LifeandPerseverance Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) This is kind of a general thing about my approach to dating/interacting with men. I'm a very straightforward, honest, somewhat blunt person. Allegedly, I'd make a "terrible politician". For example, a couple weeks ago, a male friend who had been flirting with me and texting me daily and inviting me places, I kind of just asked him what his deal was (if he was interested in me). Turns out he wasn't. That's totally okay. The other night, I was out with some friends, and one--who sends me risqué photos and we've sexted and bantered before, anyways, circumstances looked like he wanted to kiss me at the end of the night (until we got busted by his brother and the moment was ruined). Last night I texted him and was teasing and asked if he'd been planning on kissing me night before as he was walking me out. His response? "I was seriously considering it, yes." I said something to my brother about this and he's like "why are you so aggressive? Good girls don't ask those things. What are you, 12?" My mother overheard (father's day bbq) and she's like "Yes, good girls don't say those things" I remember once in high school, I asked a guy who was really flirty and hands on with me if he was interested in me, and my mom later found out and belittled me about it for weeks. I guess what I'm just asking...From normal people's standards, am I too aggressive of woman? It's not like I go up to men and ask for their phone number. But if I'm getting mixed signals or good signals from one, and I'm wondering, I'd rather ask flirtily and get the answer straight, instead of waste brain power and energy on wondering. And with my "friend" the other night..I figured, heck, I could die tomorrow. I would rather know than always wonder what he was scheming. So, people, am I considered aggressive for a 24 year old woman? Offputting? Is there/was there anything wrong with me asking for these clarifications? Or was I just raised by overly religious, overly conservative, you-should-be married-by-the-time-you're-24-and-not-wearing-bikinis, type of people? I've always wondered. Edited June 22, 2015 by LifeandPerseverance 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I am very direct/blunt myself. So I personally appreciate the same quality in a woman. Let's me know where she stands from the get go so there is no guess work involved.
mapofyourhead Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 It's your family being sexist and judgmental. I'm a woman who is also pretty straightforward and honest with men. I don't like wasting too much time figuring out what's going on. If I can't figure it out on my own, I usually end up asking what's up. Better than beating around the bush and being confused or making the wrong assumptions. So no, I wouldn't consider you aggressive, although other people might see it that way. And look, if you want to ask guys for their number, or ask them out, do it. A lot of guys appreciate the girl making the first move.
jen1447 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I think directness and determination are great traits in women, very attractive. This is 2015, don't change. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I think directness and determination are great traits in women, very attractive. This is 2015, don't change. I absolutely agree
Emilia Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I agree with your brother. If you like a guy who keeps inviting you out, let him kiss you or kiss him and take it from there. Flirting is a kind of dance, you aren't meant to call them out like a little kid would. Not very graceful.
TunaCat Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Your family is being quite sexist. This isn't the 1950s anymore. I am very straightforward and honest. I don't beat around the bush because I think that wastes time. If I was interested in someone, hell yes I'd ask for their number or even ask them out. I am a very strong woman and I refuse to be with someone who cannot handle that.
danmillar Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 So, people, am I considered aggressive for a 24 year old woman? Offputting? Is there/was there anything wrong with me asking for these clarifications? Or was I just raised by overly religious, overly conservative, you-should-be married-by-the-time-you're-24-and-not-wearing-bikinis, type of people? I've always wondered. I've read your post twice and don't see anything that could even remotely be considered too forward or overly aggressive.
Vercetti Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 You sound like a girl not woman. Replace blunt and aggressive with doesn't know self / doesn't know what wants / has no idea how to get it. Was shocked 24, only perhaps shouldn't be. Forgive if blunt and aggressive.
PogoStick Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Maybe good girls don't act the way you do, but who says it's better to be a good girl anyway? If you consider all the guys on LS who can't read signals from a girl, they would love to have you make it easy on them by putting the attraction subject right in the open. The concern is that your forward approach will have guys sexualizing you very early in relationships, or before one is even established. You might find yourself having difficulty figuring out which guys want a relationship and who just wants you for sex. Personally, I would find it refreshing having a girl put it out in the open the way you do. Also, I agree with Vercetti. I was guessing you are a teen still in high school until I saw you're 24 y/o! Why at 24 are you being caught by his brother? Why don't you or your boyfriend have your own place by now? It seems likely you were raised by overly cautions, conservative, religious parents. You might be behind your peers in dating acumen as a result. It's fine to be direct with men, but you may find it useful to progress a relationship at a slower pace.
loveweary11 Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 There is no such thing. I welcome and appreciate direct, forward behavior.
Cinnimon Posted June 25, 2015 Posted June 25, 2015 Assertive and aggressive are two different things.
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