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Ex says she misses me in her life while she is talking to somebody else

confident2255

By confident2255
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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Here's a short summary of the situation.

 

So my ex and I were together for a year, she broke up with me because of the distance (we were LDR but I saw her every 2-3 weeks) and she just was not feeling the same. So I went no contact, and 2 weeks later, she texted me and wanted to bring my stuff back so we met up and caught up.

Then I wanted to hangout again, and she denied me. She asked me how I felt and I told her how I felt (I missed her, I loved her, blah blah blah...) I then find out she's talking to this other guy, she said the "I love you but I'm not in love you with you" and all that bull****. She said we could get back together but time is the only answer. By the way, the guy she is talking to is going away for college after this summer, and I am coming back home to her because I want to play football at a JC where we both live.

 

At first I said I would wait, then a week later I finally told her that I'm completely moving on and I wished her the best in life and thanked her for everything she did for me. She asked if she wanted to be friends and I said no, but you never know what the future holds and maybe we can be friends again. Then she said thank you for everything too and she will always be here...

 

1 week later she texts me saying "are we still not talking" (like no **** we are not talking it's been a week) and I said "why what is it?" she said, "I don't knowww" and I just didn't respond... 10 minutes later she says she feels selfish for doing this and she knows I am trying to move on but she misses me in her life and misses talking to me. I said we still cannot talk unless it is something important.. Then she said "okayy:(" and that was it.

 

What should I expect from her next and what the hell is she thinking? I want to move on but I'm afraid she's gonna pop into it my life again, and when she does, I get my feelings back and honestly I do not want that right now but I can't help it.

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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You might have to get mean with her, and treat her like **** if she keeps popping up.

 

Some people don't know how to act right. She sounds very selfish, and not considerate of you at all.

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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You're plan B. Sounds like you'd be convenient to do for her while her other guy's away later and you're around. She may not be deeply invested in the concept, but it's more convenient to have a side guy you don't need to put any effort into than to have to go out recruiting.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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She likes you as a person & wants you in her life as a friend only. She does not want to date you but she selfishly thinks you two can just be friends -- talk hang out etc but not kiss, be romantic or say ILY. If you don't want a front row seat to her summer fling with this new guy, by all means keep talking to her. If you don't want that -- & why would you? -- politely tell her that you are not in a place where you can be just friends so you are going to disappear to heal & that if she ever cared about you she will respect that & not contact you again. Then you cut her out of every aspect of your life, especially social media.

AIJ Established Member

AIJ

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Block her everywhere and move on. You're plan B.

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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Thank you for the advice! I know what she is thinking now. What should I expect from her next?

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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That's so true.. Wow. I'm coming to realize how selfish she is as a person. She is a spoiled rich girl and basically gets what she wants. What should I expect from her next?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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That's so true.. Wow. I'm coming to realize how selfish she is as a person. She is a spoiled rich girl and basically gets what she wants. What should I expect from her next?

 

More of the same.

 

 

Instead, expect that you will completely cut her out of your life & it won't matter what she does next

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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I already did cut her off social media and all that stuff 2 weeks ago. I don't even know what is going on with her and her new guy, and I don't even know if they are still talking. Then again, I don't want to know. I'm just gonna keep doing what I am doing.. How did I handle the situation when she said she missed me?

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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She's going to keep playing puppeteer until you cut your own strings.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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My ex did the same. Hell, a majority of guys exs on this site have done the same. Too bad for your ex, she made her choice now let her wallow in it. Matter of fact, if you talk to her, it'll make her life go 10x easier with the next guy. Do you wanna comfort her and make her feel good about herself? No. You don't.

 

She is wasting your time. You have to put yourself first when it comes to breakups. There is absolutely no excuse to try to speak to her anymore.

 

She doesn't love you. Her interest in you has peaked only because you've become a challenge again. She's shocked you have the ability to move on and cut her off...you're rattling her ego. All that has occurred currently is the new guy hasn't committed to her but she loves how he makes her feel. Chances are, he won't commit and then she will realize "she made a mistake and loves you".

 

Her next moves will be extremely predictable from here on. She will message you a few times to test out the waters and see if you're still willing to be her plan B. Assuming you stick to NC and block her, it'll drive her insane for a bit. She may even try social media tactics (trying to get you jealous). But seriously man, that isn't your concern. Your goal has to be moving on and protecting your feelings.

 

Go NC. Don't get mean and don't speak to her anymore. Your silence will send the strongest message - the message of indifference. Although it isn't true yet, that's what you want. Fake it till you make it.

 

Also, don't get back with her. If you go NC right away, like legit NC (blocking her everywhere), there is a chance she will try to get back into your life once things don't work out with the new guy. Have self respect and never go back to her. Your mindset has to be this is over forever.

Edited by lauri
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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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My ex did the same. Hell, a majority of guys exs on this site have done the same. Too bad for your ex, she made her choice now let her wallow in it. Matter of fact, if you talk to her, it'll make her life go 10x easier with the next guy. Do you wanna comfort her and make her feel good about herself? No. You don't.

 

She is wasting your time. You have to put yourself first when it comes to breakups. There is absolutely no excuse to try to speak to her anymore.

 

She doesn't love you. Her interest in you has peaked only because you've become a challenge again. She's shocked you have the ability to move on and cut her off...you're rattling her ego. All that has occurred currently is the new guy hasn't committed to her but she loves how he makes her feel. Chances are, he won't commit and then she will realize "she made a mistake and loves you".

 

Her next moves will be extremely predictable from here on. She will message you a few times to test out the waters and see if you're still willing to be her plan B. Assuming you stick to NC and block her, it'll drive her insane for a bit. She may even try social media tactics (trying to get you jealous). But seriously man, that isn't your concern. Your goal has to be moving on and protecting your feelings.

 

Go NC. Don't get mean and don't speak to her anymore. Your silence will send the strongest message - the message of indifference. Although it isn't true yet, that's what you want. Fake it till you make it.

 

Also, don't get back with her. If you go NC right away, like legit NC (blocking her everywhere), there is a chance she will try to get back into your life once things don't work out with the new guy. Have self respect and never go back to her. Your mindset has to be this is over forever.

 

I don't think I've ever received better advice from anyone. I'm going to do what you said. Nothing more is needed to be said thank you.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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I don't think I've ever received better advice from anyone. I'm going to do what you said. Nothing more is needed to be said thank you.

 

Good on you man. It's gonna be hard at first, but in the long run, it's gonna be well worth it.

 

Eventually, you'll be indifferent to it all.

 

If you ever get a weak moment make sure to post here before doing anything.

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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Good on you man. It's gonna be hard at first, but in the long run, it's gonna be well worth it.

 

Eventually, you'll be indifferent to it all.

 

If you ever get a weak moment make sure to post here before doing anything.

 

Thank you! I'll be sure to remember that. How did I handle the situation when she texted me? I know I shouldn't have responded but you think she got the memo?

dumbass2 Established Member

dumbass2

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"I know I shouldn't have responded but you think she got the memo?"

 

Best thing, don't ask questions like these. Get this out of your mind. Why? Because it does not matter what she thinks any more. It's hard. I did the same thing. What does this mean? What does that mean? how did she take what i said? It just doesn't matter and no one on here can even begin to tell you what she is thinking. Again, it's hard, but don't care and tell yourself it doesn't matter. Do what you have to do to control the situation going forward.

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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"I know I shouldn't have responded but you think she got the memo?"

 

Best thing, don't ask questions like these. Get this out of your mind. Why? Because it does not matter what she thinks any more. It's hard. I did the same thing. What does this mean? What does that mean? how did she take what i said? It just doesn't matter and no one on here can even begin to tell you what she is thinking. Again, it's hard, but don't care and tell yourself it doesn't matter. Do what you have to do to control the situation going forward.

 

So true.. Gotta stop worrying about what she is thinking about this right now. It's over and done with and I should not even care what she thinks. This post opened my eyes thank you.

 

Keep the responses coming, it's helping.

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movingonnow1 Established Member

movingonnow1

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So true.. Gotta stop worrying about what she is thinking about this right now. It's over and done with and I should not even care what she thinks. This post opened my eyes thank you.

 

Keep the responses coming, it's helping.

 

Just keep the focus on you.

 

You shouldn't care what she thinks at all. Don't have any regrets - only learn from your experiences here. Every single experience you are having now is helping you prepare for your next girlfriend. Should similar situations arise, you know you'll handle them completely differently.

 

Most people take a lot more to realize what you've realized. You have a long road ahead of you and it will be really rough some days. My hardest point was around the 2 to 3 month no contact period. Unfortunately, I broke it and it set me back a good 6 months of progress.

 

Be strong. All of us have gone through what you have and know the signs. The advice here has been stellar - use it to your advantage.

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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I'm starting to feel weak right now. I picture her and that other guy having sex and it kills me. I took her virginity and we had some of the best sex ever. I need to get her off my mind but there's just so much confusion right now. Why did she even contact me **** that ****.

lauri Established Member

lauri

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I'm starting to feel weak right now. I picture her and that other guy having sex and it kills me. I took her virginity and we had some of the best sex ever. I need to get her off my mind but there's just so much confusion right now. Why did she even contact me **** that ****.

 

It should make you sick to your stomach and make you realize you don't want anything to do with her anymore. The sooner you get to that point, the better. It took me a while but eventually I got to the point where I wanted nothing to do with my ex anymore and it helped me really start the healing process.

 

She contacted you because she is selfish and only is serving her own means. She isn't a unicorn bro - you'll find someone better. Knock that image that she is someone special out of the park. You have to build the mentality that you are the prize and not her, that she made the mistake and not you.

 

When she comes back to send you some useless breadcrumbs, remember to be silent and not say a word. This will sting her 10x worse than any word or action you can do. Your goal is yourself now man, who cares about some loser she is banging. He isn't you and never will be.

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AIJ Established Member

AIJ

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I'm starting to feel weak right now. I picture her and that other guy having sex and it kills me. I took her virginity and we had some of the best sex ever. I need to get her off my mind but there's just so much confusion right now. Why did she even contact me **** that ****.

 

This got to me at first too. I think over time you just become desensitised to it all :) Don't worry about it pal, give it time and you'll be fine.

 

Her current boyfriend keeps trying to contact me. No idea why. Had no idea he existed until the day my ex and I broke up. Never met him. Never spoke to him. Blocked her everywhere. Weird guy.

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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Your goal is yourself now man, who cares about some loser she is banging. He isn't you and never will be.

 

It's true. I needed to hear this. Everyone says this guy is a douche too and I am better. I am older than him, more mature, and the collegiate athlete here ;)

 

Only kidding... Kinda. But yes, only focusing on myself now. Right now is just the beginning and there will be hard moments for me. I'll be cool!

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confident2255 Member

confident2255

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She called me at 1am on June 26th... June 26th would have been our 1 year officially together. I was sleeping so I did not pick up and she didn't leave a message or anything so I just ignored her all together. I'm so confused..

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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She called me at 1am on June 26th... June 26th would have been our 1 year officially together. I was sleeping so I did not pick up and she didn't leave a message or anything so I just ignored her all together. I'm so confused..

 

What is there to be confused about? It's pretty consistent with her behavior this whole time. Stop inventing reasons to stay involved in this.

Thistooshallpass21 Established Member

Thistooshallpass21

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She called me at 1am on June 26th... June 26th would have been our 1 year officially together. I was sleeping so I did not pick up and she didn't leave a message or anything so I just ignored her all together. I'm so confused..

 

Don't think about it man! I know it's hard but that day doesn't matter anymore. You seem like a good dude and will someone who won't play these petty games with you and I know you're a good dude just by the simple fact that you could care about someone this much.

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