Should a man get involved if another man hits on his significant other?

[minimariah]

She's (another) one of my secret crushes.

 

hmmmmmm... the plot thickens!

 

i love women. women are beautiful and if you're dating one... it is only natural that she gets hit on. i hit on women all the time.

 

while a man worried about another man hitting on his GF, i'll snatch her from him in a heartbeat.

 

LOL but seriously, there is some respect lost on both sides between the couple when a man (or a woman) has the need to "step in" to deal with the situation. so not only that women usually DON'T like that, it causes harm in the relationship.

 

i must add, i do know some women who get worried when their man doesn't step up because to them it's a sign of not caring but that is up to their own insecurities.

[jen1447]

LOL but seriously, there is some respect lost on both sides between the couple when a man (or a woman) has the need to "step in" to deal with the situation. so not only that women usually DON'T like that, it causes harm in the relationship.

 

i must add, i do know some women who get worried when their man doesn't step up because to them it's a sign of not caring but that is up to their own insecurities.

 

^ I agree - some women seek out that sort of validation as faux reassurance that they have value. ("If he fights for me, I must be worth fighting for!" and the inverse.) Some even deliberately put themselves in those situations as a test. It really speaks to insecurity on both sides if a man feels he needs to do it and a woman feels she needs her man to do it.

 

while a man worried about another man hitting on his GF, i'll snatch her from him in a heartbeat.

I know right?? Done it.

 

hmmmmmm... the plot thickens!

Haha, it's not really all that thick but I have teased S_A before that I'd put his GF's loyalty to about as high a test as there could be if I ever actually got near her. S_A maintains his absolute confidence in her (and without feeling like he'd have to bodyguard her if I was around), which is really saying a lot bc I always get my woman. And while I'd hope I had the wherewithal to not actually do that, his GF is so hot (all around - gorgeous, personality, adorability etc.) that I don't think I could stop myself! It really would be like a clash of the titans moment.

[minimariah]

...I always get my woman.

 

i know.

 

And while I'd hope I had the wherewithal to not actually do that, his GF is so hot (all around - gorgeous, personality, adorability etc.)...

 

i immediately thought of you while reading this.

 

just so you know.

 

[jen1447]

Aw, you're such a sweety, thank you.

 

And you know I'd be all over you too.

[central]

My SO can handle herself. She has no difficulty nicely shutting down anyone who hits on her, and will set boundaries very clearly and emphatically when necessary. That has always been sufficient, and she doesn't need me to become involved. Once or twice when out drinking with friends, someone has been more aggressive and touched her. She just gave them a look and told them to back off, and that was all it took. If they hadn't or had done something completely unacceptable, her training makes her quite capable of taking someone down - and only hurting them if they resist.

[S_A]

I don't even need guys to do that physically if things get 'rough.'

 

I don't think people here can begin to imagine...

 

S_A's GF is ironclad, so the office tales aren't wandering-eye boasting or teasing/testing the waters, she's genuinely sharing life experiences with a committed partner like you should in healthy relationships, and nothing more. He's got one of the best ones. (In many ways ...oh my. )

 

Thanks

 

And like Loveweary mentioned, if she wants to accept another man's advances then that's fine. The relationship will end I'll just have to cope and get over it. What I am trying to say is that if all that is keeping an SO from cheating is their sense of moral duty to their partner, what's the point of continuing the relationship? She's already lost interest. The point is to make sure both (the couple) are happy to the extent that they desire to remain together without any obligation to morality.

[S_A]

while a man worried about another man hitting on his GF, i'll snatch her from him in a heartbeat.

 

Jen has the same attitude!

 

Women can definitely be a bigger threat than men. Speaking of which, my GF's team member (a female) told my GF that she thought she was "so adorable." Should I be worried?

 

In all seriousness, I'm not worried about her female team member (for a few reasons). Though on a side note, my GF thinks that her female team member is a poly girl with one GF and one BF. I thought that was interesting.

[minimariah]

The point is to make sure both (the couple) are happy to the extent that they desire to remain together without any obligation to morality.

 

yes, THIS.

[d0nnivain]

If I want my man's help dealing with unwanted advances, I'll ask for it. If he gets all caveman on me rushing to protect me I'm going to get annoyed because to me that will be him saying he doesn't trust me enough to handle my own problems. If my problem is at work & my SO tried to involve himself I'd dump him for lacking boundaries. The last thing I need is an outsider "rescuing" me at work; that would scream to my superiors that I am incompetent.

 

 

SA you are doing everything right here. Keep it up.

[galgal818]

Excuse my errors; typed all this on a mobile device (as an FYI, all my posts are on a mobile device).

 

The story: GF got a new job a week ago. A great job. Some of the guys have taken a real liking to her (CEO included). They flirt with her often, with the CEO being the biggest flirter. Without going in to too much detail, the CEO implied (to my GF) that if you're not married, you're single. That would mean that even if she was engaged to be married, she's still single in his books (and available for him to snatch away from me). The CEO is wealthy, btw.

 

My response/reaction to all this? *yawn*

 

I told my friends about this the other day and they were shocked at my reaction. Some of the things they said/asked:

 

"Aren't you worried about her cheating!?"

 

"Why don't you pay her work place a visit just to let them know 'what's up?'"

 

"Women like it when their BF gets involved if a guy hits on her; you should do something."

 

"So she just told you all of this? She trusted you enough to tell you that guys were hitting on her?"

 

"You are too nice of a guy." (Uh... lol?)

 

The whole jealousy/angry reaction thing are for those guys that feel like they are inferior to other men and feel like they need to shield their SO's from the advances of other men so that the woman does not realize that she is capable of finding a much better man (this has been my belief and remains my belief).

 

I know that, in general, women like to be desired. It's natural IMO. I'm not going to stop my GF from being desired by other guys. She gets a kick out of it (and an ego boost), and I get a kick out of her shooting them down. With that being said, 95% of the time guys try to pick her up while I'm not around of course (duh). So it's not like there is a line of guys trying to pick her up while I just sit there.

 

And yes, she tells me when other guys try to pick up on her. She even told me of an ex co-worker that asked her out this past Valentine's Day when he already knew we were together (we've been together 4.5 years). LMAO! Actually, I felt bad for the guy because he is one of those depressed romantic types. He took a leap of faith, but the poor guy never had a chance.

 

Also, why is it wrong for another guy to try to pick up my GF? Can the guy really be blamed for having good taste? I mean... At the least, our tastes agree, right? I'm not going to punish him for that. I think the only time for me to get involved is if the guy that is trying to hit on my GF is being disrespectful or inappropriate. This especially can't be tolerated if the disrespect is in a public setting. In my 4.5 years with my GF, this has only happened once. We were at the Hollywood Walk of Fame a little over a month ago and I had to shoo away some wannabe rapper. That's been the only time I had to get involved.

 

There is more to be said on this subject (like if I should worry about my GF cheating), but I am going to wind this post up for now. Though I will say it is not my role to micromanage my GF's interactions for her so that I assure myself that she won't cheat. My job is to make her want to remain in a relationship with me and to not desire cheating. IMO, once she desires someone else, I've already failed and I've lost her.

 

Hhhm. The truth is, women get hit on all the time regardless of looks, there will always be someone out there hoping to get a catch. Especially at a new job, you're considered fresh meat and everyone will be fascinated for a few weeks until you become old news. That's normal. They don't owe allegiance to anyone, your girlfriend does, and it's her job to reject them and make it known she's taken. However, the fact that she has to tell you makes it seem like she wants to get a reaction of you. Also the fact that she told you about her CEO's comment about being single unless you're married-- that could be a hint to you that if you really want to have a hold on her, you'd have to marry her. Just a guess.

 

Every woman is different. I like to deal with these situations quietly and do the right thing without always having to tell my bf that someone is after me because to me that feels like I'd be rubbing my options on his face and causing drama where there is none if you simply do the right thing and reject.

[S_A]

Also the fact that she told you about her CEO's comment about being single unless you're married-- that could be a hint to you that if you really want to have a hold on her, you'd have to marry her. Just a guess.

 

That is actually really good insight. I mean, that's not what she was thinking, but still very interesting perspective. Lets face it, a lot of girls talk with a hidden meaning.

 

She knows I am going to marry her, so she also knows I am not wasting her time. Getting her a ring has been on my mind and it will come.

 

My GF does not tell me these things because she is trying to get me jealous ir see how I react. She tells me "just because." And she knows I get a kick out of it. It boosts my ego too, y'know.

 

Like if my GF had a great day at work, she would tell me about it just because she wants to share. Getting hit on for her is no different (it makes her feel good and, I imagine, it does not get old for her either). Imagine you went out with a female friend for lunch and you ate the most amazing sushi roll ever. Maybe you'll text your other friend and be like "OMG I just had the best sushi ever! I have to bring you here!" Think of it like that.

 

I know my GF exceptionally well and know what she will think before she thinks. Don't mean to sound egotistical; I just know her extremely well. I suppose that could be because she keeps herself completely "open" for me to read.

[galgal818]

That is actually really good insight. I mean, that's not what she was thinking, but still very interesting perspective. Lets face it, a lot of girls talk with a hidden meaning.

 

She knows I am going to marry her, so she also knows I am not wasting her time. Getting her a ring has been on my mind and it will come.

 

My GF does not tell me these things because she is trying to get me jealous ir see how I react. She tells me "just because." And she knows I get a kick out of it. It boosts my ego too, y'know.

 

Like if my GF had a great day at work, she would tell me about it just because she wants to share. Getting hit on for her is no different (it makes her feel good and, I imagine, it does not get old for her either). Imagine you went out with a female friend for lunch and you ate the most amazing sushi roll ever. Maybe you'll text your other friend and be like "OMG I just had the best sushi ever! I have to bring you here!" Think of it like that.

 

I know my GF exceptionally well and know what she will think before she thinks. Don't mean to sound egotistical; I just know her extremely well. I suppose that could be because she keeps herself completely "open" for me to read.

 

I getcha. Sounds like you have a pretty good handle of the situation. In response to your question, of whether you should get involved, probably not since it's at work. You seem to have a high level of compatibility and understanding in that regard, so it sounds pretty likely that she'll take care of it well on her own. I'm pretty sure you will get to meet all of her coworkers down the road when she invites you to a company party, and there just your presence next to her will be enough to establish dominance.