PogoStick Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I like the idea of polyamory, abundance of love, hippie free love kind of thing. Life has had me moving around in the last 5 years (even more if you add in college years) so I've had several relationships with expiration dates. I plan an extensive relocation yet again in a year but I'm not going to just stay celibate until then. It's cool to have a quality relationship and leave on good terms; I know several women in various places who are happy to see me and be intimate when I'm back in their area. In fact, I'm preparing my life and career to allow certain freedom with my schedule and the money for serious traveling. It's been a dream of mine for a good decade and it's finally approaching. I enjoy cultures and love the uniqueness of individuals. Why connect and be close with only one person in your life? This even extends to men in my life. Why not have a network of close, connected, male friends who are scattered around the world? I already have several after living with an African, 2 Greeks (one who moved to Panama with his wife), and a Russian/Uzbek. Plus world travel is way more exciting when meeting up with old friends. I know many women won't be able to handle their insecurity and jealousy but some will get it. I'm perfectly happy to have a committed long term relationship and she's my girl 90% of the time; But she won't be the only important person in my life. She'll understand that I have a great connection with Monica, and when I'm travelling in France for a week we're going to spend intimate time together. Anyone else share some of these ways of thinking?
ChicagoSparty Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Hmmmmm....how to respond to this. Well, I was married for a long time. Totally faithful. Obviously, that marriage ended, and I took a couple of years to get myself back together. Dated a little bit in that time, but nothing even remotely serious. After I came back to life, there was just an abundance of women available. As soon as a I started to get warmed up, I stupidly developed a sort of serious relationship. I wasn't trying to, and I would constantly tell this girl that I wanted nothing to do with relationships or commitment, but she never went away. Feeling like I'm in my prime, and knowing that someday I will be dead, I made the decision that I would not deny myself things from other women. Of course, the 'girlfriend' doesn't know, but it also never interferes in what we have. And if I venture away, it's infrequently and always safe. I have no other vices in life (barely drink, no drugs, no gambling, spend my money smartly, etc), but when it comes to beautiful, sexy women...eapecially if they're of another race/ethnicity/nationality....I'm in trouble. So, I just try to manage it. I know it makes me a sh*tbag...I get it. But life can be short and the best parts of it can be fleeting. I'm no longer willing to give all of that up for some sentimental pipe-dream.
cessna Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It's not for me but if that is how you want to live your life and it doesn't hurt anyone else I am totally fine and respectful of that. In the same way I'm not homosexual but I fully support gay rights, including marriage, as it doesn't effect me or anyone else in any way whatsoever.
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Anyone else share some of these ways of thinking? I do in that I've got multiple peeps in my life.
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Feeling like I'm in my prime, and knowing that someday I will be dead, I made the decision that I would not deny myself things from other women. Of course, the 'girlfriend' doesn't know, but it also never interferes in what we have. And if I venture away, it's infrequently and always safe. I have no other vices in life (barely drink, no drugs, no gambling, spend my money smartly, etc), but when it comes to beautiful, sexy women...eapecially if they're of another race/ethnicity/nationality....I'm in trouble. So, I just try to manage it. I know it makes me a sh*tbag...I get it. But life can be short and the best parts of it can be fleeting. I'm no longer willing to give all of that up for some sentimental pipe-dream. That isnt polyamory, that is cheating on your gf. 11
guest569 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I think of polyamory as a set of permanent or long term relationships. Not a bunch of flings.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I like the idea of polyamory, abundance of love, hippie free love kind of thing. If you think this is what polyamory is, then you have no real understanding of this frame of mind, either. 1
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 And it most certainly isn't "Hippie free love" either. That kind of 'love' usually led to absolute total clusterfu*c*ks and holy total Shyttye messes. Being in a polyamorous situation means being emotionally mature, secure and stable, totally accountable, and responsible and conscientious. And that goes for everyone involved. 3
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Hmmmmm....how to respond to this. Well, I was married for a long time. Totally faithful. Obviously, that marriage ended, and I took a couple of years to get myself back together. Dated a little bit in that time, but nothing even remotely serious. After I came back to life, there was just an abundance of women available. As soon as a I started to get warmed up, I stupidly developed a sort of serious relationship. I wasn't trying to, and I would constantly tell this girl that I wanted nothing to do with relationships or commitment, but she never went away. **Feeling like I'm in my prime, and knowing that someday I will be dead, I made the decision that I would not deny myself things from other women. Of course, the 'girlfriend' doesn't know, but it also never interferes in what we have. *** And if I venture away, it's infrequently and always safe. I have no other vices in life (barely drink, no drugs, no gambling, spend my money smartly, etc), but when it comes to beautiful, sexy women...eapecially if they're of another race/ethnicity/nationality....I'm in trouble. So, I just try to manage it. I know it makes me a sh*tbag...I get it. But life can be short and the best parts of it can be fleeting. I'm no longer willing to give all of that up for some sentimental pipe-dream. Re quote in asterisk above (can't bold).....I am fairly certain that's not polyamory... that's called cheating on your partner. Not judging...but wanted to be sure you understood the difference.
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 That isnt polyamory, that is cheating on your gf. Apologies elaine, I posted before I read this.....^^ Obviously we agree though. 1
ChicagoSparty Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 That isnt polyamory, that is cheating on your gf. It's not even close to that cut-and-dried, but I appreciate your decisive judgement based on virtually no information.
Brigit Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It's not even close to that cut-and-dried, but I appreciate your decisive judgement based on virtually no information. Dude, you call yourself a "sh*tbag" so it seems like you know your behavior isn't acceptable. 3
Maleficent Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It's not even close to that cut-and-dried, but I appreciate your decisive judgement based on virtually no information. Well you are the one who gave incomplete information...
Maleficent Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 To answer OP, I understand the frame of mind perfectly - and I know it' s not for me. 1
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It's not even close to that cut-and-dried, but I appreciate your decisive judgement based on virtually no information. CS...what would you call it? If you are stepping out of your relationship and having sex with other chicks...and your *girlfriend* does not know about it..then you're cheating. Sounds pretty cut and dried to me.... I am open to hearing what you call it though...quite curious actually. 2
Brigit Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 To answer OP, I understand the frame of mind perfectly - and I know it' s not for me. I'm the jealous type. Would I like a hive of handsome worker bees adoring me? Sure! But if just one of those worker bees looked at another Queen I'd have him killed. So it's best if I make monogamy work. 1
Auspecial Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I know several people who are openly poly and proud of it. All of their partners are fully aware of the situation, including their primary partners. I also know a guy who calls himself poly, but also says he has never practiced it, but he believes in it. I'm not sure about this, since he is 44, never married, attractive guy, I have trouble believing he hasn't dipped his toe in if thats what he wants. The main part of this is everyone is aware, and accepting. I don't think its insecurity that keeps people from doing it, because I don't think its a healthy lifestyle for *most* people.
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 CS...what would you call it? If you are stepping out of your relationship and having sex with other chicks...and your *girlfriend* does not know about it..then you're cheating. Sounds pretty cut and dried to me.... I am open to hearing what you call it though...quite curious actually. I was laying back here in hopes this would just be a happy stories thread lol, but I can say as a card carrying polyamorous woman that the only way Chicago can make the claim his theoretical R would be poly is thru the "poly is what I want it to be" attitude. (Which I don't buy.) We don't have to be slaves to definitions, sure, but the basic principal is violated by not being in the open about other sexual/romantic relationships. Lots of ppl have sex with multiple partners, but that's not really what polyamory is. (btw, ftr, I'm poly and 'open,' in case anyone's wondering.) I like the idea of polyamory, abundance of love, hippie free love kind of thing. If you think this is what polyamory is, then you have no real understanding of this frame of mind, either. I can actually see the "abundance of love" part in he context of not being limited to a single partner, but the "hippie free love" I think speaks to a different sensibility. 3
xxoo Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I understand poly, and have no strong feelings about it except that it's not for me. I appreciate the benefits of monogamy too much. I know many women won't be able to handle their insecurity and jealousy but some will get it. I'm perfectly happy to have a committed long term relationship and she's my girl 90% of the time; But she won't be the only important person in my life. She'll understand that I have a great connection with Monica, and when I'm travelling in France for a week we're going to spend intimate time together. You're ok with your woman having men on the side 10% of the time? Maybe while you're home alone? 1
Author PogoStick Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 So, I just try to manage it. I know it makes me a sh*tbag...I get it. But life can be short and the best parts of it can be fleeting. I'm no longer willing to give all of that up for some sentimental pipe-dream. Yeah that's part of the point. Finding women willing to share that lifestyle. Doing it in the open without guilt. I was into it a bit last year when I was dating 2 women at the same time and involved with both of them in swinging. One of those girls had a FWB on the side too. It was refreshing what we could share our experiences. And things like "Hey I'm going to a party this weekend and I know you're going to be stuck at work. Are you comfortable if things happen with another girl? " And she says "Go for it and have a great time". I moved to another state now and both of them are still happy to go out when I'm back to visit. I encourage you to involve yourself with others who are on the same page as you.
Author PogoStick Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 I do in that I've got multiple peeps in my life. Yeah I guessed that you would understand.
Author PogoStick Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 You're ok with your woman having men on the side 10% of the time? Maybe while you're home alone? One of the appealing parts is I feel it frees someone from having to be "everything" to a person. Someone can like you for your strengths and be accepting where you lack or don't match. He doesn't like operas and she loves them? It's ok, she has another boyfriend who she can bond with for that experience. And yeah, at the end of a thrilling shared experience they may want to be intimate too. 1
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Yeah that's part of the point. Finding women willing to share that lifestyle. Doing it in the open without guilt. I was into it a bit last year when I was dating 2 women at the same time and involved with both of them in swinging. One of those girls had a FWB on the side too. It was refreshing what we could share our experiences. And things like "Hey I'm going to a party this weekend and I know you're going to be stuck at work. Are you comfortable if things happen with another girl? " And she says "Go for it and have a great time". I moved to another state now and both of them are still happy to go out when I'm back to visit. I encourage you to involve yourself with others who are on the same page as you. Pogo....this sounds okay to me. I mean, it's not for me personally.... but as long as you are open and honest....and the women are good with it...it's all cool. For me, what would bother/hurt me the most about cheating (i.e. him having sex behind my back without my knowledge or okay) is the deception....the lying (by omission). I have to say that if my boyfriend came to me and expressed a desire to explore sex with others, in an open and honest fashion, allowing me to do the same, and perhaps sharing our respective experiences with each other....I "might" actually consider it. But if he went behind my back having sex with other women..unbeknownst to me (cheating)....I would break up with him. Not because of the sex (per se).... but because he was lying and deceiving. Lying and deception happen to be dealbreakers for me. Edited June 20, 2015 by katiegrl 2
central Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 It has worked for us. We were in a poly-fidelity type relationship for a while early after we met. We have always had a poly attitude, but are happy to mix in open and swinging relationships as well. It depends on who we meet, and what's appropriate and desirable with those people. Some are just swinging partners, some become friends as well, and rarely someone becomes even more - a love interest. My FWB of nearly 4 years was becoming a mutual poly interest as well, but she met someone who is a better match for her. We're all flexible, so we're still close friends. Who knows what the future will bring? But if approached honestly and caringly, it will be good just as it has been good before. 1
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