My wife can't stand my mother

[Whatitistoburn]

"She cares because she thinks that contributed to the way I turned out - not being very fun and having difficulty making friends - and wants to spare our son that influence since we obviously don't want him to turn out that way. I agree, but don't see how an occasional visit would cause such an influence to occur."

 

I missed this part of your post-sorry! I can sense that your wife seems so bitter towards your mom. Is she like that towards you as well? That quote up there can be really harsh. Someone posted about your wife not ready to have a baby- is that true? Is she not happy about her pregnancy and having to leave work to raise a child that's why she ended up bitter about things and "hating" your mom? You guys have to sort this out.

 

Also, your mom's trying to be nice and although it doesn't seem natural according to your wife, she has to give your mom a break!!! There should be no question as to whether or not your deserves to stay. The fact that she is your mom is reason enough. You have to stand up for yourself and for what you want and what you think is fair.

 

Think - there are many people struggling to have a baby and I'm one of them! You and your wife are blessed! Why be so bitter

 

PS my husband's brother's wife did the exact same thing to my in laws. She got my husband's brother to choose her over his parents and for 20 years, he and his kids have not seen or visited his parents. Even until now when he is now mended the relationship with his parents, his own kids are refusing to see them. They don't want to see their grandparents even if they are so old now and may not have much time left.

Edited June 25, 2015 by Whatitistoburn

[loveflower]

It's a shame that it has to come to him having to choose between the wife and the mother.

 

I'm a wife and I admit to being insecure to my mother in law because though I know that she is not all that perfect, my husband looks at her that way and loves her so much. I love my husband and I won't put him in that situation where he has to pick me or her. Also, no matter how rude or cruel she is, unless she's showing symptoms of psychopathy with murderous intent, I can work with that. At then end of the day, she is my husband's (the love of my life) mother who raised him to be who he is now so she can't be that bad.

 

As for the mom, if she also loves her son, she shouldn't get in the way of his marriage. It is not easy but bein aware of the chaos her presence is causing, she should keep her distance but should still be allowed to visit and see her son and grandson. Her son chose this woman for his wife for a reason. If your dear son loves her, then she can't be that bad

 

Both women should compromise and make it work for you and your family. Forget about the past and move on. They don't have to be friends, don't have to talk but there should be a level of civility between them.

 

I Say stand up for YOURSELF! For what you want. Help them understand the position they are putting you in and that there should be no need for war.

 

your husband is a lucky man to have you.

[LuckyLady13]

Your mom is being selfish if she can't find it in herself to cool it around your wife who has moved to another country, had a baby (and possible post-partem depression which can be very serious) and lost her job?

 

I think a few people were way too harsh on your wife, not taking into consideration how her life is right now. She's got to be feeling alone and backed into a corner. What a horrible way to feel!

 

If I were you, considering her circumstances, I'd excuse a lot of her behavior because she's in such a hard position to be in right now and may have lashed out in fear and anger.

 

More importantly, if I were you, I'd never allow my mother to rip apart my marriage.

 

Work with your wife. Find ways to work with her. If you love her, you will do just that. You'll deal with your mother, find compromises that can be made and be a man, in this respect. Being a man certainly does not mean calling a lawyer and slamming your foot down with a wife who has sacrificed so much to be with you. That's just cruel! If you love her, stand strong with and for her and deal with your mom.