Jonp219 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I met this girl in class on Wednesday. She seems pretty cool, we spoke for a few minutes after class and we took the subway together. She told me so much about herself and seemed interested in me, I even got her number. However, when I texted her yesterday she was sending short messages and it just felt weird. I responded back every few hours or so since I was out all day yesterday and I didn't want to come on too strong. I don't think I'm going to text her anymore, I'll just talk to her when I see her Wednesday. I was thinking of asking her out and setting a date when I see her again, but idk we'll see. The text thing just throws me off a little, maybe I'm over thinking this but I don't know.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I met this girl in class on Wednesday. She seems pretty cool, we spoke for a few minutes after class and we took the subway together. She told me so much about herself and seemed interested in me, I even got her number. However, when I texted her yesterday she was sending short messages and it just felt weird. I responded back every few hours or so since I was out all day yesterday and I didn't want to come on too strong. I don't think I'm going to text her anymore, I'll just talk to her when I see her Wednesday. I was thinking of asking her out and setting a date when I see her again, but idk we'll see. The text thing just throws me off a little, maybe I'm over thinking this but I don't know. Maybe she's not single? 1
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I met this girl in class on Wednesday. She seems pretty cool, we spoke for a few minutes after class and we took the subway together. She told me so much about herself and seemed interested in me, I even got her number. However, when I texted her yesterday she was sending short messages and it just felt weird. I responded back every few hours or so since I was out all day yesterday and I didn't want to come on too strong. I don't think I'm going to text her anymore, I'll just talk to her when I see her Wednesday. I was thinking of asking her out and setting a date when I see her again, but idk we'll see. The text thing just throws me off a little, maybe I'm over thinking this but I don't know. She may simply have been busy or out and about with friends. If that's the case and she took the time to respond at all would be a good thing. Don't assume negatively so soon. You're right to leave it be and talk to her in person or just give her a call. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Maybe she's not single? It's interesting you mention this because although she might be single I feel she might of just gotten out of a relationship. There was a moment when she asked me what kind of books I liked to read. I told her I liked reading NLP books and explained to her what they were. She asked me, "What about if a song makes you angry every time you hear it? There's a song that reminds me of someone I knew that just makes me angry every time I hear it. Is there anyway to stop being angry every time I hear this song?" She told me the name of the song and I'm very familiar with it, it's a love/breakup song. So I don't know, I guess that's something to consider.
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Ok so good initial interaction followed by lackluster text. This is easy since you know you'll be seeing her again. Next meet, just evaluate whether she's cooled off in conversation like the text seems to indicate or if she bounces back. If the former, take a pass on asking her out. (You'll know it when you see it. Nothing should seem forced, like she's distracted or irritated to talk.) If it's the latter and the conversation's like the first time, go for it. Good luck. 4
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) If you're really interested, just be blunt. Instead of coming here, and asking about signals, and what this/that means, call her up an be like, "Hey, I think you're cool, I want to take you on a real date, etc, etc." The last woman I actually dated, I did that with her. I was getting tired of hanging out with women who had no interest and going on 'vague dates', so when I had her on the phone, I said something like "So, I can take you out on a date, a real date, date." I'll tell you another story. Another woman that I actually dated, a longer time back, I was more vague about my interest, and she later said that if she knew the first meeting was a date, date, then she probably would have rejected me. Well, that's on her dumb-a@@. I mean, we ended up dating and it was really fun at times, and we still value each other a lot as friends, and I let her borrow $1000 (and didn't even care when she didn't pay all of it back), so it just goes to show what women give up if they just reject too prematurely. Edited June 20, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember 1
Author Jonp219 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 If you're really interested, just be blunt. Instead of coming here, and asking about signals, and what this/that means, call her up an be like, "Hey, I think you're cool, I want to take you on a real date, etc, etc." The last woman I actually dated, I did that with her. I was getting tired of hanging out with women who had no interest and going on 'vague dates', so when I had her on the phone, I said something like "So, I can take you out on a date, a real date, date." I'll tell you another story. Another woman that I actually dated, a longer time back, I was more vague about my interest, and she later said that if she knew the first meeting was a date, date, then she probably would have rejected me. Well, that's on her dumb-a@@. I mean, we ended up dating and it was really fun at times, and we still value each other a lot as friends, and I let her borrow $1000 (and didn't even care when she didn't pay all of it back), so it just goes to show what women give up if they just reject too prematurely. How did it work out with that first one? lol Due to my experiences, I tend to give myself a very small window of opportunity to ask a girl out. After meeting a girl and talking to her I give myself 2-3 weeks max to ask her out, maybe even less. If she says no then I just leave it alone. My thing is she was very comfortable with me. I asked her questions about herself and she was very open to answering. She told me about her passions, her hobbies, books she likes to read, even offered to bring in her scrapbook to show me her drawings lol. Normally, I don't introduce myself to girl I'm attracted to, I wait for her to ask me for my name and ask me questions about myself (which she did).
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 How did it work out with that first one? lol Due to my experiences, I tend to give myself a very small window of opportunity to ask a girl out. After meeting a girl and talking to her I give myself 2-3 weeks max to ask her out, maybe even less. If she says no then I just leave it alone. My thing is she was very comfortable with me. I asked her questions about herself and she was very open to answering. She told me about her passions, her hobbies, books she likes to read, even offered to bring in her scrapbook to show me her drawings lol. Normally, I don't introduce myself to girl I'm attracted to, I wait for her to ask me for my name and ask me questions about myself (which she did). It turned into a relationship, albeit a short lived one. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 It turned into a relationship, albeit a short lived one. Well, at least something came out of it. I guess I'll just engage in a friendly convo with her when I see her Wednesday, and if things go smoothly I'll just ask her out to dinner. She says no, then she says no. Thanks! 2
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Well, at least something came out of it. I guess I'll just engage in a friendly convo with her when I see her Wednesday, and if things go smoothly I'll just ask her out to dinner. She says no, then she says no. Thanks! It's more interesting to note with the 2nd one, that if you asked her, I think she would agree that rejecting me would have been a big mistake. Not because we're getting married or anything, but because having each other in our lives has been a cool thing. I do think women jump the gun a little too quickly in terms of rejecting men they will date. But all we can do as men is keep our approaches striaghtforward and consistnet, if only for our own sanity. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Jen gave the best advice. See how she acts in person next time you're around her. If she's still receptive, ask her out face to face. But Jon, here's some advice for future reference. Don't feel the need to text with a girl to build rapport before asking her out. After all, you already did that before getting her number. All it takes is three texts : 1) Anything you want. Gives her your number too. If she responds : 2) I'll call u so we can plan to meet up soon. When's a good time? 3) Sounds great. Talk soon Then you simply call her and make it happen. After all, a quick phone call and definite plans is far better than endless texting. As counter-intuitive as it seems, the more you text with a girl before making plans with her, the more your chances of getting a date decrease. 1
fireflywy Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) That's awesome. My advice, keep it lite and fun. If you ask her out sometime make sure you follow up with a fun activity and make her laugh. Whatever happens though don't be too strong and if you ask her out and she is shy or refuses, DON'T take it personally. In fact, experiment a bit and FRAME it as such and do so without any expectations other then YOU are going to be lite and funny regardless of how she reacts. If you do that, you'll feel inner confidence instead of pressure and even if you do feel a little disappointed, your default state in reference to yourself will be one of "Hey, I was awesome. She just wasn't into anything based on HERSELF." And then do this again and again and again until the magic happens and the numbers game finally hits your lucky pick. You now have proof positive that you have social skills that, a few months ago you thought were absent. Go out and grow. Wishing you the best buddy. Edited June 20, 2015 by fireflywy 1
preraph Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Just wait to see her. Some people hate texting. Some people don't have time to start the 24-hour marathon of texting with a new person. See how she acts when you see her and ask her out. 1
nadine5 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Girls love to text. If I send a guy one word texts back I am just being polite. She sounds like a nice girl but not that interested. She probably has a boyfriend. Sorry to be blunt. Ask her out though. I could obviously be wrong. What's the worst that could happen?? 1
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Texting is for teenage boys, I agree you are better to talk to her in person and ask her out in person....but don't wait a couple of weeks....ask her out for a 45 min coffee date or out for a slice of pizza, then go for a walk.....keep it simple and don't over think things. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Girls love to text. If I send a guy one word texts back I am just being polite. She sounds like a nice girl but not that interested. She probably has a boyfriend. Sorry to be blunt. Ask her out though. I could obviously be wrong. What's the worst that could happen?? You're right there's only one way to find out, and I'll see what happens on Wednesday. But I did notice something different about her, she didn't carry her phone around like everyone else does. I didn't see her phone in class, I didn't see her take it out when we left, when we were talking, or even on the train. She just had a book in her hand and a purse. Edited June 21, 2015 by Jonp219 1
Author Jonp219 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) That's awesome. My advice, keep it lite and fun. If you ask her out sometime make sure you follow up with a fun activity and make her laugh. Whatever happens though don't be too strong and if you ask her out and she is shy or refuses, DON'T take it personally. In fact, experiment a bit and FRAME it as such and do so without any expectations other then YOU are going to be lite and funny regardless of how she reacts. If you do that, you'll feel inner confidence instead of pressure and even if you do feel a little disappointed, your default state in reference to yourself will be one of "Hey, I was awesome. She just wasn't into anything based on HERSELF." And then do this again and again and again until the magic happens and the numbers game finally hits your lucky pick. You now have proof positive that you have social skills that, a few months ago you thought were absent. Go out and grow. Wishing you the best buddy. Yeah, that's how I behaved when I met her on Wednesday. I just kept it fun, no pressure. I asked her about herself and surprisingly she was very open with me. I guess my calm genuine curiosity made her feel like she could share stories with me without feeling judged. My communication skills have improved overall, I don't only see it with this girl, I see this with other people as well. People are more inclined to share their stories with me. Normally I'm the talker, but now I see other peoples lives to be far more interesting than mine. Giving others the floor to express their beliefs and passions is a gift in and of itself. I'll keep it cool when I see her again, and whatever happens happens. But hey, thanks alot man. Edited June 21, 2015 by Jonp219 3
na49 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I don't think it'd be a bad idea to invite her to do something. Maybe say something like "Hey, I'm going to get lunch after class, would you be interested in joining me?" Meeting in person is the best way to get to know someone, and the best way to gauge their interest. You also have class with her, so studying for a test is an idea too. It's also great practice for you dude. I'm rooting for you. I know I probably have been harsh on you in the past, but I'm so happy to see you pulling yourself out of the muck.
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