TaraMaiden2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 When the sex is great and to each person's liking, it's 5% of the relationship. When the sex isn't great or not to each person's liking, it's 95% of the relationship.
jen1447 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 TBH sex isn't that important to me. No worries, I'd cuddle you to pieces too. 1
Brigit Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 When the sex is great and to each person's liking, it's 5% of the relationship. When the sex isn't great or not to each person's liking, it's 95% of the relationship. That's not true. There are sexual issues in my marriage but it isn't as big a deal as some would think.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 It's just a saying. The percentages aren't necessarily an accurate figure, it's just a way of conveying that if a sexual relationship is going the way both partners would like, it tends to be less of an evident issue than if there is some dissatisfaction. I have also heard it said that in a relationship with various niggles, including the sex, if the sex was more gratifying and satisfying, the other niggles wouldn't be so prominent....
central Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 The only LDR relationships I've had were with women who were also very HD. We agreed we'd casually date others and accept the risk that we could fall in love with someone local. It wasn't certain we could solve the distance issue, so that seemed the best solution. In one case we couldn't solve the distance issue and eventually met other people, and in another we did solve it and are still together.
Brigit Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 It's just a saying. The percentages aren't necessarily an accurate figure, it's just a way of conveying that if a sexual relationship is going the way both partners would like, it tends to be less of an evident issue than if there is some dissatisfaction. I have also heard it said that in a relationship with various niggles, including the sex, if the sex was more gratifying and satisfying, the other niggles wouldn't be so prominent.... I understand. I have issues and my marriage has issues and sex is one of them but the other issues trump the sex making the sexual part less important.
umirano Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I also don't get LDRs - there are 7 billion people on the planet, unless you live in a jungle or dessert surely there is someone you like close enough that you don't need that. You fall in love with who you fall in love with. Feelings don't respect distance. Also, it has nothing to do with needing "that". 1
kenmore Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 True one falls in love with who one falls in love with, but if it's impractical one can keep looking. Is my ideal woman living in another part of the country or world? Probably but I'll never know because I won't even get that involved. I'll find someone closer.
umirano Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 People not "getting " ldrs usually never were in one. Their opinion is really just that. I guarantee you, if you fall madly in love with someone but it turns out they're just here for business or a holiday the majority of you'd still enter a ldr. If you don't, you might just not know how intense falling in love really can be
joseb Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Actually I have done a ldr, I met a girl on holidays, it was just a fling but we stayed in touch and visited each other a bit for a while. That can happen, but I still thinks it's unlikely to lead anywhere. What I don't get is people who meet online, know they are nowhere near each other, but go ahead creating a relationship anyway.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) I am a very sexual/sensual woman who has a very healthy appetite for sex particularly having gone without for too many years in my very long marriage. Wanting and having sex everyday isn't out of the norm for me anymore. For the past two and half years I've been in a LDR with a younger man. Our sexual attraction is intense as is our overall compatibility which goes way beyond just sex. It's unlike anything either of us have experienced before and therefore it can be very difficult to go several weeks without being physically intimate with one another. For us, we've learned to find the love in the waiting and the anticipation that it creates. That can be very erotic and very exciting! If/when our needs demand it, we enjoy plenty of phone sex and Skype sex. Sexting and sending naughty pics and videos go a long way too. And it goes beyond the sexual. Yes, sex plays a huge part in our relationship and is important to both of us BUT there are soooo many other aspects to our relationship that are equally as important and THAT is what makes the journey and obstacles and sacrifices worthwhile. I will agree that when you've found your match and especially when love and respect and mutual appreciation resides, just about anything is possible if you both want it badly enough. Edited June 21, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle
umirano Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 What I don't get is people who meet online, know they are nowhere near each other, but go ahead creating a relationship anyway. Not all relationships are consciously created. Some are just a necessity through the respective feelings on both sides. It's happened to me twice and I enjoyed both, especially when it was local and for as long as they lasted. I think we're going off topic though. Btw the last ldr was very sexual. We'd frequently masturbate together online and we had the luxury of frequent visits which consisted of liberal amounts of fncking. Also, for myself the brain is the biggest erogenous zone so sexuality wasn't hindered through the distance.
Author nadine5 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 I found it funny that the OP talks about sex once every few weeks as if that is supposed to be a good sex frequency. I know married couples that have sex more than that..LOL My libido is ridiculously high. I mean I could easily have sex 3x a day-7 days a week. But I'd never expect a woman to meet that. After all, how I'm wired isn't her fault. So I think that sex 3-4 days a week is a good compromise when you're seeing someone regularly. LOL I'm just saying at a MINIMUM that's what I need/"want".
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I understand. I have issues and my marriage has issues and sex is one of them but the other issues trump the sex making the sexual part less important. I hope you find solutions or agreements that help both of you, and enable your relationship to grow. With much Metta.
loveweary11 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Wow. Sounds like a passive aggressive mess. Sorry to hear you got a dud there. I am not even remotely attracted to girls who aren't what I consider hot/beautiful. I'm sure everyone else feels the same way. Essentially, I have no desire at all to hook up with people I find unattractive. I mean who does?? lol You have mentioned before that you can't date a woman with anything less than a porn star body and you have very specific size requirements. I'm not saying this to be a jerk and you're entitled to your preferences, but it just seems like what you say here: "Sex is absolutely, 100% secondary for me in a relationship" contradicts these preferences. If emotional connection is truly #1 and sex is 100% secondary, why such stringent physical requirements? Perhaps I am defensive because I was with someone who said sex wasn't important. At first, it was nice to be connected in what felt like a deeper, more "legitimate" way. It seemed more evolved. He made arguments about if a spouse got paralyzed, etc. Plus, our sex life was good in the beginning despite his opinion about sex. But in a short time, he started to get lazy in bed. He didn't seem much concerned with my pleasure. When I would get frisky with him, he would almost begrudgingly accept. I struggled to understand; we started out so passionate. If I brought it up, he'd throw "well, I'm sorry sex is the most important thing for you!" at me, making me feel shallow and gross for my desires. I started feeling unattractive and like a desperate, slutty woman, while he sat atop the ivory tower of purity. He never offered much reason for his waning interest besides that he just wasn't horny and that sex "shouldn't" be the focus of a relationship. Much time has passed and looking back after lots of analysis, I realized that sex was a form of control for him, and he ended up being mentally abusive in other ways. for the life of me, can't understand the popular opinion here that sex is the most important thing to everyone It's not that sex is the only, most important thing ever. Only that, after dealing with that form of weird power play from my ex, I am not ashamed to say that sex IS important. I want to be desired. I want an eager partner who adores me and my body, health permitting for as long as we are both together. I don't think there is anything wrong or base about this, and it doesn't mean we don't value other things too.
Photofinish Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I had 3 relationships without sex , only one fell through because of the lack of sex but he was a douche . In my 4th relationship now, sexually active but willing to go back to no sex with no problem . Not a huge deal
toscaroscura Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 Wow. Sounds like a passive aggressive mess. Sorry to hear you got a dud there. I am not even remotely attracted to girls who aren't what I consider hot/beautiful. I'm sure everyone else feels the same way. Essentially, I have no desire at all to hook up with people I find unattractive. I mean who does?? lol But of course, but then I think sex matters more to you in a relationship than you let on, that was the only point of what I said. I'm honestly not trying to ding you for having your standards. But if sex really didn't matter, you'd be able to fall in love with a super-compatible woman with a lovely soul, but maybe she is a size 14 with a huge nose, I don't know. Because hey, who needs sex when it's your soul mate? I need to be attracted to a guy, full stop. But I admit sex is important to me!
Leigh 87 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I am a very sexual/sensual woman who has a very healthy appetite for sex particularly having gone without for too many years in my very long marriage. Wanting and having sex everyday isn't out of the norm for me anymore. For the past two and half years I've been in a LDR with a younger man. Our sexual attraction is intense as is our overall compatibility which goes way beyond just sex. It's unlike anything either of us have experienced before and therefore it can be very difficult to go several weeks without being physically intimate with one another. For us, we've learned to find the love in the waiting and the anticipation that it creates. That can be very erotic and very exciting! If/when our needs demand it, we enjoy plenty of phone sex and Skype sex. Sexting and sending naughty pics and videos go a long way too. And it goes beyond the sexual. Yes, sex plays a huge part in our relationship and is important to both of us BUT there are soooo many other aspects to our relationship that are equally as important and THAT is what makes the journey and obstacles and sacrifices worthwhile. I will agree that when you've found your match and especially when love and respect and mutual appreciation resides, just about anything is possible if you both want it badly enough. It's hard to find that intense chemistry with a highly compatible mate though. Some relationship experts say it rarely ever happens. If you get compatibility u usually loose out on intense attraction.
loveweary11 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 (edited) But of course, but then I think sex matters more to you in a relationship than you let on, that was the only point of what I said. I'm honestly not trying to ding you for having your standards. But if sex really didn't matter, you'd be able to fall in love with a super-compatible woman with a lovely soul, but maybe she is a size 14 with a huge nose, I don't know. Because hey, who needs sex when it's your soul mate? I need to be attracted to a guy, full stop. But I admit sex is important to me! You're making a lot of assumptions and projecting your own thoughts into my head. Let me try to clarify: Sex doesn't matter. At all, other than I don't expect to be masturbating when I'm in a relationship. Sex is at the bottom of the list. Looks *do* matter, even if I'm not having sex. Compatibility isn't the only thing that makes you fall in love. Looking across the table with that little feeling of, "she's so cute!" really gets the emotions going as well. She still has to be pretty, sex or no sex. Otherwise, gender wouldn't matter at all. *She* needs to be pretty and give your heart that little flutter. Looks do that in combination with personality. Edited June 24, 2015 by loveweary11
bson1257 Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 I've been a virgin for so long that I never think about sex. I'd imagine that anyone like me just lost interest in sex and did other things instead.
brandonstellar Posted June 24, 2015 Posted June 24, 2015 If there is a strong connection, sex isn't the most important thing. Lots and lots of self help can get you by!
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