TheMrGuy Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Hello All, new to the forum. I think I may have a doozy for you, but then again maybe not. Okay, I started talking to a this girl that a friends girlfriend introduced me to about 5 months ago. We started put texting, then a week later we met at the previously mentioned friends house. We hung out and didn't talk much in person (we're both kind of shy), but that quickly wore off. We hung out an talked more, she kind of became my best friend. I learned that she had been in a relationship since 7th grade, and that they had planned to get married, but had broken up in Februrary. I eventually mustered up the courrage to ask her if she had a crush on anyone, she told me someone, but it wasn't me. Well, I was disappointed at first, but I'm a proud guy, and I choose to keep pursuing her. Well, her and the crush started to date but I didn't let that deter me, I still talked to her (never crossed lines), and eventually about a month later I convinced her, my friend, and his girlfriend (her friend) to go camping, we actually waited about 5 hours on them and talked quite a bit. She told me that her boyfriend was actually kind of crazy, and already talking about marriage and stuff, so she was going to break it off. We did cuddle that night, but nothing more. The next weekend when the were officially over I made my move. We ended up having a kind of crappy night dude to other things, but we had sex and stayed the night together. We started to actually be together, but then about a week later she asked me to come and talk. She said she needed to work some stuff out and that she wasn't ready for anything yet, and that she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I said that it was fine, and that being friends was okay (it really wasn't). I kept talking to her, and even called her a pussy from running from her feelings. Another thing, she can't really talk about her feelings unless she is out of it. Another week or two later I convinced her to come to a friend's house, and to drink with us. She obliged. Her and I sat down by the campfire for what seemed like hours talking about everything, she told me that she liked it when I held her, and she liked it when I kissed her, and basically by the end of the night we were together. We made an agreement to just see each other, basically we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but without the labels because she wasn't ready for that. We went on dates every Friday night because that's how our work schedules worked, and she stayed over on her two days off. We still got to see each other pretty much everyday. About a month ago my car went sour on me, and I worked about an hour from my home, she completely changed her plans and brought me to my sisters so she could take me to work to finish out my week. Her mother actually lives in the same town, and while visiting her, her ex-fiance called and wanted the remainer of his things. When she picked me up from my sisters I could tell she was off, but we talked and he gave her the closure she needed. I actually ended up getting fired for my lack of vehicle, and she had to drive to me. She would come to my house when she got off, but didn't stay the night again for almost two weeks. We went on another date (she paid) and she finally stayed. Well fast forward a week, I'm with a friend, and we went to see her and her friend (his GF), at their place of work. On the way back we stopped at a party. I ended up getting kind of drunk and asking her when we were going to talk about making it official. Now, two Fridays ago she tells me that she doesn't want to be with anyone, or do anything, because I pushed her too hard. I told her that I pushed because I could feel her slipping away, and now she tells me that she needs to learn to be alone, and she didn't have all the time she needed to move on from her fiance. She said that she just wanted to be friends. It sucked, but I still hung out with her that night. We hung out again last Monday and talked. She said that we got too close and she couldn't handle all of the feelings that she wasn't ready for. There were other things, but that sticks out. The entire night I asked her her feelings towards me, her response was "don't wait", pertaining to me waiting on her to be ready. I think it's a big cop out, and that she just wants to see other people. I really like this girl, and I just want to know everyone's thoughts on it. Edited June 20, 2015 by TheMrGuy
HansonGirl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Hello All, new to the forum. I think I may have a doozy for you, but then again maybe not. Okay, I started talking to a this girl that a friends girlfriend introduced me to about 5 months ago. We started put texting, then a week later we met at the previously mentioned friends house. We hung out and didn't talk much in person (we're both kind of shy), but that quickly wore off. We hung out an talked more, she kind of became my best friend. I learned that she had been in a relationship since 7th grade, and that they had planned to get married, but had broken up in Februrary. I eventually mustered up the courrage to ask her if she had a crush on anyone, she told me someone, but it wasn't me. Well, I was disappointed at first, but I'm a proud guy, and I choose to keep pursuing her. Well, her and the crush started to date but I didn't let that deter me, I still talked to her (never crossed lines), and eventually about a month later I convinced her, my friend, and his girlfriend (her friend) to go camping, we actually waited about 5 hours on them and talked quite a bit. She told me that her boyfriend was actually kind of crazy, and already talking about marriage and stuff, so she was going to break it off. We did cuddle that night, but nothing more. The next weekend when the were officially over I made my move. We ended up having a kind of crappy night dude to other things, but we had sex and stayed the night together. We started to actually be together, but then about a week later she asked me to come and talk. She said she needed to work some stuff out and that she wasn't ready for anything yet, and that she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I said that it was fine, and that being friends was okay (it really wasn't). I kept talking to her, and even called her a pussy from running from her feelings. Another thing, she can't really talk about her feelings unless she is out of it. Another week or two later I convinced her to come to a friend's house, and to drink with us. She obliged. Her and I sat down by the campfire for what seemed like hours talking about everything, she told me that she liked it when I held her, and she liked it when I kissed her, and basically by the end of the night we were together. We made an agreement to just see each other, basically we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but without the labels because she wasn't ready for that. We went on dates every Friday night because that's how our work schedules worked, and she stayed over on her two days off. We still got to see each other pretty much everyday. About a month ago my car went sour on me, and I worked about an hour from my home, she completely changed her plans and brought me to my sisters so she could take me to work to finish out my week. Her mother actually lives in the same town, and while visiting her, her ex-fiance called and wanted the remainer of his things. When she picked me up from my sisters I could tell she was off, but we talked and he gave her the closure she needed. I actually ended up getting fired for my lack of vehicle, and she had to drive to me. She would come to my house when she got off, but didn't stay the night again for almost two weeks. We went on another date (she paid) and she finally stayed. Well fast forward a week, I'm with a friend, and we went to see her and her friend (his GF), at their place of work. On the way back we stopped at a party. I ended up getting kind of drunk and asking her when we were going to talk about making it official. Now, two Fridays ago she tells me that she doesn't want to be with anyone, or do anything, because I pushed her too hard. I told her that I pushed because I could feel her slipping away, and now she tells me that she needs to learn to be alone, and she didn't have all the time she needed to move on from her fiance. She said that she just wanted to be friends. It sucked, but I still hung out with her that night. We hung out again last Monday and talked. She said that we got too close and she couldn't handle all of the feelings that she wasn't ready for. There were other things, but that sticks out. The entire night I asked her her feelings towards me, her response was "don't wait", pertaining to me waiting on her to be ready. I think it's a big cop out, and that she just wants to see other people. I really like this girl, and I just want to know everyone's thoughts on it. When people need space, the natural reaction of their partner is to get anxious and try to hold on tighter. That happened here. It is not unheard of for a person to need time after ending a relationship. She wasn't even fully broken up when you guys first hooked up / cuddled on the camping trip (If i read it correctly). So I don't think it's such a cop out. I think she is being sincere. And i don't think you sticking around and asking her how she feels the whole night was helping the situation, unfortunately. I think you should give her the space she's asking for. 1
Author TheMrGuy Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) When people need space, the natural reaction of their partner is to get anxious and try to hold on tighter. That happened here. It is not unheard of for a person to need time after ending a relationship. She wasn't even fully broken up when you guys first hooked up / cuddled on the camping trip (If i read it correctly). So I don't think it's such a cop out. I think she is being sincere. And i don't think you sticking around and asking her how she feels the whole night was helping the situation, unfortunately. I think you should give her the space she's asking for. Thank you. Just to clarify, her ex-fiance and her broke up in November. They guy in between him and I was a guy she met online, that like I said lasted a month. So basically give her the space she wants, and continue to be her friend? Also, that was a typo, I mean to say the other night, not then entire night. Edited June 21, 2015 by TheMrGuy
h0000 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 So she told you she doesn't want to be with you and you don't want to give up. My opinion is you should give up. Completely give up 1
Author TheMrGuy Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 So she told you she doesn't want to be with you and you don't want to give up. My opinion is you should give up. Completely give up No... She told me not to wait. She also told me that she doesn't know how long this will take. Those two things, along with me knowing that she cares about me lead me to believe that she doesn't want me waiting forever and not living my life.
preraph Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 It's not a cop out. She DOES need to learn to be alone. She has been with a guy since she was 12! She doesn't even know who she is when she's not being influenced by a man. Everyone needs time in between relationships. In her case, she needs a lot of time because she's never not been in a relationship. I don't think she's that into you. I just think she's used to having someone around and I think she knows that's why she's with you and that she needs to grow up and learn to be with just herself for awhile. Stand back for a couple of years and maybe things will be different. Good luck.
h0000 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 No... She told me not to wait. She also told me that she doesn't know how long this will take. Those two things, along with me knowing that she cares about me lead me to believe that she doesn't want me waiting forever and not living my life. no..it's a nice way to say she is not interested 1
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