JayD Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Hello everyone, I'm 31 and me and my ex(28 years old) are separated for 2.5 months now. I wish to share you my story, which is kind odd for my experience. I met a girl 2 years ago, we made a bond at the first date..i really felt she was the one. She had some medical issues from the time we met and i really supported her from the beginning, i mean we just met and for the first 2 months i was always at her place keeping company to her since she wasn't really good. At some points i did thought she was faking it to avoid me and we had some tension but it was proven she wasn't and i was really there for her even though we just met. We were somehow different people at some things and we had some tensions from time to time, and we did "break up" few times but the love was so strong to let it go. We found a rythm at some point and everything was good..there was love, i felt it for the first time and mainly from me..i never thought i would to such things for a woman. We decided to buy a dog together, i mainly bought it and paid for all the expenses(medical expenses for the dog i kept her secret that i was treating the dog at a friend so there was no need to pay)..we made a lot of trips together, did many things we were together 24/7 ! At 4 months we were together she met me to her parents like i was the ONE for her. Her parents loved me from the start (imagine it ! ) But there is a difference of how i think triggered a problem. I told her i will meet you to my mom when we have something official since at my age i wish to meet to my mom the one i will marry.(my dad has passed away). We had some problems about it cause she was doubting me about it and i was hidding her from my life etc. She couldnt just accept i was different. Months passed away we had good times, bad times and then christmass came. My mom was ill and me and my gf had a major fight and we broke up. Few days later my mom passed away too...she thought i was faking it in order to get her back...Anyway after a while she tought it and she came back, she did check my phone without knowing it to be sure my mom died tho. Anyhow i forgave her, after 4 months she met me at her whole family as her soon to be husband(we were planning to engage at July). Few days later we had a fight and broke up for a health issue, i was sick (For the first time) and she thought it was good idea to go to a trip with her friends and leave me alone, and my ego kicked in..i was always there for her and for once i asked her to be there she refused. I was so mad i threaten her to take back her dog, we had major fighting and i backed down. But she changed. Her parents called me few times to talk to me and wait for her to calm down but after 3 weeks her dad told me to leave her alone afterall... After 2 weeks i send her and email for my apologies regarding all my mistakes and all the mistakes she made that was from my behaviour. She replied thank you for sending me this mail and it really fixed the image i had about you after the bad break up...take care.. After few days i mailed her again asking why and why is really indifference about me...we were about to get engaged she didnt even care of how im doing and if im better from my sickness. Anyhow she replied that she loved me and will care about me but i should stop mailing her and she was confused about everything i said and at the last major fight i showed her a psychopath side of me! I replied to her that she was wrong and she knew it she was wrong. Few days later i send another mail and she replied to this one also. I texted her a song and how i missed her. She replied she loved me and made plans for us but she could not believe who i was and what other lies told her in our relationship, and she didnt want to find out what the truths and lies were. And stop sending her. I replied what she means ? She said she found out about the vet that i was lying about it.. I responded that i was doing it in order not to feel bad about paying the expenses...i did it with good purpose cause i knew she had some financial issues. anyhow. My last message was send few days later with how i was going to purpose to her...she replied kinda angry and dissapointed..stop texing me..our relationship was a lie, so was your love, when you love someone you dont lie to him i dont belive anything you said, not even about your mom. I saw the signs but i didnt give attention to the signs cause i loved you and i wanted to be with you. I loved you but your love wasnt real, you dont keep someone with lies. I send her proofs of my "lies" and she didnt respond to them. Guys i really love her, i have no idea what is going on..all i know is that the previous relationships of her, they dumped her and cheated on her. I tried to do anything for her, i did anything for her..i got her a home, a dog, my 100% love, i was 100% there for her and her family. I cant figure out what the hell is going on, i mean if she didnt love me and wanted to get away from me would she respond to all my mails since she dont want me ? She blocked me from social media, she didnt even send me text at my birthday...why so aggression why she deleted me so much from her life, i was supposed to be the one, we were about to get engaged in one month ? it really hurts me she was the one and she told me i was the one for her few days before we break up. I just cant cope with it..and i had hard life, but i let myself in to her...im a damn military officer and i cry like a little baby. Maybe she met someone else and did that so she wont have qualms ?
Haydn Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I don`t quite follow.... But if i can read between the lines, she sounds quite scared of you. I think you`d best leave this alone. Don`t try to contact her as i think it will make it worse. I think it will do you good as well to see what you `maybe` did wrong and see if she had a point?
Author JayD Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 I have seen my mistakes but nothing can justify such a behaviour. If she was scared of me, why would she even answer to my mails? And every message she wrote were bitter, like she is trying to throw all the guilts to me. And threatening to take the dog (it was just to "shake" her) and she knows i wouldn't do it. And i did send her my apologies for my behaviour but i justify it that i was overwhelmed by anger for letting me down for the only time i asked her to support me. I feel i have been mistreated. I feel like she never loved me and just used me. We all see our faults at the end of the relationship, she didn't however apologised at all for her mistakes. Why would she treat me like this? I did anything for her and she knows i really loved her. I wonder if all this was just a way to be with some other guy with no guilts. I feel wrecked, i did plans, bought a bloody ring, i was sincere she was gonna be my wife and give her a fantastic family we always wanted... Few days ago before the major break up she was saying how much she loves and that im the one and she never loved like this before..and after what? I feel betrayed...i believed her..
Haydn Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 If you feel mistreated and lied to then it is a good thing that this has happened. You two were not as good together as you `felt` The point being that it does not matter now. What matters now is that you take time for yourself. How she feels is not important. You need to go through the `hurt` and that means going no contact. Do not try to find out anything about her. Don`t talk to mutual friends or family. You don`t need to know anything about her. You need to recover and move on. Read some of the Break-up threads here. You will get the idea. Not easy but you can do it. A lot of us did. Best of luck.
Author JayD Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 But still mate, why would she reply to my messages? She always end up her messages don't send me again but she always replied. We were together for 2 years, if she was scared of me and there was something wrong with me she should have seen it earlier. Who would stay with an unstable human being for 2 years and make plans with ? It matters to me if she still feels for me, i wouldn't feel so unvalued like i am now..i was so devoted to that relationship and gave everything and the whole me. If you feel mistreated and lied to then it is a good thing that this has happened. You two were not as good together as you `felt` The point being that it does not matter now. What matters now is that you take time for yourself. How she feels is not important. You need to go through the `hurt` and that means going no contact. Do not try to find out anything about her. Don`t talk to mutual friends or family. You don`t need to know anything about her. You need to recover and move on. Read some of the Break-up threads here. You will get the idea. Not easy but you can do it. A lot of us did. Best of luck.
ravfour4 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I don't think shes scared of you, it just sounds like there were and continue to be a lot of trust issues - why would she think you lied about your mom passing? Either you gave her a reason to think you'd lie by lying in the past or she's overly paranoid. It's obvious right now that she wants space, she's responding because she still cares about you as a person and you two were together for a while - she doesn't want to feel like a bitch by not responding to someone who is sad. Give her space and focus on you for a while, it sounds like you already said everything you wanted to say.
Author JayD Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 I don't think shes scared of you, it just sounds like there were and continue to be a lot of trust issues - why would she think you lied about your mom passing? Either you gave her a reason to think you'd lie by lying in the past or she's overly paranoid. It's obvious right now that she wants space, she's responding because she still cares about you as a person and you two were together for a while - she doesn't want to feel like a bitch by not responding to someone who is sad. Give her space and focus on you for a while, it sounds like you already said everything you wanted to say. Sometimes i feel that she still loves me sometimes i feel she is with another and that is breaking my heart in two. Yes there were, i tried to be absolute in my actions and always double checked them in order not to make mistakes that can trigger trust issues, but that make me look suspicious...like when you go to the market and you don't buy anything and when you are leaving without any goods you feel like you stole something? something like it. I did send her proofs for all the things she accused me but never responded to it. If you really love someone you forget him in 2 months and you are with another? Last contact was 20 days ago. Since then i haven't send anything or give a sign of life. Its breaking my heart to have moved so fast..in few days we were about to engaged and it was official. I feel so useless and a person without value. Well i wanted to say some things more but won't really matter, she believes what she wants to believe in order to protect herself ? I don't know. Everyone in her family loved me, we did so many plans, her friends loved me also...they said i was the best thing she ever had, since i was always there for her. Do you guys think she may show up again? how she left the "best" she had and never looked back? or worried of how i am ? I remember once we had broke up, she was sick...and she texted me and even thought it was her fault for the break up i did go to her place and kept her company. How she erased all the feelings? It was so strong love...or it was just lies ? i was a good option for marriage ? till she found something she really wanted? Im overwelmed with thoughts and i dont really know what to do, i just feel its not over. I just cant let it go even thought i try so hard.
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