MGX Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Let me clarify a few things. First my main goal going to the kiss was to shift the relation from "hanging out" to romantic. By kissing I didn't have sex in mind, and even if I had I do not see anything wrong with that given this is between 2 grown adults. Also experience tells me that letting a dating-hang out situation dragging on 20 dates usually leads to the friend zone. That's why it is important to keep the relation "romantic" because I'm not looking to make buddy-buddy with this girl. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect something out of several dates, that's why dates are called dates and not hang out. She's not interested that ok, but she could have been clear about it from the beginning rather than stringing along. Second I never threw any temper tantrums of any kind, that's just not what I wrote. I stayed calm and polite, smiled at her, said bye and then parted ways. I didn't punch anyone, sorry, not my style. Finally I think pursuing further a girl after a very clear sign of non-interest such as this isn't doesn't make the slightest bit of sense to me It sounds like you didn't give her enough time. I think you should have been more patient with her while she's feeling you out. It was only the second date. Maybe this girl would have gone for the kiss on date #4... Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I kiss her on the cheek I can feel her being still, looking down, then I aim for the lips -- On top of that, he observed that she was really just accepting and prepared for just a kiss on the cheek. She did not posture herself for another kiss, let alone on the lips. If she'd wanted that, she would have been face to face and made her lips "available" at least. 2
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Timing - obviously he got the timing all wrong. She actually sounded very interested, but one clumsy attempt at a kiss which she batted off, suddenly makes her a "no go" area, so much so he deletes her completely. A product of the "I want it, and I want it now" society we now live in. Relationships need time to build. Two dates, a fumbled kiss and a subsequent big "REJECT" label, is no way to go about finding a real connection with anyone. He felt hurt, I get that, and he reacted, but this I guess, was entirely salvageable, noting her previous interest, but now he will never know.
SoleMate Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 ....he observed that she was really just accepting and prepared for just a kiss on the cheek. She did not posture herself for another kiss, let alone on the lips. If she'd wanted that, she would have been face to face and made her lips "available" at least. Good point. OP, next time with whoever, practice "safe kissing". You don't just swoop in. You move in somewhat slowly, whether with words ("you look soooo beautiful", "you look so kissable" etc.) or facial expression or body position, or preferably all three, so it's clear to both what's happening and each can read the other's cues and responses before things go too far. You remain very sensitive, in a good way, to whether she tilts her head, moves closer, smiles up at you, looks intently at you, leans closer. If she turns away, that's a No for now, so don't keep pushing. Etc.
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Good point. OP, next time with whoever, practice "safe kissing". You don't just swoop in. You move in somewhat slowly, whether with words ("you look soooo beautiful", "you look so kissable" etc.) or facial expression or body position, or preferably all three, so it's clear to both what's happening and each can read the other's cues and responses before things go too far. You remain very sensitive, in a good way, to whether she tilts her head, moves closer, smiles up at you, looks intently at you, leans closer. If she turns away, that's a No for now, so don't keep pushing. Etc. Really, we understand that this post is really about the lack of ability to "read" a woman's signals. And, when you're young or new at dating, what have you, it's a learning process. But he needs to get "dinged" about his attitude first. And, if it was just about him being hurt and not about entitlement, he needs to manage that as well. 6
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) I feel you're ENTITLED to a little venting. My man. Better luck. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Jonp219 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Getting upset is understandable, however I do think you overreacted quite a bit. She wouldn't of gone on two dates with you if she wasn't into you, the time just wasn't right for the kiss. Personally, I would of given it one more date before leaving it alone. Girls like to test guys to see if they're in a place to GIVE and not TAKE. The fact that you got angry after she didn't GIVE you a kiss showed her that you were only in it for yourself. I wish you luck next time. Edited June 20, 2015 by Jonp219 1
JJCaliGirl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Let me clarify a few things. First my main goal going to the kiss was to shift the relation from "hanging out" to romantic. By kissing I didn't have sex in mind, and even if I had I do not see anything wrong with that given this is between 2 grown adults. Also experience tells me that letting a dating-hang out situation dragging on 20 dates usually leads to the friend zone. That's why it is important to keep the relation "romantic" because I'm not looking to make buddy-buddy with this girl. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect something out of several dates, that's why dates are called dates and not hang out. She's not interested that ok, but she could have been clear about it from the beginning rather than stringing along. Second I never threw any temper tantrums of any kind, that's just not what I wrote. I stayed calm and polite, smiled at her, said bye and then parted ways. I didn't punch anyone, sorry, not my style. Finally I think pursuing further a girl after a very clear sign of non-interest such as this isn't doesn't make the slightest bit of sense to me Perhaps next time, don't just go for the kiss on the cheek. Just kiss the girl outright. If a guy kissed me on my cheek, I would take that as a "I don't feel a thing for you, pal." I prefer a guy being a little more up front about that. Now if I truly was not into him, I would give the hug and then make enough space between us that a kiss could not happen. And if he tried, I would say no and then explain why. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
caringsister Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 You're thinking she is using you and she is probably thinking you just want sex. You not texting or calling her after not getting your kiss will only reinforce that is all you wanted. You didn't even give this girl a chance to get to know you. You prematurely jump to the conclusion that she is using you, get pissed and delete her number. She was responsive to your text, responsive to going out with you so it seems there was some genuine interest on her part. You jumped the gun and from the sound of it she dodged a bullet. 7
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It's possible she never texted back because she read your body language and your tone loud and clear. 2
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Good point. OP, next time with whoever, practice "safe kissing". You don't just swoop in. You move in somewhat slowly, whether with words ("you look soooo beautiful", "you look so kissable" etc.) or facial expression or body position, or preferably all three, so it's clear to both what's happening and each can read the other's cues and responses before things go too far. You remain very sensitive, in a good way, to whether she tilts her head, moves closer, smiles up at you, looks intently at you, leans closer. If she turns away, that's a No for now, so don't keep pushing. Etc. But then again, some women, more than some....when they are attracted to a guy...actually *want* him to take a more direct approach....a more aggressive approach. And in defense of the OP, he did not throw a tantrum in front of her...or ever. He felt hurt...because clearly she is not attracted to him..so he immediately said bye and left ...and deleted her number. Big deal. How does that translate to a tantrum? This crap about her needing more time is bullsht....it was a simple kiss for chrissakes...not an invite to have sex. IMO IF she had been attracted she would not have responded with "no no no.". Please. I think he is being smart to delete her number...her responding the way she did, was a red flag....and as we always advise women, pay attention to those red flags! OP, going forward, just cause you get along great on a date, have lots in common, easy conversation... does NOT mean she is *attracted to* to you. You find that out when you do just what you did, attempt to kiss her and if she kisses you back.... fabulous....if she rejects with no no no......she's not into you. Sounds like she had a fun time on the date, but was just not attracted to you. Next. What confuses me though is that YOU said you were not all that attracted to her either....so why go in for the kiss in the first place? Edited June 20, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Author adamastor Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) What confuses me though is that YOU said you were not all that attracted to her either....so why go in for the kiss in the first place? No, I have never been all over her. I have known her for 2 months and it took me a few weeks to notice her to be honest. Look wise I find her ok nothing more. Personality wise she's a good girl but her conservative religious outlook on life conflicts a little with mine, more liberal. Why did I still go for the kiss if I wasn't all that into her? Probably for the same reason as her going on dates with a guy she had no intentions in getting physical with. I'm single and truth to be said I think one can date seriously or have a more casual approach. Mine was the latter needless to say. I also thought she was interested so I wouldn't have to sweat this one too much. Obviously her approach was even more casual than mine. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author adamastor Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Also, I just found out she has a boyfriend.....
MissBee Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Hello all, I met this girl approximately a couple of month ago and we quickly hit it off. I can't say I was overly attracted to her but seeing a good connection between us I decided to ask for her number. I started texting her and was very responsive, usually within minutes. Receiving good feedback from her I decided to step up and ask her out for coffee, just the 2 of us, to take things forward and to gauge her interest. She quickly happily agreed. We met a few days later. The date went very well it was very natural, no awkward moment. We ended spending 5 hours together. After we parted ways with a hug, I didn't try anything I just wanted to gauge her and also to see how I felt about her when spending alone with her. We kept texting back and forth, but I starting flirting more with her to make my intentions even more obvious and she would somehow flirt back. I then decided to ask her out on a second date thought text message. Within 2 minutes she replied positively.We met a few days later and this time I was decided to go for the kiss to either move to the next step or leave it as it is. The date goes well, we have a good connection the time flies by, we exchange laughs, smiles. It's time to go I walk her to her car and give her a hug to say goodbye. I kiss her on the cheek I can feel her being still, looking down, then I aim for the lips. She turn her head saying "no, no" smiling and with a nervous small laugh. I didn't panic I wanted to show her that I wasn't impressed. I reply "No? Ok! Bye" I turned around and left. A little later I pull out my phone and erase her messages and her number. I felt that she used just for attention.I don't understand why would a girl agree to go on 2 dates with a guy and then turn him down? Isn't asking someone to spend time alone a clear sign? You deleted her number, which is your right, but if I were her I'd delete yours too. Just because you've gone on 2 dates doesn't mean you're ready for kissing. She may be someone who takes things slower, or isn't into PDA, many other reasons besides she's using you for attention but isn't interested. I've been shy and declined kissing if the guy tried to do it in a very public place after one date, it doesn't mean I don't like him, it just meant I felt awkward about PDA with someone I'm just seeing. You got ahead of yourself and I think you reacted poorly and your reaction of "No? Okay bye" just made you seem like a jerk to be honest who's only looking for one thing and when you don't get it you throw a tantrum and run away. I wouldn't suggest you behave like this in the future. A woman declining to kiss after TWO dates can mean lots of things. You yourself said you had a good time, she hugged you, accepted cheek kisses and looked shy when more was on offer, why didn't you just accept it as shy and not push? That's what decent guys do, not say "No? Okay bye." If any guy did that to me I'd never see him again personally. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 6
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Also, I just found out she has a boyfriend..... Oh for crikes sake....obviously you made the right call by deleting her digits and nexting her...sheesh.. Good for you! And no you did NOT behave immaturely and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Even assuming she wasn't *ready* (for a simple kiss????)....there is a way to tell you that without just announcing "no no no" when you tried to kiss her...making you feel totally stupid and like utter crap. Assuming she *had* been attracted, which given what you just disclosed, combined with her "no no no"...clearly she wasn't. I mean....she might have said, "I like you and am enjoying dating you, but not ready to get physical yet.". Or something along those lines. Instead of just "no no no." Not the words of a woman who is attracted to you! Frankly, not sure what the peeps on this thread expected you to do after being rejected in that way. Hang out? Ask her out again? Come on now guys. OP...you were fine. You were hurt, said bye and left. Deleted her number. It's all good. And damn...turns out she had a boyfriend the whole time! NEXT! :) Edited June 20, 2015 by katiegrl 1
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) You deleted her number, which is your right, but if I were her I'd delete yours too. Just because you've gone on 2 dates doesn't mean you're ready for kissing. She may be someone who takes things slower, or isn't into PDA, many other reasons besides she's using you for attention but isn't interested. I've been shy and declined kissing if the guy tried to do it in a very public place after one date, it doesn't mean I don't like him, it just meant I felt awkward about PDA with someone I'm just seeing. You got ahead of yourself and I think you reacted poorly and your reaction of "No? Okay bye" just made you seem like a jerk to be honest who's only looking for one thing and when you don't get it you throw a tantrum and run away. I wouldn't suggest you behave like this in the future. A woman declining to kiss after TWO dates can mean lots of things. You yourself said you had a good time, she hugged you, accepted cheek kisses and looked shy when more was on offer, why didn't you just accept it as shy and not push? ** That's what decent guys do, not say "No? Okay bye." If any guy did that to me I'd never see him again personally***. And "decent" girls don't accept dates with other guys when they have a boyfriend. And girls who like a guy and are attracted to him (but not ready to be physical) don't respond to his kiss with "no no no.". They explain they are not ready....but still wish to date. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I really don't understand what your objection to "no no no" is Katie ....seems pretty straightforward to me. If what OP says about her religious background and shyness is true, I suspect it was said in a lowkey tone with averted eyes and not mockingly or shouting or anything like that. Maybe OP can elaborate, but w/out further info I don't particularly see anything wrong w/it at all. She's entitled to stop anything she doesn't want to happen, and I can think of a lot more overt and rude ways to do it. 4
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) I really don't understand what your objection to "no no no" is Katie ....seems pretty straightforward to me. If what OP says about her religious background and shyness is true, I suspect it was said in a lowkey tone with averted eyes and not mockingly or shouting or anything like that. Maybe OP can elaborate, but w/out further info I don't particularly see anything wrong w/it at all. **She's entitled** to stop anything she doesn't want to happen, and I can think of a lot more overt and rude ways to do it. Okay perhaps....but then I don't understand the objection to *his* reaction..."okay no? Bye.". He didn't shout, mock her either. Everyone is *entitled* to react in whatever way they wish....without being harshly judged the way he is here. I did not judge her for saying "no no no," simply opining I don't think those are the words of a woman who is attracted to him.. Anyhoo....this is all moot, cause as it turns out, his reaction was correct. She has a boyfriend! So much for her *religious* background... and shyness. Ugh. Edited June 20, 2015 by katiegrl
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Yeah, that certainly casts some doubt on her character. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on his conduct ....to me just walking away with a curt comment after being rebuffed was immature and rude. You're right that he's entitled just as much as she is, but I think he could have handled it better. Even if she was being rude, he'd hang onto his dignity by not stooping to rudeness himself. 3
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Yeah, that certainly casts some doubt on her character. **I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on his conduct .** ...to me just walking away with a curt comment after being rebuffed was immature and rude. You're right that he's entitled just as much as she is, but I think he could have handled it better. Even if she was being rude, he'd hang onto his dignity by not stooping to rudeness himself. Fair enough jen....I'm good with that..... 1
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Two dates, he kissed her on the cheek and then the lips and she said no, which she is entitled to do. But our hero, basically turned on his heel and deleted her, which seems immature to me. I know she now supposedly has a bf, but that still doesn't excuse the rude behaviour. Shy, religious girls I guess take a while to warm to someone, but that was not taken into consideration by the OP, who also now seems determined to be right... 6
Author adamastor Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 She said "no", I respected her decision and left her alone as we were parting ways anyways. Has it come to you that the moment was being awkward for everyone, her decision was very clear and there was nothing more to say really. What's rude about that? I didn't try to force her decision, I didn't raise my voice, didn't threaten her. That wouldn't have been rude. What is rude, leaving or nexting her?
losangelena Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) She said "no", I respected her decision and left her alone as we were parting ways anyways. Has it come to you that the moment was being awkward for everyone, her decision was very clear and there was nothing more to say really. What's rude about that? I didn't try to force her decision, I didn't raise my voice, didn't threaten her. That wouldn't have been rude. What is rude, leaving or nexting her? Yes, but not everyone is saying that what you did was "rude." Given how you described your situation, it sounded a bit like you may have overreacted, simply because we don't know WHY she chose to reject your advances. At this point, now that she's revealed she has a BF, the whole thing seems a bit moot. And yes, you're well within your rights to choose to not see her anymore, regardless. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
caringsister Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Yes, but not everyone is saying that what you did was "rude." Given how you described your situation, it sounded a bit like you may have overreacted, simply because we don't know WHY she chose to reject your advances. ^ This .....
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