amyO Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I met a guy at the end of April. I was really happy to meet him as for once, I felt like I met a great person. We went on two dates in the past 2 months. He went away a few times and we were only able to see one another one night on the weekends. The first date went very well and turned out to be much more romantic than I anticipated. However, the second date didn't go as well. I felt we were lacking chemistry. I also felt awkward around him, not because I was nervous but more because I felt uncomfortable. It's hard to explain. I just didn't feel we were clicking so it felt weird to try and force conversation. However, I didn't want to "give Up" so to speak on him. I feel like two dates is nothing and I wanted to see if we went out once or twice more that I could have more of a definite answer to the situation. Since that last date, we haven't been talking as much. I texted randomly on friday and it took him hours to respond. I know that's a huge indicator... I'm not going to talk anymore to him. In all honestly, it's not that I'm feeling defeated over him, but more so that I feel like literally nothing ever works out. Every post I make on this forum is depressing. I feel utterly pathetic about the way I think and what has happened. It makes me never want to meet or date any other guy. I don't know. I feel very worthless and sad that I meet someone and it's over before it begins or they reject me, or don't want something serious. I want to give up.
toscaroscura Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I met a guy at the end of April. I was really happy to meet him as for once, I felt like I met a great person. We went on two dates in the past 2 months. He went away a few times and we were only able to see one another one night on the weekends. The first date went very well and turned out to be much more romantic than I anticipated. However, the second date didn't go as well. I felt we were lacking chemistry. I also felt awkward around him, not because I was nervous but more because I felt uncomfortable. It's hard to explain. I just didn't feel we were clicking so it felt weird to try and force conversation. However, I didn't want to "give Up" so to speak on him. I feel like two dates is nothing and I wanted to see if we went out once or twice more that I could have more of a definite answer to the situation. Since that last date, we haven't been talking as much. I texted randomly on friday and it took him hours to respond. I know that's a huge indicator... I'm not going to talk anymore to him. In all honestly, it's not that I'm feeling defeated over him, but more so that I feel like literally nothing ever works out. Every post I make on this forum is depressing. I feel utterly pathetic about the way I think and what has happened. It makes me never want to meet or date any other guy. I don't know. I feel very worthless and sad that I meet someone and it's over before it begins or they reject me, or don't want something serious. I want to give up. Oh, Amy. I have felt this way so many times. The constant (not so) merry-go-round of meeting someone, of that first promise of something, of the inevitable failure to find anything deeper than a few evenings of shallow romance and conversation. The rejection, the petering-out of interest, the awkwardness. It's tiring. Sometimes, the thought of going through it over again feels daunting. When I feel like this I need to take a break and focus on myself. But I still don't give up. The hope of a true connection with someone is a beautiful thing, and I still want to find it. I hope you do too. 2
neowulf Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Well all go through phases like this. I like to think of it this way. When you're coming from a place of need / desperation, it makes it very difficult to have a healthy relationship. Learning to like yourself, without the need for external validation is key if you're going to be dating. Rejection feels personal, but often it has nothing to do with you. If you've conducted yourself well and not made any major mistakes, then really, it's just one of those things. Don't be afraid to admit to yourself that you need to take a step back and regroup. We all need it from time to time. 3
TheBathWater Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I met a guy at the end of April. I was really happy to meet him as for once, I felt like I met a great person. We went on two dates in the past 2 months. He went away a few times and we were only able to see one another one night on the weekends. The first date went very well and turned out to be much more romantic than I anticipated. However, the second date didn't go as well. I felt we were lacking chemistry. I also felt awkward around him, not because I was nervous but more because I felt uncomfortable. It's hard to explain. I just didn't feel we were clicking so it felt weird to try and force conversation. However, I didn't want to "give Up" so to speak on him. I feel like two dates is nothing and I wanted to see if we went out once or twice more that I could have more of a definite answer to the situation. Since that last date, we haven't been talking as much. I texted randomly on friday and it took him hours to respond. I know that's a huge indicator... I'm not going to talk anymore to him. In all honestly, it's not that I'm feeling defeated over him, but more so that I feel like literally nothing ever works out. Every post I make on this forum is depressing. I feel utterly pathetic about the way I think and what has happened. It makes me never want to meet or date any other guy. I don't know. I feel very worthless and sad that I meet someone and it's over before it begins or they reject me, or don't want something serious. I want to give up. I feel where you're coming from. I have to say, I always find the feelings that happens between dates to be very interesting, because they have such a strong influence on how the next interaction/date goes. I'm willing to bet that before the second date, you (and maybe he, but definitely you) were overanalyzing and thinking about things way too much. Sounds like you had a promising first date and got excited, but then some anxieties came up for you, possibly even before the second date (which, if true, in turn might have influenced the second date). If I were you, I wouldn't be so hasty to correlate his response time with his interest. Who knows why he didn't respond to you for a while? If I were you, I would just relax about the whole thing and make plans when the two of you are both available. In the meantime, acknowledge to yourself that you have these anxieties over dating, and that the feeling WILL pass if you let it. You DON'T need to act on it by deciding to give up or beat yourself up. I'm telling you this because I was exactly where you are now not long ago and had to learn a lesson the hard way. Whatever you have to do, just chill out and schedule something for when the two of you are able to do so. And if it doesn't work out? So what. You'll meet someone else sooner or later. Hang in there. 2
abby_tx Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I'm with you. I wish you lived in my city so we could hang on and swap stories of how bad dating is. Everyone I know is married or in long term relationships. It makes this kind of thing even harder.
jen1447 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 If it's any consolation, when the right thing comes, it's often totally unexpected. And sometimes the right thing does come, even to those who don't think it ever will. 4
nadine5 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 If it's any consolation, when the right thing comes, it's often totally unexpected. And sometimes the right thing does come, even to those who don't think it ever will. Ugh. When!?! Lol
Gary S Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 If you don't see them at least once a week they are not into you. 1
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