Photofinish Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 My boyfriend of almsot 6 months and I see each other often. He is 19 I am 22 We both live with parents. Well we make plans to different things and yesterday I had thrown a little party for one of my pets (for pictures) Last minute he messages me saying his father wanted to go out for father's day . He cancels on me . He tells me he will be on his way if his father decides not to. He didnt even respond to that. Him and his family went out for fathers day. I was pissed fine but he apologized with a long message(without me saying anything ) and we spoke it out . This week we had plans to go to the movies and he canceled on me a few hours ago because his family's trip (I was invited to this trip but cant go) was moved to that day. We were going to go with friends but he cancels because his family moved over the trip to that day. This happened one day after he canceled on me for father's day! I'm all up for him spending time with his family , I encourage it and wouldnt have been mad if I got a longer notice for the birthday because it wasnt important . I really do like for him to spent time with his family because my father passed last year and my family has always been broken and poor .We cant really do things like that so when I hang out with his family it's nice. Do I have a right to be mad or not?
Qboro90 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Absolutely not. Your bf is allowed to have a life and do things without you especially with his family. It also seems that he went out of his way to send you an apologetic message about canceling in Father's Day. Honesty, in my opinion it's surprising that you even decided to have a party for you pets on the one day geared towards being with your family/dad. Are you trying to test him to see how far he will go for you and if he'll drop whatever he's doing in order to be with you? You stated that you see him often so it's not an issue of not being able to be together. Canceling last minute is a bit rude especially if you had plans to do something. However both instances he canceled were due to family obligations. A trip being rescheduled is out of his control. His father wanting to go out is also out of his control. How would you feel if he was mad you spent Father's Day with you dad instead of coming over to take pictures with his dog? Sounds a bit excessively needy to me. Give the guy a break, he's not intentionally bailing on you and he's also making sure you know he's sorry and explaining by sending a long text explanation. 1
Author Photofinish Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 Absolutely not. Your bf is allowed to have a life and do things without you especially with his family. It also seems that he went out of his way to send you an apologetic message about canceling in Father's Day. Honesty, in my opinion it's surprising that you even decided to have a party for you pets on the one day geared towards being with your family/dad. Are you trying to test him to see how far he will go for you and if he'll drop whatever he's doing in order to be with you? You stated that you see him often so it's not an issue of not being able to be together. Canceling last minute is a bit rude especially if you had plans to do something. However both instances he canceled were due to family obligations. A trip being rescheduled is out of his control. His father wanting to go out is also out of his control. How would you feel if he was mad you spent Father's Day with you dad instead of coming over to take pictures with his dog? Sounds a bit excessively needy to me. Give the guy a break, he's not intentionally bailing on you and he's also making sure you know he's sorry and explaining by sending a long text explanation. He literally canceled on me two hours before we were going to meet up . I didnt realize it was father's day and he had nothing planned that day. No I'm not trying to test him -_- Why does everyone jump on the "manipulative" bandwagon so quickly? It's rather upsetting he keeps canceling on me which is why I asked for other people's opinions . I dont know if I'm in the wrong or right , no need to be rude about it .
MoreAmore Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Because he's 19 and lives at home, you may have to have more patience for such things when it comes to family than if you were both living separate adult lives. I wouldn't br angry, but I would request further notice to cancellation and ask him to explain that if his family changes plans last second. Do this calmly and decide whether you can tolerate it if it continues. 1
Author Photofinish Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 Because he's 19 and lives at home, you may have to have more patience for such things when it comes to family than if you were both living separate adult lives. I wouldn't br angry, but I would request further notice to cancellation and ask him to explain that if his family changes plans last second. Do this calmly and decide whether you can tolerate it if it continues. Thank you for your input . He did give me a two days notice so I guess I cant complain too much . I just dont like being canceled on twice in one week . Hopefully this wont become the norm but I'll tolerate for now
toscaroscura Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I think Father's Day needs a free pass. The family trip was iffy. He didn't seem like he had any control over his parents changing the day to the day before. Canceling a few hours before is annoying but better than right before. But the question is, when did he know the time was changed? Did he tell you right away or did he wait? I would mark this in your head and pay attention as to whether this is becoming a pattern. Frequent cancellations are disrespectful. 3
Author Photofinish Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 I think Father's Day needs a free pass. The family trip was iffy. He didn't seem like he had any control over his parents changing the day to the day before. Canceling a few hours before is annoying but better than right before. But the question is, when did he know the time was changed? Did he tell you right away or did he wait? I would mark this in your head and pay attention as to whether this is becoming a pattern. Frequent cancellations are disrespectful. He told me right away I believe . I was mad about the fathers day because it was a few hours before and he didnt even tell me he wasnt coming just that his father wanted to go . He would've told me prior it would've not have been an issue . I think keeping a mental note is a good idea for future reference. I'm bummed he wont be coming to the movies (I was about to buy his ticket right before he told me too ) but i'll live. Thank you for your input
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I think you're overreacting a little. Father's Day should be a graceful bowout on your part, and even the vacation shift's not a big deal imo as long as it's not symptomatic of some other avoidance. Like tosca said, just keep your eyes open and if it becomes a pattern, then you know sth's up. But two is not a pattern. 3
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 The OPs father passed last year and I guess the pet party was to somehow get her through Father's day, but the bf decided to skip it and spend the day with his very much alive father... Hmmm! Seems you are low in his list of priorities and he is pretty insensitive too.
Els Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Well, I think he should get a pass on the Fathers Day issue - yes, he should have told you earlier, but he absolutely should be spending Fathers Day with his father IMO. How would his father have felt if his son ditched him on Fathers Day to be with his gf? I think he did the right thing by prioritizing his dad on that particular day. Canceling on the movies so soon after that (and with so little notice) is kinda douchey of him, though. It wasn't any special day, he could have told his family that he wants to make it up to his gf since he had already prioritized his family on Fathers Day the day before that. I think you probably do have the right to be mad about that one. Is this a new thing or has he always been flaky about plans? 2
juydster Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 how do I post question? I'm new here, sorry to interrupt this thread
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 how do I post question? I'm new here, sorry to interrupt this thread Go to main board, choose a topic to post thread under ie dating , friendships etc. and then press "new thread" button at top of page.
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 You can be made about the last minute cancellation. That is annoying & he needs to be more courteous in the future. However, as others have said he gets a pass on the Fathers' Day thing but he does need to give advanced notice when possible. Just be clear when you speak to him about why you are pissed -- last minute not that you begrudge him time with the family. Understand some people are just last minute folks. I saw my cousin over the weekend & he was happy to be away from his GF who was in a snit because up until 2 hours beforehand her family has spent the last week changing the plans for Fathers Day. 2
MidwestUSA Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 The OPs father passed last year and I guess the pet party was to somehow get her through Father's day, but the bf decided to skip it and spend the day with his very much alive father... Hmmm! Seems you are low in his list of priorities and he is pretty insensitive too. She states she didn't even know it was Father's Day. So I doubt the 'pet party' was a substitute. I gave up visiting my dad's grave (he died on Christmas) so my stepdaughter could come spend time with her dad. My dad will still be there next week. Spend your precious time with the living, they could drop dead tomorrow! And keep in mind, he's only 19, living at home, and very much under the influence of his family. 2
Author Photofinish Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 Thank you for your replies everyone He didnt know it was father's day either until his father brought it up. I didnt know either. He put going on the event page .I had no idea it was father's day. I never celebrated it when my father was alive because he never wanted to. He has canceled on me before because his father was home and wanted to spend time with him because he works alot. This was abour a month or more ago and I understood and let it slide. The movies was planned a whiles ago as well as the party. He did offer to cancel on his parents for the movies but I just told him to go . I thought it was a little annoying he asked me when it's his choice anyways. At least he asked I suppose but how douchey would I look if I told him to cancel on his parents? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. And on a side note, do spend time with your love ones as they can be gone the next day. My father died from a heart attack while we were on vacation on an island right after I got back from a fun trip there. Not the way most people imagine death but it happens . Totally happens .Love those while they are still around . Also, who substitutes father's day with a pet party? wtf 1
Author Photofinish Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 The OPs father passed last year and I guess the pet party was to somehow get her through Father's day, but the bf decided to skip it and spend the day with his very much alive father... Hmmm! Seems you are low in his list of priorities and he is pretty insensitive too. Oh yeah totally, celebrating my pet's birthday definitely makes up for not having my father around on a day dedicated to them. I just feed off the fact that I could've potentially pulled away my bf from his father so he can suffer along side me . You're right. He doesnt care about me at all. Why am I even with him? I guess that apology was just for show
MidwestUSA Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Oh yeah totally, celebrating my pet's birthday definitely makes up for not having my father around on a day dedicated to them. I just feed off the fact that I could've potentially pulled away my bf from his father so he can suffer along side me . You're right. He doesnt care about me at all. Why am I even with him? I guess that apology was just for show I don't think the sarcasm font is working!! 1
Qboro90 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Apologies if you interpreted my reply as rude, that was not my intention. You posed a question in search of advice and I offered a guys perspective. The only concern I have is how bothered you seem to be with what is a relatively minor hick up in what seems like a good relationship with a devoted bf. Just to play devils advocate for your bf here: The fact that he's 19 and lives at home where his parents can dictate where he goes or what's planned is out of his control. You said he invited you on this trip with his family but you could not go. Is he supposed to tell his parents "sorry I know you planned this trip and I told you I'd go but I can't now because I'm going to the movies with my gf and friends"? You can always reschedule a movie night or double date. Are these the only two instances where he has cancelled on you? It would be one thing if you had plans to go to dinner and he called you 2 hours before and said "something came up, I can't go sry" without any explanation. That's a douche move. Did you ask to join him and his fam for Father's Day? Also you said you both had no idea it was Father's Day. If it were me and I forgot it was Father's Day I would feel guilty and obligated to attend dinner/spend the day with my dad. Nothing to do with you, and if anything you could've said "oh shoot I totally forgot too, yes of course go spend time with your dad". Taking pictures with pets could've been done the following weekend, doubt the pets would be upset about it. Others recommended for you to log this and remember it in case other instances occur. That seems a bit excessive. Is canceling 2 relatively casual hang out days reason enough for you to question him or your relationship? If so I fear that the relationship won't last long because if you can't let trivial things like this go then when something actually serious comes about you'll bolt or be unable to cope with it. Sometimes for the sake of the relationship you need to let the little things go and resist the urge to over analyze and discuss why he did what he did. Family first, you're 6 months in, there are bigger problems a couple could have so focus on what you like about him and why you are a good match together. 3
Author Photofinish Posted June 24, 2015 Author Posted June 24, 2015 Apologies if you interpreted my reply as rude, that was not my intention. You posed a question in search of advice and I offered a guys perspective. The only concern I have is how bothered you seem to be with what is a relatively minor hick up in what seems like a good relationship with a devoted bf. Just to play devils advocate for your bf here: The fact that he's 19 and lives at home where his parents can dictate where he goes or what's planned is out of his control. You said he invited you on this trip with his family but you could not go. Is he supposed to tell his parents "sorry I know you planned this trip and I told you I'd go but I can't now because I'm going to the movies with my gf and friends"? You can always reschedule a movie night or double date. Are these the only two instances where he has cancelled on you? It would be one thing if you had plans to go to dinner and he called you 2 hours before and said "something came up, I can't go sry" without any explanation. That's a douche move. Did you ask to join him and his fam for Father's Day? Also you said you both had no idea it was Father's Day. If it were me and I forgot it was Father's Day I would feel guilty and obligated to attend dinner/spend the day with my dad. Nothing to do with you, and if anything you could've said "oh shoot I totally forgot too, yes of course go spend time with your dad". Taking pictures with pets could've been done the following weekend, doubt the pets would be upset about it. Others recommended for you to log this and remember it in case other instances occur. That seems a bit excessive. Is canceling 2 relatively casual hang out days reason enough for you to question him or your relationship? If so I fear that the relationship won't last long because if you can't let trivial things like this go then when something actually serious comes about you'll bolt or be unable to cope with it. Sometimes for the sake of the relationship you need to let the little things go and resist the urge to over analyze and discuss why he did what he did. Family first, you're 6 months in, there are bigger problems a couple could have so focus on what you like about him and why you are a good match together. It's not a major issues but it was something that was bothering me . We spoke about it . We havent fought about it and he has understood .He just dropped me off and told me it wont happen again. I told him to go have fun with his family. Yes I wanted him to go spend time with his family but he canceled on me and I was bummed out . The trip was MOVED to the movie date. It wasnt scheduled on that day. My pet's birthday thing was a group event. It couldnt be moved because other people showed up and I had everything set up. I made a cake and hat (It was for my rat's birthday actually haha) so yeah it couldnt been moved. I said I'll keep a mental note to not allow it again but I wasnt going to dump him over it. I love him and always want to work things out. Thank you for your reply
Gottabestrong Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Do I have a right to be mad or not? Not. Are you seriously mad at him for canceling on a party for your pet to be with his dad on father's day? 2
preraph Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 You should have known better than to try to plan something for Father's Day. No one is available then except, well, Father. Your pet can have a party another time and won't even know the difference. Probably what your pet would like more than a party is a nice long walk in the woods followed by a juicy treat. His family's trip is way more important than a movie, which you can go to anytime. Coordinating a trip with multiple people is difficult. I'm sure they did the best they could, and they did try to include you. Go take your pet for a walk and spend the rest of the day with friends you've been neglecting ever since you got a bf. 1
Author Photofinish Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Go take your pet for a walk and spend the rest of the day with friends you've been neglecting ever since you got a bf. lmao Yay to make assumptions about people you dont even know. Anyways I didnt know it was father's day and neither did he. I lost count on the times I've mentioned it.
Popsicle Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Neither of you knew it was Father's Day? Well, at least he's just as immature as you, so he may not notice how selfish and immature you are being. PS - my father passed away too and I still knew it was father's day.
Author Photofinish Posted June 25, 2015 Author Posted June 25, 2015 Neither of you knew it was Father's Day? Well, at least he's just as immature as you, so he may not notice how selfish and immature you are being. PS - my father passed away too and I still knew it was father's day. Yeah we are perfect for each other :love: Anyways UPDATE: I understood I was in the wrong for fathers day but jokingly grabbed his cheeks together and told him "you better stop canceling on me" and smirked. He said sorry and that it wont happen again (last min canceling ) without letting me know in advance at least then we both smiled and that was about it . There was never a big argument. He apologized on his own. I went to the movies today with everyone else and had a blast . He went with his family upstate and jumped off a waterfall. It all worked out
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