DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I am so ****ing mad, sad, angry and lonely all at the same time. My ex messaged me, we haven't seen eachother in 12 years, and i have no idea why i allowed him to message me, let alone, why i even responded to his messages. I take fully responsibily, and that i let it go so far as to have phone sex with him 2x. The point is, he wants to sleep with me. I dated him when i was in my late teens, a virgin at the time, i was never sexual like that with him, and now he wants to get sexual with me. At first, i didn't mind, b/c i understand, i dont love him anymore, or even like his personality, but he's on my brain too much lately, and i want him out. Sleeping with him will only make this worse, yes? On the other hand i know he's so experienced, and i am not, and it would be so out of character of me to just go for it, and let him do what he wants with me, i may even enjoy this? Then, there is Mr. Chemistry, the one i think i may have alot of chemistry with, but he only wants to be friends, and while he wants this, i am not even sure if i want to be just friends or more, but the point is, when he called me tonight, it was an akward and short convesation, i brought up to him that my ex called me after 12 years, but didn't say more, and that it was bothering me, he asked me if i wanted to talk about it, i said no. Then he went on to tell me he's on the way to see his friends and his plans for the weekend, and thanked me for some information i gave him, about a project he's intersted in. I'm not sure if this is the last time i should talk to him or reach out, considering this last conversation was odd, and brief? Then there is Mr. Venezuala, the guy, i was friends with for 2 years. He and i have started to speak again, after i slept with him, thinking it was going to go somewhere, but didn't b/c turns out he met another girl right after me, and he cut those romantic feelings off for me, and went with her, but he also said, he thought about me many times, and finds it hard to be friends with me, as he will get confused, but if i want to keep in touch via chat...so i took the HOTTEST photo of me, classy, and sexy, and sent him a message with the photo, and vola, he then asks how i am. I would love to just be real with him and have a good conversation about how i am, nothing about us, just in general? or keep it short and sweet, im great thanks, and you? Over all, maybe im making a big deal of all this in my head but i find having so many different feelings at once and thoughts at once overwhelming, and self, and distracting me from reality. Does this make sense? What should i do with each of these men? I do have my own life to work on and improve, and i understand that i cannot have a RL with anyone at the moment, but my heart is pulled for my feelings for Mr Chemistry and Mr. Venezuela, someone who use to call a friend/acquiescence.
KSCHV Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I've said it before and I'll say it again..... The stuff I read on here since I found this joint. Wow.... I thought I was confused/sucked at figuring this dating/relationship stuff out. Apparently I was wrong and now I'm starting to not feel as bad. 1
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Let's see .... The ex - if you can compartmentalize your sexual desires and limit it to that, I'd have sex with him, sure. It sounds like you've enjoyed the phone sex and so real sex would probably be good too, but you do sound conflicted. First I'd figure out your feelings. Mr. Chemistry - I'd talk to him again and dial up the flirting a bit to see if he reciprocates. If he doesn't then he's just a friend, so treat him like a friend. Mr. Venezuala - I'd take a pass on this one as he only seems to be interested when the prospect of sex is involved. Nothing wrong with that if you just want to bang it out, but you seem to want more and I doubt he does. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I am so ****ing mad, sad, angry and lonely all at the same time. My ex messaged me, we haven't seen eachother in 12 years, and i have no idea why i allowed him to message me, let alone, why i even responded to his messages. I take fully responsibily, and that i let it go so far as to have phone sex with him 2x. The point is, he wants to sleep with me. I dated him when i was in my late teens, a virgin at the time, i was never sexual like that with him, and now he wants to get sexual with me. At first, i didn't mind, b/c i understand, i dont love him anymore, or even like his personality, but he's on my brain too much lately, and i want him out. Sleeping with him will only make this worse, yes? On the other hand i know he's so experienced, and i am not, and it would be so out of character of me to just go for it, and let him do what he wants with me, i may even enjoy this? Then, there is Mr. Chemistry, the one i think i may have alot of chemistry with, but he only wants to be friends, and while he wants this, i am not even sure if i want to be just friends or more, but the point is, when he called me tonight, it was an akward and short convesation, i brought up to him that my ex called me after 12 years, but didn't say more, and that it was bothering me, he asked me if i wanted to talk about it, i said no. Then he went on to tell me he's on the way to see his friends and his plans for the weekend, and thanked me for some information i gave him, about a project he's intersted in. I'm not sure if this is the last time i should talk to him or reach out, considering this last conversation was odd, and brief? Then there is Mr. Venezuala, the guy, i was friends with for 2 years. He and i have started to speak again, after i slept with him, thinking it was going to go somewhere, but didn't b/c turns out he met another girl right after me, and he cut those romantic feelings off for me, and went with her, but he also said, he thought about me many times, and finds it hard to be friends with me, as he will get confused, but if i want to keep in touch via chat...so i took the HOTTEST photo of me, classy, and sexy, and sent him a message with the photo, and vola, he then asks how i am. I would love to just be real with him and have a good conversation about how i am, nothing about us, just in general? or keep it short and sweet, im great thanks, and you? Over all, maybe im making a big deal of all this in my head but i find having so many different feelings at once and thoughts at once overwhelming, and self, and distracting me from reality. Does this make sense? What should i do with each of these men? I do have my own life to work on and improve, and i understand that i cannot have a RL with anyone at the moment, but my heart is pulled for my feelings for Mr Chemistry and Mr. Venezuela, someone who use to call a friend/acquiescence. I do have my own life to work on and improve, and i understand that i cannot have a RL with anyone at the moment, -- Then what you focus on is your LIFE and get that in order and the way you want it to be. And, what you do with these men is tell them you are only dating casually now and simply want to enjoy their company. I'd make a real effort though to chose one, maybe two if you can handle multi-dating, but manage your emotions and expectations and keep clear in your head that you are only dating casually and not for a relationship. You need to stay focused on your life and your current dating goal. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 "Mr. Venezuala - I'd take a pass on this one as he only seems to be interested when the prospect of sex is involved. Nothing wrong with that if you just want to bang it out, but you seem to want more and I doubt he does." Mr. Venezuala and i had a good connection as friends, how do i tell that it's now just based on sex? We only slept together after 2 years of being friends, and it was only 2x. So you may be right, but given this context, is that still the case? Should i just ignore him? I connect with him well, and it's not really my style to just ignore someone who i cared about.
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 You don't have to box him out entirely but I'd be skeptical. He went away for a while I take it (you said you started talking again), then came back and got intrigued when you showed him a hot photo. That's all fine, but it does point to predominately sexual interest. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Ok thank you, yes that makes alot of sense, especially since he has a girlfriend. It also makes me distrust him too, b/c if he has a girlfriend, why would he message me. Even though we have history. He went away, b/c after we slept together, he met someone else, right after we talked about the idea of being more than just friends, moving forward and date, rather than stay friends. So, i cut him off, but then i didn't want to end things on a bad note, and i needed closure, but this last msg to him, was just to give him a photo of me, to remember me by.
Author DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 haha, not really, idk maybe i just sent him that to make him understand what he lost, b/c also for his bday i made him a homemade card, and i gave him a box of chocolate kisses and a cool t-shirt, so on top of being a sweetheart, he can now remember my hot photo. even though he knows im hot already. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Own it, ok...so how do i own it? Do i msg him back and say im great thanks, or do i ignore him? or tell him what an amazing weekend i had with my boyfriend? you know the one you can't see, but know he's there, joking!
darkmoon Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 the ex is a bad idea, unlesss you both talk love, you could get hurt by hormones, oxytocin to be precise, getting involved thru sex, wait 1
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Own it, ok...so how do i own it? Do i msg him back and say im great thanks, or do i ignore him? or tell him what an amazing weekend i had with my boyfriend? you know the one you can't see, but know he's there, joking! You already did own it - you showed him what he's missing and what he'll never have again and walked away w/ur butt winking him goodbye.
Author DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 ok, so by me messaging him back, will i be doing something wrong? Should i msg him back? The ex, is definitely out of the picture. And im so happy about that!
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I dunno, I guess you could send him another bikini pic. Do you actually want Venezuela back in your life in any meaningful way? 1
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I totally get that you are in need of some validation to feel attractive or wanted, but that stems from low self esteem. You say you are working on improving your self/life, etc....so why the hell are you confusing yourself more with these guys? Going out and getting boinked isn't your answer, nor is having an emotional/flirting relationships. It's counter productive. I suggest you take a break from men and the internet to fill your time. Go out an make some friends/find old ones, get busy with activities, go to the gym, go hiking, take up scuba diving....anything that takes you out of your comfort zone to stimulate your brain, instead of this silly flirting on line that goes nowhere. 1
Author DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Yes i want him back in my life in a meaningful way.
Author DatingDirection Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 I dont know what to do then????
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