Everytime I break up with someone, I immediate misses my ex of 3years

[xpaperxcutx]

I am emotionally empty.

 

I just ended a 2 month-old relationship and I feel fine, albeit a little sad for the guy whose heart I just broke. But then again, I feel emotionally empty because in the past 6 months, I have dated altogether 2 people, and each time, I do not feel anything for them. Instead, my mind wanders back to my ex of 3 years and I find myself wishing that he would come back.

 

My life is not defined by my ex but I feel like there's nothing that will make me as happy as when I was with him. And it sucks because I've been trying to concentrate on school and concentrating on my internship, and I just don't feel like I could ever be happy again. Even if I date another guy, they all seem to disappoint me one way or another because they all have habits that are the exact opposite of what my ex had.

 

I'm torn between wanting another person to fill a blank space in my heart and wanting to be single. It's odd. I want to be single when the guy doesn't fit the mold that I envisioned, and I want to be with someone, anyone for that matter, when I'm single for too long.

 

I am not happy. I'm ****ing depressed when I think that the future I had envisioned for the past 3 years disppeared because my ex left me high and dry for another girl.

 

How do I stop thinking about my ex?

[RogerWallace111]

There's no great answer. The most healthy thing would, of course, be to brave single life and only get into a formal relationship again when you find someone with whom you really connect. Even if that takes years of satisfying yourself only with friends w/ benefits and very casual dating. Otherwise you run the risk of being a serial "settler". It's great to experience lots of different relationships but when your heart's barely or not at all in it it's not worth wasting your or the other person's time. Especially when each less-than-amazing guy leaves you pining for your ex. That's not to say don't give new people shots, but if it's not making you feel great, leave it. To find the maximum acceptance for the loss of your ex, and your inner strength, you've got to avoid the temptation of semi-comfortable distraction "relationships". Which, again, doesn't mean no social/sex life, etc.

 

If you can feel as deep a connection with someone as you apparently did with your ex, there will be more. They're just going to be somewhat rare. It's better to give yourself space in the meantime. Otherwise you end up in a string of what are, realistically, just once-removed rebounds, and will never truly move forward. Keep those encounters casual/under control and you are instead just a single girl, doin your thing, playing the field and maintaining the time/perspective to perfect yourself for the next love of your life. The average person just doesn't grow much if at all while in a lackluster relationship(s).

 

Nothing but time and/or another equal/greater love will have you "over it". And distracting yourself by wasting your days with people you don't really want neither gives you that time or brings you closer to a new love. If you're miserable, stay proactive & find the strength to accept that misery for the time being. Clearly, dating guys you don't feel anything for hasn't helped, so no need to continue trying that.

Edited June 23, 2015 by RogerWallace111

[xpaperxcutx]

Thanks for your response. Im just not one for casual relationships- I dont want to have FWB because as a girl , I'm usually the one who gets hurt. It wasn't like I jumped into my relationships. The first one after my 3 year relationship was rushed. The guy wanted affection and wanted to call me his girlfriend, but he never did anything to show me he was serious. He turned out to be a complete liar. I recently found out he just had another child with an ex. That meant his ex was pregnant while he and I were dating. I never even knew he had children. Im so glad I dodged that bullet.

 

The second guy, compared to the first, is actually a sweet guy but I dont see us going anywhere.He is also younger than me and completely inexperienced with life. He has no directions and hasnt made up his mind to go back to college. He also did alot of things that offended me and made it obvious to me how immature he can be.

 

I agree with you that I should be single. Every guy seems to disappoint me one way or another. Nobody seems to be the kind of guy i want- sincere, responsible, has his life together. Im going to be 26 in the Fall. im scared my parents will start nagging me and tell me i should find a husband. Im from a traditional Asian family and everybody in my family gets married around their 20s.

 

I give alot of myself. Ive been a good person and I renewed my faith with God. All I want is to be able to meet someone who has honest qualities. Im not even looking for physical attributes.

[Seeker12]

Papercut its not easy, to be honest, i feel you need to be single, grow and stabilise again as an independent individual who makes themselves happy, reconnect with yourself, and learn to be alone. Its what i had to do when i broke up with my FL, and i still have those teeny weeny feelings of not being able to replace her, BUT on the other hand i feel like wow, if i stayed with her i wouldnt have aspired to do things now that i aspire to do, push myself the way i am now, because my life revolved around her and creating a life just with her.

 

Similarly i look forward to meeting people, and look forward to who i may bump into/settle down with, now this doesnt mean my ex wont be lingering at the back of my head nor does it mean im jumping from relationship to relationship which i suggest you dont do either, but that im moving on and im enjoying it, AND i just let it happen i dont feel the need to force anything, this took me a damn while to get to and im still working on it.

 

My point being that even though you have an internal inclination to be in a relationship, be with someone, be comforted and loved, and i also do understand about marriage, coming from an asian background myself, the best option right now is to be alone and grow yourself again.

 

There is a hole in your heart, just like there is in mine, and ultimately its our own engagement and how we go about it now which will fill that hole, dont fill it with people, fill it with yourself, similarly although you are being very modest and humble by not being too choosy, i would suggest have standards, i bet youre a pretty amazing girl and you deserve a pretty amazing guy, and dont settle for any less!

 

I came out of a 7 year relationship and it took me a helluva lotta adjusting again, and now, well although the talks are looming for me as well, i feel like perhaps life as a single person atleast for another year or two would do me good, ideally.

[Happines]

You clearly not 100% over him so please take some time off all the dating and do some things for yourself

 

Once you feel happy confident and your ex is no longer in your head try seeing other people because otherwise you not only making it hard for yourself but hurting other guys