ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 This is my original thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/533556-gf-last-6-years-left. Long story short..my ex broke up with me..becaue she fell in love with this guy she met on line 5 months ago..n they still haven't met face-to-face but she is taking things very fast with him i mean she says she loves him madly and that happened in just two months. So the problem is she is my only best friend and same goes for her..we were never very social..so i was talking to her today and she told me that she doesn't want to throw this friendship away..neither do i..and trust me here guys i know she is not throwing a breadcrumb or keeping me as a second option she made it very clear that she wants to try things out with guy as he could be it..while talking we decided to meet today n now i don't know if this is a good idea or not but i cant back out now..i still love her and want her back..if i go nc on her she would know that im doing this to get her back..n i know that only by talking to her can i get her back coz that was the thing that always kept us going..that other dude lives in other state so all im asking is do i have a chance..i mean what should i do now..i really love her and i think if i sit back and let this all happen then i would never ever her back.
AJH1982 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Can you handle the relatioship that she have with the other guy! If you love her i don`t think so! The best that you can do right now is to leave her alone, cut all contact it will only hurt you! If she never met the guy face to face how can she love him. I think to build feelings like love for someone you need time! It´s in your hands. Best of luck.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Even im confused about this fact that how can she love him without meeting him..n that's why i also think i have a chance.. But i don't know..its my emotional n hopeful mind talking.. I don't know what to do..going nc will not help as she would come closer to this guy..maybe by talking to her..taking her out on dates..would help..im confused as what to do now
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Best friends tell each other everything, can you handle her telling you all about this guy and maybe some other guy she wants to date? She dumped you, she can easily be friends with you because she no longer feels that "love" attachment to you, I am sure she loves you as a buddy but she has made it clear she is not in love with you by breaking up with you. YOU are going to get very hurt here - going NC will protect your heart. Unless she says "sorry ssandeepsingh02, I made a mistake I should never have broken up with you, can we try again?", then I would cut contact. By being her friend you will shore her up and I am sure she will feel great, but at what cost to you?
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I think you really have no choice but to sever the ties. I'd explain to her that you still have intense feelings for her and want reconciliation, so your friendship wouldn't be pure. She should get that and let you go. If she doesn't, she's maybe not such as good a friend as she'd like you to be for her.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Ya met her today.. Told her everything..she knows it very much how i love her..n by meeting her today..i felt that i do have a chance here..n i totally understand why she left me..it's not like she is this evil dumper.. She is suffering too..n i think as long as they don't meet.. I have a very solid chance here..so if i go nc..then the other guy would get an edge..n trust me the way we met..it's not how you would meet a friend.. It was very emotional.. N she told me that this guy better be worth this..n wanted to meet again next week.. One mistake is all i want from this online dude..just one but im not getting my hopes high..i would try everything before letting her go.. Edited June 20, 2015 by ssandeepsingh02
TZilla11 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Ya met her today.. Told her everything..she knows it very much how i love her..n by meeting her today..i felt that i do have a chance here..n i totally understand why she left me..it's not like she is this evil dumper.. She is suffering too..n i think as long as they don't meet.. I have a very solid chance here..so if i go nc..then the other guy would get an edge..n trust me the way we met..it's not how you would meet a friend.. It was very emotional.. N she told me that this guy better be worth this..n wanted to meet again next week.. One mistake is all i want from this online dude..just one but im not getting my hopes high..i would try everything before letting her go.. Why are you okay with being a backup plan? First of all she was looking for monkey branch when she was with you, she didn't respect you. She dropped your six year relationship for a dude she never met, that should tell you how much she values you. You should want to be with someone who is crazy about being with you and only you. This girl isn't that, she's trash and you will get hurt. Youre wrong about one thing though if you go NC the other guy doesn't get an edge, you give your ex the gift of missing you, after all that's what she wanted, she wanted you out of her life for some dude she never met. Let her suffer, let her miss you, it's the consequences of her actions. Grab your balls, have some self respect and move on from this girl who doesn't give a single **** about you. 2
ravfour4 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Hey there, glad to hear you had a nice talk with her and that she's back in your life to a degree. I went through something very similar in my situation, she hopped to that older married guy and we had a heart to heart talk where I told her how much I cared, how I understood what went wrong in our relationship and how much I loved her. She said she cared about me, but needed to see what happened with this guy, she needed to follow her strong emotions. Fast forward a month of LC and she came back for that date, then it all fell apart and she went back, once again because of those strong emotions she had for him. A few weeks later, she came back again and we hung out everyday for 3 weeks, then she went back for the same reason - loves me, but is potentially in love with him. 2 weeks after that (aka last night) I meet up with her and she's single and ended things with that guy for good (well, maybe). Long story short, she's not thinking the same way as you are, she legit sees you as a friend now and that is NOT how you see her. You can give friendship a shot, but be ready to cut it off if things don't get better and better between you or if she keeps getting closer with this other guy. My recommendation would be to have a few great interactions with her, then cut it off. Leave a good taste in her mouth, then let the dumb thing she has with the other guy play out while you focus on yourself. 1
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Ya met her today.. Told her everything..she knows it very much how i love her..n by meeting her today..i felt that i do have a chance here..n i totally understand why she left me..it's not like she is this evil dumper.. She is suffering too..n i think as long as they don't meet.. I have a very solid chance here..so if i go nc..then the other guy would get an edge..n trust me the way we met..it's not how you would meet a friend.. It was very emotional.. N she told me that this guy better be worth this..n wanted to meet again next week.. One mistake is all i want from this online dude..just one but im not getting my hopes high..i would try everything before letting her go.. Ok, let me get this straight .... First of all, the actual facts are she dumped you for another guy, and she wants you to stand by and wait for her in case she decides she doesn't actually want him, at which time, at her convenience, she'll let you back in. (Forget about the whys, those are just the regular facts.) Now you had a talk with her and based on what you said above, here's how you feel about it: you told her you love her, no mention of her saying she loves you, you're striving for a chance with her, you blame yourself for her dumping you, she's awesome, her dumping you and getting with the other guy has been awfully hard for her, you're bargaining for your "chance" to get back together with her, you're afraid that by not talking to her you'll hurt your chances of getting her back, and you seem to sympathize with her feeling that all of it with the other guy had better pay dividends for her or she'll be pissed. And this is the woman who is the subject of the first paragraph. I understand that love makes us dumb, but you're so far out there with it that imo there's no way she could ever respect you again, and a guy who doesn't have a woman's respect doesn't have a chance w/her. I doubt you're really even the fallback plan at this point. 2
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 I understand you all fellas..but thr thing is she never asked me to be her back up plan..she was clear from the beginning that..she wanted ti give that guy a chance..it all depends on me whether i want to stay in touch or not..she is completely aware of my feelings.. N she doesn't want to loose her only friend.. N she knows what she is sacrificing for thia guy..n he better be worth it (her exact words)..and about respect.. The way I have handled this break up has really amazed her..last time when we met it was a mess..this time it was different.. she said she could see changes in me..n was impressed.. I just want to show her that i can really work on myself n improve..n then she can decide.. It's going to be very difficult for the other dude..if she ever meets him..to fill my shoes..
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Exactly what i want to do..show her how great we are together..n then back out
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 You mean you want to trick her into choosing you and then back out? I don't get it ....
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 You mean you want to trick her into choosing you and then back out? I don't get it .... No i want to make her see how great we were together.. N then back out and let her decide..as ravfour4 has put it..leave a good taste in her mouth
dumbass2 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 "thing is she never asked me to be her back up plan..she was clear from the beginning that..she wanted ti give that guy a chance" Words mean very little and actions mean pretty much everything. Of course she didn't ask you to be a back up plan. Do you really expect someone to say that to you? Look at her actions. She dumped you for another guy she HASN'T even met and says she is in love with him. Her actions do show she wants you as a back up plan. She wants to give that guy a chance and might give you another if he doesn't work out and that is why she wants to keep you in the friend zone. I understand you love her and you are just thinking with heart right now. Understandable.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Truth is im scared to death right now..she will meet him next month..well to put it lightly..he is no brad pitt..n they talk a lot..probably talking to him right now..but just going nc and let all this happen is not gonna help me..even if i don't get her in the end i would be satisfied that i did everything i could..
dumbass2 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 No i want to make her see how great we were together.. N then back out and let her decide..as ravfour4 has put it..leave a good taste in her mouth You're just playing games and will probably get burned if you want to go that route. So let's say you hang out a few more times and have a great time together. Are you then saying that you can just then back off and just start completely ignoring her? Don't you think that she knows what kind of times you two had together? Do you really think she has forgotten those already? She will miss you the most when you disappear for good long time and then she will start missing you. She will not miss you at all knowing that you are still around. Right now you have basically told her through words and actions that you want her back at just about any cost. She knows this and she knows that no matter what you try to do to show otherwise, you have already tipped your hand. If there is a game to be played, I'm afraid she will win it hands down because she holds all the cards. She has something that you want really bad, a romantic relationship with her. She has shown that at least for the time being, she does not want that with you.
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 "thing is she never asked me to be her back up plan..she was clear from the beginning that..she wanted ti give that guy a chance" Words mean very little and actions mean pretty much everything. Of course she didn't ask you to be a back up plan. Do you really expect someone to say that to you? Look at her actions. She dumped you for another guy she HASN'T even met and says she is in love with him. Her actions do show she wants you as a back up plan. She wants to give that guy a chance and might give you another if he doesn't work out and that is why she wants to keep you in the friend zone. I understand you love her and you are just thinking with heart right now. Understandable. Well friend i know my girl..she is not like all the girls out there..i have known her for 6 years..so i know what she is doing..n why she is doing it..it's just literally we are each other's only single friend..n she doesn't want to loose me..but of course after trying everything i will back out..n cut all contacts.. Im not going to sit around n wait for things to go sour between them..right now i have to make her realize this that things haven't gone to s*** n me n her can work out.
TZilla11 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Truth is im scared to death right now..she will meet him next month..well to put it lightly..he is no brad pitt..n they talk a lot..probably talking to him right now..but just going nc and let all this happen is not gonna help me..even if i don't get her in the end i would be satisfied that i did everything i could.. OP if you don't go NC you will get very hurt in the end. You won't be satisfied when she completely cuts you out and you see pictures of her and this new guy. Go NC now or you will learn your lesson later, but that is going to be a VERY painful lesson
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 You're just playing games and will probably get burned if you want to go that route. So let's say you hang out a few more times and have a great time together. Are you then saying that you can just then back off and just start completely ignoring her? Don't you think that she knows what kind of times you two had together? Do you really think she has forgotten those already? She will miss you the most when you disappear for good long time and then she will start missing you. She will not miss you at all knowing that you are still around. Right now you have basically told her through words and actions that you want her back at just about any cost. She knows this and she knows that no matter what you try to do to show otherwise, you have already tipped your hand. If there is a game to be played, I'm afraid she will win it hands down because she holds all the cards. She has something that you want really bad, a romantic relationship with her. She has shown that at least for the time being, she does not want that with you. Ya you are right..but I'm not playing any games..last 5 months were very hard.. We were fighting all the time..shouting.. I just want her to know that..if we both work together we can be better.. I don't believe in playing games..neither does she
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 No i want to make her see how great we were together.. N then back out and let her decide..as ravfour4 has put it..leave a good taste in her mouth Ok, there's no gentle way of putting this, so, out with it .... You're being a total pussy with this whole thing. And she sounds like pretty much a total c-word honestly. Those two traits simply don't go well together in men and women. A pussy will *never* 'win the heart' of a c*nt. It just doesn't happen. Sometimes a c*nt will use a pussy for her convenience, but that's all it is and all it ever will be. Do you really not see how her treatment of you is essentially sh*tting all over you, or do you see it and just not care? (Sorry to use the female anatomy pejoratives but I can't think of any replacements that make the point as emphatically.) 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 OP if you don't go NC you will get very hurt in the end. You won't be satisfied when she completely cuts you out and you see pictures of her and this new guy. Go NC now or you will learn your lesson later, but that is going to be a VERY painful lesson Ok so you fellas are saying that i should go nc..well what do i tell her after having such a great time together.. N she asked me to meet next week..n we agreed..ho do i go nc..she is gonna think im trying to pull something here..n that will not help
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Ok, there's no gentle way of putting this, so, out with it .... You're being a total pussy with this whole thing. And she sounds like pretty much a total c-word honestly. Those two traits simply don't go well together in men and women. A pussy will *never* 'win the heart' of a c*nt. It just doesn't happen. Sometimes a c*nt will use a pussy for her convenience, but that's all it is and all it ever will be. Do you really not see how her treatment of you is essentially sh*tting all over you, or do you see it and just not care? (Sorry to use the female anatomy pejoratives but I can't think of any replacements that make the point as emphatically.) Well i thank you for your advice and im thinking about going nc..but friend you don't know her..you don't know about the things she did for me..so you don't have any f***ing right to call her c word..i didn't join this forum so that you can abuse my ex you know nothing about..
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 True, but you did join this forum to ask for advice about her, which is what you're actually getting, and which I've donated a fair amount of time on your behalf today to try to help you with. So ....you're welcome. I think you're past the point of no return tho so I'm out. Good luck.
ravfour4 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 If you were arguing constantly for seemingly dumb and fixable reasons, then the other responders are wrong, she likely does not rememeber the good times, does not think they will come back and that's why she likes someone else. If you can actually stay strong and confident enough to hang out with her a few times and actually have some of that fun you used to have throughout most of the relationship, it may be worth it. It may backfire terribly. You won't know unless you try. Don't listen to the people calling you a pussy, people on here don't seem to realize that kicking someone when they're down just does not work. It doesn't empower you to do the right thing, it just makes you feel worse about yourself which will in turn likely push you closer towards her because you think she can make you happy; something these random angry posters cannot do. She is keeping you on the side as plan B because she cares about you as a person, wanted you and her to workout in the past and isn't 100% sure about this new guy. You don't want to sit and wait until things with that other guy go sour, but you can show her that you two can have fun together like you used to. If you go NC after 5 months of arguing, she'll remember one thing - that arguing and how glad she is that she got away from it. Show her the good and leave that as her last memory, don't let her talk to you about this other dude though and don't give her the impression that you'll sit around and wait, you do need to be strong and confident as that is what women find attractive. 1
Author ssandeepsingh02 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 If you were arguing constantly for seemingly dumb and fixable reasons, then the other responders are wrong, she likely does not rememeber the good times, does not think they will come back and that's why she likes someone else. If you can actually stay strong and confident enough to hang out with her a few times and actually have some of that fun you used to have throughout most of the relationship, it may be worth it. It may backfire terribly. You won't know unless you try. Don't listen to the people calling you a pussy, people on here don't seem to realize that kicking someone when they're down just does not work. It doesn't empower you to do the right thing, it just makes you feel worse about yourself which will in turn likely push you closer towards her because you think she can make you happy; something these random angry posters cannot do. She is keeping you on the side as plan B because she cares about you as a person, wanted you and her to workout in the past and isn't 100% sure about this new guy. You don't want to sit and wait until things with that other guy go sour, but you can show her that you two can have fun together like you used to. If you go NC after 5 months of arguing, she'll remember one thing - that arguing and how glad she is that she got away from it. Show her the good and leave that as her last memory, don't let her talk to you about this other dude though and don't give her the impression that you'll sit around and wait, you do need to be strong and confident as that is what women find attractive. You are right i think we had a very good time together.. And that should give her something to think about..im.thinking about telling her that..i should get out of her life..i don't want to complicate it any further
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