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What really scare me about having children is reading news like this...

loveflower

By loveflower
in General Relationship Discussion

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loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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Is genetic disorder inherited or just randomly happened? If random then everyone is at risk.

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loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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Is perverse to feel relive for i might never have children after reading things like this?

toscaroscura Established Member

toscaroscura

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Is perverse to feel relive for i might never have children after reading things like this?

 

How old are you?

 

No it isn't perverse. Having children or not is a very personal decision and you can feel however you want about it.

 

I have a son. I guess I deal with things like this the same way I deal with any dangers in my life. My son could fall sick, I could get cancer, there could be an accident. Anything could happen.

 

But I can't live my life in fear and I certainly can't raise my son with that fear. Life is going to be what it is and I want to enjoy it (and I want him to enjoy it).

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loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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I just love love daddy's like these!! This was a very heart-warming post, thank you!!

 

But......don't you think life becomes a nightmare for the dad?

joseb Established Member

joseb

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But......don't you think life becomes a nightmare for the dad?

 

I'm sure life is extremely challenging for the dad. But if you asked him, I doubt he would describe it as a nightmare.

I'm sure it has given him a drive and purpose that most people never have.

 

 

*edit I read the article, so I guess he does! *

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Yea, I always worried "what if" I had a child with special needs and/or some illness. I could not imagine the grief the parents have in those types of situations.

 

Hence, why at my age of almost 40, I'm not gonna go on some wild venture to try to conceive - knowing that I'm at a higher risk group for something happening to my kids.

 

Funny how this world works...Some "parents" who bake their kids in cars, are abusive, etc pop out kids faster than other mammals...Then, you have people having trouble conceiving - who have hearts and love bigger than God knows what.

 

Now, this may seem cold - but depending on your religious views probably, death and illness are viewed a certain way. I see a lot of people - regardless of age - spend money and/or a never ending pursuit of a cure and/or treatment to avoid death and/or illness.

 

I often ponder if I would seek treatment if I had a chronic and/or terminal illness. I have decided if that time ever comes - I will go to my church and consult with with them. But don't think I'd try to hard to seek treatment - unless doing so would be considered a form of suicide. I believe my dad's recent death was cuz he did not seek medical attention for a simple ailment that his body - at his age - could not handle and a form of suicide.

 

Sorry for the rant, but I put down my 106lb beast when I was given less than 15 min to make a decision if a $5K surgery - with no guarantee that the problem would return, how long she would live afterwards, etc - was told to me. I held her as they gave her the injections to put her down and the poor girl was fumbling and making me upset cuz I just wanted my baby to be put our of her misery **tears**.

 

I went back home at 4AM ish, after being/taking her to the emergency vet at 1AM and had to go to my new job the next day. I was inconsolable for like a month or so. I'd go in the bathroom every break/chance I got at my new job and just cried.

 

It was a tough decision, and took me a while to decide if I wanted another dog (didn't want to experience that pain again), but I did what I had to do. If I had a child, I believe I would do the same - which is to let go of my child instead of embark on an endless pursuit for a cure/treatment because I believe children and animals are innocent and go to God.

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Shepp Established Member

Shepp

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Cant live your life like that.

 

 

You get one shot at life, and god its fragile, and as they say ultimately the real troubles in your life blindside you at 4:15 on some idle Tuesday. The things that never crossed your worried mind (to quote sunscreen).

 

 

My younger son had a seizure after he was born, the couldn't guarantee he'd be alright. He had a second seizure a few months later. I have never been so terrified in my life. Never even close.

 

 

But every day I spend with him, with all my kids, is worth every grey hair they give me!

 

 

 

 

ITs like folk who take the risk of getting in a car everyday but wont get on a plane. The risk is no more. Its misguided.

 

 

I've said before: risk is like seeing the equivalent of a truck coming and you have a choice of standing still in the road or jumping into a ditch that may or may not contain poisonous snakes, and you stand in the road and hope the truck swerves, because it sometimes does, and because who is going to jump into a potential pit of poisonous snakes? ..But if the chances that the truck will swerve are lower than the prevalence of snakes, you must jump, even though people tend to overestimate the risk of acting and underestimate the risk of not acting.

 

 

The risk of doing nothing is just that your life going and you've don't nothing. To me that's an insult to life. Ask that dad if he wishes he hadn't had his son because it hurts now, I'd bet he'd tell you that do it all again for the time they had together - even if it was too short!

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Haydn Established Member

Haydn

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With kids, you deal with things.......

 

Anything.

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serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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With kids, you deal with things.......

 

Anything.

 

It's true that having a kid is, in a way, the most terrifying thing I've ever done. There's a low-grade worry current always running through my mind. Can't help it, can only live with it. And one does.

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loveflower Established Member

loveflower

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Cant live your life like that.

 

 

You get one shot at life, and god its fragile, and as they say ultimately the real troubles in your life blindside you at 4:15 on some idle Tuesday. The things that never crossed your worried mind (to quote sunscreen).

 

 

My younger son had a seizure after he was born, the couldn't guarantee he'd be alright. He had a second seizure a few months later. I have never been so terrified in my life. Never even close.

 

 

But every day I spend with him, with all my kids, is worth every grey hair they give me!

 

 

 

 

ITs like folk who take the risk of getting in a car everyday but wont get on a plane. The risk is no more. Its misguided.

 

 

I've said before: risk is like seeing the equivalent of a truck coming and you have a choice of standing still in the road or jumping into a ditch that may or may not contain poisonous snakes, and you stand in the road and hope the truck swerves, because it sometimes does, and because who is going to jump into a potential pit of poisonous snakes? ..But if the chances that the truck will swerve are lower than the prevalence of snakes, you must jump, even though people tend to overestimate the risk of acting and underestimate the risk of not acting.

 

 

The risk of doing nothing is just that your life going and you've don't nothing. To me that's an insult to life. Ask that dad if he wishes he hadn't had his son because it hurts now, I'd bet he'd tell you that do it all again for the time they had together - even if it was too short!

 

um...wow...enlightening...thank you! so much for thoughts.

 

I always thought I am brave because I do ski, roller-blade those kind of sports. but now I realize I probably use those to hide the fact that deep down I am very scared and negative.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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People never think it can happen to them. But parents who know they have bad hereditary diseases will often bear children anyway, and if it's a bad enough disease, I think it's an awful thing to do. But then, in their mind, they probably never knew any other life, so they figured it was good enough for them. Stilll, seeing a child suffer is very difficult. Not sure they know how difficult yet.

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toscaroscura Established Member

toscaroscura

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um...wow...enlightening...thank you! so much for thoughts.

 

I always thought I am brave because I do ski, roller-blade those kind of sports. but now I realize I probably use those to hide the fact that deep down I am very scared and negative.

 

It's different when it's YOU taking the risks vs. your child. With myself, I can control what happens, or at least that's how it feels (total control is mostly an illusion).

 

But with my son, especially the older he gets, I become acutely aware of how many things will hurt him in life (emotionally and/or physically) that I cannot protect him from. Thinking about it too much can drive you mad. Being a parent is about maintaining that balance of protection, teaching (so they can handle themselves without you), and pure faith. It's such a helpless feeling, knowing all the ills in the world that can hurt my son, but keeping him locked up from life is just as good as killing him IMO.

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