Lunay Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I ended a really crappy 4 year relationship with my ex-fiance last night after finding screenshots of one of our arguments on his phone. (There are way more issues than this) I am pretty sure he sent them to his ex wife. He denies this but he lies about practically everything so I know he is lying. I can go on his ipad and check to see who he is talking to, because I see he deleted his messages on there with her.... I feel like I need to prove to him that I know he is lying and a liar, but at the same time I don't want to hurt myself more, and why should I even care at this point? I brought the ipad to work and I am soo tempted right now to look. Do I look? It is so hard.
candie13 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 knowing is always better than not knowing. you'll always wonder, anyways so might as well bite the bullet. I trust feminine intuition. my 2 cents
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Whether you look or don't look, does it change anything? ugh... when the trust is gone, pretty much every damn other thing flies out the window too. By all means look. It will just be confirmation of how much more crappy you can make yourself feel. If masochism is your thing (which it seems to be) then open up, and click away.... It's over already. He's your ex. So why now rub salt in the wound?
The Poster Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 What would looking through the iPad do for you? It more than likely won't make you feel any better. In fact, it could only make you feel worse. It seems like you know all you need to know. If he is constantly lying to you and hurting you than you made the right decision to walk away. You deserve better, and nothing you find in that iPad will change that.
candie13 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 if her relationship is a toxic one, she'll always think it's somehow her fault or end up beating herself up. She needs facts to end it. Nothing quite like the reality looking you straight in the eye and showing you just how bitterly we were wrong about people. To me, seeing that would disgust me of a man forever. No talking myself into believing it works quite as good or as fast. I always think that to get rid of a pain, you must go through it. Embrace it. Go through it. Accept it. Only after that will it go away. Not one moment before.
Author Lunay Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 I know, I guess I am just looking for people to tell me not to do it. I think I am trying not to look to protect myself from further hurt but I still want the confirmation. I am so conflicted
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Even if we all tell you, unanimously, to NOT do it - you'll still want to do it anyway. You 'need' to know. It's like me telling you the park bench has wet paint. A passer-by, tells you it's wet paint. Heck, even the park-keeper tells you it's wet paint. Until you stick your finger on it and feel the wet paint - you're not going to be convinced.... "Ooooh yeah..... so it is......."
candie13 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I know, I guess I am just looking for people to tell me not to do it. I think I am trying not to look to protect myself from further hurt but I still want the confirmation. I am so conflicted the more time you take, the higher the chances he'd already cleaned his traces. take the plunge and stop wondering.
Author Lunay Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 Okay I am going to do it, I might as well just get it over with... I will update ...
OK_computer Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 To the OP One of my ex's last words to me were to leave her alone. That we could never be together so to just leave her alone. I'll make promise to that even if her and I or stuck on an island. Or the last ppl on this earth.
rester Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I know, I guess I am just looking for people to tell me not to do it. I think I am trying not to look to protect myself from further hurt but I still want the confirmation. I am so conflicted I wouldn't do it, but that's me. I only see negative results, and can't think of any positive. Why gamble if you know you'll lose? And if you find something really bad, it's only going to make it that much more difficult for you to trust anyone in the future.
rester Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 To me, seeing that would disgust me of a man forever. No talking myself into believing it works quite as good or as fast. I always think that to get rid of a pain, you must go through it. Embrace it. Go through it. Accept it. Only after that will it go away. Not one moment before. On the other hand, this makes sense to me, too. So if you think it will help you get over him more quickly, go for it.
Redhead14 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I ended a really crappy 4 year relationship with my ex-fiance last night after finding screenshots of one of our arguments on his phone. (There are way more issues than this) I am pretty sure he sent them to his ex wife. He denies this but he lies about practically everything so I know he is lying. I can go on his ipad and check to see who he is talking to, because I see he deleted his messages on there with her.... I feel like I need to prove to him that I know he is lying and a liar, but at the same time I don't want to hurt myself more, and why should I even care at this point? I brought the ipad to work and I am soo tempted right now to look. Do I look? It is so hard. Why rub salt on your open wounds?. Leave it be and start focusing on YOU and your future as a strong, independent, secure woman who deserves only the best. He doesn't need proof of anything and neither do you. It was a crappy relationship anyway and you've ended it. 1
Author Lunay Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 So I looked and found nothing, except for one message he deleted since last night which was from one of his female friends sending him something they had spoken about (trucks or something). Why he's deleting that I do not know. I have decided though, that this is the last time I will look. I don't need proof, I already know hes a bold faced liar and I can't trust anything he says... It just hurts to be back stabbed by someone that supposedly loves you...and no, I'm not surprised by this. Doesn't mean it hurts any less.
ravfour4 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Are there other things you know he lied about? Otherwise, from reading this post alone, it sounds like you're breaking up with him over an unproven perceived lie.
Author Lunay Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 He has lied to me about a lot of things. This was just the icing on the cake. Not to mention he treats me with no respect.
mightycpa Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I ended a really crappy 4 year relationship with my ex-fiance last night after finding screenshots of one of our arguments on his phone. (There are way more issues than this) I am pretty sure he sent them to his ex wife. He denies this but he lies about practically everything so I know he is lying. I can go on his ipad and check to see who he is talking to, because I see he deleted his messages on there with her.... I feel like I need to prove to him that I know he is lying and a liar, but at the same time I don't want to hurt myself more, and why should I even care at this point? I brought the ipad to work and I am soo tempted right now to look. Do I look? It is so hard.You answered your own question in your opening line: I ended a really crappy 4 year relationship with my ex-fiance last nightYou don't need to prove anything or to know anything. By ending it before you presented your case, you forfeited the right to do so, taking the shortcut to the end instead. You're done. That's what "end" means. In the long run, it doesn't matter.
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