erklat Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Found this interesting read on another relationship forum . Actually I was a firm believer of what is written here and I was guilty of everything written here. All the things that I done that eventually lead to me creating LS account brokenhearted. This is here in coping because it is there in coping and you're supposed to learn these things while you're coping and take them to your next relationship. This works. My treatment of my current gf is definitely worse than what I had with my ex in terms that she knows she's not the begging and the end of my life. My job, my programming skills, my hobbies, walks with my dawg etc come before my fear of her abandoning me. And even if she does, she would never see me crying. Want a successful relationship? Don't "fall" in love. This thread is both a collection of essential wisdom for men trying to improve their chances at reconciliation and those trying to fix a dying relationship. As brownstone pointed out, the key to have a long, healthy relationship with a woman is not to fall in love with her. My parents (who've been married 44 years,) put this to me simply; "The games never end, it's what keeps the spark alive. If we had gotten complacent with each other, this relationship would have ended decades ago." Let's begin. Romance is a Dance: Couples who are "madly in love" know how to keep up the sexual tension. Passion, that eagerness to rip your partners clothes off, comes from balancing a playful push-pull dynamic. Just like a dance, you must find the sweet-spot where the momentum is strong. You must the lead the relationship towards fun and excitement. Couples where the partner falls out of love don't have this dynamic. The man has become complacent and he has forgotten to lead, likely because he thinks "well, she's clearly in love with me, now I can relax." You're dead wrong. Love is Playful, Not Serious. Bouquets of roses and boxes of chocolate do not define love. Men think "I've taken her out to a great restaurant, bought her flowers on Valentines Day, texted her 'good morning, beautiful' every day...why is she still cold and distant?" She's cold and distant because you think love is a transaction. You're boring her to death with Hollywood gestures of love. You're communicating that you have no clue how to keep her interested in you other than acting like a desperate puppy. Occasional gifts are cute, but they do not encourage your partner to stick around for the long-term. You have to be in the moment, you must treat each minute like it's the first. She kept dating you for months because you were fun and spontaneous, not because you were talking about marriage and children or buying her a bunch of "stuff." The Relationship Does Not Define You You're high-value. You can get any woman you want. Your partner must believe that you are worthy of her, that you're a catch. You have your own dreams, and you must put them above your woman. You must put them above anyone, but without explicitly communicating it. Your satisfaction with your work must fuel you to become a stronger man, a better lover and a better friend for your woman. If you aren't happy with yourself, you will fail to make your partner happy. You must have total control over your work, and your woman can only help you if she offers her help and you allow it. You cannot involve your work with your love life or let it interfere with it, but you must be a bada$$ such that your work invigorates you and motivates you to make your partner happy. A Good Friend is a Good Listener But he doesn't put up with bull. A woman needs to vent her emotions to you. She just needs to let her frustrations out and that alone will make her feel better. Just listen. You will only offer advice if she explicitly asks for it. You are not her therapist, you are her friend and you will listen and support her when she needs it, because you are strong and have good judgement. But if your woman is out-of-line, you will call her out like a good friend, and you will do it with integrity, because you are strong. You will walk away if she pushes you too far. This will create attraction and respect and communicate that although you are supportive, that you are not an emotional tampon or a fool. A woman who does not respect her man will cheat, abuse him, and string him along until he's absolutely worthless in her eyes. Falling in love is dangerous. As the famous modern philosopher Slavoj Zizek explains, falling in love is insanity. It's a dangerous emotional state in which you're extremely vulnerable. Unfortunately, you can't be a strong, high-value, playful man in a relationship if you are vulnerable. Love your woman with all your soul, but don't fall for her. If you tumble down that emotional hole, she will drag deeper and deeper down until you have nothing to offer her. It's easy to put the blame on your partner for "giving up." But the truth is, you had a hand in it too. You may not have done anything egregious in the relationship, but you did lose yourself. You must be willing to understand relationships, regardless of whether it is to attract someone back into your life or have a better shot at your next relationship. These skills are fundamental. Stop fooling yourself into thinking that all women who leave "nice guys" are heartless, evil es. 1
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