adamastor Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Hello all, I met this girl approximately a couple of month ago and we quickly hit it off. I can't say I was overly attracted to her but seeing a good connection between us I decided to ask for her number. I started texting her and was very responsive, usually within minutes. Receiving good feedback from her I decided to step up and ask her out for coffee, just the 2 of us, to take things forward and to gauge her interest. She quickly happily agreed. We met a few days later. The date went very well it was very natural, no awkward moment. We ended spending 5 hours together. After we parted ways with a hug, I didn't try anything I just wanted to gauge her and also to see how I felt about her when spending alone with her. We kept texting back and forth, but I starting flirting more with her to make my intentions even more obvious and she would somehow flirt back. I then decided to ask her out on a second date thought text message. Within 2 minutes she replied positively.We met a few days later and this time I was decided to go for the kiss to either move to the next step or leave it as it is. The date goes well, we have a good connection the time flies by, we exchange laughs, smiles. It's time to go I walk her to her car and give her a hug to say goodbye. I kiss her on the cheek I can feel her being still, looking down, then I aim for the lips. She turn her head saying "no, no" smiling and with a nervous small laugh. I didn't panic I wanted to show her that I wasn't impressed. I reply "No? Ok! Bye" I turned around and left. A little later I pull out my phone and erase her messages and her number. I felt that she used just for attention.I don't understand why would a girl agree to go on 2 dates with a guy and then turn him down? Isn't asking someone to spend time alone a clear sign?
ThisisIt606 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Hello all, I met this girl approximately a couple of month ago and we quickly hit it off. I can't say I was overly attracted to her but seeing a good connection between us I decided to ask for her number. I started texting her and was very responsive, usually within minutes. Receiving good feedback from her I decided to step up and ask her out for coffee, just the 2 of us, to take things forward and to gauge her interest. She quickly happily agreed. We met a few days later. The date went very well it was very natural, no awkward moment. We ended spending 5 hours together. After we parted ways with a hug, I didn't try anything I just wanted to gauge her and also to see how I felt about her when spending alone with her. We kept texting back and forth, but I starting flirting more with her to make my intentions even more obvious and she would somehow flirt back. I then decided to ask her out on a second date thought text message. Within 2 minutes she replied positively.We met a few days later and this time I was decided to go for the kiss to either move to the next step or leave it as it is. The date goes well, we have a good connection the time flies by, we exchange laughs, smiles. It's time to go I walk her to her car and give her a hug to say goodbye. I kiss her on the cheek I can feel her being still, looking down, then I aim for the lips. She turn her head saying "no, no" smiling and with a nervous small laugh. I didn't panic I wanted to show her that I wasn't impressed. I reply "No? Ok! Bye" I turned around and left. A little later I pull out my phone and erase her messages and her number. I felt that she used just for attention.I don't understand why would a girl agree to go on 2 dates with a guy and then turn him down? Isn't asking someone to spend time alone a clear sign? Maybe she just thought it was a little fast but was still enjoying your company. Has she texted you since? 1
Author adamastor Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Maybe she just thought it was a little fast but was still enjoying your company. Has she texted you since? This happened yesterday and I haven't heard from her. She has a passive personality though.
PogoStick Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Not only that, she owes you sex by the 3rd date and she's already in "intimacy debt". 5
Author adamastor Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 You presumed too much. How is that presuming too much?
Gary S Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Hey, you did the right things, you got two dates, and you went for the kiss. Her interest is just not high enough for there to be a relationship. It's okay, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you only need one.
smackie9 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Usually women give a vibe that she wants to be close/have a kiss....you are clueless. Just because a couple of dates go well, doesn't mean she's ready to jump you. She didn't use you either, she was getting to know you and work on the chemistry, that is what going out on dates are for. Next time pace yourself. Let things build up more. No harm in shooting off another text to her. 3
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 How is that presuming too much? You expected sth she wasn't ready to give and also assumed wrongly about the whole "date 3 = kiss!" thing. You also overreacted to a very gentle brush off. 6
Gary S Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 He did nothing wrong, she just was not into him. The second date is the best time to go for the first kiss. Sometimes the guy does not know how much the girl likes him, give him a break! 2
WomenWubber Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Hello all, I met this girl approximately a couple of month ago and we quickly hit it off. I can't say I was overly attracted to her but seeing a good connection between us I decided to ask for her number. I started texting her and was very responsive, usually within minutes. Receiving good feedback from her I decided to step up and ask her out for coffee, just the 2 of us, to take things forward and to gauge her interest. She quickly happily agreed. We met a few days later. The date went very well it was very natural, no awkward moment. We ended spending 5 hours together. After we parted ways with a hug, I didn't try anything I just wanted to gauge her and also to see how I felt about her when spending alone with her. We kept texting back and forth, but I starting flirting more with her to make my intentions even more obvious and she would somehow flirt back. I then decided to ask her out on a second date thought text message. Within 2 minutes she replied positively.We met a few days later and this time I was decided to go for the kiss to either move to the next step or leave it as it is. The date goes well, we have a good connection the time flies by, we exchange laughs, smiles. It's time to go I walk her to her car and give her a hug to say goodbye. I kiss her on the cheek I can feel her being still, looking down, then I aim for the lips. She turn her head saying "no, no" smiling and with a nervous small laugh. I didn't panic I wanted to show her that I wasn't impressed. I reply "No? Ok! Bye" I turned around and left. A little later I pull out my phone and erase her messages and her number. I felt that she used just for attention.I don't understand why would a girl agree to go on 2 dates with a guy and then turn him down? Isn't asking someone to spend time alone a clear sign? It could be because a number of reasons. Maybe she was not in the mood, maybe she had a bad day, maybe she doesn't like kissing... it could be anything. Really, I don't see the use in pondering this since you're not seeing her again anyways. Don't take her reaction personally, maybe it wasn't you. To your second question, not necessarily to everyone. Some people are just clueless, but in your case I think she wanted to move a little slower. Knowing you wanted more, she decided to stand her ground and say 'no'. Nothing wrong on any side, but from the looks of it you two were not very compatible. 2
preraph Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 There's nothing wrong with going for a kiss the second date. I guess it could matter how you went about it. You know, some guys might make you realize they're expecting sex and others, it might be obvious it's just a goodnight kiss. If there was anything about how you acted that somehow conveyed you were expecting sex, then I can see why she fled. Or, as Gary says, maybe she just realized two dates and she still wasn't feeling it. But nothing wrong with trying. Saves time all around. If you held off another few dates, it's likely you'd have ended up in the friend zone. But just don't get the idea a kiss on the second date is going to lead to sex. Because if you think that, it might come across whether you mean for it to or not. Better luck next time.
losangelena Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 What she did may have stung, but I don't think it was worth deleting her number over. So she wasn't ready to kiss you, that doesn't mean that she was just "in it for the attention." I have never, ever dated a man just for attention. If I'm not interested, I let him know, especially early-on, if there are no feelings involved. It does sound like you assumed the worst of her. 12
Versacehottie Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 What she did may have stung, but I don't think it was worth deleting her number over. So she wasn't ready to kiss you, that doesn't mean that she was just "in it for the attention." I have never, ever dated a man just for attention. If I'm not interested, I let him know, especially early-on, if there are no feelings involved. It does sound like you assumed the worst of her. IMO, OP's OWN insecurity is showing both in his reaction to her and the content of these posts. If you think the better of people and know you are good enough, OP would have likely assumed it was just too fast for her. Not jump all the way to 'she sucks, she just using me, she needs an ego boost". That attitude presumes OP isn't good enough and she is dumb enough to waste her time. OP change your internal attitude and you will have better results. 5
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It would have been a good opportunity for humor really - play it off good-naturedly and say sth like "wow guess I miscalculated there sry, laugh, chuckle, ask about date 4, etc." Instead he reacted like a little boy who's been told no and ran off and had a little mad. That alone's probably making her think "wtf? Next." 9
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I kiss her on the cheek I can feel her being still, looking down, then I aim for the lips. She turn her head saying "no, no" smiling and with a nervous small laugh. I didn't panic I wanted to show her that I wasn't impressed. I reply "No? Ok! Bye" I turned around and left. A little later I pull out my phone and erase her messages and her number. Lol. You don't mess around. You just say no to the friendzone. I likes that. As for your question, you should literally expect rejection at every single point in the game with women. I don't care how long you've known them or how close you are with them. You have a better chance at a romantic with relationship with a woman you have known for 10 minutes and made out with for 5 of those, than a woman you have known your whole life with which you can talk about anything, who has no attraction to you. Crude, but love is crude. Never, ever, EVER presume a woman is attracted to you on the basis of how well you get along on a personal basis. The greatest lesson you will ever learn in love.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I felt that she used just for attention.I don't understand why would a girl agree to go on 2 dates with a guy and then turn him down? Isn't asking someone to spend time alone a clear sign? Maybe not attention, but maybe she was looking for something to do that night. Many women have done that to me, maybe even most of the dates I have had in my life. We'll never know, right? I'll admit that even I have gone on at least one date where I knew she wasn't all that compatible because it was something to do that night/weekend. But in my case, there was no foul because that woman pretty much felt the same way. Guys tend to go prematurely ga-ga over women who have no interest in them. These threads pop up at least a few times a week. There's many reasons for this, but just don't do it.
Versacehottie Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It would have been a good opportunity for humor really - play it off good-naturedly and say sth like "wow guess I miscalculated there sry, laugh, chuckle, ask about date 4, etc." Instead he reacted like a little boy who's been told no and ran off and had a little mad. That alone's probably making her think "wtf? Next." Yes, if she's smart she is thinking: this guy just showed me how self-centered and immature he is. Tantrums when you don't get your way do not make a good relationship. If she is inexperienced, which your story indicates she most likely is, hopefully she has the good sense to realize this. Since you sound also inexperienced, here's a tip: relax, always be your best self, try to imagine things from her point of view. Truth is if she turned out to be a prude overall or not a match for you sexually or so inexperienced in that realm, you could have dumped her at a future point. Instead of the knee jerk reaction. That was silly on your part. Better luck in the future. 2
Author adamastor Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Let me clarify a few things. First my main goal going to the kiss was to shift the relation from "hanging out" to romantic. By kissing I didn't have sex in mind, and even if I had I do not see anything wrong with that given this is between 2 grown adults. Also experience tells me that letting a dating-hang out situation dragging on 20 dates usually leads to the friend zone. That's why it is important to keep the relation "romantic" because I'm not looking to make buddy-buddy with this girl. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect something out of several dates, that's why dates are called dates and not hang out. She's not interested that ok, but she could have been clear about it from the beginning rather than stringing along. Second I never threw any temper tantrums of any kind, that's just not what I wrote. I stayed calm and polite, smiled at her, said bye and then parted ways. I didn't punch anyone, sorry, not my style. Finally I think pursuing further a girl after a very clear sign of non-interest such as this isn't doesn't make the slightest bit of sense to me Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Versacehottie Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) But ok, so you want to know "why?". I think the majority of us are saying it was probably just too soon for her or I am saying she may be inexperienced or shy which is why 2 dates was too soon for her. You are writing her off for one mistake when the rest of the evidence you have is that she WAS interested in you. You seem a little paranoid about being strung along or friendzoned. So much so that it colored your perception of what happened. Even how you describe your attraction to her which you basically classify as lukewarm. I'm glad you think your "style" is not to be a certain way. Maybe you are just frustrated tonight and it's a bad night. But if you think you're hiding it and your posts are an indication of your normal thought process and tone, I can assure you you're not. I am sorry for speaking harshly to you but felt like it was the only way to get your attention. I'm honestly wondering why you wouldn't just classify this girl as someone who was interested in you but that you were moving too fast for her? I mean, is that a possibility at all? And if so, would you have the same reaction because her timetable isn't the same as yours? If faced with a similar situation in the future, could you think of ways to be sympathetic or curious to why the other person was feeling this way or hesitant to moving forward physically with you? From a purely selfish point of view, don't you think that if in a similar situation in the future that it would serve you best to find out why, find a way to compromise somewhat on the timeframe rather than lose a potentially good person, or walk away with a better understanding of what the real reasons are so that you don't come to conclusions that are based on assumptions? Actually the assumptions you would be believing in reference to this current situation at some level would have to mean in some way you are not compelling enough to her---couldn't and wouldn't it be better to find out the truth? Possibly it's just on her in some way. She's scared, etc. Then your ego won't take the hit. Just saying. Honestly not trying to be harsh in this post. Consider what I'm saying. It might help you in the future. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
losangelena Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 How does two dates translate to 20 "hang-outs" and getting strung along? I'm really curiously asking, no snark or condescension here. To me, it all sounds like a bit of an overreaction. I once went out FIVE TIMES with a guy who never even tried to touch me. I figured he was slow, not uninterested. I dunno, it still seems like you kinda pulled the trigger too fast, though in your subsequent posts it seems like you don't really cares how it went down, so maybe it doesn't matter. 1
Shining One Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I'm really curiously asking, no snark or condescension here. To me, it all sounds like a bit of an overreaction. I once went out FIVE TIMES with a guy who never even tried to touch me. I figured he was slow, not uninterested. I dunno, it still seems like you kinda pulled the trigger too fast, though in your subsequent posts it seems like you don't really cares how it went down, so maybe it doesn't matter.It might be a personal rule. Just as women have their personal boundaries (no sex before X), men sometimes develop their own. I can't speak for the OP, but he may have a "kiss by X date" rule. It makes sense if you've been strung along in the past and don't want to allocate time/money to someone who isn't expressing physical interest.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 It might be a personal rule. Just as women have their personal boundaries (no sex before X), men sometimes develop their own. I can't speak for the OP, but he may have a "kiss by X date" rule. It makes sense if you've been strung along in the past and don't want to allocate time/money to someone who isn't expressing physical interest. In my opinion, the "rules" are BS excuses women have to reject all the wrong guys. Let's say a woman honestly believes that she'll never kiss on a first date. She may even cheek 9/10 guys that try. But when that tenth guy who sweeps her off her feet comes along, it's suddenly a rule made to be broken.
Halcyon Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Let me clarify a few things. First my main goal going to the kiss was to shift the relation from "hanging out" to romantic. By kissing I didn't have sex in mind, and even if I had I do not see anything wrong with that given this is between 2 grown adults. Also experience tells me that letting a dating-hang out situation dragging on 20 dates usually leads to the friend zone. That's why it is important to keep the relation "romantic" because I'm not looking to make buddy-buddy with this girl. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect something out of several dates, that's why dates are called dates and not hang out. She's not interested that ok, but she could have been clear about it from the beginning rather than stringing along. Second I never threw any temper tantrums of any kind, that's just not what I wrote. I stayed calm and polite, smiled at her, said bye and then parted ways. I didn't punch anyone, sorry, not my style. Finally I think pursuing further a girl after a very clear sign of non-interest such as this isn't doesn't make the slightest bit of sense to me Yes you did throw a temper tantrum, you didn't get what you wanted and bailed. Which is your choice. Just because you were ready for kissing doesn't mean she was. You are focusing too much on the end game rather than enjoying time together with her. Then again you said you weren't overly attracted to her which could be a factor as well. I know if someone I was attracted to didn't let me kiss them on the second date I wouldn't be writing them off. Women are individuals what works for one doesn't for another. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Usually women give a vibe that she wants to be close/have a kiss....you are clueless. Just because a couple of dates go well, doesn't mean she's ready to jump you. She didn't use you either, she was getting to know you and work on the chemistry, that is what going out on dates are for. Next time pace yourself. Let things build up more. No harm in shooting off another text to her. He can't shoot her a text, because he deleted her number. She's now sitting there saying, "this guy actually got pissed off at me because I wouldn't kiss him on the lips on the second date. He only wants sex . . . so I'm nexting him. Most guys would at least take the kiss on a cheek as a good sign after 5 hours of being on a really nice date. Edited June 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 5
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