Redhead14 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) I've been dating this really amazing guy for a short while now. We've been on 5 dates, once a week for about a month. I like the pace we're going at and everything is great....except, last Sat was my 30th bday and he knew that. But he didn't get me anything:( He also didn't take me out for a bday date or dinner. I was a little bummed. We went out the day after my bday to a street festival, he bought a pitcher of beer for us and I bought us ice cream. It was a normal date, it was great. Do you think it's unwarranted for me to expect even a bday date or something? Or is it too soon for that? I was really disappointed. He wished me happy bday but meh I dunno, I guess I expected a little more considering he has really treated me well and has taken me on amazing dates. Is it too much of me to expect a little bday love? Well, sure, it would have been a nice thing. However, at this early stage of dating, it's not to be expected. He did treat you to a very nice day. As long as he dates you properly and treats you well in the beginning, don't put any expectations on it. That's pressure. Not only that, it's difficult sometimes to choose a gift for someone you know well, let alone someone you've only known a month. The real "test", for lack of a better word, is that when he does give you something, it's something you really like because he's been paying attention and listening to you Generally, the gift giving doesn't start for a few months at least. I never did gift giving in any of my dating experiences until a few months in and even then it was something small, not too expensive. It's just a another way of managing emotions and expectations early on. Edited June 23, 2015 by Redhead14 2
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) Well, sure, it would have been a nice thing. However, at this early stage of dating, it's not to be expected. **He did treat you to a very nice day. ** Generally, the gift giving doesn't start for a few months at least. Red, no he did not. He did *nothing* on her birthday. They went to a festival the the day *after* her birthday...he bought a pitcher of beer, she bought the ice cream. No one is saying he should have bought her an elaborate *gift* (per se).....but a rose, an e-card, *something* to acknowledge it. I think after five dates, it's okay to have at least *some* expectation that the guy you have been dating for a month thinks enough of you to want to at least acknowledge your 30th by doing "something." That is a reasonable expectation IMO. When a woman has NO expectation of anything (not just with respect to birthday acknowledgments)..., that's when *messages* like this get ignored, she lets red flags slide, or tries to justify them.....and ends up hurt. It's not a dealbreaker, but a pink flag indicating that he is not as into her as she is into him....obviously. Edited June 23, 2015 by katiegrl 5
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I would not expect a gift after 5 dates but I would expect some type of acknowledgment like being taken out or being invited in for a cooked meal. After reading hundreds of stories we know by now when a man is interested he makes it clear early. The majority of threads about a man dragging his feet past the 3rd dates don't have happy endings.
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 You guys are looking way too far into this. I don't believe for one minute that you would have gone out with a woman 5 times and you would have completely ignored her birthday, not even give her a happy birthday !! 2
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I think he avoided it on purpose to not send you a signal that this relationship is more serious than it really is. I met my ex boyfriend on August 1st and his birthday was on the 23rd so on our 3rd date I cooked him dinner and made this triple chocolate cake for him. He was blown away. It sent the signal I like you THAT much. So I know you are disappointed but at the same time I think it's a signal you need to acknowledge, you may be into him more than he's into you. This is the guy who said he is "guarded" too. 1
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) You guys are looking way too far into this. It's important to "pay attention" to his actions (and non-actions) especially in these early stages. Actions speak volumes and to NOT pay attention to stuff like this, ignore, or as you said, "look into it"... is not smart, and sets the woman up for possible pain and disappointment later. Keenly, you seem like a thoughtful guy. If you had been dating a woman for a month, five dates, and you were really into her, what would you have done? Nothing? Somehow I doubt that..... That's the point! A man who is really into a chick would have done *something*....a small gesture to acknowledge it. The fact he did nothing speaks volumes.. Edited June 23, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Keenly Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 It's important to "pay attention" to his actions (and non-actions) especially in these early stages. Actions speak volumes and to NOT pay attention to stuff like this, ignore, or as you said, "look into it"... is not smart, and sets the woman up for possible pain and disappointment later. Keenly, you seem like a thoughtful guy. If you had been dating a woman for a month, five dates, and you were really into her, what would you have done? Nothing? Somehow I doubt that..... 5 dates in, she had to have blurted out something I could go off of, a hobby, an interest, a favorite restaurant. Something. But just because this guy didn't do it doesn't mean he doesn't care. What if he thought it was too soon and did not want to scare you away? 4
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 This is the guy who said he is "guarded" too. Oh shoot!! I'm usually good at checking history! Thanks Well that makes me even more convinced he ignored her birthday on purpose. 2
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 5 dates in, she had to have blurted out something I could go off of, a hobby, an interest, a favorite restaurant. Something. But just because this guy didn't do it doesn't mean he doesn't care. What if he thought it was too soon and did not want to scare you away? Too soon for a happy birthday e-card? Or even a rose the following day when they saw each other.....wishing her a happy belated? Any guy who believes a small gesture like that would *scare* a woman away after a month of dating.... is incredibly insecure has got some *issues*...and probably should not even be dating at all... 3
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Red, no he did not. He did *nothing* on her birthday. They went to a festival the the day *after* her birthday...he bought a pitcher of beer, she bought the ice cream. When you put it that starkly, it goes from being iffy to downright lame. 2
Keenly Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Too soon for a happy birthday e-card? Or even a rose the following day when they saw each other.....wishing her a happy belated? Any guy who believes a small gesture like that would *scare* a woman away after a month of dating.... is incredibly insecure has got some *issues*...and probably should not even be dating at all... It's pretty easy to sit here and label the guy, bash him a little bit because he isn't here to defend himself. Have you ever been in a situation where you gave a gift and didn't realize it was too soon, and the person you gave the gift to was so turned off that they stopped contacting you? I've been on both ends of that situation, and its not fun for any party involved. What if he has had that experience? Is he still insecure and shouldn't be dating because experience has told him to tread extremely carefully early on? 4
autumnnight Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 At 5 dates, all I would hope for would be a happy birthday. But even then it wouldn't be a big deal if there wasn't one. Then again, I'm getting close to 50...I'm a lesser fan of birthdays than I was at 30. lol
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 It's pretty easy to sit here and label the guy, bash him a little bit because he isn't here to defend himself. Have you ever been in a situation where you gave a gift and didn't realize it was too soon, and the person you gave the gift to was so turned off that they stopped contacting you? I've been on both ends of that situation, and its not fun for any party involved. What if he has had that experience? Is he still insecure and shouldn't be dating because experience has told him to tread extremely carefully early on? Keenly hon....if a simple e-card or rose *scares* a woman off....then THAT is a red flag that YOU need to pay attention to. Indicating that SHE is not that into into YOU, and you are better off not dating her at all. Any woman who is into a guy, has been dating him for a month... is gonna love any gesture, no matter how small, acknowledging her birthday. Not be scared off by it. Trust me on that one. 2
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Too soon for a happy birthday e-card? Or even a rose the following day when they saw each other.....wishing her a happy belated? Any guy who believes a small gesture like that would *scare* a woman away after a month of dating.... is incredibly insecure has got some *issues*...and probably should not even be dating at all... ^^And to add to this....Keenly no one is bashing the guy. Most, if not all, of us said it's NOT a dealbreaker. But she has a right to be a little *disappointed* does she not? Are you suggesting she should not even be disappointed?
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 In her previous thread about him she said: * All the attention is on her * He's a straight shooter and tells it like it is. My conclusion is he ignored her birthday on purpose. He knows how to give attention to a woman and has no problem doing it. He chose to not acknowledge her b'day. Straight shooters aren't afraid of women's reaction to a gift and I warn OP, they are also NOT afraid of women's reaction to not getting a gift. I think he may be crude in his response if you point to him his overlooking your B'day.
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Being so cautious is succumbing to fear, which is never a good thing imo. Take a f*cking risk once in a while and let the chips fall where they may rather than hiding in a corner scared sth bad might happen. We're not talking proposals here, just some simple ass gift that would show he's aware of a very elementary thing. 2
katiegrl Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Being so cautious is succumbing to fear, which is never a good thing imo. Take a f*cking risk once in a while and let the chips fall where they may rather than hiding in a corner scared sth bad might happen. **We're not talking proposals here, just some simple ass gift that would show he's aware of a very elementary thing**. Safe to assume the above is meant for the guys out there afraid a small birthday gesture might scare a woman off...so they do NOTHING?
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 ^ Yep. After a while it just gets tiring. Grab your sack and man up, boys. You'll be ok. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 I would have been disappointed if I didn't get so much as a card. They have them at Wal Mart for $0.99. That is not too much for 5 dates. It shows that he is thoughtful, kind & generous of spirit. Not even saying Happy Birthday makes him look stingy, more so with his feelings then the money. I went on an OLD 1st date with a guy a few days before my birthday & he showed up with a carnation & a card, which I thought was perfect. I doubt he spent $5. It's the little things. Like others I have to believe this was a deliberate oversight on his part & it sends a very negative message because really the cheap card is certainly not a lifetime commitment. Heck, it's not even a commitment for a summer fling. 1
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 You there, get away, go, vamoose, vanish, disappear, get out of my sight, hurry away, off with you! How dare you buy me a gift for my 30th bday...
MidwestUSA Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Not even saying Happy Birthday makes him look stingy, more so with his feelings then the money. If I read right, he DID wish her happy birthday. Honestly, these threads turn into the whispering game sometimes. Let's see how far from the truth we can get by the end. Five dates in, spread over a month, I wouldn't expect much. Wish me a happy birthday and buy me a drink. Wait, oh wait, he did! 2
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 OP: How did he wish you happy birthday? Did he call you on your birthday? I still think OP is invested in this way more than he is.
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2015 Posted June 23, 2015 Five dates in, spread over a month, I wouldn't expect much. Wish me a happy birthday and buy me a drink. Wait, oh wait, he did! I didn't get the sense that the pitcher of beer was for her birthday. I thought it was just that he bought it at the fair & would have done so anyway. I stand by my assessment that the failure to get the OP a birthday card would give me pause about him. 5 dates in she can't very well say anything but it would make me cautious about falling in love with him. Cards are important to me. I made that very clear to DH who didn't initially understand but in part he learned by example from all the cards that go out in my family. 1
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