were being terminated. My cousin and his wife were asked if they would like to also adopt the sibling and they did. No joke, a few weeks after the court paperwork was final, they found out they were pregnant AGAIN. When that one was about a year old, the bio mother of the 2 adopted kids had a 3rd and final baby, parental rights were terminated, and that lil one also went to my cousin and his wife. Then they had another bio baby. Total of 6 kids. 3 bio, 3 adopted. After years of fertility treatments and IVF, they somehow naturally conceived 3 times.

 

You never know what life has in store for you. And, I must admit, I've always wondered if maybe the stress and everything caused by TTC might have inhibited conception and the absence of that stress because they finally stopped worrying about it is why they were able to have 3 bio kids.

 

If I were you, I'd take a break from TTC and concentrate on your wife and her mental and physical fitness. Get into a diet and workout routine together. Nurture the love and romance. Go out and do things together. Have fun. Have sex swinging from the chandeliers. Either you'll get pregnant or she'll be in better physical and mental shape to return to fertility treatments and perhaps have better results.

[Mr. Lucky]

I just want her to put more effort into life.

 

Then I'd gently suggest a child isn't the answer. If you feel marginalized now, wait til you add an infant to the mix.

 

Only you know how many of your marital problems are tied to fertility issues. Seems like there's more than one thing going on...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lois_Griffin]

In one of your posts, you paint your wife as a lazy ass who does minimal work around the house and doesn't contribute while you bust your butt working so many hours every week.

 

Then further in, you say she's a teacher. So she does apparently work outside the home and contribute. You expect her to work full time AND have a model home 24/7 which is pretty extreme. I personally DO accomplish that but it's HELL and my husband thinks I'm a lunatic for being so OCD with the house. So it's not for everyone.

 

Not everyone has the same standards and you seem to be nit-picking, now.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Regarding the house, have you looked into renovating instead of selling and buying new construction? If you like the home and location, but are tired of old house maintenance it might be less expensive to make some updates and repairs than to move. If the numbers worked out, you may be able to have the house done so that there will be fewer repairs and maintenance while leaving enough time and resources to try IVF again.

 

 

 

 

I totally understand this. My husband had a similar issue with me for a time. I wasn't doing my part or taking care of myself because I was depressed. It's a long story, but basically I wasn't able to have/do something I very much wanted that was so basic and after a time everything started to feel hopeless. Like it would never be any better. I was overweight, too, so that added to the sadness.

 

My DH wanted to work on nutrition and fitness. He thought some weight loss and the natural anti-depressant effect of exercise would greatly improve my outlook and energy level. Of course, he was right. But it's hard to get started, especially if you're already feeling like a big, fat, failure.

 

DH stuck by me. Even when I refused to care about me, he did. He walked a fine line between being a teddy bear and a drill sergeant. I needed loving encouragement and that show of absolute loyalty and I needed that kick in the a$$. Would a similar approach work with your wife?

 

Once I started making changes to diet, I felt better. Then we added in walking for cardio and some core work. After a few weeks, I noticed that when I missed a workout I would really miss it. I noticed my mood declined on days I missed and improved on days I did something, even if all I could get in was a walk. I also noticed that I felt depressed and sluggish on days I didn't eat nutritiously. If you can convince her to get started, I think diet and exercise would really improve the situation for both of you.

 

My sister has PCOS and I am in the process of the tests necessary to confirm I have PCOS, as well. PCOS can be very painful and truly messes with your hormones, which plays havoc with your emotions. Not to mention, your weight. If there are hair growth issues, it can also effect self esteem.

 

If it helps, we're both mothers. My sister has 4 daughters by birth and 2 more girls that she and her husband have full custody of. I have 3 children. Between my eldest and my middle kid is a 5 year gap. Sometimes, it takes time to conceive even when nothing is obviously wrong.

 

My cousin married and immediately tried to conceive. Then they tried IVF. Finally, 6 years in, they decided to adopt. Right after taking custody of their first child, they got pregnant. Shortly after their bio baby was born, they got a call that their child's birth mother had another baby and her parental rights were being terminated. My cousin and his wife were asked if they would like to also adopt the sibling and they did. No joke, a few weeks after the court paperwork was final, they found out they were pregnant AGAIN. When that one was about a year old, the bio mother of the 2 adopted kids had a 3rd and final baby, parental rights were terminated, and that lil one also went to my cousin and his wife. Then they had another bio baby. Total of 6 kids. 3 bio, 3 adopted. After years of fertility treatments and IVF, they somehow naturally conceived 3 times.

 

You never know what life has in store for you. And, I must admit, I've always wondered if maybe the stress and everything caused by TTC might have inhibited conception and the absence of that stress because they finally stopped worrying about it is why they were able to have 3 bio kids.

 

If I were you, I'd take a break from TTC and concentrate on your wife and her mental and physical fitness. Get into a diet and workout routine together. Nurture the love and romance. Go out and do things together. Have fun. Have sex swinging from the chandeliers. Either you'll get pregnant or she'll be in better physical and mental shape to return to fertility treatments and perhaps have better results.

 

My own family is so so full of stories like this. A couple not being able to conceive, only to gt pregnant right after adopting. My mom attributes this phenomenon to good karma/ an act of God, but I also wonder if stress plays a role.

 

If it's possible to delay your period by stressing you may be pregnant (I've experienced this many times) I can see how stress can also mess with ovulation/ conception.

[Thegameoflife]

In one of your posts, you paint your wife as a lazy ass who does minimal work around the house and doesn't contribute while you bust your butt working so many hours every week.

 

Then further in, you say she's a teacher. So she does apparently work outside the home and contribute. You expect her to work full time AND have a model home 24/7 which is pretty extreme. I personally DO accomplish that but it's HELL and my husband thinks I'm a lunatic for being so OCD with the house. So it's not for everyone.

 

Not everyone has the same standards and you seem to be nit-picking, now.

 

Having a job doesn't absolve a person from home responsibilities. I work several more hours a day than her, and I still have to do yard work, fix things around the house, and I do most of the cooking. She'll be off for two months really soon. My guess is that she cleans the house a couple times the whole summer.

[Lois_Griffin]

Having a job doesn't absolve a person from home responsibilities. I work several more hours a day than her, and I still have to do yard work, fix things around the house, and I do most of the cooking. She'll be off for two months really soon. My guess is that she cleans the house a couple times the whole summer.

Damn. You do all the cooking? You rock.

 

Well, it does sound as though she's doing the absolute minimum. Sorry to hear it.

[autumnnight]

Having a job doesn't absolve a person from home responsibilities. I work several more hours a day than her, and I still have to do yard work, fix things around the house, and I do most of the cooking. She'll be off for two months really soon. My guess is that she cleans the house a couple times the whole summer.

 

I think leaving her and marrying someone else would be a favor to HER. It sounds like you have zero love, appreciation, or respect for her. I guess your main interest was her uterus?

[Thegameoflife]

I think leaving her and marrying someone else would be a favor to HER. It sounds like you have zero love, appreciation, or respect for her. I guess your main interest was her uterus?

 

I must look mighty small from that tower of righteousness.