UntitledNotepad Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Hey Guys, I posted on here a month or so ago about this, but to quickly recap: We were friends, she messages me first lots of times, she asked me on the date, date was pretty good, agreed to second date a million times, couldn't schedule second date before her plane flight, she recommended we do it when she gets back after summer. I texted her a few times when she flew away, and she replied each time but took about a day to reply, so I assumed she didn't want a LDR (obviously, it was only 1 date). For the last month or so, I didn't message her, and she didn't message me. I did like about 2 of her FB posts. So...my question...should I just de-friend her on FB and just mentally delete the entire relationship, just essentially give up on it? It *feels* like the right thing to do, given that, if she really wanted me, she'd think to say 'whats up' every now and then. But, there's this little voice in my head saying that she agreed to and suggested a second date a bunch of times, so I shouldn't give up completely even if there's a small chance of it working. Second question - should I even bother asking her out when she gets back? I was thinking of just sending a short and sweet "Hey! Still down for that second date?" or "Hey! How was your summer?" a few weeks after she gets back in my city. Then (if she wants a date) ask her to something a bit more friendship-y than date-y, like a theme park instead of a movie or dinner. So essentially: rekindle friendship, lure her back into a romantic interest, then officially re-kindle real dating. This is my first serious romantic pursuit (even though im in college), so please be patient! I appreciate any and all advice!!! Thanks so much! Edited June 21, 2015 by UntitledNotepad
casey.lives Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Since you both have good memories, i'd say go with the" Hey, how are you?" Don't bring up date. Just start over. 1
Gary S Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 This is part of the problem with LDR's.... when they are away for awhile, you start over again at square one, a first date. While first dates can be fun, a series of first dates is a far cry from a relationship. 1
kenmore Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Not to be rude, but I must point out that you said "...if she really wanted me, she'd think to say 'whats up' every now and then." but previously you said "For the last month or so, I didn't message her, and she didn't message me." Communication is a two way street. She's probably thinking the same thing about you, if you really cared, why aren't you messaging her? Remember you also said "she messages me first lots of times." You need to message her first lots of times too. People do keep a vague track. That said, you're probably right to be concerned. It's unlikely she wants a LDR and honestly I don't recommend you should either. They suck! I noticed you never said anything like "she is the one girl I think of all the time" or "If she leaves me, I don't know how I'll survive" (yeah, dramatic crap and honestly I'm glad you have your head screwed on right) instead you said "...should I just de-friend her on FB and just mentally delete the entire relationship, just essentially give up on it?" seriously if you feel you can just move on, then you should probably just move on. I mean it has been months and she wants you to wait another three months (as far as I know, summer just began.) You're young, screw that! Ask yourself how you will feel if you "waited for her" for all those months and she came back and told you "sorry, I found another guy while I was away." If you really want to wait, or fate hooks you up that way, then text her periodically to keep up and when she comes back, invite her out to a welcome back lunch. Have a talk at that lunch and find out how it is. You get a lunch date, an answer, and all it costs you is about $20. Not bad my friend! Ken
Author UntitledNotepad Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Not to be rude, but I must point out that you said "...if she really wanted me, she'd think to say 'whats up' every now and then." but previously you said "For the last month or so, I didn't message her, and she didn't message me." Communication is a two way street. She's probably thinking the same thing about you, if you really cared, why aren't you messaging her? Remember you also said "she messages me first lots of times." You need to message her first lots of times too. People do keep a vague track. That said, you're probably right to be concerned. It's unlikely she wants a LDR and honestly I don't recommend you should either. They suck! I noticed you never said anything like "she is the one girl I think of all the time" or "If she leaves me, I don't know how I'll survive" (yeah, dramatic crap and honestly I'm glad you have your head screwed on right) instead you said "...should I just de-friend her on FB and just mentally delete the entire relationship, just essentially give up on it?" seriously if you feel you can just move on, then you should probably just move on. I mean it has been months and she wants you to wait another three months (as far as I know, summer just began.) You're young, screw that! Ask yourself how you will feel if you "waited for her" for all those months and she came back and told you "sorry, I found another guy while I was away." If you really want to wait, or fate hooks you up that way, then text her periodically to keep up and when she comes back, invite her out to a welcome back lunch. Have a talk at that lunch and find out how it is. You get a lunch date, an answer, and all it costs you is about $20. Not bad my friend! Ken Hi Ken, thanks for your detailed reply, lots to think about! After the first date, I did start some conversations with her, but each time it just didn't feel like she really wanted to talk. Once I said on Sunday night "Hey how was your weekend?" and she didn't reply until Tuesday morning with "Good how was yours?" I feel like, if she wanted to talk, she would have said "I had great weekend, went shopping, went for a run, etc" you know? So for a week or so I tried starting conversations, but they just never really flowed like they did before the first date. For my last attempt, I said "I hope your flight was nice. Are you missing the beach yet?" to which she replied "Yes I do!". Like.....hmmmm...I mean she did reply, but she took about a day again and that wasn't a very long message back at all. So...was I right in assuming she was trying to hint that I should stop messaging her? or was I just acting insecure? (I DEFINITELY am insecure, I just hope it wasn't showing here...? idk) Another question - when I suggested a second date idea over messaging, I put "it'll be better than the first date!" and she replied saying that it would be fun and that the first date wasn't at all bad. I just have zero relationship experience so I don't know what to make of it. And I do feel like she is the only one - but I am constantly reminding myself that it's just an irrational feeling... I need help :/
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