Nina1995 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I have recently ventured into a new relationship, we all know that going into a new relationship that we hold hope for the future, that this person could be “the one” but we are in the apprehensive and cautious state in which our brain tells us that we should hold back. Take things sow, give it time to develop and see where these feelings go. Now this new relationship that I have entered has thrown all my beliefs about how relationships develop out the window and blurred the lines of what you do and do not do in the beginning of a new relationship. Going back I will explain how I met him, let’s just say for the sake of arguments that I went out with a close friend who wanted to introduce me to some of her friends, I am socially awkward so this was hard for me to work up the guts to even walk into this bar… well long story short this is where I met him.. my guy.. the man who totally ****ed up my plans and view on what love is and how it happens. Seeing him there was like lightening ], my body was electric, it got hard to breath and I couldn’t focus and I found myself intentionally looking away just to make sure that he didn’t notice me staring at him, I have a feeling that he did though because he would keep shooting me his killer smile and flashing his dimples. I have never had a heart stopping moment until I met him, he was the perfect gentleman just being friendly which I really appreciated at that time because of some of the things regarding the other guys that night. He brought me a shot and we laughed and had a long chat about relationships and ****. Nothing too heavy but enough that I got a rough idea that he wasn’t exactly experienced when it came to girls, also that he was just a really good guy. Anyway in about three weeks we met, went on two “dates” at least I was thinking of them that way and doing small things that could be considered intimate, such as sharing drinks (indirect kissing), playing games and slight touching of hands, though for me the best part of any time that I spent with him was the hugging goodbye. To cut a load of **** out basically we have ended up shacking up together, obviously a major step in any relationship and it just kind of happened. Everything has been perfect for now but I am having bouts of insecurity, I know that he had one serious relationship besides me and I am his first… ehm… intimate experience… but that hasn’t stopped this feeling in the pit of my gut that I am not doing enough to make him feel good, I know that he is in love with me, I know that I make him happy, I know that we are in the euphoric phase of our relationship however I don’t know if he enjoys kissing me, I don’t know if physically I can do anything for him, I know I turn him on, I get him hard but sometimes I feel like that is as far as I can take him. It is completely possible it is my body, I have recently lost a lot of weight and I am aware that I have sagging skin, I also have asymmetrical breasts and to be honest looking in the mirror I would run a mile if a woman with that body wanted to make love with me. I have a pretty face, good hair and look hot with clothes on but because of the weightless and my scars I feel like I have nothing to offer. I am doing what I can to tighten my skin but it’s a working process and when I mention how I feel he has replied by saying things such as “I only want to be happy with you, that’s enough for me” or “it’s not you” and tonight when we were kissing I was getting really turned on and I pressed my mouth a little firmer against his and he jokingly said “it’s like you’re trying to fuse our faces together” and I actually cried just because I was so horny and happy and when he said that it was kind of like being told I was expressing my passion wrong.. He later said “it’s okay at your age I didn’t know how to kiss either” that was like another punch to my stomach because I didn’t realise that I was doing it wrong, I have kissed others before and no one has said anything like that, so I am really hurt mainly because this man means so much to me and I wanted him to feel the same kind of passion and lust I felt for him for me and I just feel like my love and affection has been misread as clumsy attempts of seduction. I have kissed him once since this incident and it was a brief peck on the lips because in all honesty I am now scared. I am over thinking every little thing that I do because I want him to feel good and I can’t get in the mood because I am so stressed and upset that I don’t know what to do to make him feel good. I have asked but he said that we’ll learn and I know that I will but I kind of want some idea of where to start. I am seriously considering not kissing or making love until my confidence comes back, I would really appreciate some diverse point of views and opinions. Also I would appreciate people keeping an open mind about our relationship because life is too short to force love to play by the rules. The heart wants what the heart wants. Nina
TheBathWater Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 If he's into you and you have no reason to suspect otherwise, I don't see anything to worry too much about. From what I can glean, it sounds like you both like each other but you're feeling a little self conscious. I didn't get the impression at all he doesn't want to keep seeing you. Physical chemistry does get better between two people over time.
StalwartMind Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 A couple of things that I feel are worth mentioning. All of us perceive things differently and sometimes the way we express our thoughts can be misinterpreted by others. This happens every single second. Some where on this planet there are two people having a conversation and unintentionally making the other part feel insecure, question, worry or such. Also not every man on this planet would run away when he faces a woman who has attributes that do not fall into the "perfect spectrum" that our society has adopted. Most people aren't symmetric, but I do understand that people who are either under or overweight, feel extra pressure and doubt, because one doesn't fit the ideal. Again while his responses will just further amplify your insecurities, he might actually not just be a bit awkward himself and not know how to give you a "better" response. Appearance means everything to some and little to others, there's nothing wrong with either way a person is. Do understand though that there are people who actually values personality the most in others. When it comes to intimacy of all sorts, whether people will admit it or not, it is driven by our mind. Some people are only capable of connecting attraction visually, others feel much stronger by watching the actions behind the character. I think most probably do a combination of both, but just be mindful that we all quite different. When one does struggle with confidence issues, it is even more rough and you become sensitive to others input. I don't believe he had malicious intentions with anything he said, in fact he may just of attempted to use some humor. As you know humor is so broad and it more than often can fly right past other people, especially when it comes to things of intimate nature. All in all try to not worry too much about all of this, just like TunaInTheBrine said too. Getting to know someone else takes time and even years into a relationship, someone can surprise you a bit with something said. When two socially awkward people meet there is also a greater chance of things being completely misunderstood. Be forgiving, patient and caring, one of the best indicators that you are spending time with someone of higher quality, is if they consistently treat you good and reciprocate well. A few bumps in the road and obstacles are what everyone have to overcome, consider that as being something natural. All the best to the both of you and enjoy each other 1
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 You are both inexperienced and too sensitive and that's why you accidentally hurt each other's feelings. Every young woman is insecure about her body even if that body is perfect. You are no different than other woman your age. We all have a breast smaller than the other, stretch marks, scars, and stuff. It's all normal. Men don't pay attention to the smaller details, they see you as a whole and if he gets turned on you don't need to ask yourself any other questions. What ever you have it's working on him. Your boyfriend did try to make you feel good with 'I want to be happy with you and it's enough for me'. It's a clumsy attempt at making you feel good but it's still an attempt. Keep in mind he is as inexperienced as you are, he also has his own insecurities to deal with. So honey, the problem is within you. You need to believe you're one hot babe just the way you are and men will see you as such. You know when I was 20 and my body was perfect I was very insecure and found flaws with it all over!! Now that I am in my late 40s and I got stretch marks, lose skins on arms and tights, gravity is pulling on the breasts, I got this huge scar that runs down my bikini line, up my hips and go across my back. You think you have a scar? :-) even though I have all that men don't care. I've mentioned my scar to my ex-boyfriend once and he replied when I undress in front of him he sees a naked body, he doesn't see a scar. I hope that helps you relax a little about your body.
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