john1992 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Hello all, Some of you might have seen my thread that i posted about my breakup. It wasn't a long relationship but i really loved her. We dated for 2 months and after that we were in a relationship only lasted for 3 months. Short version of the story: I was at her place from saturday to monday, from both sides it felt good, atleast thats what i thought. She even said i love you so much and i dont want to lose you. She kept kissing me and touching me and everything was like normal. I left Monday texted her that night nothing was wrong, next day everything changed. Suddenly started change her way of texting and acted different, it felt like i was just a friend nothing more when we texted. On Wednesday she asked for space and she dumped me on Friday. But the thing that bothers me is, she started thinking about us for 2 -3 weeks if she still loved me or not. When we broke up she kept saying different reasons why she wanted to break up. The things she told me when she wanted to break up, most are in my opinion lame excuses: 1: ''I'm way to busy with school and have alot to do'' - I gave her all the space and time she needed when she had exams. And only came to her place at night and left in the morning. We discussed when i could come over, it was 1 or 2 nights in the week. 2: ''You have all the time for me and i can't offer it to you'' - We never had a problem with this... From monday to friday, i only came at her place and she came at my place when we both had time. Weekends we always saw each other and did things together with friends and family. 3: ''I don't think we are a match together, we are way to different'' - When we went on vacation she said: I think we really match together we both like the same things and enjoy every day together. We had the same humor and everything was perfect she said. 4: ''we grew apart'' - In 2 weeks? She told me during the vacation, that the 2 weeks after she had alot of things planned with friends and family. And if i wouldn't mind and see her the weekend at the end of week 2. Our last weekend ''happily together''. 5: ''I figured out i can't be in a committed relationship in my live now cause i'm way to busy with alot of stuff'' - Then why did i found out/heard, That she went on that dating app tinder immediately after the next day when we broke up. Started dating again and now found her new love 1 month after. 6: ''I don't think i have any feelings for you anymore, i know you love me but i don't feel the same way anymore like before.'' - I don't have a answer to this one haha. But atleast this is one i could respect and move on from. And yes i even got you're a nice guy and one of the best i had, you did your best and made me happy and i enjoyed everyday. But you are better for some one else. Number 6 is in my opinion the only thing she had to say that made me believe her and accept her choice. But number 1-5 she could leave those cause all of them are just some lies and excuses in my opinion. It also made me doubt myself where i went wrong cause of number 5. And the weekend she was telling me i love you and all those things she did, touching, kissing and sex. So what's my problem now? It's that i'm thinking back and where did i go wrong? I treated her like a guy should, Didn't she her as a object. For me she was the most beautiful and nicest person who i fell in love with. I even saw a long future with her, she even told me during the vacation she saw a future with me and doesnt want to leave me. Never had a fight, always happy together, Sex and all that wasn't a problem either, when she felt down always cheered her up. I can go on and on with this. But i can't seem to find anything what i did wrong or where i went wrong that messed it up. The only thing i can come up with is she met some one else during our relationship. And kept me on the line until that guy also wanted to start something with her. Cause it was moving so fast with her forgetting about me and immediately started dating that guy. So why not tell the truth? And if she met some one else during our relationship why not tell me i met another guy and i start getting feelings for him. Cause i rather hear the truth and her to be honest to me then lie. I respect honesty and it would make it easier for me to move on. I only think now that alot of things were lies cause of this. And i started thinking where she started with lying and if she kept me on the line to see how far i would go. My question to everyone here, did you experience something like this aswell? That he/she lied to you about their feelings and gave alot excuses why breaking up? And what would you rather hear the hard truth why or some lie/excuse?
learnbyliving Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I just came out of something similar. Got a bunch of excuses but in the end the truest explanation is something like your #6. That might well be the true reason, but it ultimately doesn't matter what the reasons were, you know the fact is her feelings did change and that's where you need to move forward from It's one of the hardest reasons to deal with, when we think everything is perfect but their feelings changed. You're in the period where you're over analyzing and trying to find other reasons, but that will pass. Stay strong! 1
dumbass2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Yes, when we get dumped we rarely get the reason, but the truth and fact of the matter is, that the other person did not want to be in a relationship with us any more. Yes, i went over and over and analyzed what she said and It didn't make sense. After a time away from you start to look back at yourself. What did you do wrong? You did nothing wrong, but maybe there are somethings you can find that YOU know you want to work on for your next relationship. I did some self awareness and found some of those things and feel that much better about going into my next relationship. I didn't need my ex to tell me anything. I found things myself. I think that is the best way to learn and grow. She is useless to you know. You will not get straight answers. Go with the fact she did not want to be with you and try to leave it at that as hard as it might be. "Cause i rather hear the truth and her to be honest to me then lie. I respect honesty and it would make it easier for me to move on." I know you feel this way now, but I guarantee you if she had told you this, you would still have questions and you would still feel this bad if not worse. Don't beat yourself up. Give this time and start reflecting back on a few things that you might be able to learn from and improve on. 1
Author john1992 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 The looking back phase is the worst to be honest. Cause you keep thinking what, how and when. If i could go back in time and i would gave her all the space she needed? but i might had to wait longer until i get the word i love you again or i had to wait longer before getting dumped. But than again if she lost her feeling in love once it would happen probably again. So it was good it happened at 3 months instead of a year or longer. But still the pain of a broken heart sucks even when it wasn't that long. I don't know how people do this, suddenly so in love and next day a switch in their head changes and your completely no one to them anymore. I just don't exist for her anymore and i am just an other page in her book that got ripped out and burned. After all those fun days and great time we had together.
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