Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Well i thank you for taking out time and trying to help me..so let me help you too..don't abuse or judge people you know nothing about..i know you are trying to help me but calling a girl c*** is not gonna help anyone.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 I will meet her once or twice more as suggested bu you ravfour4..n im confident enough that i can recreate the bond between us..and even if it backfires..i want to try it..coz it didn't backfired today..thanks for your kind words..
Simon Phoenix Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 If you were arguing constantly for seemingly dumb and fixable reasons, then the other responders are wrong, she likely does not rememeber the good times, does not think they will come back and that's why she likes someone else. If you can actually stay strong and confident enough to hang out with her a few times and actually have some of that fun you used to have throughout most of the relationship, it may be worth it. It may backfire terribly. You won't know unless you try. Don't listen to the people calling you a pussy, people on here don't seem to realize that kicking someone when they're down just does not work. It doesn't empower you to do the right thing, it just makes you feel worse about yourself which will in turn likely push you closer towards her because you think she can make you happy; something these random angry posters cannot do. She is keeping you on the side as plan B because she cares about you as a person, wanted you and her to workout in the past and isn't 100% sure about this new guy. You don't want to sit and wait until things with that other guy go sour, but you can show her that you two can have fun together like you used to. If you go NC after 5 months of arguing, she'll remember one thing - that arguing and how glad she is that she got away from it. Show her the good and leave that as her last memory, don't let her talk to you about this other dude though and don't give her the impression that you'll sit around and wait, you do need to be strong and confident as that is what women find attractive. You're my boy, but I completely disagree with every part of this. You are advocating manipulation and encouraging him to chase his own tail. And no, the last arguments are not the only thing they remember about a relationship. I've had relationships end in the worst way possible where after a time of NC the woman has chased after me wanting them back. If anything, trying to manipulate a "proper ending" will backfire more than if you just let the relationship die on its own power. Often times the dumpee will absolve you of your portion of the "bad ending" and start to blame themselves for their contribution to it. But that will never happen if you keep trying to manipulate a "good ending". If anything, that good ending will give them their closure to move on (which is why you're smack dab in the friend zone in your personal situation). You're sending him into a battle he's not ready to fight, and a similar battle which has seen you chase your own tail for several months. I can't advocate that.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I will meet her once or twice more as suggested bu you ravfour4..n im confident enough that i can recreate the bond between us..and even if it backfires..i want to try it..coz it didn't backfired today..thanks for your kind words.. I've thought this way too. If anything, it made everything worse than if I had just let it be. You'll be trying so hard to give off a certain impression that it'll likely make things even more awkward because you won't be acting naturally. You'll be acting with an agenda. I mean, look at what you've written in this thread. Not trying to be mean or anything, but the odds of you somehow morphing into a lady-killing Casanova that jumpstarts your ex's passion for you are very small. If anything, you're better off cutting bait now and letting everything completely zero out and letting your ex remember the entirety of the relationship. That'd be a lot more effective than the plan you are trying.
ravfour4 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 What Simon says is true, what I'm suggesting is very very difficult to do especially in your current emotional state. Although I spill my feelings on here, I would insist that the majority of my interactions with her came across as calm and confident and not fake. In retrospect, perhaps I should have went NC, but I still think there was a decent chance she would have threw me in a pile with her other ex's who she despises and never wants to talk to if I didn't show some persistence and my ability to change the traits of mine that bothered her, traits that were not present when we started and traits that I wanted to change on my own anyways. I may be in the friend zone right now, but I believe going NC had a 75% chance of putting me in the "I hate you" pile and a 25% chance of reconciliation. Perhaps I now have a zero percent chance, but it's nice to have a bit of my "best friend" back, even if I don't have the gf portion.
frigginlost Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Ok, there's no gentle way of putting this, so, out with it .... You're being a total pussy with this whole thing. And she sounds like pretty much a total c-word honestly. Those two traits simply don't go well together in men and women. A pussy will *never* 'win the heart' of a c*nt. It just doesn't happen. Sometimes a c*nt will use a pussy for her convenience, but that's all it is and all it ever will be. Do you really not see how her treatment of you is essentially sh*tting all over you, or do you see it and just not care? (Sorry to use the female anatomy pejoratives but I can't think of any replacements that make the point as emphatically.) I am usually the first person on these boards to go against the grain of NC, and use low contact, but I agree with the above so much it's not even funny. OP, you are setting yourself up for so much hurt that I truly hope you can handle it. Based on how you have responded to most on this thread I'm not so sure you are. She is playing you hard. I was married for 17 years, so before you spout "You don't know her, we've been with each other 6 years" please take into account that a female has given you advice regarding respect, and others like myself who have been through it, can see the smoke long before the fire. You need to think about your self respect right now, but you seem to have very little and cannot afford to lose anymore. Cancel your get together and go complete and total ghost on her.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 What Simon says is true, what I'm suggesting is very very difficult to do especially in your current emotional state. Although I spill my feelings on here, I would insist that the majority of my interactions with her came across as calm and confident and not fake. In retrospect, perhaps I should have went NC, but I still think there was a decent chance she would have threw me in a pile with her other ex's who she despises and never wants to talk to if I didn't show some persistence and my ability to change the traits of mine that bothered her, traits that were not present when we started and traits that I wanted to change on my own anyways. I may be in the friend zone right now, but I believe going NC had a 75% chance of putting me in the "I hate you" pile and a 25% chance of reconciliation. Perhaps I now have a zero percent chance, but it's nice to have a bit of my "best friend" back, even if I don't have the gf portion. I guarantee you 100 percent you would have not been in the "I hate you" file long-term. For a month or two, sure maybe, but once she calmed down she would have seen you in a better light. I mean, if your goal was to be her "buddy", you succeeded I guess. But you can't tell me NC would have failed when you didn't even attempt it. Now you're in a limbo. But enough about you. As for the OP, being her "buddy" would be absolute torture to this guy. And most people that try to chase the "perfect" ending end up digging themselves a bigger hole chasing the rabbit down the hole. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Ok..so when we met together.. It wasn't like we were meeting as friends.. Well we kissed in the end..ant it wasn't a pity kiss..the way she was talking about him..it looked like she wasn't that sure about it..she wanted to do it..but still had her doubts..well people do come off very differently when they meet..they just have been talking on the phone..so i just told her to gi very slowly with all this..not taking any chances.. He could be a good guy but she won't know until..she meeta him..and one meeting will not do..he will probably come around next month to meet her..and there chances of being together right now together as in meeting face to face on weekly basis is pretty slim. So by meeting her..i could just show her that he is not all worth it..and when i do meet her..i don't come of as needy and emotional person..i have always been very confident around her..the thing is what brought us guys together was our this great connection while talking...n by going nc n not talking to her we might loose it..talking was the thing that kept this relation going for this long..ya we didn't use to talk that much in the end..n it's my only chance ti reignite her feelings for me..by talking...
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 N about being friend zoned.. She is completely aware of my feelings ..she knows it that no other guy can love her the way i do..one thing she said was the other guy was not impulsive..he was like calm n all that so i told her this..why would he get angry on her..she is a fairly good catch.. The other guy not so much..she showed me her pic..n well i wasn't impress..i just told her that keep your expectations very low..because it's going to be wierd for her when they will not..n the other thing why i don't want to ho nc..is there's no one to advice her on this..so..i fear she might take a wrong decision.. no one to show her another perspective about all this...see the thing is i don't care about myself.. Im probably gonna get hurt real bad..again..but i can't see her getting hurt or falling in some kind og trouble.. After the break..i feel like i can handle any pain..n i don't expect anything from her right now.. Im keeping lc for now..n if i don't see things progressing between us i will go nc..
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Thing is all i want to do is make her realize that me and her..we can work..lost love can be reignited.. I don't want any reconciliation right now..we won't be able to handle it right away..she just needs to believe this that we can sort out our differences..right now she doesn't think this way..by meeting her a few times..yes she might realize it..and then she can decide what she wants.
frigginlost Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 Wow. Just wow. She has already *shown* you what she wanted. And it's not you. Do not listen to what she is saying to you. Hear what her actions are telling you I wish you the best. Good luck.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Wow. Just wow. She has already *shown* you what she wanted. And it's not you. Do not listen to what she is saying to you. Hear what her actions are telling you I wish you the best. Good luck. When emrions are high we tend to overanalyze things..i will think about it all again..after a few days..n decide what to do
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Iam confused as f*** right now..i don't know what to do..i don't like myself when i don't know what to do
dumbass2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 When you are confused and don't know what to do, you should take a step back from the situation and let emotions die down, not continue to submerse your self in the situation that is causing it. Do not act on emotions or you will make mistakes that you regret. You should tell your ex that you need some time away from her to think things through. 2
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 When you are confused and don't know what to do, you should take a step back from the situation and let emotions die down, not continue to submerse your self in the situation that is causing it. Do not act on emotions or you will make mistakes that you regret. You should tell your ex that you need some time away from her to think things through. Yes this is what im gonna do now..take a step back before i make a fool of myself .if she messgaes i will keep it short and to the point..i will go not indulge myself in this anymore .. 1
dumbass2 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Thanks for your advice Try to look at it this way. It doesn't have to be permanent. This doesn't mean you'll never talk or see her again. You just need to back away and give yourself time to reflect and I highly suggest this with out her seeing you or talking to you for a bit. This is important right now. I really don't think trying to push things is the best route for YOU. You need to take control now and as long as you allow her to talk or text with you, it's going to remain confusing and you're not going to know what to do. Edited June 21, 2015 by dumbass2 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Ya i texted her that talking n meeting is not not a good idea for us..so we should just not talk for a while.. 1
pasteurization Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I know that this site sounds like a broken record sometimes with the "NC is the only answer" repeating continuously, but I can tell you from an experience very similar to yours, that for you NC is absolutely the right thing to do. And yes, the girl I was with was "special", and we talked about everything, and I knew she loved me (and told me so) even though there was this other guy in the picture. But in the end, no amount of talking or showing her an amazing confident me did anything to change the situation. And I was much more of a catch than the other guy too. Let her go. It will make you look strong and confident and non-needy in her eyes in a way that staying and talking never will. And when she is left without the "life preserver" of you in the picture, the other guy isn't going to look nearly so appealing. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 Thanks..we are not talking now..just had the final chat with her..told her i was sorry ..wish her good luck with the other dude..n blocked her..
ravfour4 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Good work Sandeep. NC will likely be best as it would have likely been in my case as well. I've learned a lot by sticking around, about her, about me, about relationships and about how easily love can appear, migrate and dissipate - but it came with a lot of angst and pain. The real moral of the story is - you never know. Some people go NC, move on and never look back. Some go NC and their ex ends up coming back - some take them back, others don't. Some stay in contact and get back together and live happily ever after, some stay in contact and remain friends, others stay in contact and and become enemies. You just need to do what's best for you, and right now that's NC. In the end, I don't think it matters much if your ex looks back and says "oh yeah, I respect him because he cut me out of his life and didn't beg for me back - even though I've totally moved on and never think about him" vs. "oh yeah, my ex begged for me back, that chump really liked me - even though I've totally moved on and never think about him". 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 Thanks ravfour4 i don't think she is coming back..she is really mad about this other guy..so im.not keeping any hope..i will get better with time..it's just i don't have any other friends in this city..she was the one n only..n same goes for her..so it's harder to stay nc..but it's for the best.. Coz whenever i meet her..my heart starts hoping again..which is not good for me..so i will start out of her life..
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 I have one confusion..i know she will we messaging me in a few days asking..how i am..so should i just keep it short like..im fine..and end the conversation or don't reply at all..coz we ended things on good terms..n if i don't reply she would think..im trying to pull something by not replying..
dumbass2 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 "Thanks..we are not talking now..just had the final chat with her..told her i was sorry ..wish her good luck with the other dude..n blocked her.." If what you said here is true, then there is no confusion and nothing now to worry about. I get a feeling now that what you said here is not what happened? I told you that when confused, back completely away from the situation. If you told her no communicating and blocked her, then the confusion goes away and you can start to get better and let emotions calm down. You're then not worried about that next confusing call or text. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 "Thanks..we are not talking now..just had the final chat with her..told her i was sorry ..wish her good luck with the other dude..n blocked her.." If what you said here is true, then there is no confusion and nothing now to worry about. I get a feeling now that what you said here is not what happened? I told you that when confused, back completely away from the situation. If you told her no communicating and blocked her, then the confusion goes away and you can start to get better and let emotions calm down. You're then not worried about that next confusing call or text. Ok you are right im just thinking too much..n today was the first day of nc..completed it
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