Is it ok to rehearse what to say to a girl?

[spriggan2]

Im seeing a girl who I really like for the very last time in a while this week and I basically want to ask her to be my girlfriend. I want to tell her how I feel about her and what I want from her.

 

I know for a fact that if I wing it I will only end up saying 15% of what I want, if Im lucky. But if I rehearse something over the next few days, and really drill it, I can say everything I want and make it sound conversational. So is this something you think is cool to do? If not what are the reasons.

 

Thanks.

[Gary S]

Why would you ask a girl to be your girlfriend when she is leaving you? Where is she going? How can you have a girlfriend who is MIA?!

[umirano]

The exact wording never matters as much as the content, except in poetry. Make it short and sweet and present it with swag. Firm voice and friendly words will help too.

 

Practicing seems like a great idea!

 

Good luck :-)

[spriggan2]

I meant I wont be seeing her for a while. Maybe a few months. She's leaving the country but coming back.

[doeblin]

1. Unless if you are an Oscar-worthy actor, rehearsed speeches will sound rehearsed; in other words, it may appear less genuine.
   
2. Why would you resort to such a dramatic gesture? Don't ask her to be your girlfriend, date her for a while, and it will happen organically.
   

[JuneJulySeptember]

Haha. I've done that.

 

I've paced in my apartment with the cell phone in my hand thinking about what I would say to a woman I called for the first time.

 

You really shouldn't need to do that. You should want somebody that you click with and where there is a natural comfort.

[doeblin]

I meant I wont be seeing her for a while. Maybe a few months. She's leaving the country but coming back.

 

 

Then wait till she's back.

[spriggan2]

Thank you very much, Umirano! The tough art is going to be keeping it short because I have so much I want to say to her lol.

[doeblin]

Then wait till she's back.

And by wait I mean talk to other girls.

[spriggan2]

@doeblin. Slightly tricky because while she's coming back, she'll be going to a different state for a while and this is essentially our last guaranteed outing. The important part of this post is the idea of rehearsing. We both need to figure out what we're doing here and I just want to be as clear as possible and let her decide if she wants what I want.

[Gary S]

You are grasping at straws.

[spriggan2]

grasping at straws meaning what? Relationship wont work out?

[Gary S]

Only 1 in 1,000 long distance relationships work out.

[spriggan2]

And by wait I mean talk to other girls

Well we've already decided that we don't want to see other people, but somehow that was the only component of a serious relationship that has been discussed. And regardless of what happens between us, I still really really want to tell her how happy she made me during our time together.

[spriggan2]

Only 1 in 1,000 long distance relationships work out.

My sister and her BF were long distance for 2 years and they're married now. My cousin and his GF have been going strong at long distance for a year.

 

I know the odds, but I'm willing to give it a shot and be surprised if it fails rather than just shut things down, because I really like this girl. However if it's not something she wants, I have no choice.

 

However...rehearsing..should I rehearse what to say to her?

[doeblin]

Well we've already decided that we don't want to see other people, but somehow that was the only component of a serious relationship that has been discussed. And regardless of what happens between us, I still really really want to tell her how happy she made me during our time together.

 

Have you had sex and and had the exclusivity talk? If yes for both, then she's already your girlfriend. If "No" for one of those, then months apart will test you severely. Just sayin.

[umirano]

Only 1 in 1,000 long distance relationships work out.

 

That's a lie.

[fitnessfan365]

If you ask her to be your GF right before she leaves for two months, it will be obvious you're doing so out of fear of losing her. My advice? Make a really good impression when you two spend time together. Just have a really fun date and be affectionate/kiss if possible. Then touch base with her once a week or so when she's gone letting her reach out to you most of the time. You have to let her get there on her own and you can't force it.

[spriggan2]

 

I've paced in my apartment with the cell phone in my hand thinking about what I would say to a woman I called for the first time.

 

You really shouldn't need to do that. You should want somebody that you click with and where there is a natural comfort.

 

I dont have natural comfort with anyone at all. This girl is the closest I've ever had to that. But I'm not talking about pacing the floor remembering what to say to her moments before we meet. I'm talking writing it down, spending the next 3 nights in my room drilling it over and over until I breathe the words, and then delivering it conversationally.

 

I realize this is not a sustainable practice for future serious conversations, but for this first one, and until I can get even more comfortable with her (if we end up together), I want to make sure I tell her everything clearly before she potentially goes out of my life.

[spriggan2]

Have you had sex and and had the exclusivity talk? If yes for both, then she's already your girlfriend. If "No" for one of those, then months apart will test you severely. Just sayin.

That's fair. We have not had sex, but we have had the exclusivity talk. Who knows what might happen during our last meet. But this girl is much more experienced than I am and has gone through multiple LD relationships. So in my little GF proposal I plan to include my feeling that she should make the decision to end things if its her conviction that a long distance relationship with me wont work.

[spriggan2]

If you ask her to be your GF right before she leaves for two months, it will be obvious you're doing so out of fear of losing her. My advice? Make a really good impression when you two spend time together. Just have a really fun date and be affectionate/kiss if possible. Then touch base with her once a week or so when she's gone letting her reach out to you most of the time. You have to let her get there on her own and you can't force it.

Yes. It will be obvious I'm afraid of losing her. I'm fine with that. The problem is things have happened very fast and this occurrence sprung on her and I have to say all this before it's too late. Its no guarantee she'll be back anytime soon. It's also something I know she wants me to do. To make a case for myself and her so she can decide. I just want to know if the rehearsing idea is a good one. By the looks of it it's not an outright bad one, so I'm going to do it I think.

[doeblin]

That's fair. We have not had sex, but we have had the exclusivity talk. Who knows what might happen during our last meet. But this girl is much more experienced than I am and has gone through multiple LD relationships. So in my little GF proposal I plan to include my feeling that she should make the decision to end things if its her conviction that a long distance relationship with me wont work.

 

Oh man. I don't think this is gonna work. One of the truisms of Loveshack is that clinginess kills attraction.

 

Just let it develop spontaneously. (And by that I don't mean to be passive... just be cool.)

 

But to stay on the rehearsal topic:

 

"“Scripts kill your charisma.” Van Edwards found that speakers who offered more vocal variety showed better ratings on charisma and credibility. What’s especially interesting: people rated speakers who clearly ad libbed in their talks higher than those who stayed on script."

 

What makes a TED Talk go viral? These 5 nonverbal patterns may explain | TED Blog

[spriggan2]

Doeblin.

 

If you have a moment can you tell me how I am exhibiting clingyness? I would seriously like to know so I can work on it. I honestly feel like all I am doing is sitting her down, telling her how I feel, what I want and insisting that she make an honest decision based on her experience and what she feels about me. She asked me to do this for heaven's sake. If her attraction is killed, then she would say "no" she doesn't want me and I will nod and cope. Keep in mind, I rarely talk with her like this. We do have fun. I am crazy about her but I play it so cool in her presence that she even sent me a text wondering if I truly liked her once. Now for the first time I just want to make things clear, with the stipulation that if she is not feeling up to an LD relationship, she should just let me know (<friends of mine have also criticized this stipulation, but I can't understand what the issue is with it.)

 

As for the rehearsal of what I want to say...as I said in my first post, I can not wing it. I can not ad lib. It will be a disaster. I am not near competent when being spontaneous. It's something I'm taking real, drastic steps to improve, but at the moment I am horrendous at it. So the fact is the rehearsed speech might not be optimal but it will definitely be better than my attempt at bumbling through it. This is something which must be considered.

Edited June 22, 2015 by spriggan2

[doeblin]

If you have a moment can you tell me how I am exhibiting clingyness?

 

"Mathilda, will you be my girlfriend? I know you are going away, and I know we've already had the exclusivity talk, but I need to know we are super-exclusive, because I DREAD the thought of losing you! I need to know!"

 

Clingy.

 

If the exclusivity still applies for the next few months, then that's enough, no? However if she meets a hunk on her tour, she might drop you like a hot potato, whatever she promised.

 

Fitnessfan gave you the best advice. No silly proposals, just give her a special night she won't forget. That is your best chance.

[spriggan2]

Ok, so what about eliminating the be my GF part and just telling her how I feel about her? That's the most important part to me and that's the part she asked me to clarify anyway.