Merin Posted May 10, 2005 Posted May 10, 2005 LOL Don't call his silly a** about the candles Erin! You're right.. it is his MOM who you need to call about the damn candles... Just call his freakin Mom and let her know when she can expect to get them.. be nice as hell when you call his Mom trust me this information will get back to his stupid a** via good ol Mom. You don't need to call him about the candles.. that was just his lame attemt to get in touch with you without trying to seem like he's interested in whats up, you know? Again I say He's 28 years old... time to act like a Man here... IF it's you he wants in his life then make him step up to the plate Erin and do something about it!!!
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Well I ended up calling him and I basically told him about the candles- that I would call when they were here- and he was all like- oh I knew you would don't worry about it- so why call me then if you knew I would call you? Then he had to go and so he told me so but said he would call back in an hour- which he did- he then just told me about how busy he is with wirk and how he is not going to sleep for 60+ hours- give me a break!!! He is so confusing to me cause he calls so much (3x today) and then acts so casual on the phone... And everytime we talk- I get all sad and lose all of the progress that I have made- like being kicked in the heart all over again just to hear his voice...
loneyBird Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 honey... my ex is doing the same thing...and you know what? by you talking to him when he is acting like this only protects him so he doesn't have to grow up and be a man, you know? If you put your foot down by just ignoring him for a while....this will force him to get desperate and reconsider how he is approching you. The last thing in the world he wants right now is for you to get tired of him...so if you act like you are he will shape up. if not...well then..... obviously you cant ever have a forfilling relationship with someone who cant be mature and know how to communicate thier feelings. Theres no excuse for that.... so please please ignore him, but dont tell him your going to ignore him. dont contact him....just go out and do stuff with your girlfriends and if he calls ignore it. you have the power, dont let him walk all over you and let you settle for less than you desurve.
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Thanks for the advice- he is so strange cause he instated NC then he calls me three times today about this "candle" emergency (his mom could have called me for the candles- it's not life-threatening!!!) That's why I didn't want to call him back right away- because he phones so many times and gets my hopes up- then he is indifferent to me on the phone...yet he always calls back... I just don't want to talk to him because it feels like being punched in the heart all over again when I hear his voice after I have been okay for the past couple of days...but he keeps himself in my line of site so to speak...even when he doens't want to be together right now... I know he has issues but I am the one being hurt by all of this when I just want to help him...he knows that I have to call back about the candles and he asked me to call him when I get them, so he knows that there is going to be more contact... I just don't understand why this can't be "done with" on his part...he made it like it was over and made NC then he calls and always calls me back if he has to go...then he tells me how busy he is when we talk like trying to make me feel bad cause he works so hard... I just wish he would make up his mind...if he doesn't want to be with me then he has to stop coming to where I work and stop phoning me for dumb reasons...What the heck am I supposed to think- I just want to give him this letter I wrote telling him all of my feelings and also telling him that if he wants nothing to do with me then leave me alone to heal... ANY ADVICE?????????????????
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 I can only be the hopeless romantic for so long before I have to respect myself...
loneyBird Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 I know that whenever he calls....he hurts you... you know this... and he will continue to do this until you DO NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS dont call him back. its that simple. if you have his e-mail....then you can e-mail him but right now you should be trying to close things. "I just don't understand why this can't be "done with" on his part." I used to wonder this too....but the thing is...he is acting like a child right now. YOU need to be the adult here and end this....UNTIL he stops acting like a child... meaning..he writes you a letter appologizing for his behaviour...or he wants to sit down with you and talk about this like adults. But right now he is not doing that...and I know it may seem like a quick fix to talk to him after he calls...but i promise your just back to square one and there is no progress. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO IGNORE HIM You dont need HIM to leave you alone to move on....its called not calling him back. Not letting him talk on the phone with you to hurt you. Think about someone who loves you very dearly ....would they like to see you hurting?? would they allow this guy to walk all over you???? NO!!! HELLLL NOOOOOO Let yourself be that person who cares about you. Take that love they gave you and use it now. Pretend everytime he calls that a loved one is there with you and calling him a jerk.... This guy does not desurve your love right now. he may in the future..... but not right now Whatever you do right now.. dont answer his calls or reply back to them and i promise he will eventually change his behaviour
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 11, 2005 Author Posted May 11, 2005 Sounds like you have been in this exact situation!!! Thanks for the advice- it did seem that when I ignored him for the past week he was totally checking up to see what I was doing or how I was doing... I think he loves to know that I still need him...but I need to clear my mind of this and give him the entire story...he can't string me along and that is exactly what he is doing when he tells me one thing then won't stay out of my life...he is going to Toronto this weekend so I won't have to worry about seeing him... I have this letter written for him...it is just about how I still care for him and I hope that he does too...but if he doesn't then I told him to leave this alone...not to call, etc... I really and truly appreciate all of the advice people here are giving me...it helps to have someone on your side and there to talk you through things...I just want to be done with this though...either he loves me or not...because I feel back at square one when we talk... Letter or no letter so he can leave me alone and I can know where things stand once and for all cause he is so confusing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loneyBird Posted May 11, 2005 Posted May 11, 2005 No no no no no...don't write a letter....that would mean that he would get his ego boost and have no reason to grow up and start acting like an adult. think about it this way...everytime you give a child a cookie for being a brat...the child is going to continue to be a brat..in order to get cookies from you. Everytime you talk to him...you give him an ego boost by the sound of your voice...being upset about things. DONT GIVE YOUR COOKIES TO HIM UNTIL HE DESERVES IT!!!!! Other wise you will teach him to act like a jerk to you. This is classical conditioning at its best. So write the letter..and send it to me if you want..send it to your best friend... but don't dont dont send it to him I dont think he is purposely trying to string you along, I think he is getting the reaction he wants everytime you talk to him (that you care) and this satisfies him. DONT LET IT Buy some new CDs or books...and keep yourself really really busy during this time, because being isolated will make you more prone to call him back... Dont feel guilty for being mean to him either...you are simply trying to help things by ignoring him while he is acting like a child. my aim name on aol is CleverBird if you want to talk to me on there too
Author ErinErinErin Posted May 12, 2005 Author Posted May 12, 2005 Thanks for your advice- I wish I had read it last night!~ Okay so I wrote the letter- I felt that I had to just say everything I needed to say once and for all and then I would be done of him. I had some stuff to drop off at his house (a convenient way to drop off the letter as well) and so he called me at work to see if I was still coming over to do that. When I got there he was nice and everything, but I told him I didn't really want to give him the letter but he was being very receptive and he said he wanted to read it. Then after I gave it to him he wouldn't give it back cause he said that whatever I said was impt and he wanted to read it. We talked alittle and he mentioned about needing a vacation really badly and he was going to go to Mexico alone this winter (he always wanted us tyo go together) but then he looked at me for a response... he also mentioned about how he never had time to make supper or clean the house which are all things we used to do together- he was trying to get responses out of me...but no luck... He was leaving for Toronto in the morning and was really tired so I decied to leave him pack and get ready. We hugged and he actually gave me a real hug and then we hugged again...I kissed my hand and touched it to his face and he smiled... Okay so I think that I totally surprised him becuase he was expecting this huge crying thing out of me and I was calm and collected...I think I surprised him by acting so calm and I wrote in the letter that if he is sure he doesn't want to be together then not to contact me again... BTW- he was all like- I think I seen you in the mall this weekend!~~! I was like oh- I must have missed you!!! What a clown!
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