SpykiE Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Okay, I REALLY need some help! I have been with my g/f for 4 years and 2 months.... a long time to be with someone. We started out as friends, I was just getting out of a really bad breakup and was still heart-broken at the time, but I was moving on slowly (this was senior year of high school, I am now 22 and so is she). Her and I became really close and eventually I decided I'd take the leap, what the hell, what did I have to lose? So I asked her out (even though I was not completely over my previous g/f). Well we have had our fair share of good fights and arguments over the years, but also tons and tons of good times, we have been through a lot of stuff together. We have lived together for 6 months about almost 2 years ago and then moved back to our parents' houses. I decided to go off to school to experience something different and broaden my horizons (I am from New Jersey), so I am now living in Minneapolis, MN and have been for the last 9 months, while attending school. At first I was a little apprehensive about whether or not the whole long-distance thing would work, but after being out here for a while, I realized her and I had already laid the major "ground-work," so if anything, this would only strengthen us and give us a different perspective on things. It would also make us realize that we must not take for granted eachother, which is very true, and I have grown confident since then, maybe too confident. Which leads me to the reason why I am posting this... Last night, her and I had an argument over the phone over something really trivial, or at least it seems like that to me. I have an account on myspace.com, simply b/c I like to post pictures of me and friends and what-not and b/c a few of my friends have profiles on there as well. Well sometimes I have girls send me invites to have them on my friends list. It is a completely random thing and so I accept their friendship invite... I don't like denying people, maybe I'm just too nice a guy. Well, she got upset that I had another girl or 2 on my friends list and questioned it.... I argued with her and asked her why something so small upset her and that I thought she was overreacting. I went on to assure her that I loved her very much and that I was not going to up and leave her for another girl, that those girls on the website were simply people there that found my profile randomly and asked to be a friend, that's all. We argued a little more b/c she told me I wasn't getting what she was trying to explain to me, and she used an instance where if she met a guy somewhere, wouldn't I be jealous as well? I explained that I would not be jealous, b/c I'm trustworthy of her and confident that she would not just up and leave me as well as cheat on me. Now, she starts to cry and tells me she feels like she doesn't matter to me b/c she just wishes that sometimes I would get jealous for her. That at least if I got jealous sometimes that it would show her that she is worth feeling that way about. She also mentioned that when I don't get jealous for her it feels to her like I know she is not desireable by another guy....which is not true as she is a very beautiful girl. Now here's the question....What do you guys think about this?? Is it right for her to feel this way?? and does it really seem true that a guy CAN get too confident (such as in my case)?? Also, mostly all of our fights/arguments stem from 3 issues: #1. I never tell her what's on my mind and express my feelings, or let her into how I am feeling. (over the years this has become better and better), but this was a mark left in me b/c of how hurt I was left from my previous relationship. #2. She is always bringing up getting engaged and married which places pressure on me as I am trying to finish my school (and she will be getting her RN degree in another 2 years as well) and I don't want to just get engaged and married for all the wrong reasons simply b/c I feel pressured. #3. Is my g/f is always afraid I'm gonna leave her.... She brings it up all the time, like I am going to find someone else and not love her anymore. However, that very idea she has is directly linked to me not being completely over my ex when her and I started dating. She used to bring it up all the time, but now not so much anymore..... However, that has translated into jealousy as discussed above. I'm sorry for the extremely long post guys, but I just really need someone else's outside opinion and HELP mainly. This is a girl I care for and love very much, however, these things listed above have sometimes made me question the whole relationship and whether or not I should continue along or simply cut the chord. I am so confused right now.....please help me out, thanks!
nugirl Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Well, Ive been in this situation before...not to long ago. I have to tell you, I understand where your g/f is coming from. She wants to feel like you love her so much that you dont want anyone to come along and take you away from her. She thinks that maybe if you acted jealous once in a while, you would show that you care. And yes, I can deifinately see how she would think that you are over confident if you never get jealous. It makes it seem like you KNOW that she isn't going anywhere. Do you have female friends that you want to spend time with? I didn't find this anywhere in your post. You need to look at it from her point of view. She feels totally insecure because she is terrified of you leaving her and the thought that someone could take her from you has never even crossed your mind. It probably pisses her off to. When would you get jealous? Does she have to be hanging off a guys back and ignoring you in order for you to feel jealous? You need to talk with her more and just telling her that you love her and you arn't going to leave her is not enough. You need to EXPLAIN it. You and you g/f need to come to a joint agreement.
Recommended Posts