doeblin Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Ok, so what about eliminating the be my GF part and just telling her how I feel about her? That's the most important part to me and that's the part she asked me to clarify anyway. That's a bit better. Remember, a good chunk of communication is nonverbal. Show, don't tell. Show her she's important to you, and show her an amazing time. That said you should still consider your options. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that. There's a good chance she will evaluate her position when she's sipping coffee with Jean-Paul, you know. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Im seeing a girl who I really like for the very last time in a while this week and I basically want to ask her to be my girlfriend. I want to tell her how I feel about her and what I want from her. I know for a fact that if I wing it I will only end up saying 15% of what I want, if Im lucky. But if I rehearse something over the next few days, and really drill it, I can say everything I want and make it sound conversational. So is this something you think is cool to do? If not what are the reasons. Thanks. Yeah, it's ok to "rehearse". But, don't make a script to memorize it. If you do that it will come off as practiced. The sincerity will be lost. Just make an outline for yourself -- bullet points to have in your head. 1) I really like you a) Fun to be with b) Good conversation 2) We have a good time together 3) Want exclusivity 4) etc. Keep those bullet points in your head and then put more words to them when you address each one in person. It just reminds you briefly about what you want to say without memorizing every word. Let those words flow naturally. Kinda like making an outline in school for an essay
Redhead14 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Have you had sex and and had the exclusivity talk? If yes for both, then she's already your girlfriend. If "No" for one of those, then months apart will test you severely. Just sayin. Some people view exclusivity as the period for further evaluation before deciding to be boyfriend/girlfriend. And, some people view exclusivity as only being exclusive sexually with that one person while dating others casually until they decide to be intimate with one of those casual dating partners. They need to be clear about what exclusivity means to each other.
PogoStick Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Instead of rehearsing what to say, you just write her a letter or email? I know I can be much more articulate when writing. She might find it really sweet if you send her off with a love letter. I think it's perfectly fine to tell a girl how much she has meant to you. However, People here are just trying to save you heartbreak regarding the viability of this relationship. It would be best for you to consider your words as a sweet "goodbye present" as you begin moving on to the next girl.
katiegrl Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) That's fair. We have not had sex, but we have had the exclusivity talk. Who knows what might happen during our last meet. But this girl is much more experienced than I am and has gone through multiple LD relationships. ***So in my little GF proposal I plan to include my feeling that she should make the decision to end things if its her conviction that a long distance relationship with me wont work.*** spriggan.....quote in asterisk - no please don't do that. Keep the conversation positive, exude confidence and assume she wants what you want. Joe Manganiello (hot American actor, director, producer,) was interviewed this morn and when asked what is the best advice he would give men today with respect to dating, his response was --- "Figure out what you want and GO FOR IT! Exude confidence and if you don't feel all that condident, fake it!' Also, since you already had the exclusive talk, then essentially she already IS your girlfriend, but if you want to lock it down, then as JOE M. said GO FOR IT! Figure out what you want to say....then when you see her, say it...speak from your HEART. Keep it positive! And assume the best...not the worst. Rehearsed speeches sound contrived, phony and not genuine. Good luck!!! Edited June 22, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Instead of rehearsing what to say, you just write her a letter or email? I know I can be much more articulate when writing. She might find it really sweet if you send her off with a love letter. I think it's perfectly fine to tell a girl how much she has meant to you. However, People here are just trying to save you heartbreak regarding the viability of this relationship. It would be best for you to consider your words as a sweet "goodbye present" as you begin moving on to the next girl. Why should it be goodbye? She will only be gone for a couple of months....not forever.
jen1447 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 However...rehearsing..should I rehearse what to say to her? I wouldn't recommend it. 1
losangelena Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 OP, if rehearsing or going over in your mind what you want to say will make it easier for you to say what you want—then practice. I agree with others that you shouldn't memorize it like a script, but focus yourself and figure out what you want to say. I agree that you should probably just err on the side of telling her how you feel, instead of being all like, "will you be my GF?" Unless you two a very young, that's kind of a funny question. Anyway, good luck!
coryreply Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Ok, so what about eliminating the be my GF part and just telling her how I feel about her? That's the most important part to me and that's the part she asked me to clarify anyway. Yes! This will go over so much better than giving her an ultimatum. I think it's okay to rehearse a little bit, what you're going to say to her. I think we all do that to an extent. We think about what we want to say and think about what order we want to say things in. All of that is fine. The danger, I think, is in trying to memorize a "script" of what you're going to say. That will most likely make you come off as in-genuine. Confidence is the key, bro. When you talk to her, look her in the eyes and make sure you keep it conversational.
PogoStick Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Why should it be goodbye? She will only be gone for a couple of months....not forever. He said after she returns, "she'll be going to a different state for a while and this is essentially our last guaranteed outing."
katiegrl Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) He said after she returns, "she'll be going to a different state for a while and this is essentially our last guaranteed outing." Nothing is ever "guaranteed." In fact, going by your logic, tonight could my MY last "guaranteed" night with my boyfriend too. I mean who knows what might happen, he could break up with me tomorrow for all I know....I don't expect him too... but one just never knows what's around the corner tomorrow. Just enjoy the time you have with your SO today.... and don't worry about tomorrow, or what's gonna happen tomorrow. Like I said, there are never any guarantees when it comes to relationships. EVER. The way I see it, they have a good thing going...they are exclusive, care about each other, etc. She is going away for a couple of months... which will be tough, but if they both communicate and stay positive, there is no reason to believe their relationship won't survive the distance. He is just feeling insecure, which is normal....but he shouldn't really. And if he does, he should keep his insecurity to HIMSELF and not burden her with it. Because doing THAT may push her away. She needs his strength and confidence... not insecurity and doubts... JMO. Edited June 22, 2015 by katiegrl
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