Bubberfly Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I've had a bad couple of days. A few months ago I found out who my ex was dating. It's driving me nuts. Here's a back story. He dated her before he dated me (they broke up about 6 months before he dated me, I never found out why they broke up). He and I were together for 6 years. During that time he used to periodically "check up" on her on her online profiles, which I didn't really think anything of as I get curious about exes too. He cheated on me as well, but I really don't think she was involved. When I found out about it, I initially laughed and thought it was kind of ironic that he'd date her again. But these last two days... He has been on my mind constantly. We broke up a year and a half ago, and I'm still mad at how he treated me. He used to never take photos with me and I never knew why, I felt like he was hiding me. I accidentally came across her facebook picture (literally, I was on a business FB profile and she had made a comment about it), and he was in the picture with her. So that made me mad, because it seems like I was an embarrassment to him. Why is she so much better than me, that he'd show her off? She looks like me, and is similar to me in many ways (we all went to high school together, so I know her). I feel sorry for her in a way because I really hope he doesn't treat her the same way he treated me, but at the same time in a way I do hope he cheats on her because then I wouldn't be the "special" one he cheated on (I feel so guilty about this). I'm sorry for the rambling, I don't really have anyone to talk to. It's been about a year and a half since the breakup, about a year since NC and I'm just getting tired of thinking about him. I'm tired of being mad. I've been good the last two days though, I've kept very busy, got some good exercise and have been working in the garage refurbishing furniture. I just don't understand why I would be cool with him dating her at first and then all of a sudden it starts to bother me. I don't think he deserves to date decent people he needs scum like himself. I don't know why, even if I'm exhausted with the whole ordeal with my ex, I keep perpetuating it in my head.
symphonyofwolves Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I have almost an identical situation to yours, except NC has been for about a month now. We went NC earlier this year for about 3 months and one more time last November for 2 weeks. It honestly sucks seeing your guy back with his ex believe me I understand. Especially after he told me I would never have to worry about her and he was never going to go back to her. Of course he does. He's weak. And it's sad because I know she doesn't even love him. She just couldn't find anyone else so she goes back. Honestly, I think she saw it as a competition. She couldn't stand the fact that I was with him so she wormed her way back in. I would never sabotage what they have. I just don't get why some people can't let the ones they love be happy even if that means it's not with them. It's cruel. You deserve someone better who will treat you special. You don't need him and they most likely won't even work out, and he will probably try to run back to you when things go sour. Keep your dignity and walk away. Make him feel what you're feeling right now. It is HIS loss, not yours. And one day, I promise you, he will realize that. Even if he never comes back to you, he will know you were the better choice and that he made a mistake going back to a broken situation in the first place. People are blinded by love. They confuse jealousy and loss and fear with love, and that is just unfortunate. Luckily for you, you now know what to stay away from next time, as you start dating again. It will get better. It just takes time, I wish we could move on faster. My previous breakup before this one took almost 4 years so you are not alone. Best of luck and keep your head up! =)
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Why do men date women who look like their ex-girlfriends? My ex did this as well. My friend looked at her picture and said "She looks just like you!" I don't get it at all. I think people go back to their exes because it's easy, it's comfortable. There's less work involved. You can have the comforts of a relationship again without as much effort.
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