Warriors Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) I'd like a general answer or advice before I tell my story because Im sure it also depends on the situation.. What do you do once you notice she's falling out of love, starts to care less ? I feel like once they start falling out of love, that trying too hard to attempt doing the things in the beginning push them further, or acting like you don't care doesn't neither just in case maybe they are acting like they care less to draw you in... We are not broken up yet but are coming close with the constant arguing getting worse.. What do you actually do ?? Edited June 21, 2015 by Warriors
ltjg45 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Seriously? I would let her go and break up. What's the point of trying to save a failing relationship when one partner wants out? 3
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Pull the rip cord ASAP or before you reach the Hard Deck. Far better to steer than to go splat. When she's giving you obvious signs of less affection, it's probably already over in her mind. Children & marriage require more consideration. In those cases, talk to her & see if anything can be done to salvage it. In other cases, bail & go NC. 2
toscaroscura Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I dunno, your OP is very vague. HOW is she caring less, or falling out of love? Are you positive that's what's really going on? Is this just your perception? Is she going through any life stressors or distractions? I'm not trying to question you or your experience but maybe you should try talking it out with her and see where that gets you. She could honestly have no idea you're feeling like this! 1
SammySammy Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Make sure I'm in love with myself. Doing the things I need to do to move my life forward and that make me happy. You can't make someone love you. 3
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'd like a general answer or advice before I tell my story because Im sure it also depends on the situation.. What do you do once you notice she's falling out of love, starts to care less ? I feel like once they start falling out of love, that trying too hard to attempt doing the things in the beginning push them further, or acting like you don't care doesn't neither just in case maybe they are acting like they care less to draw you in... We are not broken up yet but are coming close with the constant arguing getting worse.. What do you actually do ?? You're right, it does. It depends on how long you've been together, what commitments you share, and whether you are sure it is she falling out of love with you, and not vice versa. People usually argue perpetually, when they have a poor level of Communication skills. They get into quarrels which invariably result in a win-lose, or lose-lose situation. Skilful communication means you both leave the table fairly satisfied with the outcome.... The knee-jerk response is (as everyone has pointed out) to bail, cut loose and end it. And I'd agree, as an impromtu response to your question, that's probably what I would advise too. When a woman falls out of love, no amount of fire will re-ignite it. Sad, but true, because I think (and there's nothing wrong with this) men and women conceptualise 'Love' differently. Men can compartmentalise their emotions, whereas women want a whole package. This is why (in GENERAL) men respond far more to an immediate, visual arousal, whereas women prefer the drawn-out 'story' fantasy... They build up a scenario, whereas men go for the tits ass and legs. And I am speaking generally, so it's not a hard-and-fast rule... So falling in love means different processes for men and women. And I think men find it easier to switch from one scenario to another. Which is why Brothels and prostitutes are, on the whole, in a male-serving industry. Because they lust, they love, they adore and they can f**k. I have yet to read about a broad availability of brothels catering for women, is my point... So if you feel your GF is falling out of love with you, she's tiring of 'the whole package'. There are multiple aspects of you - and this relationship - which no longer float her boat. Is it worth trying to staunch the leak and sail into harbour for repairs, or is it worth more to just scuttle the ship and swim for it? 2
Zing Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Beat them to the punch(dump them) or stop engaging the relationship as much and focus on yourself. They'll either realize what they'd be missing out on or lean into it and you can just move on. You are already ten steps a head of most if you have recognized fading love before they dump you. Capitalize on that.
elaine567 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'd like a general answer or advice before I tell my story because Im sure it also depends on the situation.. What do you do once you notice she's falling out of love, starts to care less ? I feel like once they start falling out of love, that trying too hard to attempt doing the things in the beginning push them further, or acting like you don't care doesn't neither just in case maybe they are acting like they care less to draw you in... We are not broken up yet but are coming close with the constant arguing getting worse.. What do you actually do ?? Look at your relationship and try and see it from her point of view. How have things changed? YOU cannot change her, but you can change you and how you react to the way things are. It takes 2 to argue, what are you arguing about? Is there an event that caused this change or is it a gradual slide? Is she mirroring you, are you taking her for granted, are you coming across as uncaring? etc. etc. If this is a short relationship let it go, I guess you are just not compatible, but if this is a LTR, you have to at least try and sort it out and find out what the problem is. 1
Satu Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 We are not broken up yet but are coming close with the constant arguing getting worse.. What do you actually do ?? If you can't get along peacefully, the relationship isn't worth much. Relationships are meant to be about working together, not against each other. I would have already ended it.
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 The longer you have been together the more I'd make an effort to save this. If you have been together a year or less, don't bother. Anyway communication is the 1st step. See if you get her to articulate the problem or you at least tell her how her new changed behaviors are making you feel. It might be complacency rather than diminished feelings You also step up your romance. Do more together out of the norm. It doesn't have to be expensive but it does have to be time together refreshing your relationship. For example today DH has planned a romantic date in NYC for us. . . almost all on his own. (I gave him a few restaurant suggestions & he picked the place because if I didn't he would take me to an Irish Pub.) I was teasing him last night because although he's in his mid-40s & we have been married for almost 7 years this is the 1st time in his life he ever planned a date to take someone to NYC for a date. He's come a long way from the guy who spent his formative years playing D&D in basements with his buddies.
Author Warriors Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Hey thanks for the advice!! We been together for a year now but had a bond for two years before the relationship began officially. Basically, we break up every conversation now.. I feel she's "getting off" of finally hurting me, making me cry, beg, lose my temper. The entire relationship I would never break, I had the upper-hand because she were more in love with me. Though I did love her, I never cheated on her and was as dedicated as can be. She's being over dramatic claiming I was much worse of a boyfriend than I was. She's extremely difficult strong headed person. Taking credit away from me or any respect that I do deserve for doing the things I went out of my way to do for her. There's no talking anything out right now. Im litteraly in the middle of constant arguing and breaking up, getting back together same conversation as we speak. It's making my head spin.. I try to act fine the next day like the old me, then I start noticing that the old her is not there. The new her says things that she wouldn't used to. I'd like to save the relationship. As of right now she just dumped me again.. Not that I did anything wrong to her. I know couples go through hard times and the traditional purpose of a relationship is to be together forever, and in order to do that you have to get through hard times.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'm sorry fella, but if she's dumped you now, it has to end here. You have to determine that this is the last time. Please, salvage your dignity and integrity. You cannot keep going back and forth like this; this isn't a relationship: Its a stupid series of immature, puerile, infantile mind-games, and the more you play into it, the more your head will spin, until it comes off your shoulders. Read the No Contact Guide (see my signature) and put it into action, immediately, with no further word between you. Close it off. End this insanity now. Read the Guide well. Read it several times, in fact. Memorise it, even. Just don't contact her ever again.... Ever. It's finished.
Gary S Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) You have to figure out what you are doing wrong. Are you coming up short with her in affection, romance, respect, or trust? You would have to tell your relationship story for me to pinpoint the problem. Then again, it could be her problem - you say she is headstrong... was she that way from the beginning, or has she changed? Control freaks are poor choices for relationships. Edited June 21, 2015 by Gary S
PikaPika Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I'd like a general answer or advice before I tell my story because Im sure it also depends on the situation.. What do you do once you notice she's falling out of love, starts to care less ? I feel like once they start falling out of love, that trying too hard to attempt doing the things in the beginning push them further, or acting like you don't care doesn't neither just in case maybe they are acting like they care less to draw you in... We are not broken up yet but are coming close with the constant arguing getting worse.. What do you actually do ?? Maybe you need to remember why you fell in love and go back to treating each other like that.
kenmore Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 ...Control freaks are poor choices for relationships. Amen!
umirano Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Break up with her and get busy with something rewarding instead.
umirano Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 . I feel she's "getting off" of finally hurting me, making me cry, beg, lose my temper. The entire relationship I would never break, I had the upper-hand because she were more in love with me. Though I did love her, I never cheated on her and was as dedicated as can be. She's being over dramatic claiming I was much worse of a boyfriend than I was. She's extremely difficult strong headed person. Taking credit away from me or any respect that I do deserve for doing the things I went out of my way to do for her. There's no talking anything out right now. Im litteraly in the middle of constant arguing and breaking up, getting back together same conversation as we speak. It's making my head spin.. Trying to fix a gf, codependency and bipolar personality disorder come to mind. Seriously, ditch her NEVER go back. You're not her therapist. But that's exactly what she needs. And you will soon too if you allow this mind**** to continue.
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Basically, we break up every conversation now... I'd like to save the relationship. As of right now she just dumped me again.. Not that I did anything wrong to her. I know couples go through hard times and the traditional purpose of a relationship is to be together forever, and in order to do that you have to get through hard times. There is nothing to save. Let this break up stick. It doesn't matter that you didn't do anything wrong. She wants out. Let her go.
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