DollWelch Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I feel I am in too deep in this situation of mine and I don't know what to do. This is a rather long story that spans 2 years. I randomly met a guy online about two years ago as I have mentioned above. At first he and I despised each other -I don't want to say hated because that is a strong word. Over time however that developed into great conversation, effortless connection -though of course there were ups and downs. This is where it is at the moment; he and I still talk but it's different. Recently he has been quite vocal about the fact that he has grown to like me -keep in mind, as I should have mentioned this earlier, that he's about 5 years younger than me. That is, I feel he and I are at different life stages. He has gone on to say that he wants to someday meet me, hang out with me at the very least. He has since tossed around the idea of being in love, friend zoning him and that I may never see him as dating material. All this in the span of one to two weeks. I don't know what to think! I think my concerns have merit in that there is a fairly large age gap, different life stages, and distance. But the chemistry is amazing, it's easy to talk to him and I feel an undeniable pull of some kind to him. I can't explain it. I don't know if I can continue doing this, or maybe I should simply walk away. I know it's going to hurt like hell either way. Thoughts?
KSCHV Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 So this has been going on for two years but yet you have never even met the guy?!?!? WTF
J21 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Did you guys meet on a dating site? Wtf 2 years is ridiculously long to talk and not to have met.
todreaminblue Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 i think you should do what feels right to do....like would there really be actual harm in meeting him in person and taking it from there....five years is not that much of an age gap if both are over twenty but you will know if that age gap is prevalent in person rather than just online.......to me any way...a decade or more is an age gap that has significant disadvantages..........if you find it easy to converse with him then it should be easy to be honest with what you really feel if you were to meet.....good luck...deb
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I'm 6 years older than my husband.....he was twenty when we met.....we are still together after 25 years. 1
Author DollWelch Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Thank you to all your responded. The main reason why he and I never met within those two years is because: he's in graduate school, so obviously busy with that, and the distance. He lives 500 miles away and the fact that it was never brought up until now. I can't tell if he's serious about this or its his way of passing time. Perhaps that's something I should ask him -though he seems dead serious about it.
nadine5 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 WTF... if you both hated each other why did you continue to speak? People amaze me.
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 What's wrong with just having a visit, and hang out to see what he's like? If he isn't serious, you get back on a plane and fly home. After two years ya have to go meet him.
Author DollWelch Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Suppose I do meet him in his city or half way, do I spent a day with him? What if he's not what I expected? What if I'm not what he expected? Something tells me he's going to turn out to be a douchebag. Our last conversation I mentioned that we could meet in June 2018 as a joke of course and he said he was perfectly okay with that. What kind of man would be okay with that!? No one want wait another 3 years to meet up with some woman they met online. Argh! What should I keep in mind if I do meet up with him?
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 OK what do you really want? Meet just to get over the curiosity?? Or do you wish or hope he will want to date you? What do you expect from this guy??
Author DollWelch Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 I don't know what I want Smackie9. Perhaps both (?). I am definitely curious but I don't know if I can allow myself to date him, that would be too complicated. At one point he mentioned in one of our previous conversations about how I would never consider him dating material. So I think he has this preconceived notion that I may be too old, well established individual who dates men of my own calibre (etc). He contacted me again last night, and when I didn't respond right away he took it as that I didn't want to talk to him. I can see that he's really attached. I don't know what it is. I don't know why he makes me feel alive but so at home. I'm reallytorn because I am getting to know someone else. This person is great even though I don't feel a whole lot of chemistry the same way I do with the online guy. But my friends and family think he's perfect for me. Sometimes you don't always get what you want in life, maybe doing what's right is important here. He has 5 plus years to go out and grow and experience young women his own age, work on his career. I don't want to hold him back.
maysj18 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I don't know what I want Smackie9. Perhaps both (?). I am definitely curious but I don't know if I can allow myself to date him, that would be too complicated. At one point he mentioned in one of our previous conversations about how I would never consider him dating material. So I think he has this preconceived notion that I may be too old, well established individual who dates men of my own calibre (etc). He contacted me again last night, and when I didn't respond right away he took it as that I didn't want to talk to him. I can see that he's really attached. I don't know what it is. I don't know why he makes me feel alive but so at home. I'm reallytorn because I am getting to know someone else. This person is great even though I don't feel a whole lot of chemistry the same way I do with the online guy. But my friends and family think he's perfect for me. Sometimes you don't always get what you want in life, maybe doing what's right is important here. He has 5 plus years to go out and grow and experience young women his own age, work on his career. I don't want to hold him back. I'm all about adventures, so I say you should go for it. 250 miles is only between 4-5 hours driving time. It might be awesome, it might not be- but why keep guessing and wondering? Just make it happen and so what if it fizzles? Just make sure you stay physically safe and don't get your hopes up. Have you at least video chatted?
lovexocoach Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 There cannot be what is considered chemistry with your online guy. There can be no chemistry until you meet and interact. What you're feeling is a fantasy at this point. It's common for people who have never met to think there is chemistry only to find out when they meet that there isn't any. Five years age difference is not a big age gap. If you don't meet your online guy soon then I think you should move on. Otherwise you'll continue to live in a fantasy. 1
Gary S Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 The whole thing sounds like dysfunctional dysfunction if you ask me. 1
smackie9 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 OK I'm going to let you in on a little secret. On line romance is 20% reality, and 80% fantasy. When you are not physically together, Whatever you can't touch or feel, your imagination fills in the gaps by YOUR wishful thinking. You both paint each other to what is your perfect mate. This is why your emotions are going crazy. The reason why things are not kicking off with this new person is because your emotions are so tied up with internet guy. IMO the fun is over and you should just cut ties, and move on to real life guy. You are already trying to talk yourself out of and for good reason. The issues about pursuing something is stacked up against you, plus meeting is simply pointless. These things are like an addiction, you need to cut it off completely in order to get yourself back to normal. You will later realize how much of a waste of time it was, and how silly the whole thing is.....you will ask yourself "what the hell was I thinking??"
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