FaithInTheDark Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 hi there, im a 25 year old female almost 26 that just moved to the big city about 7 months ago. im from a small town and thought my luck with men was so bad because of the small population thus limited dating pool. most of life has been flings or hook ups, with only one real relationship that lasted 4 months but the break up wasn't my fault. I admit, Im scared im going to be alone forever and am trying to put myself out there in a non desperate way. so, I been doing the online dating thing since its difficult to break into the social scene in this city. ive had 3 dates so far, which i thought went good. example: no awkwardness, conversation flowed the whole time,i found the men attractive , it felt like we clinked for only meeting the first time and had similar interests. at times, we had a nice kiss after, and I walked away thinking there might be potential. but i understand I could be the only one that had the good time. my recent date was 2 days ago, he came to pick me up, we went out for a nice dinner and drinks, and parted ways about a 1.5 hours later. I waited the next day and thanked him for making me out for dinner. he replied saying it was nice and how things were hectic at work so i said id let him get back to work. that day i accidently pocked texted him and we chatted a bit but i could tell he was lacking on communication since before we met it was really frequent and ive gotten let down so many times i could see the signs...since these patterns happen every time. I cant help but feel really horrible about my self esteem after, I cant figure out whats wrong with me, I made a effort to look nice, I tried to be charming, and be myself but not reveal too much. I understand I am on a bit of heavier side but i send lots of pictures of my face and body so theres no surprises at the meeting.- i get maybe we just werent right for each other but its been countless dates in the past few years ... i deleted my online account since I just cant go on anymore good dates just to see the guy distance himself after meeting. It hurts way too much ...are there anyone that has experiences never hearing from a guy after the first date or men that have thoughts on this? i would just really like to pin point things so i can improve. i almost felt like texting a past date just to get his honest feedback lol but i dont think thats a good idea. anyway thanks
losangelena Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Hey OP, Don't be dismayed just yet. First, you're still young, and at 26 are in no danger of being alone forever. It's very, VERY common to go on even a "good" date and to not hear from a guy again. You're probably a better, more charming conversationalist than you give yourself credit for, and many guys will find you easy to talk you. Just because they don't follow up with wanting a second date doesn't mean there's anything intrinsically wrong with you. I'm almost ten years older than you, and didn't start dating until until I was 33. I went full speed ahead doing online dating for about 11 months straight. In that time I met 30 men, and most of them did not go beyond one or two dates. Either they were not into me, or I was not into them, but I would categorize only one or two dates that I went on as "bad," where the guy was a total a**hat or there was just absolutely no connection. One thing I learned early-on is that that's OK. There were other men to meet, and to not "click" with one, or a number of them, did not mean that I was deficient in some way. Like you, I'm a bit on the heavier side, too. Don't worry, OP. Just keep looking. Eventually, you will find someone who's a good fit for you and your personality. Don't give up after three dates. 2
just_some_guy Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 hi there, im a 25 year old female almost 26 that just moved to the big city about 7 months ago. im from a small town and thought my luck with men was so bad because of the small population thus limited dating pool. most of life has been flings or hook ups, with only one real relationship that lasted 4 months but the break up wasn't my fault. I admit, Im scared im going to be alone forever and am trying to put myself out there in a non desperate way. so, I been doing the online dating thing since its difficult to break into the social scene in this city. ive had 3 dates so far, which i thought went good. example: no awkwardness, conversation flowed the whole time,i found the men attractive , it felt like we clinked for only meeting the first time and had similar interests. at times, we had a nice kiss after, and I walked away thinking there might be potential. but i understand I could be the only one that had the good time. my recent date was 2 days ago, he came to pick me up, we went out for a nice dinner and drinks, and parted ways about a 1.5 hours later. I waited the next day and thanked him for making me out for dinner. he replied saying it was nice and how things were hectic at work so i said id let him get back to work. that day i accidently pocked texted him and we chatted a bit but i could tell he was lacking on communication since before we met it was really frequent and ive gotten let down so many times i could see the signs...since these patterns happen every time. I cant help but feel really horrible about my self esteem after, I cant figure out whats wrong with me, I made a effort to look nice, I tried to be charming, and be myself but not reveal too much. I understand I am on a bit of heavier side but i send lots of pictures of my face and body so theres no surprises at the meeting.- i get maybe we just werent right for each other but its been countless dates in the past few years ... i deleted my online account since I just cant go on anymore good dates just to see the guy distance himself after meeting. It hurts way too much ...are there anyone that has experiences never hearing from a guy after the first date or men that have thoughts on this? i would just really like to pin point things so i can improve. i almost felt like texting a past date just to get his honest feedback lol but i dont think thats a good idea. anyway thanks I bolded some stuff above, not to criticize, but to point out something. I think you might want to get into some therapy for yourself and work through some issues on your own, which I see a pattern in your heartfelt comments. They point at some bits of unresolved emotional baggage that you might want to work on. These kinds of emotional issues are likely what your potential suitors are picking up on, either consciously or unconsciously. They also signal vulnerability to bad kinds of people, who may exploit your emotional needs. You mention your weight as well. While overweight is a hindrance to initial impressions in dating, it isn't really as big a deal killer as many think. However, weight issues are very often tied to emotional issues, which are the root cause of over-eating. (saying that as a guy who could lose a few pounds himself). Perhaps slow down the dating, get into some therapy with someone on a regular basis, perhaps some depth psychology, and work on yourself. When you have self-acceptance and happiness in your own life and self, it's like a brilliant light to those around you and it will attract the same in others. All the best.
d0nnivain Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Other than it not working out do you see any other patterns in your dating? Are you attracted to a particular type of guy? Do you talk a certain way on dates? Does your self esteem problem shine through in your date? Do you have a good pal who can tell you the hard truth so that maybe you can work to break such a pattern? What you wrote here is so generic & uninsightful, there isn't anything we can really tell you.
caringsister Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) I tried OLD a couple times via POF and was not impressed with it. I did go out on a few dates, but nothing panned out. I found POF to be laughable. There were serial daters, guys with no job, men who were looking for a sugar momma, control freaks and a multitude of liars. I am sure there are some nice guys on there, but you really have to burn through the dross to get to the gold. Very time consuming. My point is it takes a while to find the right guy. Clearly you haven't met him yet but that doesn't mean he is not out there. He may not be in the OLD pool. Try not to get down on yourself and turn this towards you. Don't second guess who you are or question if your good enough. Your heart is beautiful I can tell that from your post. Being heavy doesn't mean your destined to be alone. You just haven't met the right guy. I know it can be disappointing weeding through, but it comes with the territory of dating. Keep your chin up and do fun things with friends, enjoy your life, smile, laugh, have a good time and just when you least expect it ... it happens. I think some times people get it in their head that they want a relationship so bad and they set out looking for it and every date becomes a potential prospect and when it doesn't turn out the way they hoped they start feeling like something is wrong with them personally. Try not to take it personal. If the truth be known ... it's probably a blessing in disguise and you probably dodged a bullet meaning he wasn't right for you anyway Edited June 19, 2015 by caringsister
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