kenmore Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I woke up today knowing my daughter would call me but feeling fairly sure my step daughter would not. I'm not sure why, perhaps it's because she has really never reached out to me before, it was always me doing the reaching. Perhaps it's because I know my STBX wife doesn't like the idea of us maintaining any kind of relationship and would try to squelch it. Maybe it is because I knew she would most likely be with her bio dad and wouldn't be thinking of me. Most likely all of the above. Half the day went by and I got myself in a pretty good place (after right on cue my daughter texted) and I was sad but thinking well, I guess that's all. It's OK. Then, suddenly a text and sure enough, it was my step daughter! I was very happy, she remembered me and reached out to me and wished me a happy fathers day, I thanked her and told her I love her and she told me she loves me. It was awesome...then I started to feel sad again. I miss her and now I know it's not "all" after all. In a way, her texting me opened up the wound again, but it's a beautiful wound except it will leave an ugly scar. I now feel at a loss to know where I should go from here. I can't see her, my STBX won't allow it. I don't want to just fade away or forget it and she probably doesn't either. It's a limbo with a gaping hole on the bottom and a brick wall all around it. Just thinking about her brought back memories of times I enjoyed and feelings I had which weren't shared. I guess there's nothing left to do but just slink back into a shadow as far as they are concerned and let it go again. I don't like this "you're like her father and now you aren't" crap. It took us years to develop a relationship of love and trust, and now it has to be torn down at some rate. I don't want to tear it down but I have a difficult time imagining it surviving. Time and distance will take their toll. Now I think I was sad because I didn't think she'd text, then I'm sad because she did. Have I set myself up to be negative about everything? Is all I see in life the manure anymore? Where did the grass go? I find myself thinking similarly at work too. No matter what happens, I just see the negative. I know that's a recipe for failure but am not sure how to get out of this trap! I'm totally blessed! I have a beautiful daughter who loves me and a beautiful step daughter who loves me. That's so much more than many people have. Why am I so sad? Ken
lgspot Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 You're still grieving my friend. It will sort it's way out in time. You definitely are blessed. Ultimately knowing that helps in the down times. As a wise woman once said, you need a girlfriend. yI woke up today knowing my daughter would call me but feeling fairly sure my step daughter would not. I'm not sure why, perhaps it's because she has really never reached out to me before, it was always me doing the reaching. Perhaps it's because I know my STBX wife doesn't like the idea of us maintaining any kind of relationship and would try to squelch it. Maybe it is because I knew she would most likely be with her bio dad and wouldn't be thinking of me. Most likely all of the above. Half the day went by and I got myself in a pretty good place (after right on cue my daughter texted) and I was sad but thinking well, I guess that's all. It's OK. Then, suddenly a text and sure enough, it was my step daughter! I was very happy, she remembered me and reached out to me and wished me a happy fathers day, I thanked her and told her I love her and she told me she loves me. It was awesome...then I started to feel sad again. I miss her and now I know it's not "all" after all. In a way, her texting me opened up the wound again, but it's a beautiful wound except it will leave an ugly scar. I now feel at a loss to know where I should go from here. I can't see her, my STBX won't allow it. I don't want to just fade away or forget it and she probably doesn't either. It's a limbo with a gaping hole on the bottom and a brick wall all around it. Just thinking about her brought back memories of times I enjoyed and feelings I had which weren't shared. I guess there's nothing left to do but just slink back into a shadow as far as they are concerned and let it go again. I don't like this "you're like her father and now you aren't" crap. It took us years to develop a relationship of love and trust, and now it has to be torn down at some rate. I don't want to tear it down but I have a difficult time imagining it surviving. Time and distance will take their toll. Now I think I was sad because I didn't think she'd text, then I'm sad because she did. Have I set myself up to be negative about everything? Is all I see in life the manure anymore? Where did the grass go? I find myself thinking similarly at work too. No matter what happens, I just see the negative. I know that's a recipe for failure but am not sure how to get out of this trap! I'm totally blessed! I have a beautiful daughter who loves me and a beautiful step daughter who loves me. That's so much more than many people have. Why am I so sad? Ken 1
jen1447 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 You're sad because you need a girlfriend. ^ Seriously. Voids in one part of life can intrude on other parts of life too. btw, how old is your step daughter? Just wondering on who's authority it is you're not 'allowed' to have a relationship w/her, given you both seem to love each other. 1
Author kenmore Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 ^ Seriously. Voids in one part of life can intrude on other parts of life too. btw, how old is your step daughter? Just wondering on who's authority it is you're not 'allowed' to have a relationship w/her, given you both seem to love each other. Very wise words indeed! Thanks all! She's 17 now Jen. While she'll be 18 in eight more months, she'll still be living under her mothers roof and I would never want to ruin that. As long as she's living there, I think she needs to obey her mother's rules.
NopeNah Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 (edited) Very wise words indeed! Thanks all! She's 17 now Jen. While she'll be 18 in eight more months, she'll still be living under her mothers roof and I would never want to ruin that. As long as she's living there, I think she needs to obey her mother's rules. My daughter (19) talks and has lunches with my ex(we were together for 11yrs on/off,not married). I also see her son when he's in country,ect...Just people, all of us. No need to feel you're cut off. Just don't focus on your ex or link her daughter to her. She's her own person. Edit: My daughter didn't call me until Monday! LOL I paid for her to go on a cruise for graduation and "she forgot".. it's just another day to me. I don't do holiday's. Edited June 24, 2015 by Praying4Daylight
15Love Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Having had no father to call on Father's Day. Here's what I know. Find a way to be in her life. Try letting your ex know how important it is to have a relationship with her. If she has some vendetta and is just trying to hurt you by withholding your step daughter then write her a letter whenever you want to talk to her. Keep them and when she's 18 or moves out on her own give them all to her. They'll mean everything to her.
Yasuandio Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Kenmore, I am happy step daughter called you, and is old enough not to be completely robbed from you for good. This is the best news you could have - the complete opposite of manure. The more your ex-b attempts to thwart a relationship between you and YOUR stepdaughter, the closer she comes to shooting herself in the foot. The young girl will come to resent this bull crap. No worries, nothing to be sad about. Everything went perfectly this holiday for you. A few months time, step-daughter will be age of majority. Everything is cool - see the bright side - it went YOUR WAY! Yas 1
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