Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 He does call me sweetie, honey and some some non-PG names too From what I know of his past, he is not one to hang around for comfort. He nice dated a woman (very pretty and wealthy - from what a buddy of his told me) for about 6 months and even though everything was perfect on paper, but he just didn't "feel' it. He has often said to me that he would rather be alone than with the right person. And actually after his last GF - they broke up about 2 years before we met, he dated, but mostly just hung out with the guys. I do agree that I need to tell him how I feel, if for nothing else than to be authentic to myself. However, I don't want - ask Gary says make him feel obligated to say it back. And as for the desire thing.. he has no problem expressing that LOL. I guess I am wondering what "Love" looks like as we get older. We are both in our 50's. I have no need for hearts and flowers and BS drivel. That is really not me at all. I am wondering what "Love" looks like as we get older -- You are probably already looking at it We are older and more mature and love at this age is also "mature". It's not all the sparkly, falling all over each other, giddy, fairytailed event that younger people expect and look for. It doesn't usually happen that way for older folks. It's a more gradual process which is simply about having aged and learned and knowing exactly who we are and what we want and not being in a rush. We enjoy the process of allowing love to grow -- smell the roses. 1
Gary S Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I do agree that I need to tell him how I feel, if for nothing else than to be authentic to myself. However, I don't want - ask Gary says make him feel obligated to say it back. - Don't misunderstand me, he's not necessarily going to feel pressured if you tell him you love him. He does not know what I know.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I do agree that I need to tell him how I feel, if for nothing else than to be authentic to myself. However, I don't want - ask Gary says make him feel obligated to say it back. - it looks the same at all ages. Love does not know age. Also, it's good that he says sweet things to you. That's another way men say, "I love you". The real love in a relationship doesn't happen until "being in love" has aged. Love is the maturation point of "being in love". 1
Author superkatnip Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I am turning 50 this year, to me falling in love has been stronger, deeper, purer, definitely less selfish, less demanding and it's been more about giving than taking. I am surprised you both are in your 50s. At that age he should have grown enough emotionally to express a simple ILY. I agree that this relationship has been more about giving - I feel more at ease in this relationship than I ever have, but oh those words. Seems to come with so many expectations. Not sure who is more scared...
Author superkatnip Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I am wondering what "Love" looks like as we get older -- You are probably already looking at it We are older and more mature and love at this age is also "mature". It's not all the sparkly, falling all over each other, giddy, fairytailed event that younger people expect and look for. It doesn't usually happen that way for older folks. It's a more gradual process which is simply about having aged and learned and knowing exactly who we are and what we want and not being in a rush. We enjoy the process of allowing love to grow -- smell the roses. I agree. I also am trying to let go of expectations. I was certain that I would be with my husband for ever. Now, I guess I want to just love and accept love as it comes without wondering what is next.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I agree. I also am trying to let go of expectations. I was certain that I would be with my husband for ever. Now, I guess I want to just love and accept love as it comes without wondering what is next. You are waiting for the "other shoe to drop"? I can understand that because you were married and thought it would last forever. There are never any guarantees. Don't look at the future with fear in your heart or mind. Remain positive and focus on the now so that it can be properly nurtured and given the best opportunity for moving through the future. I'd also like to point out to you that since you are not necessarily marriage minded at this point and so that is not on the horizon at least, your relationship will essential be moving forward without "milestones" and so may seem maybe stagnated here and there. So, yes, you need to at least keep expectations to a minimum.
Gary S Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 The real love in a relationship doesn't happen until "being in love" has aged. Love is the maturation point of "being in love". - I've seen new couples in their 40's teasing, playing, bantering, and chasing each other around like little kids. Love has nothing to do with maturity, and true love never changes. In fact, the true nature of love is childlike and playful. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I'd also like to point out to you that since you are not necessarily marriage minded at this point and so that is not on the horizon at least, your relationship will essential be moving forward without "milestones" and so may seem maybe stagnated here and there. So, yes, you need to at least keep expectations to a minimum. I'm wondering if this is part of the reason you feel the need now declare your love out loud and have him do the same.
Redhead14 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 - I've seen new couples in their 40's teasing, playing, bantering, and chasing each other around like little kids. Love has nothing to do with maturity, and true love never changes. In fact, the true nature of love is childlike and playful. Sure, they should be having fun But, two people can have fun together without love being involved. That kind of thing is not necessarily a demonstration of love . . .
katiegrl Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 (edited) Quote from Gary: - I've seen new couples in their 40's teasing, playing, bantering, and chasing each other around like little kids. Love has nothing to do with maturity, and true love never changes. In fact, the true nature of love is childlike and playful. Yeah I agree Gary. Hell, you should have seen my dad at 57...when he met the woman who would become my stepmom. The phone would ring, and he acted like a nervous Nellie hoping it was her....and if it was her....oh man, he would literally jump out of his chair and run to the damn phone to talk to her! Come back all blushing and smiling and shyt. No joke. Acted like a teenager with his first big crush...and he felt anxious, nervous, excited just like the young'ns who post on the board! Seeing them together was a real sight. Literally all over each other....embarrassingly so at times! She was 55. Edited June 20, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 Quote from Gary: - I've seen new couples in their 40's teasing, playing, bantering, and chasing each other around like little kids. Love has nothing to do with maturity, and true love never changes. In fact, the true nature of love is childlike and playful. Yeah I agree Gary. Hell, you should have seen my dad at 57...when he met the woman who would become my stepmom. The phone would ring, and he acted like a nervous Nellie hoping it was her....and if it was her....oh man, he would literally jump out of his chair and run to the damn phone to talk to her! Come back all blushing and smiling and shyt. No joke. Acted like a teenager with his first big crush...and he felt anxious, nervous, excited just like the young'ns who post on the board! Seeing them together was a real sight. Literally all over each other....embarrassingly so at times! She was 55. This is lovely. This is exactly what I want. I am not into the whole " not being in love after two years " crap.
preraph Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 I've found there are some guys who don't throw around the L word lightly. They save it to preface a proposal. They won't say it until they're ready to commit. Now, not saying that's the case here. You be the judge. But I have run across it in my personal life. And it's not a bad thing when someone follows up words with actions. So if I were you I would not be saying it to him because if you're not on the same wavelength about the meaning of it, it may make him feel pressured. Because to him, it might mean "I am asking for the ultimate commitment from you." If he's that type, of course. And besides, that, many people just don't feel comfy saying the words even if they feel them. It embarrasses them. It even embarrasses me to say them. But when I love someone it's obvious without me saying those three words.
Author superkatnip Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 We have so much fun together. People who know us say that we are like kids. On the other hand, he is a very deep person, but covers up most hurts with a joke.One time we were talking and he mentioned that he has learned not to hold too tight anything or anyone as the tighter you hold, the more they will slip through your fingers. I am seeing that he is NOT one to throw around the L word Even yesterday with his daughter, he was sweet and appreciative, but never said I love you. I feel deeply cared for by this man, so I guess I have to figure out if I can just wait it out to hear it from him first or just speaki my mind and accept whatever response I get.
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