katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 If I read right, he DID wish her happy birthday. Honestly, these threads turn into the whispering game sometimes. Let's see how far from the truth we can get by the end. Five dates in, spread over a month, I wouldn't expect much. Wish me a happy birthday and buy me a drink. Wait, oh wait, he did! When did he buy her a drink? He did not even see her on her birthday....which fell on a Saturday night no less. Oh wait forgot... he bought them *both* a pitcher of beer the next day....and she bought the ice cream. How thoughtful! You would not be disappointed? Wow, alright then good on you. To each his own. 1
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I didn't get the sense that the pitcher of beer was for her birthday. I thought it was just that he bought it at the fair & would have done so anyway. That is how I read it as well.
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Oh wait forgot... he bought them *both* a pitcher of beer the next day....and she bought the ice cream. He could have AT LEAST said ice cream is also on me it was your b'day yesterday.
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 He could have AT LEAST said ice cream is also on me it was your b'day yesterday. and I would have taken the double fudge brownies banana split at $12.50 :-)
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 and I would have taken the double fudge brownies banana split at $12.50 :-) Ball buster.....lol....:bunny::bunny: 2
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 and I would have taken the double fudge brownies banana split at $12.50 :-) Not after splitting a pitcher of beer. . . yuck.
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I would have carefully calculated the cost of the ice cream vs. the cost of the beer minus any birthday present and compared that against future projections of the likelihood of more beers vs. ice creams ....oh wait wrong thread. 2
Krieger Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I have a rule for this exacta situation if I was dating a girl and it have not been very long a month or less and it has V day , birth day, xmass I would get her something but I would no spend more than 20 bucks . If it was around xmass I would tell her stright up her I know we have not been seeing one another for that long but lets make a deal when we go shopping for one another lets not spend over fill in the blank amount of dollars on each other. I think it a fair rule IMO. 1
empresario Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 A lot of people in this thread, I can already wager, will tell you it's too early to really expect anything. True. But.... Birthdays are more important to some people than others. If he knew it was your birthday he should have WANTED to make sure you were properly taken care of on it. I once went out with a woman for the first date ON her birthday (I found out during), and insisted we go out immediately and get her a cake...because no one should be devoid of cake on their birthday (she was new to the area and had few friends). I found out after her birthdays are very important to her, and she knew I was a man she would love eventually by the first date how I tuned into her needs and made her birthday special when I had no obligation to do so. I think the fact he didn't seem to WANT to do anything is some indication of his personality. That opinion will probably be unpopular. I just know that each person is different. It doesn't matter if it's been 1 day or 1 year you should be nice enough to at least consider someone else's feelings. It doesn't take a lot to make someone feel special. A 5 dollar cake, for instance... 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Are there not people who have known OP for THIRTY years who should have stepped up to make her birthday special? Maybe he didn't want to step on any toes. Maybe he's just not into birthdays, in which case I guess they aren't compatible anyway.
MidwestUSA Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 When did he buy her a drink? He did not even see her on her birthday....which fell on a Saturday night no less. Oh wait forgot... he bought them *both* a pitcher of beer the next day....and she bought the ice cream. How thoughtful! You would not be disappointed? Wow, alright then good on you. To each his own. Well, I've had guys disappear at the five date mark. She states he's already treated her to five awesome dates. Has she reciprocated? Maybe he isn't that invested, I don't know. And no, if I never have another birthday, I'll be just fine!
Krieger Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 A lot of people in this thread, I can already wager, will tell you it's too early to really expect anything. True. But.... Birthdays are more important to some people than others. If he knew it was your birthday he should have WANTED to make sure you were properly taken care of on it. I once went out with a woman for the first date ON her birthday (I found out during), and insisted we go out immediately and get her a cake...because no one should be devoid of cake on their birthday (she was new to the area and had few friends). I found out after her birthdays are very important to her, and she knew I was a man she would love eventually by the first date how I tuned into her needs and made her birthday special when I had no obligation to do so. I think the fact he didn't seem to WANT to do anything is some indication of his personality. That opinion will probably be unpopular. I just know that each person is different. It doesn't matter if it's been 1 day or 1 year you should be nice enough to at least consider someone else's feelings. It doesn't take a lot to make someone feel special. A 5 dollar cake, for instance... I do not even celebrate my birthday it is too depressing to get oldder with noting to show for it. I just spend all day in bed with a bottle of ketel one . 1
empresario Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I do not even celebrate my birthday it is too depressing to get oldder with noting to show for it. I just spend all day in bed with a bottle of ketel one . Haha, well that is your ritual. But if you were to start dating someone new I would hope you would honor their birthday if it were important to them. Everyone favors different holidays differently. I dated a girl that wanted Easter to be special because her mom passed away on it. I mean, there's so much that goes into a person...it's better to opt in and communicate than to assume she's old and just doesn't care.
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Are there not people who have known OP for THIRTY years who should have stepped up to make her birthday special? Maybe he didn't want to step on any toes. **Maybe he's just not into birthdays,** in which case I guess they aren't compatible anyway. Fair point, but even if HE is not into birthdays, he should be cognizant of the *possibility* that SHE is...or could be.....and act accordingly...by at least acknowledging it with some *small* gesture. It's HER birthday after all....not his. Right? 1
losangelena Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Meh, I don't know, you guys. They've gone out on five dates—FIVE. When I was on here complaining about my BF not having gotten me anything for Christmas, I got a lot of responses about "love languages" and "cultural differences" and "not putting too much pressure on one day." To say this guy made a huge gaff for not better acknowledging OP's birthday sounds contradictory to me. It's one thing to say it's a disappointment but not a deal breaker (which is how I see it), than it is to say he doesn't like her. He's showing her consistency and even by OP's account, she is really enjoying how it's going! I think she should concentrate on the positive aspects of their dating relationship and not let the seeds of doubt be sown over one botched birthday, especially so early into the relationship. Further thoughts: Have you ever been in a situation where you gave a gift and didn't realize it was too soon, and the person you gave the gift to was so turned off that they stopped contacting you? I've been on both ends of that situation, and its not fun for any party involved. This totally happened to me. I was seeing this guy for a while last year. We'd had four good dates, and leading up to our fifth one, he started hinting that he had a present for me. When I meet him for dinner, he gives me this hat—THAT HE MADE—and it was a complete turn-off. I can't explain why I felt that way. He was obviously so excited to give it to me, but I was mortified. Yes, it was thoughtful, and yes he took a lot of time to make it, but I just didn't know what to do with it! It was an instant attraction killer, and I broke up with him before we could go out again. Maybe if he'd given it to me a few dates later it would have been different, but as it were, it felt very much like he was giving it to me to gain "points" rather than making it special for me. Anyway, instead of crucifying this guy, I'd instead ask the OP to think about whether SHE'S truly into this guy, whether or not she can spend time getting to know him without ticking off boxes or putting each of his actions into a "pro" and "con" column. 4
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Well, I've had guys disappear at the five date mark. She states he's already treated her to five awesome dates. Has she reciprocated? **Maybe he isn't that invested, I don't know.** And no, if I never have another birthday, I'll be just fine! Quote in asterisk -- that is precisely the point most of us are trying to make. He's just not as invested or into her, as much as she is..... not at this point in time anyway. Perhaps he will catch up to her level of interest/investment later...perhaps not...who knows? It is not a dealbreaker, but it's smart to be aware and act accordingly ..... pull back a bit if she feels she's been giving too much. That's all.... 2
losangelena Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Side note: once again, here's a thread where the OP has not even returned after her initial post and it's already exploded into five pages. Jesus. 1
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Fair point, but even if HE is not into birthdays, he should be cognizant of the *possibility* that SHE is...or could be.....and act accordingly...by at least acknowledging it with some *small* gesture. It's HER birthday after all....not his. Right? So much this. Seems simple deductive reasoning here ....you don't celebrate someone's b-day for you, you celebrate it for them. So if you're not a b-day person, fine, but if you refuse to indulge a significant person who is, you're putting your preferences first. If instead you do indulge them whether you like b-days or not, you're prioritizing them. Which is clearly the more esteemed trait to have?
MidwestUSA Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Side note: once again, here's a thread where the OP has not even returned after her initial post and it's already exploded into five pages. Jesus. The fact that it's a third thread in five dates doesn't really bode well either. 4
Els Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 So much this. Seems simple deductive reasoning here ....you don't celebrate someone's b-day for you, you celebrate it for them. So if you're not a b-day person, fine, but if you refuse to indulge a significant person who is, you're putting your preferences first. If instead you do indulge them whether you like b-days or not, you're prioritizing them. Which is clearly the more esteemed trait to have? I think the reason for the conflicting views here is that some of us don't consider someone we've gone on 5 dates with as a 'significant person'. If the two of them had been bf/gf for at least a few months, my response would have been different.
Shining One Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Just throwing another possibility out there. What is this man's religious background? Certain faiths do not celebrate birthdays.
Emmie83 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Clearly a call or message saying happy birthday would have been nice, but after only 5 dates, being upset over not receiving a present seems a bit over the top.
Leigh 87 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 You guys are looking way too far into this. Not really. My love language is gifting and a man doing nice things for me. While I don't expect another 200 dollar necklace again like my ex gave me after only a couple of dates, I only date men who are really super into me and express that through gestures such as gifts. I would have expected a card, flowers or a small box of chocolates. Even after a few dates. Aint nothing wrong with the lack of gift; he just wouldn't be the right fit for me because I enjoy being treated and a little spoilt by men in my life. Some people are far more casual and dknt require that a man is really into them in the early stages. I prefer to hold out for a bigger spark with a man who is really into me and excited about dating me even in the early stages. What works for you isn't necessarily natural for everyone. 1
kenmore Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Geez, I think after five weeks and as many dates yeah, you should have gotten either a birthday date or a reason why not. A gift? I would but not every guy is as thoughtful as I am. If I was into a woman (and I wouldn't go on five dates if I wasn't, certainly not in just five weeks), I'd do something special for her birthday. Ken 2
kenmore Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Side note: once again, here's a thread where the OP has not even returned after her initial post and it's already exploded into five pages. Jesus. It's not about her anymore lol!
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