corsair427 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 So we have only been together for a few months,... she's my first girlfriend at 25 and she is totally into me which im not used to. She seemes way more horny than me and always initiates sex. I get into it but feel really guilty after. I have never done anything like this with a girl nor have I thought I ever would have the chance. But i did think i would always be down for sex, now im not so sure. I just dont feel right about "doing it" with a girl who wants to giver herself to me... is this normal. What are your opinions?
toscaroscura Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I've read some of your history and you seem to suffer from self esteem issues. You never make moves on girls for fear of "pushing them", and yet a woman initiating turns you off? Is it possible it turns you off because your self esteem is so low that you project your self-hatred onto her? Please don't punish her for desiring you. Maybe you should consider getting help to deal with your esteem issues and be eventually able to enjoy your girlfriend's sexual desires for you. 1
Author corsair427 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 What you say is what i really feared. I never thought it could be like this. The time ive spent with her and the love she had shown me is immense. I just always feel dirty after a night with her...ugh. But I love who she is. Im just not used to someone having feelings for me after the way my life has been. People keep telling me to just enjoy myself with her in those moments, but i cant. It just feels kind of wrong.
toscaroscura Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 What you say is what i really feared. I never thought it could be like this. The time ive spent with her and the love she had shown me is immense. I just always feel dirty after a night with her...ugh. But I love who she is. Im just not used to someone having feelings for me after the way my life has been. People keep telling me to just enjoy myself with her in those moments, but i cant. It just feels kind of wrong. It's not wrong though. Your girlfriend loving and desiring you is normal and healthy. Those are the voices of your low self-esteem in your head, telling you lies. My concern is that those voices will turn into contempt for HER eventually, making her into something dirty, bad and wrong. When all she was doing was showing you her love. I urge you to seek therapy so you can enjoy intimacy and a loving relationship without sabotaging it needlessly. 3
Author corsair427 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 I know,....which is the worst part. Ive always known i needed someone to talk to and she thinks that someone is her. i would love to open with someone like her but cant bring myself to it. I would love to get help but its expensive and im in a very important part of my career right now. Its just so difficult for me right now to decide what to do.
toscaroscura Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I know,....which is the worst part. Ive always known i needed someone to talk to and she thinks that someone is her. i would love to open with someone like her but cant bring myself to it. I would love to get help but its expensive and im in a very important part of my career right now. Its just so difficult for me right now to decide what to do. She can't be your therapist, no matter how much she loves you. Please look into it, even though it seems daunting. There are avenues if money is an issue. I'd hate for you to live your life where you end up despising people who love you because you can't love yourself.
Author corsair427 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 See, my parents were very religious and forced that on me growing up. But i broke free of that and ive been afraid to even tell them i have a girlfriend now. I am not religious in any way, neither is she being Hindi herself. But I still feel that hanging over me. Maybe this is a concern. What would you say?
Gloria25 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I think that the sexual revolution and the feminist movement has women thinking it's ok to just give out sex like its candy - even when they aren't in a real RL. I understand your concerns and thankfully there are still guys - like you - who just don't see the value in bumping uglies "just because". Did you ever ask her why she wants sex so bad with you and there's no chance in this world that you'd ever make her your wife and/or this RL being forever?
Author corsair427 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Hmmmm, I have pondered asking her why she "she wants sex so badly" but i do think she is beautiful! Shes not "ugly" in any way to me.
toscaroscura Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) I think that the sexual revolution and the feminist movement has women thinking it's ok to just give out sex like its candy - even when they aren't in a real RL. I understand your concerns and thankfully there are still guys - like you - who just don't see the value in bumping uglies "just because". Did you ever ask her why she wants sex so bad with you and there's no chance in this world that you'd ever make her your wife and/or this RL being forever? What in the world caused you to make this conclusion? He never said this. Surely, it's too early at this stage to say one way or another but he never said "there is no way I will make her my wife". In fact, he describes her in glowing terms. She isn't "giving it away like candy". She is his girlfriend enjoying the full bloom of a honeymoon phase. There is nothing wrong with her actions. See, my parents were very religious and forced that on me growing up. But i broke free of that and ive been afraid to even tell them i have a girlfriend now. I am not religious in any way, neither is she being Hindi herself. But I still feel that hanging over me. Maybe this is a concern. What would you say? Do you think, in addition to your issues with self esteem, that your parents' toxic beliefs (and I say this because you described having to break free of them) are contributing? Perhaps some old-fashioned ideas about how any woman who enjoys sex at all is a dirty slut? Edited June 21, 2015 by toscaroscura 3
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 See, my parents were very religious and forced that on me growing up. But i broke free of that and ive been afraid to even tell them i have a girlfriend now. I am not religious in any way, neither is she being Hindi herself. But I still feel that hanging over me. Maybe this is a concern. **What would you say?*** I would say you have a deep deep fear of intimacy...and that you should seek therapy to help resolve. I also think you should listen to toscaroscura....she is right on with everything she's posted.....especially this: >>"I would hate for you to live your life despising people who love you because you can't love yourself." Your girlfriend desiring to have sex with you is an expression of her love for you. There is nothing wrong or dirty about that....in fact it's wonderful and beautiful.. Please seek professional help.... G'luck.... 2
joseb Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I think that the sexual revolution and the feminist movement has women thinking it's ok to just give out sex like its candy - even when they aren't in a real RL. I understand your concerns and thankfully there are still guys - like you - who just don't see the value in bumping uglies "just because". Did you ever ask her why she wants sex so bad with you and there's no chance in this world that you'd ever make her your wife and/or this RL being forever? Er, what? The OP has never said anything about bumping uglies, or indicated that his GF is ugly or that there is no chance he would make her his wife. Are you sure you replied to the right post? OP, I think it might be good for you to speak to a therapist about your hangups. Feeling dirty like that isn't really healthy, but giving your previous religious background it might explain it. In Ireland growing up the church made a good fist of trying to make us all think sex was dirty while at the same time performing the most disgusting sexual acts on children behind closes doors. Luckily most people now see them for what they are. 2
Gary S Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 The truth is, you are not doing too bad, but you may have some unhealthy worries. I would look into counseling, a therapist could help.
deathandtaxes Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I think that the sexual revolution and the feminist movement has women thinking it's ok to just give out sex like its candy - even when they aren't in a real RL. I understand your concerns and thankfully there are still guys - like you - who just don't see the value in bumping uglies "just because". Did you ever ask her why she wants sex so bad with you and there's no chance in this world that you'd ever make her your wife and/or this RL being forever? WTF kind of response is this?? Are you here to espouse ideology or truly try to address OP's concerns? OP - you need serious help. Feeling dirty and guilty after sex does not make for a healthy relationship.
Author corsair427 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Yup, i regard myself as atheist now in life. But it seems as though in the back of my mind I am still affected by my upbringing. This girl is beautiful to me in the most important ways that a girl should be. What kind if any person should i see. Does anyone have any recommendations of anyone good in this area?
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