I love this girl. She's 14 and I 'm 19. She's Vietnamese and I am Indian.

[therealtonegonehome]

Okay, so let me start off by saying that I am 19. I live in India. I used to live in the UAE for close to a decade. My parents got settled there a year after I was born in '96. I came back to India in 2007 due to some family issues. I have an older sister and a younger brother. I can tell you I didn't have a good upbringing in the family because of my cultural differences between them and certain bad habits I formed as I was growing up. I 'll explain more about my life as I go on.

 

I recently met this girl on Steam (online gaming service) through a friend I used to play Dota 2 (MMORPG) with a lot about 2 months ago. I have been playing this game since October 2013, hence, I know the game a little more than most newcomers. The friend I am talking about is Phil Long. He used Filipino slurs when we play together. I assumed he was from the Philippines, but he was actually Vietnamese.

 

One day, he asked me if I could coach the game to a bunch of newcomers that he knew personally in real life. I said I would. He told me they were studying in High School and are around the age range of 14-16. I said I could handle them because I am used to aggressive people both in real life and online. Teenagers tend to be confused and are trying to figure out who they wanna be in life when they grow up, so you could understand what I am coming at.

 

I met a couple of his friends. We used the in-game chat service provided by Steam to get along with each other. They were a little rude at first but I got along and ignored the negative comments they had to make about me since they were younger than me. Until one of them had more questions than the others and that intrigued me to find out more about this person. Whoever this player was seemed to be more straightforward and more observant than the rest. And I liked that.

 

The player told me that he/she was a girl. I didn't care at all. I was there to do the job my friend asked me to. I don't usually believe anyone online claiming themselves to be 'gamer girls'. We do live in a messed up world. I continued to help her/him out with the game along with the rest of the boys. They made a lot of mistakes that were frustrating. But I made myself calm in such situations and I told them it was okay to commit mistakes but they must be mistakes that they should learn from.

 

We had a small argument in one of those days. I wasn't ready to believe that the player was a girl and I was very ignorant and rude. Until, he/she said that they would use a microphone to prove it but it was a crappy one. I let him/her do whatever they have to, to prove themselves.

 

Once I got on a call on Steam, I heard a soft voice for the first time. It was the most sweetest voice I 've ever heard. I fell in love instantly. She had a lot of questions about the game but I didn't wanna tell her how I felt. I wanted to keep things at a professional perspective. So, I pretended to be a little strict and hard on her, while still caring about her. And everytime she made a mistake, I was there to comfort her and help her out. People were getting suspicious about me spending more time with her than with them. I would coach them all individually but they are about 5-7 people in total with more filling in everyday. I am not getting paid for this. I am doing this out of generosity and as a favor for Phil Long since he asked me politely and I had a lot of free time around to utilize. And no one asked me any questions about what they had to do. They were obsessed with their self-righteous attitudes and didn't care much to ask anything. They said they already knew the game. Then why ask me to come and help them more?

 

I began to spend more time with the girl outside Steam. We added each other on Skype and started texting and talking on our mics. Mostly, the texting being more repetitive in all instances. Her name's Linh. And she's 14. I was surprised because she sounded like 20-22 years old. I suppose women can sound anyway they can. It's strong to talk like that. And she told me she was 5'6. I am 5'5. I never had a growth spurt in all my teenage years. So, I thought that was an issue. I told her about myself. Where I came from, what I do and what my likes and dislikes are. You know, the usual introductory brief conversation you have when you try to get along with someone.

 

2 weeks later after we met, I was beginning to hate everyone else and I realized I loved Linh more.I tried to be nice to her friends but they didn't seem to care. I found myself caring and looking out for her even when she wasn't right in front of me and I would apologize for every mistake that she makes or I made in the game. I felt insecure and I started acting like a d**k to her friends very soon after that. I got paranoid with my thoughts and how I went along with my daily routine everyday. I couldn't stop thinking about her and I would stay awake for nights trying to picture a future with this woman (Yes, I prefer to look at her as a woman so she's stronger to me).

 

A month later, I completely lost control of my actions and admitted to her I was leaving her and I am never coming back. She was curious as to why I made a hard decision like that. I finally admitted to her that I love her. More than a friend. More than anything in my life. She paused for a few seconds and told me she loves me too. But I made it clear I don't love her as a friend. She said she loves me more than a friend as well. I was excited. She asked me if this is what I really wanted? Is this goodbye? I gave up the idea of walking away. And I stayed with her.

 

I found out more about her in that following week. I saw her face. She already knew what I looked like since I have my picture on Steam. She wasn't the most prettiest girl in the world or the most ugliest girl either. She was okay, I 'd say. But I don't care about how she looks like. And she said she didn't care about my looks and about my height. She told me that she loved me for my caring and affectionate personality.

 

I 'll tell you guys more about this story. But, what do you think about this? Does it look like it's gonna work out? Or are there gonna be any problems in the long run? Please try to keep the responses diplomatic. Even if you have something negative to say to me.

[CarrieT]

I didn't have to read anything beyond the title.

 

She is 14.

 

She is a CHILD.

 

Walk away now.

[therealtonegonehome]

I am not trying to have sex with her. I love her passionately. I am not that kind of guy, I assure you. I 'd wait till she's 18 if she wanted to do it. But, frankly I don't think I 'll be interested even after that.

[drallafi]

I am not trying to have sex with her. I love her passionately. I am not that kind of guy, I assure you. I 'd wait till she's 18 if she wanted to do it. But, frankly I don't think I 'll be interested even after that.

 

The only person talking about sex here is you.

 

Again, she is 14.

 

Stop, just stop.

[TaraMaiden2]

I'll tell you what: Keep going.

No, seriously, just keep it up.

In 4 years, she will be an adult and very much into a completely different lifestyle.

You won't lose interest - she will.

 

She will mature emotionally and diversify, spread her wings and explore other countless avenues.

So by all means, dedicate your entire life to waiting for her, and being in love with her.

 

This sadly as with all loves embarked upon when brains aren't even fully formed yet - will end with her in her own world, and with you in tears.

[therealtonegonehome]

Yeah, that's what you think. But she has made hints about sex I wasn't comfortable with. We were playing with everyone that she knows and she said 'double d' in the public voice chat. I felt disgusted and asked her what kind of girl she was. I thought she didn't know what she was talking about because she was young and she probably was trying to be funny. But you can never be so sure. And she talks about black penises with her friends while I am there with everyone, so it made me feel uneasy and I stopped talking to her for a while.

 

So who do you think is talking about sex? You can decide. I don't care. I know I am not interested in it and am not expecting it in this relationship or any for that matter.

[therealtonegonehome]

I'll tell you what: Keep going.

No, seriously, just keep it up.

In 4 years, she will be an adult and very much into a completely different lifestyle.

You won't lose interest - she will.

 

She will mature emotionally and diversify, spread her wings and explore other countless avenues.

So by all means, dedicate your entire life to waiting for her, and being in love with her.

 

This sadly as with all loves embarked upon when brains aren't even fully formed yet - will end with her in her own world, and with you in tears.

You know, you have a valid point. I informed her that she was gonna be a completely different person in 4 years from now and might not remember me. She can, but she won't like me the way she does now. I tried talking to her about this, but she always avoids the conversation. I recall noticing major changes in my decision making and intellectual beliefs after I turned 18. And I began taking life more seriously. I don't like making friends because personally I think they 're a waste of time and I don't look at people in the face when I go out or when I visit the gym. I used to run around talking to people in high school but I was always ignored and neglected by everyone. I wasn't good at sports or studies because I am weak both physically and mentally.

 

Honestly, I am worried about losing her. She's so innocent and sweet. I love her a lot. She doesn't seem to understand. And I don't know if I could move on. We had argued a couple of times calling each other words but she usually gets angry first more often than me. I don't know why. So it leads me into calling her mean things which I don't want to. I just got angry because she always treats me like I am trash and I am the only one that cares about her and is nice to her. She was great the first time we met. But after I admitted to her that I have feelings for her, it looks like she was taking advantage of me. But I feel like she's had a hard time growing up. I can understand from her perspective that things might not be easy. She has a lot of friends and spends plenty of time with them. I assume that her life isn't as miserable as mine. Yet, she's always angry and sad for no reason. I don't know a lot of things about her. I wish I did, but she never talks to me. Because she says she's busy with family, school and friends. I wish she 'd find time for me. Or should I say make time for me. Simple 5 minutes is grateful enough. But even that's hard to get now.

[TaraMaiden2]

Ok. She's messing with you.

She is not emotionally or mentally mature enough yet to take you seriously, and by the time she is, you too, will be 4 years older.

And by that time, you two will have such diverse interests and lifestyles, you'll wonder what the hell was going on, even...

 

This is 'unrequited love'. Not because she's being cruel or distant - but because she doesn't have a clue... it's all girly-school-talk....

 

The mis-match is so obvious, it's painful.

 

You will get nothing from this but a broken heart. That's not pessimism, that's reality, truth and frankly, the best warning you will ever get to distance yourself from this, right now, and save yourself a whole raft of bother.

 

I guarantee this WILL end in tears.

And they will more than likely, be yours.

[therealtonegonehome]

Ok. She's messing with you.

She is not emotionally or mentally mature enough yet to take you seriously, and by the time she is, you too, will be 4 years older.

And by that time, you two will have such diverse interests and lifestyles, you'll wonder what the hell was going on, even...

 

This is 'unrequited love'. Not because she's being cruel or distant - but because she doesn't have a clue... it's all girly-school-talk....

 

The mis-match is so obvious, it's painful.

 

You will get nothing from this but a broken heart. That's not pessimism, that's reality, truth and frankly, the best warning you will ever get to distance yourself from this, right now, and save yourself a whole raft of bother.

 

I guarantee this WILL end in tears.

And they will more than likely, be yours.

You are not wrong. I 'll take your advice. It's gonna be hard to kill all my feelings for her and move on to another girl. But, it's gonna take a while.

 

Thanks a lot. You 've been helpful.

[Arieswoman]

therealtonegonehome,

 

Stop this now.

 

She is a child and you are heading towards something that's illegal.

[therealtonegonehome]

therealtonegonehome,

 

Stop this now.

 

She is a child and you are heading towards something that's illegal.

Yes, I know. I told this to my mom and my older sister. They said they wouldn't help me if I was thrown behind bars. I laughed about it, but they sounded serious. I 'll watch out from now on. Thanks.

[Els]

Okay, I actually read the whole thing.

 

I agree with the others, you have to be the bigger person and do the right thing here. Regardless of what 'hints' she's giving you, she doesn't truly know what she's doing, but you do. You either have to go no-contact or, if you can't do that without quitting your hobby, keep your contact strictly to in-game platonic talk with everyone else around.

 

I was a gamer at 15 in the early days of the internet, and I did talk to much older men whom I gamed with. They were in general pretty respectful and kept their distance especially once they knew my age, though, and I appreciated that. Looking back now, it signals that they were decent people who tried to do the right thing by keeping everything aboveboard and platonic.

[Lois_Griffin]

You are not wrong. I 'll take your advice. It's gonna be hard to kill all my feelings for her and move on to another girl. But, it's gonna take a while.

 

Thanks a lot. You 've been helpful.

Oh for God's sakes. She's an immature little teenage girl who's not even grown up enough to know better than to talk about black penises in a public chat room. She's a voice and text on your screen - and that's what you're 'in love' with? Damn.

 

If some kid thousands of miles away - who you haven't even met in person - is someone you're so completely 'in love' with, I can only imagine how you'd obsess over the waitress at your local Denny's if she smiled at you and said hello.

[TaraMaiden2]

Now now, Lois... weren't you young and impressionable, once.... ?

[autumnnight]

Sadly, based on what you have shared about her...I wonder if she is being trafficked. The average ago of sex trafficking is 12, and they are told to be provocative like this.

 

The thought makes me sad.

 

Even if she isn't, this is something that could potentially be illegal, and even if she "consented" (which is not legally possible), it would land you on a registry for the rest of your life.

 

Walk away.

[drallafi]

Yeah, that's what you think. But she has made hints about sex I wasn't comfortable with. We were playing with everyone that she knows and she said 'double d' in the public voice chat. I felt disgusted and asked her what kind of girl she was. I thought she didn't know what she was talking about because she was young and she probably was trying to be funny. But you can never be so sure. And she talks about black penises with her friends while I am there with everyone, so it made me feel uneasy and I stopped talking to her for a while.

 

So who do you think is talking about sex? You can decide. I don't care. I know I am not interested in it and am not expecting it in this relationship or any for that matter.

 

 

Again. The only one here (on Loveshack) talking about sex... is you.

 

Everyone else is saying, "Duh, she's 14... this won't work."

 

Do with this information as you will.

[justwhoiam]

I am 19. I live in India. The friend I am talking about is Phil Long. He used Filipino slurs when we play together. I assumed he was from the Philippines, but he was actually Vietnamese.

Is it that entertaining to hear/read insults by some unknown guy living in another country? And how is it OK with you? Don't you feel like being a bit more selective when picking friends? Though I know men might like to insult each other or talk dirty.

 

We do live in a messed up world.

At least you're aware of that.

 

I heard a soft voice for the first time. It was the most sweetest voice I 've ever heard. I fell in love instantly.

After centuries, millennia, men are still affected by the power of sirens...

 

and didn't care much to ask anything. They said they already knew the game. Then why ask me to come and help them more?

 

she told me she was 5'6. I am 5'5.

As many Asians are petite, I guess you really e-bumped into one that is tall, especially for you. You'll say you don't care about how tall she is, but my comment is inconsequential.

 

I couldn't stop thinking about her and I would stay awake for nights trying to picture a future with this woman (Yes, I prefer to look at her as a woman so she's stronger to me).

Wow, you really went far with your imagination... but you wouldn't be the first to do that and you won't be the last either. Anyway, what do you mean by "so she's stronger to me"?

 

I finally admitted to her that I love her. More than a friend. More than anything in my life. She paused for a few seconds and told me she loves me too. But I made it clear I don't love her as a friend. She said she loves me more than a friend as well. I was excited. She asked me if this is what I really wanted? Is this goodbye? I gave up the idea of walking away. And I stayed with her.

So, at that point, what was the deal? Just go on talking as you used to as friends? Or?

 

I don't care about how she looks like. And she said she didn't care about my looks and about my height. She told me that she loved me for my caring and affectionate personality.

I guess all that makes sense as long as you just talk to one another through a microphone or a computer screen. I'm not into looks much myself, I'm quite beyond that. But physical attraction must be there or it's just friendship. You need to acknowledge that.

 

what do you think about this?

I think it sounds like a platonic relationship, where there might be potential, but nothing concrete under the sun.

 

Does it look like it's gonna work out?

What should work out exactly? I've heard that some people remain into gaming forever, devoting so much time to it. Personally, I think it's a waste of time, if it's too prolonged over time. It's all time deducted from other experiences that are less passive and more enriching. But to each their own.

However, life taught me that we go through stages, and this stage of her life and yours is likely bound to end.

 

are there gonna be any problems in the long run?

It all depends on what your goal is in the long run. I think that before thinking of any long run, you should meet her first. Let me be plain. I guess you wouldn't buy a used car from a picture and the description of the owner. In the same manner, you shouldn't make lifelong decisions about someone you don't even know (though you might think you do know her).

 

I am not trying to have sex with her.

You mean for the time being or forever?

 

I love her passionately.

This is 19-century romanticism. Passion should not just be virtual, but also real, with her in person. And for it to really work, she must respond to your passion with just as much passion. You have no guarantee that can even happen.

 

But, frankly I don't think I 'll be interested even after that.

Hmm, what did you mean here? That you wouldn't be interested in her sexually not even when she's older? Then I guess you'd stand zero chance with her. The chances that she won't have any sexual urge are very slim or even non existent.

 

she has made hints about sex I wasn't comfortable with. We were playing with everyone that she knows and she said 'double d' in the public voice chat.

In reference to what? As in she has double Ds? Please explain.

 

I felt disgusted and asked her what kind of girl she was.

Oh, what a good beginning... of nothing. Can you really be in love with someone who disgusts you? And don't tell me it was just one instance, because the reality is you wouldn't know what to expect from her, as you are not living together. You need to find a girl sharing your values.

 

And she talks about black penises with her friends while I am there with everyone, so it made me feel uneasy and I stopped talking to her for a while.

That was wise. She can't behave properly not even in your presence, guess when you're not around.

 

So who do you think is talking about sex? You can decide. I don't care. I know I am not interested in it and am not expecting it in this relationship or any for that matter.

So you're not interested in sex in general? Then I guess a relationship with any typical woman won't be easy. Maybe you can get in touch with women who are not into sex either, there's a community gathering people with your same disinterest.

 

I don't like making friends because personally I think they 're a waste of time and I don't look at people in the face when I go out or when I visit the gym.

Maybe you should look into this a bit with the help of a psychologist. If you want to have a more fulfilling life.

 

I was always ignored and neglected by everyone. I wasn't good at sports or studies because I am weak both physically and mentally.

And this might be true or not, but surely there's a lot you can do about it.

 

I am worried about losing her.

Contact relies upon media. If she blocked you, you wouldn't know how to find her. Because I guess you know nothing about her. So be prepared to lose contact with her any moment.

 

She's so innocent and sweet.

She might be sweet... but innocent, you don't really know. Actually, no one that innocent would talk about black penises in a game chat with a bunch of unknown people. So be objective about it.

 

I love her a lot. She doesn't seem to understand.

Understand what? That some guy she never met has a crush on her? I think she understood that, and she may take advantage of it.

 

I don't know if I could move on.

Life forces you to move on. Like when someone dies. It's different if you don't feel like moving on.

 

We had argued a couple of times calling each other words but she usually gets angry first more often than me. I don't know why. So it leads me into calling her mean things which I don't want to.

That's really sweet, isn't it? How good do you think it is for two strangers to insult one another? Do you think it's healthy? And that a healthy relationship can come out of it?

 

she always treats me like I am trash

Funny. Didn't you just say she's so sweet? I think you see her as a sweet girl, but she isn't. She calls you bad names and treats you like crap. Come on. That's not sweet.

 

after I admitted to her that I have feelings for her, it looks like she was taking advantage of me.

Very likely, as I said.

 

But I feel like she's had a hard time growing up.

What do you mean? She's only 14. She's still growing up. Anyway, why do you feel she had a hard time? And what does that justify exactly in your view?

 

I don't know a lot of things about her.

Bingo.

 

I wish I did, but she never talks to me. Because she says she's busy with family, school and friends. I wish she 'd find time for me. Or should I say make time for me. Simple 5 minutes is grateful enough. But even that's hard to get now.

That should give you a simple hint. She doesn't feel like getting to intimate with you. She's keeping you at a distance, somehow. Still keeping in touch to string you along.

 

I wonder if she is being trafficked.

I had the same thought.