treehugger101 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been hanging out, having a good time, talking etc. When he brought up would I get back with one of my ex's if they showed up or happen to get back into my life. As of right now all of the ex's I was with have moved on and so have I. As for me or them coming back or getting back together if it did happen, I would not. That was then and this is now, if we were suppose to be together we would be etc. But have any of you ever had any of your ex's come back into your life years after your break up? Would you get back with them? etc. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I dream of it happening,but in reality i dont think i ever would. Onwards and upwards. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 No, i would not. How do you go back down a path where there is such pain? Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 But have any of you ever had any of your ex's come back into your life years after your break up? Would you get back with them? etc. Months rather than years, but yes. A very very very bad idea... The reasons we broke up (his insecurities, paranoia, obsessive snooping, etc.) came back fairly quickly after we got back together. I wouldn't recommend it based on my experience, but I know it has worked for others (mainly when bad timing was the issue rather than incompatibilities). Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 At the drop of a dime, yes I would. It's so much better than being alone. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowhibiscus Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 My most recent ex and I split up and got back together 3 times before it was finally over. I really wish we hadn't because I knew in my heart that he was not going to change. I still love him though but I know that it will never work out. Link to post Share on other sites
MovingOnIsHard Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 My ex from 2013 would send me an annual message to get together and if i was interested in dating him again. I said no, despite being single at one point. My recent ex has been the most persistent. Despite being blocked numerous times he finds a way to contact me. Recently he proposed being "online friends". I had to laugh at this. I think once i've left the relationship and i felt i had been crossed, i would not want to reconnect with my exes.. I can only think of one that i wouldnt mind being friends with because a. I have no more feelings for him b. We shared enough interests that we could start a platonic relationship 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been hanging out, having a good time, talking etc. When he brought up would I get back with one of my ex's if they showed up or happen to get back into my life. As of right now all of the ex's I was with have moved on and so have I. As for me or them coming back or getting back together if it did happen, I would not. That was then and this is now, if we were suppose to be together we would be etc. But have any of you ever had any of your ex's come back into your life years after your break up? Would you get back with them? etc. It can and does happen. If you're in a position where an ex was back in the picture, and you want to try again, you start from ground zero. You first find out what they want for themselves out of dating -- what their current dating goals are. If you're on the same page there, you date them without intimacy and observe how they date you and whether or not the issues that caused the two of you to split in the first place can or have been resolved. If they can't or haven't been, then you don't date anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 No. I don't miss any of my exes - it's like I have a window for when I am emotionally open to someone. After that window is closed, I am unable to feel anything for them again. Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 My ex lied to me about our relationship and hid things from me that were really bothering her. She also expected me to be a mind reader when I confronted her about the problems that I did discover. It's like eating crappy sandwiches for years. It could have been mentioned at anytime that the sandwiches were bad, but there is a pretense that the sandwiches were awesome. Nope, that ship has sailed. If I ever dated again, I'll look for someone who has the stones to tell me upfront what I'm doing wrong, so I can fix those problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 There is a man or 2 I dated for a couple of months and I feel I've dismissed them unfairly or too quickly. I would probably be receptive if they contacted me again. As for the men I had long term relationships with, no, we had years together to make it work and it didn't so our differences are irreconcilable. I know that much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I can think of an ex or two that I'd add to my harem if my wife didn't object, but there's none that I'd trade for my wife! Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 To be honest, I think about getting back with ALL of my exes. Of course, there's not many of them. At all. But each have a flaw where to me it would not work out in terms of marriage. I have batted around the idea of asking the one who is closest to marry me (and she is still single), but I doubt it would last. Link to post Share on other sites
JJCaliGirl Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) It can and does happen. If you're in a position where an ex was back in the picture, and you want to try again, you start from ground zero. You first find out what they want for themselves out of dating -- what their current dating goals are. If you're on the same page there, you date them without intimacy and observe how they date you and whether or not the issues that caused the two of you to split in the first place can or have been resolved. If they can't or haven't been, then you don't date anymore. Great advice!!! Communication and setting the proper expectations is key! There is a man or 2 I dated for a couple of months and I feel I've dismissed them unfairly or too quickly. I would probably be receptive if they contacted me again. As for the men I had long term relationships with, no, we had years together to make it work and it didn't so our differences are irreconcilable. I know that much. I agree with this. It doesn't work for everyone. There are many factors to consider. For instance, were there issues that were minor? Maybe a year or two apart may have been enough for each of you to learn from that to make your relationship work. Was timing the issue with this person? It's possible this time is the right time for you both. Edit: I recently tried this with an ex which is why I appreciated what Redhead said. I started over from the beginning. He did not. Timing and communication issues ended up being why I ended it this most recent time. He is one of those guys if he wanted to get back together again, I probably wouldn't because he left me kind of jaded. I'll get over it. Edited June 20, 2015 by JJCaliGirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been hanging out, having a good time, talking etc. When he brought up would I get back with one of my ex's if they showed up or happen to get back into my life. As of right now all of the ex's I was with have moved on and so have I. As for me or them coming back or getting back together if it did happen, I would not. That was then and this is now, if we were suppose to be together we would be etc. But have any of you ever had any of your ex's come back into your life years after your break up? Would you get back with them? etc. Pretty much all my exes we broke up because of some fundamental incompatibilities that I don't think will change and I'm just not in a space of desiring them like that anymore. My most recent ex was a good guy but we were incompatibile in some unreconcilaboe ways in terms of our values beliefs etc. While dating sometimes I think damn I should have stayed with him since he was at least he was a gentleman who treated me well, then I'm like nope, that should be a given and not a reason to be with someone you're otherwise incompatible with. I only have one ex where I'd at least consider it, but it would need to be some very specific conditions that I don't think will ever be met in this life lol. This ex and I actually broke up before and got back together about 2 or so years later and it still didn't work for many reasons, but he was the only ex I could have seen myself marrying without qualms IF only he were reliable. I have no burning desire to be with him but can't say that if he magically reappeared and proved his reliability and commitment consistently for at least a year that I wouldn't be persuaded to give it another go. He periodically returns but never for long and I'm just over it and would likely tell him to eff off lol, but that's the only ex where it would even be a smidgen of a possibility. The rest, no thanks. Edited June 20, 2015 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Lots of people can and do get back with their exes, but you have to ask yourself some hard questions about whether or not getting back together with an ex is healthy. If the relationship was toxic, you're much better off never going down that path again. In the event of a split due to extreme life stresses (external circumstances) or GIGS, the chances for a successful reconciliation are better, but, IMHO, one needs a LONG period of NC to regain clear thinking before making a decision for the wrong reasons. Rekindling from a place of strength and independence vs. pain and need is what's required. I did get back together with my most recent "ex," the only guy who ever broke my heart. He is almost a decade younger. He broke it off out of nowhere when he moved away to go to school and lost his mind for a few months. I stayed NC from day one of the breakup. He eventually broke down my door with flowers, chocolates, a bag of gifts, and not a single day has gone by (more than 6 months now) where he hasn't demonstrated total commitment and made me his queen. We're so happy together. But our relationship was never toxic. The breakup was a terrible shock because it came out of nowhere. In the end, I'm glad he did it, because he went and saw what else was out there, and I know he'll never question... have regrets... feel like I'm stealing his youth... or whatever. I know he's with me because he wants to be. Sometimes, an ex is an ex for a reason. But other times, if you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it's meant to be. Even if you had the best relationship prior to your breakup, if you stalk, if you beg, if you obsess, if you never allow yourself to heal, you won't ever get to a place of strength to make healthy decisions about a relationship. I learned the value of being grounded in myself from that split. I started new hobbies. I went to school. My boyfriend loves my hobbies. He comes to school every time I need a model of a guinea pig for clinicals (he drives from his work, over an hour away). Most importantly, my life is so full that I'm never just hanging around the phone, waiting for a call, or relying on him for entertainment or fulfillment. These are some things you need to think about... if you really want to mend a broken relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I've heard of that happening, people somehow meeting years later after they broke up and get back together. I have no idea how/why this occurs with some, and why it's the case that one party would go back to the other after years. Quite honestly, why would someone do this other than loneliness? All of my formers, now I realize, were cowardly and miserable human beings. All of them (with the exception of one) immediately rebounded. Chances are the those who try to get back with a former gf/bf are doing the same thing, looking for a quick fix. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Would I get back with any of my exes? HELL NO!!!!! There was a reason why the relationships ended. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 All of my formers, now I realize, were cowardly and miserable human beings. All of them (with the exception of one) immediately rebounded. I'm curious. How do you know this? I mean when someone becomes an ex, you don't typically stay in touch or have detailed discussions about who they're dating after you. So are you just assuming, or do you have actual proof they moved on instantly? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 absolutely without a doubt, if opportunity arose I think two of my past gents would re-establish. Sometimes there wasn't pain involved or incompatibility that created the parting of ways. Sometimes love conquering all is the ability to let them go so they can grow more. Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) I am back together with my most recent ex. We broke up February 21, 2015 and got back together over a week ago, taking things very slowly and is going well thus far. We dated 1.5 years. With my ex's before that I would not. There are just no feelings there anymore as it has been way too long since the break ups. There was still love with my most recent ex between us because it was such a short time apart. My longest relationship and ex of 5 years on and off still sends me an annual "Happy Birthday!" and "How are you?" every 6 months or so. He was an amazing boyfriend but there was no spark left for me. He is a great person and we are on good terms, and now has a serious g/f he lives with. Edited June 20, 2015 by acapelo_dp Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I don't know, I like being alone for now. Link to post Share on other sites
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