OrangePekoe Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Hi, long time lurker here.. nice to meet you all! So my story, my ex and I of almost 2 years broke up about 6-7 months ago and I've been having a tough time coping. The first few months I was so mad and hurt at the bad things he said because they were fresh in my mind.. so as hard as it was, it was almost easier because I could think, "ugh, he was such a jerk!!" And now, I've been lonely and all I can remember is the special moments and the things I really liked about him. Like how he always texted and called, how he complimented me and called me beautiful and gorgeous on a daily basis, treated me special, how he seemed to genuinely care about me for the most part, the sex, everything. The bad things.. his temper, the long distance (we only saw each other on weekends), me feeling like he wasn't over his ex, how he left me when I was going through a really hard time. But the good things are stuck in my mind and I'm constantly sad. When I go out I feel empty and alone, I think about him when I'm getting ready and before I go to bed. I still cry too. All the time. It really hurts and I really miss him. It's hard to see my friends and family happy with their loved ones when I have nobody. After a rough day, I don't really have anyone to turn to except for my cat. I've been on three dates in that time and haven't met anyone that even compares. Great guys, but not for me. It's disheartening. I took my ex for granted, but I did the whole "begging" for him back when we broke up and he shot me down. There is no going back. What I think would be nice, is if heart-broken people who used to post here months or years ago gave an update on how their life improved and how they fell in love again. I read posts from about a year ago and I wanted to know "How are you now? Did you ever meet someone new?" -because right now it feels impossible. I feel like I'm never going to have the connection that I once had and it hurts so bad. If this against the rules or if there is already a thread for updates, let me know! I think it would be helpful and I'd be so grateful.
mightycpa Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 It's been a while for me, but I'll tell you about my experience. For a long time after heartbreak (years!), I found that I still liked girls, but I didn't like any girl in particular except the one who broke my heart. I'd go out with plenty of them, and it was fun, even though it was nothing special. Unlike you, I didn't feel like I needed to be in love again, and was perfectly content in a series of short-term relationships and one-night stands. I cheated if it suited me. I did fall in love again 7 years later. That lasted a couple of years, and at the end, I thought she broke my heart too, but she didn't. I was just saddened and disappointed for about 6 months or so, and after that, I had the same mindset as before. Seven years after that, I fell in love again, just as deep and as hard as the first time; probably even more, it's just hard to compare the two. I knew the day I met her that I'd marry her, and marriage was the last thing on my mind. I had the "perfect" girlfriend at the time, and even though I didn't love that girlfriend, we were very compatible, and I wasn't looking for anything or anybody new. I was even considering "settling" for that one because I didn't think I'd ever find anybody better, or more suited for me. If you are fretting because you're not immediately head-over-heels in love with somebody, from my experience, you're going to create a lot of misery for yourself. For me, love was rare, and it didn't come around a lot. I'd say you should just relax and don't confuse what's happening now with what will happen all of your life. You just have to be open to kissing a lot of frogs. I'm quite sure love will find you again, but not if you go hunting for it.
Author OrangePekoe Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 Thank you for your response. I guess I just have an uneasy feeling because I'm in my late twenties and I started dating late in life. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 24 (I was messed up and avoident) and that relationship was hardly real. I guess I wish I knew how rare love was before messing up my last relationship, but he still had issues from his past too. It just seems impossible to meet someone who loves and cares about you the same way you do them - and them not having some huge baggage. I feel like I won't be happy until I'm in love again because I know how lonely it gets. I appreciate your response though mightycpa and I just have to keep on living life I suppose. I may fall in love again one day.. just hope I'm not waiting that long. I appreciate it. It's been a while for me, but I'll tell you about my experience. For a long time after heartbreak (years!), I found that I still liked girls, but I didn't like any girl in particular except the one who broke my heart. I'd go out with plenty of them, and it was fun, even though it was nothing special. Unlike you, I didn't feel like I needed to be in love again, and was perfectly content in a series of short-term relationships and one-night stands. I cheated if it suited me. I did fall in love again 7 years later. That lasted a couple of years, and at the end, I thought she broke my heart too, but she didn't. I was just saddened and disappointed for about 6 months or so, and after that, I had the same mindset as before. Seven years after that, I fell in love again, just as deep and as hard as the first time; probably even more, it's just hard to compare the two. I knew the day I met her that I'd marry her, and marriage was the last thing on my mind. I had the "perfect" girlfriend at the time, and even though I didn't love that girlfriend, we were very compatible, and I wasn't looking for anything or anybody new. I was even considering "settling" for that one because I didn't think I'd ever find anybody better, or more suited for me. If you are fretting because you're not immediately head-over-heels in love with somebody, from my experience, you're going to create a lot of misery for yourself. For me, love was rare, and it didn't come around a lot. I'd say you should just relax and don't confuse what's happening now with what will happen all of your life. You just have to be open to kissing a lot of frogs. I'm quite sure love will find you again, but not if you go hunting for it.
aisuru Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I will be 39 next month and have never been married and have no kids. I promise you that each relationship gets progressively better and you learn more about yourself and what you want in the next relationship. Some relationships take longer to get ever. Sometimes it's easier for us to dwell on a past relationship than to move forward. I promise though it gets better. I promise.
Author OrangePekoe Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 Thanks so much! That does give me hope as this was my first serious relationship -like I said, started late- and I made mistakes that I never hope to make again. I wish I could look into a crystal ball and know that I will one day be happy again and will fall in love.. the present wouldn't be so painful if I could do that. Instead I worry that I will be alone forever thinking of the one that got away. I will be 39 next month and have never been married and have no kids. I promise you that each relationship gets progressively better and you learn more about yourself and what you want in the next relationship. Some relationships take longer to get ever. Sometimes it's easier for us to dwell on a past relationship than to move forward. I promise though it gets better. I promise.
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