Happines Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Hello to all of you I would really appreciate some advices as well as honest opinions I been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and we lived together for over 1 year. I believe I was really good to him as I took care of him even when his family didn't. I helped him with his depression and all sorts of other issues and tried to b as supportive as possible. However he always had some issues such as chatting with too many girls through messages (couple times he talked not very appropriately) and I told him that it's making me feel bad because if I never heard of them in all our relationship they can't b his good friends...at the same time he would never invite me when going out with friends. I never wanted to go all the time but u know an invite from time to time would of been nice as its a bit weird I don't know any of his friends in two years...there were many other issues such as with intimacy and not being very respectful and caring about me but he always told me he loved me so I tried working it out with him...in the past two months of the relationship I found out he kissed a girl in the club when he got drunk which I was devastated about because he tells me he doesn't like intimate things too much...he literally said it meant nothing however he was texting with her a bit after the whole kissing thing and was trying to hide it from me...he said he extremely regretted of what happened and that he will prove me his love so I said that I found a new place to live but I have nearly two months till my move so let's see how the things go...things however didn't change too much...chatting with girls continued and one night when he went out he didn't come home till the morning without even telling me which I found very disrespectful... Anyways I finally moved out two weeks ago...he was asking me not to but I thought maybe some time apart will do is good...first day I moved out he removed his relationship status in Facebook and then as well I realised he had me blocked on watsup so I wouldn't see how much time he is spending on it...I told him that honestly it's better if we don't talk anymore because he is saying one thing but then doing a complete opposite and it's just hurting my feelings...he told me that he didn't meant to hurt me and that he is lucky he met me and that he had the best time ever with me and he wished it wasn't ending will get help and will make me see the his real feelings for me...after that he didn't contact me at all so I simply deleted his number to make sure I don't text either....one week after my move out I realised I still had my costs and few jackets left at his place so I went to pick it up and simply called the door. He came down opened door and asked me what I wanted but wouldn't let me in and said he will bring my things down...so I ended up waiting outside for like 10 minutes and when he came I told him that it was very mean to behave like that after all I did for him and if he was with someone else already it's alright but no need to b so mean..he said he was alone but simply didn't want to see me in a flat where we lived together because it would b too hard to see me there and too hard to see me leave...he still said he missed me and loved me so I asked how comes not even a message and where is all the proving that he told me about...he said well u told me not to text u anymore so I don't... I mean I just don't understand his behaviour at all...I honestly think that he is already seeing someone ? Could you please give me some advice on what is going on here as I really believed he will care I left knowing how much I did for him and how much I loved him all this time with all his issues ??? Many thanks guys
drallafi Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Hello to all of you I would really appreciate some advices as well as honest opinions I been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and we lived together for over 1 year. I believe I was really good to him as I took care of him even when his family didn't. I helped him with his depression and all sorts of other issues and tried to b as supportive as possible. However he always had some issues such as chatting with too many girls through messages (couple times he talked not very appropriately) and I told him that it's making me feel bad because if I never heard of them in all our relationship they can't b his good friends...at the same time he would never invite me when going out with friends. I never wanted to go all the time but u know an invite from time to time would of been nice as its a bit weird I don't know any of his friends in two years...there were many other issues such as with intimacy and not being very respectful and caring about me but he always told me he loved me so I tried working it out with him...in the past two months of the relationship I found out he kissed a girl in the club when he got drunk which I was devastated about because he tells me he doesn't like intimate things too much...he literally said it meant nothing however he was texting with her a bit after the whole kissing thing and was trying to hide it from me...he said he extremely regretted of what happened and that he will prove me his love so I said that I found a new place to live but I have nearly two months till my move so let's see how the things go...things however didn't change too much...chatting with girls continued and one night when he went out he didn't come home till the morning without even telling me which I found very disrespectful... Anyways I finally moved out two weeks ago...he was asking me not to but I thought maybe some time apart will do is good...first day I moved out he removed his relationship status in Facebook and then as well I realised he had me blocked on watsup so I wouldn't see how much time he is spending on it...I told him that honestly it's better if we don't talk anymore because he is saying one thing but then doing a complete opposite and it's just hurting my feelings...he told me that he didn't meant to hurt me and that he is lucky he met me and that he had the best time ever with me and he wished it wasn't ending will get help and will make me see the his real feelings for me...after that he didn't contact me at all so I simply deleted his number to make sure I don't text either....one week after my move out I realised I still had my costs and few jackets left at his place so I went to pick it up and simply called the door. He came down opened door and asked me what I wanted but wouldn't let me in and said he will bring my things down...so I ended up waiting outside for like 10 minutes and when he came I told him that it was very mean to behave like that after all I did for him and if he was with someone else already it's alright but no need to b so mean..he said he was alone but simply didn't want to see me in a flat where we lived together because it would b too hard to see me there and too hard to see me leave...he still said he missed me and loved me so I asked how comes not even a message and where is all the proving that he told me about...he said well u told me not to text u anymore so I don't... I mean I just don't understand his behaviour at all...I honestly think that he is already seeing someone ? Could you please give me some advice on what is going on here as I really believed he will care I left knowing how much I did for him and how much I loved him all this time with all his issues ??? Many thanks guys Definitely already seeing someone, but that's just how these things go unfortunately. Most people in unhappy relationships don't have the courage to leave until they have a safety net (someone else) in place. Rest assured it likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. I know that doesn't help much, but the sooner you let him go, the better. 1
pidgeon1010 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 There was some incriminating evidence related to another female in the house he did not want you to see. I doubt he is looking to change for the better and resume a relationship with you, based on what you've described.
ravfour4 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 It sounds like he was never that great of a boyfriend based on your description and it does sound like he's seeing someone new, at least to some extent. Sounds like an immature boy, go meet a real man who will make you feel good about yourself and introduce you to his friends and invite you out all the time.
Author Happines Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Thank u guys. I think u might b right. I asked him if he was already seeing someone and he said definitely not and he is studying alone and watching TV which I am sure was a total lie...but why say u will change and prove me all these things cuz u don't imagine ur life without me???...even even I picked up those things he still said he missed me and love me... I don't understand the need for lieing to me
ravfour4 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 It's a combo of him trying not to hurt your feelings by saying the truth flat out (although he's fine with hurting your feelings behind the scenes) and him not wanting to say what he's doing out loud because he knows it makes him sound like a contradictory *******.
Author Happines Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 But what I don't understand is that he was asking me not to move out that we will make it work and etc and that he doesn't want to b with anyone else but me And how he will seek help and sort himself out as he doesn't want all this to end Then in less then a week finds someone else???(which assume he did since he didn't let me inside) but still tells me he misses me and loved me and it's so hard for him I am glad I left I really am and even know it hurts I am glad I found out how he really is...what hurts me the most is that in less then a week he is already with someone which is just not making sense since he told me he was lucky he had me and he wishes it wasn't ending and he regrets all he did... He is taking antidepressants so maybe that just suppressed his feelings and made him sort of be indifferent and he is one of those people who is incapable being alone in his own company...
ravfour4 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 My ex gf of 4 years lived with me and I kept trying to get her to leave, but she wanted to stay and ended up staying for a few months - even though she had a new love interest the entire time. She didn't want to give up everything we had at once - that's scarier than phasing off of the relationship and god forbid she has to face some fear. If he's with someone new and still saying he misses you, he's obviously a confused fool.
drallafi Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 My ex gf of 4 years lived with me and I kept trying to get her to leave, but she wanted to stay and ended up staying for a few months - even though she had a new love interest the entire time. She didn't want to give up everything we had at once - that's scarier than phasing off of the relationship and god forbid she has to face some fear. If he's with someone new and still saying he misses you, he's obviously a confused fool. Same situation I'm in now. She is FINALLY leaving at the end of this month. As much as I know it's the right thing, I know I'm gonna miss her.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Honestly, I don't think he was ever very committed to you or invested in this relationship. He continued chatting up other girls, kissing one, and kept on talking to her. These are not the actions of a man who really loves you. And I agree with the others, he's not being honest about his reasons for not letting you in the apartment. Either someone else was there or there was evidence that someone else had been there and he doesn't want to hurt you any further. I also think he's full of malarkey when he says he'll provde to you that he's different, blah blah blah. He's keeping you as a back-up option if things don't go well with whomever he's got at the moment. Delete, block, ignore. And next time, don't stick around with a guy who has other girls in his orbit. Your mistake was letting him get away with that. Stand up for yourself and don't let people treat you like an option when you're treating them like a priority.
Author Happines Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 In regards him chatting to girls well that one was complicated to b honest because I didn't want to b jealous girlfriend as u know people have opposite sex friends...but he would b chatting to them way more then he did with me if lets say he would go away. Plus I know it's silly of me but I tried to b understanding thinking it's all due to his depression...I asked him many many times if he wanted me to move out and go separate ways but he always insisted how much he loves me and wants nothing more just how to b with me... I loved him loads so sort of wanted to believe he is an honest person...me moving out I guess was the best thing I could of ever done because now I seen real him and not his nonsense chatting and lies...however it does really hurt me knowing I was extremely honest to him always loving and always looking after him and helping all those times when he was ill... I did go on watsup few times coz I sort of wanted to just ask him if he was alright as I miss him but every time i went on it no matter what time it was he was already on it...meaning he is chatting with all the girls but then he accepted he did when I tried to pick up some of my things and he didn't let me in I spoke to my parents and even they can't believe how he acted after I moved out as they honestly thought he loved me... Still telling me u love me so much and moving on in few days is a total ass behaviour
Author Happines Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 And thank you so much to all of you for taking your time to tell me your opinion...it was very helpful and kind of an eye opener because I was still trying to believe him...I did not want to accept that he could b like this but now I know that it's a time to move on...there was no contact from him neither me since the day I picked up my things so around 8 days. Already feeling better then two weeks ago so hopefully things will get better going forward
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