ashy555 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I come from a family where everyone is either married or engaged. My older brother and sister are also married with babies on the way. I am 25, loyal, caring, kind (I also consider myself fairly attractive and put a lot of effort into taking care of myself) I have been single my whole life. I have dated my fair share of men who have all turned out to be jerks and only wanting one thing. They have all since moved on to get engaged or get into long term relationships (Yes I am Chuck ) I managed to buy myself my own little investment unit about 4 years ago and am currently thinking about buying myself another unit to live in. At the moment I have been fumbling with the idea as house prices have skyrocketed and I am not sure whether I would be putting myself under too much stress. I always discuss these things with my parents whom I look up too. The other night my dad turns around and tells me that my number one priority at the moment should be 'meeting someone'... So then we can buy a house 'together' My mouth dropped and he went on to say once again that I need to put myself out there more. I have had many arguments with my parents as my mum thinks I am too picky. Apparently by the time I am 30 it will be even harder as most men have 'baggage' and my dad thinks I don't do enough. I don't know if he means he wants me to go out to bars alone every weekend and pick up.. or if he wants me to waste my money clubbing every weekend. Or maybe he wants me to spend my every minute of my weekend interviewing potential partners from OLD. I have a fair few quality close friends who I catch up with every week.. sometimes every month, but not a huge group who go out to bars all the time. I am really not as into it as I used to be. I am starting to feel the pressure to find someone. My number one goal in life is to be able to finance myself and not rely on anybody else. Just because my brother and sister are married, my parents seem to think I wont be happy until I find someone. I have endured so much heartache and frustration in the past 7 years over trying to find 'the one'... my parents wanting me to be 'happy' and putting pressure on me only makes me feel worse that I haven't been able to find someone who wants to be with me. I can honestly say that I am HAPPY by myself(no matter how many times i tell them). I would love to meet someone but it is not my priority as it shouldn't be. My parents are proud of me no doubt but they can be so old fashioned. Does anyone else have to deal with this pressure? It feels like being single is such a bad thing these days and looked down upon. No matter how much I argue with my dad he wont change his views. It frustrates me to the bone!
Halcyon Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 That is great you are happy in yourself and that you are aiming for self dependence rather than someone else. Can't say I know too many people like that. I had to deal with this for quite some time as well my parents particularly my mother would drive me nuts about finding someone and settling down. I've been told I'm way too picky but I would rather be that than be with someone I'm not really into. That said in recent years I sort of forced myself to go out there and date people. Mostly through OLD that seemed to be most time efficient for me. I've lost count of how many dates I've been on with how many people I generally do not find myself getting excited by people that easily. Currently I'm with someone and whilst it early days I really haven't felt like this in a long time. That been said there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to date. I had to often take breaks every few months because it was burning me out a bit. 1
joseb Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Maybe you are just one of those people that are just as happy single? What was the longest relationship you had? If you honestly are happy doing what your doing then I say screw everyone else and keep doing it. You might well meet someone when you least expect it. Or you might have many fantastic adventures while being single and live a very worthwhile life like that. There is no law saying we must pair bond. Though the way most of society behaves towards single people you would be forgiven for thinking there is! When I split up with my last gf everyone was telling me not to worry, I'd find someone. They didn't seem to get it when I told them I'm not looking. Nor do I plan to really. 1
memom421 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Hi Ashy... You sound like a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants & working hard to get it. Kudos to you. I thought I'd share from the parent aspect. We have 3 married children & a 26y/o unmarried son. Since he was 18 all he's wanted to do was find his soul mate for life. He had no desire for the dating game or the insignificant relationships. He just wanted to find his best friend for life. And still does. He has had so many disappointments it makes me sad. I tell him they didn't deserve him. He will make a great husband & father and my concern is always to encourage him not to settle just for the sake of getting married. I thank God that he hasn't & that he still believes that there is that special person out there meant for him & that's been worth the wait. His one brother didn't marry until 27 y/o & another not until 33 y/o. It's far more important to me as their mother that they marry for love, happiness & forever. I'll pray your father realizes this so that he can be your encourager rather than discourager. It is obvious that your parents love you dearly or they wouldn't care so much about you. memom421 1
Author ashy555 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 Yeah I am definitely happy being single for now. Focusing on myself and my own health. I still want to find someone eventually but having the pressure of my parents (mainly my dad) makes it so much worse. The fact that my dad wants me to make meeting someone my sole focus is just ridiculous and makes me so mad. He makes me question myself and I feel sad.. I am fine but in a way his words hurt me. Like I am the only child who can't seem to find someone. Every single cousin is married or engaged. He just shrugs and says its the truth. I don't want to go through my whole life without a significant other. It will always be in the back of my mind as I would love to have kids one day. My mum has also spoken about how womans ovaries decline after the age of 30. Thanks mum. Im happy with my life at the moment. I have achieved so much but every time they put pressure on me, its like a little reminder that im not achieving what I should.
memom421 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Hey Ashy, Been over a month & just wanted to check in with you. How's your summer going? Are you enjoying it?
Recommended Posts