caringsister Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 No, I have never been all over her. I have known her for 2 months and it took me a few weeks to notice her to be honest. Look wise I find her ok nothing more. Personality wise she's a good girl but her conservative religious outlook on life conflicts a little with mine, more liberal. Why did I still go for the kiss if I wasn't all that into her? Probably for the same reason as her going on dates with a guy she had no intentions in getting physical with. I'm single and truth to be said I think one can date seriously or have a more casual approach. Mine was the latter needless to say. I also thought she was interested so I wouldn't have to sweat this one too much. Obviously her approach was even more casual than mine. So what you are saying is you thought she was easy prey? You weren't really attracted to her, but yet you asked her out on two different occasions, then tried to kiss her and when she wasn't receptive so you discarded her and then blamed her for using you. She was smart, probably on to your game and you got mad because you didn't get your candy. She's better off. Your arrogance is unbecoming.
katiegrl Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Thank you for good insights that shows you are one of the few people on here that actually has some real knowldge of the dating experience. No, I have never been all over her. I have known her for 2 months and it took me a few weeks to notice her to be honest. Look wise I find her ok nothing more. Personality wise she's a good girl but her conservative religious outlook on life conflicts a little with mine, more liberal. ***Why did I still go for the kiss if I wasn't all that into her? Probably for the same reason as her going on dates with a guy she had no intentions in getting physical with. I'm single and truth to be said I think one can date seriously or have a more casual approach. Mine was the latter needless to say.*** I also thought she was interested so I wouldn't have to sweat this one too much. Obviously her approach was even more casual than mine. Well...since you weren't that into her anyway, then don't quite get why her not wanting to kiss you was such a huge deal and hurt you the way it did.....enough to abruptly walk off and immediuately delete her number...... perhaps it was just your ego that was bruised? I assumed you were really into this chick...which *would* explain your reaction. But hell, now we come to discover you weren't really into her at all....and only asked her out because you *thought" she was really interested in you..... thus a sure thing who you wouldn't have to *sweat* too much about. Must have been quite a shock to your system to discover you were wrong... In any event...I guess this means you're both even now....boyfriend or no boyfriend. Wish you the best going forward.... Edited June 21, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author adamastor Posted June 21, 2015 Author Posted June 21, 2015 Well...since you weren't that into her anyway, then don't quite get why her not wanting to kiss you was such a huge deal and hurt you the way it did.....enough to abruptly walk off and immediuately delete her number...... perhaps it was just your ego that was bruised? I assumed you were really into this chick...which *would* explain your reaction. But hell, now we come to discover you weren't really into her at all....and only asked her out because you *thought" she was really interested in you..... thus a sure thing who you wouldn't have to *sweat* too much about. Must have been quite a shock to your system to discover you were wrong... In any event...I guess this means you're both even now....boyfriend or no boyfriend. Wish you the best going forward.... Here is what I think. She apparently has been with her bf for some time, probably is bored. I met her some 2 months ago, I asked her out accepted and she chose to accept and spend time alone with me while being commited to someone, when we are just acquaintances that barely know each other. I can see that she accepted because she could have someone's attention while making it acceptable to her moral values by bargaining it as a friendly outing, but knowing she would stop before the "sin". My frustration is not because I was in love with this girl, I barely knew her anyways. But because she wasn't available, hid it from me, but lead me on accepting dates with me, spending time/money/energy for nothing. And getting an awkward moment on top of it all, just because someone wanted to play a little. Anyways it's the past now.
joseb Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 I didn't panic I wanted to show her that I wasn't impressed. I reply "No? Ok! Bye" I turned around and left. A little later I pull out my phone and erase her messages and her number. I think the reason people are a bit split as to whether you "threw a tantrum" or not depends on how they visualise this interaction. To me it sounds like you did panic, got upset and stormed off - but I could see people also reading it as you were about to leave anyway, so you said Bye politely, in a non-upset way, and left. The fact that you immediately deleted her number and some other things you said makes me think though that you did over react. I've had a couple of cases a bit like this. One was where a lovely Colombian girl, a trainee Doctor, had invited me over to her place and cooked dinner - it was a second date. I think I was a bit overwhelmed because she was so smart and pretty, and I went for a kiss at an awkward time, and it came off all wrong. I then acted petulant and blew any potential. Another time, I was also on a second date, and the girl initially said no, and giggled. I made light of it, and we walked on for a bit, and later I felt there was an opening and I went for it again and she responded, and we ended up going out for 5 years. So you never really know. In your case if she really did have a boyfriend all along, then it's irelevant but just for future reference.
Halcyon Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Here is what I think. She apparently has been with her bf for some time, probably is bored. I met her some 2 months ago, I asked her out accepted and she chose to accept and spend time alone with me while being commited to someone, when we are just acquaintances that barely know each other. I can see that she accepted because she could have someone's attention while making it acceptable to her moral values by bargaining it as a friendly outing, but knowing she would stop before the "sin". My frustration is not because I was in love with this girl, I barely knew her anyways. But because she wasn't available, hid it from me, but lead me on accepting dates with me, spending time/money/energy for nothing. And getting an awkward moment on top of it all, just because someone wanted to play a little. Anyways it's the past now. How did you find out she had a boyfriend? Did you ever clarify with her that she was single? Were you explicit about the purposes of these 'dates' and that she didn't just see you as a friend. Either way not making excuses for her just seems a bit odd you have know her for months and never inquired if she was single? Unless she straight up lied to you about then well yeah she's pretty ****ty. I think you overeacted regardless if she had a boyfriend or not (you did not know this at the time). You need to learn to gauge women interest better and act accordingly. My first girlfriend we didn't kiss until the 4th date because she was incredibly shy. There is no hard and fast rules and if you act the way you did this time around you will more than likely find yourself going home alone in the future. Relax don't try to hard to push things to the next level as your main goal people see through that. Much nicer when these things happen naturally. Live and learn that is all you can do. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Acacia98 Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 My frustration is not because I was in love with this girl, I barely knew her anyways. But because she wasn't available, hid it from me, but lead me on accepting dates with me, spending time/money/energy for nothing. And getting an awkward moment on top of it all, just because someone wanted to play a little. Anyways it's the past now. Did you guys actually have a conversation about status (single or otherwise)? Because it sounds to me like each one of you was making assumptions about the other's intentions etc.
PogoStick Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) Then I apologize for my cheeky response. My point is that getting denied a kiss on date 2 doesn't mean she isn't interested. You could have blown a good thing. I felt your post showed you have unrealistic expectations. I went on some 6 dates with one girl before the first kiss. Date 7 ended in sex. Then she became nervous about losing her job at the church for premarital sex but that's a different story Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Satu Posted June 21, 2015 Posted June 21, 2015 (edited) I recommend a shift from a *get* mentality to a *give* mentality. Edited June 21, 2015 by Satu 1
autumnnight Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 First, if she has a boyfriend, she really had no business going on 2 dates with you. That said, if she is religiously conservative/strict, then that may well explain the no kiss thing. I know here in LS and most of the rest of the world it's a weird idea, but a lot of strict/fundamental type churches have that "don't kiss till it's serious/you're married" thing. So it is possible it had nothing to do with you.
Robert Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 Thread re-opened, posters are reminded to be civil and show respect to the thread starter, a person posting a thread and asking for advice doesn't entitle you to crank down on them and fill them full of derogatory remarks and the thread starter is also reminded that this is a public forum and you get a wide variety of advice, take what you need and leave the rest and let's not pick fights over a few words, thanks
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